Christian Family Causing Depression

[vitani88]

I came out to my family as an atheist in early 2010. At the time I lived in Alaska, while my family lived in North Carolina. I told them because I didn't feel like I should have to hide my lack of belief. Now I wish I'd kept it a secret. From the very beginning I was treated differently. Aunts, uncles, and cousins began talking to me far less or not at all. I was avoided at family functions or was met with only small talk. My immediate family set out to reconvert me, leaving highlighted bibles laying around, telling me they were praying for me, and constantly inviting me to church. 

 

I moved back to North Carolina with my husband in June 2011, though I was two hours from my family. The treatment at family functions continued, and I made it a point not to spend Saturday nights with my parents. No one but my immediate family has attended any of our functions - birthdays, graduations, housewarming, wedding reception (after a destination wedding, no one was going to come so we cancelled), etc. - in the two years we've lived here. In fact, only two of my family members (an aunt and cousin) have even seen where I live.

 

Unfortunately, my husband and I have found ourselves in a situation that has caused us to have to move in with my parents. He is going to school in Maryland through his company to advance his career and is not being paid, though his school, food, and room are free. We (read: I) will be staying here until next Summer and already I'm beginning to hate my life. For reference, by brother is in school two hours away to be a pastor. 

 

Since moving in, their obvious judgment of me has been overwhelming. For example, my dad basically told me after that I'm not a good wife because I don't pray for my husband when he goes out to work (he's a merchant marine and works on tankers for months at a time). He says I'm leaving my husband's safety to chance and need to be praying for him like he (my dad) does. He's also told me that the reason my southern baptist friend keeps cancelling plans with me is because, "you know why..." implying my lack of belief as the culprit. The other day I overheard my dad talking to my brother on the phone. My brother left for college a few months ago at a Christian college (kindergarten - bachelor's degree, unaccredited). My dad told him he'd really like a flag from his school to put in the front yard. I'm currently attending the fifth highest ranked public university in the country - he's never asked me for a flag. My dad has recently taken to pressuring my husband to go with him to bible studies during the weeks that he's home, though he hasn't gone. I'm constantly told that I know better. 

 

Today was the icing on the cake. My parents got a hotel room near my brother's school for the weekend. Today my mom said my brother asked if I was coming too, and I said I would like to. After this, she said I could only go if I went to church with them on Sunday. I couldn't believe her! So, because I do not subscribe to the same faith as they do, I cannot go visit my brother this weekend. I know some people will say I should just suck it up and go, but I am tired of being backed into a corner and forced into going to a place I'm not comfortable with. 

 

I am constantly treated differently, looked at differently, and compared to my brother. Even my mom's friends disappear when I come around like I'm the spawn of Satan and might infect them. This, on top of not being with my husband as often as I'd like, problems with my in-laws, and a recent medical diagnosis I'm not to happy with, has led me down a path of what I'm supposing is depression. I feel sad, hopeless, and generally uninterested in things. I am stuck in this living situation for awhile and know I have to find a way to live with it, I just wish there was something I could do to make them understand that I am NOT a bad person or any less of a person because I'm not a Christian! I don't do bad things. I spent four years in the military, I'm married, and I'm getting my degree. I donate to charity when I can (hell, I paid for my dad's mission's trip to Ecuador - which my husband recently told him about, though he doesn't know I know, and he hasn't mentioned it to me) and volunteer when I have time. So why do they insist on making me feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet? 

 

I know I'm not the only one who has dealt with problems like this, I just need to know I'm not alone and perhaps hear some words of advice. Thanks in advance. 

[mymistake]

Wow, that is cold!  Your family does this because they are part of a cult.

[midniterider]

Yikes. That's sad. Maybe forgo college for a while, find a job, and move out.

[vitani88]

Yikes. That's sad. Maybe forgo college for a while, find a job, and move out.

I actually get paid more by going to school (GI Bill) than I would with a full time job, so that isn't an option, unfortunately.

[vitani88]

I should add, my parents aren't completely horrible and I don't think they do this on purpose. I know they love me, I'm just sick of how they make me feel, whether or not they mean to.

[RaLeah]

I sympathize. My whole immediate family are Christians. 

 

Understand that these are temporary circumstances. Keep repeating that to yourself--this is only for now. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, and you are strong enough to put up with it on a short term basis, and then you have the rest of your life. You can do it!

 

Yes, your mood will be soured by your parents trying to bribe or blackmail you into going back to church. Call it out when you see it. "That's blackmail!" and then don't put up with it. Say with some sadness, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry you feel you need to put conditions on favors you do for me." And then drop it. Don't fight or argue. Just say it like you feel sorry for THEM for being close minded, because you are. Don't let it rile you up. Keep the focus of conversations on THEIR actions.

 

For instance, your dad tried to tell you what YOU should be doing: praying for your husband. Don't address that. Address instead HIM and his desire to control your actions. Say, "I'm sorry you feel the need to try to tell me how I should live my life. My husband doesn't want my prayers and I don't pray to a God I don't believe in. If you would like to pray for him, of course you can do that. I respect you as my father, and I appreciate you're letting me live here, and I will respect the rules of the house--I won't be messy or inconsiderate--but how I choose to live my personal life is for me to decide. I also promise I won't tell you how YOU should live your personal life." If he pushes again what YOU should be doing, remind him that you are an adult, and that HIS NEED to tell you what to do is advice and opinion, but ultimately you have to follow your own conscience and make your own decisions. PROTECT YOUR BOUNDARIES. Address his own fear and desire to control, don't go on the defensive. Be FIRM about that.

 

Also, if a Christian snubs you, every single time, you should say, "Wow, Christians are mean." Don't be timid. They are being upfront about their rude feelings towards you. Reflect it right back onto them. It's a neutral and true statement. "I guess Christians don't care about people who aren't Christians." You can say these things. They aren't wrong. Speak the truth, and don't bottle it up. 

 

Remind yourself that you have the right to your beliefs. Your parents are your parents, and they have a right to their beliefs, but even if they are above you in authority and are giving you a place to live, that doesn't mean they get to trample your personal boundaries. 

 

If they say, "You must go to church, or else we won't do X for you," you should call it out as the blackmail it is. You can remind them that you love them, and to say as your parents, it's their job to love you too. The Bible doesn't say, "Love one another... unless that person doesn't believe the same way you do." 

 

You have to take charge of this situation if you want to change it. You have to address it and state what your boundaries are. Promise to love and respect your parents and their property while you stay with them; ask them to respect your boundaries and decisions as well. They can offer advice, but they can't punish you if you decide not to take it. You are not a child anymore. 

 

I know this sounds weird, but this is a good opportunity for you to think about what your boundaries are, to state that truth to your parents, and to stick to them. You CAN do that in a respectful way. Even if your parents aren't respectful in return. Don't get emotional: Don't let anger or frustration or sadness back you down. Stay neutral and light with your words to them. State your boundaries firmly but politely. Affirm that you respect your parents' boundaries. That you aren't trying to change them or de-convert them. Mutual respect. 

 

Above all, empathize with your parents. Be compassionate. Your parents and family are trying out some tactics that their churches taught them. Call it out and make them see and admit what they're doing. Address their fears. Don't let them fester under the surface. You can be pro-active. Call up your closest family members and have a heart to heart about what is going on. Reassure them. Let them know you're respectful of their beliefs, and you aren't trying to change them or threaten their beliefs. Let them know you are still the same person and that you deeply care about them, and you hope they still care about you. 

 

It's hard for Christians, especially if they believe in hell. It makes them not want to stay close to someone who God might condemn to hell. The less they care about you, the less they'll mind that their God could do something so terrible as to send a good person to suffer in flames and torment for eternity. Have compassion for how scary that is to them, how utterly ridiculous too. 

 

You are free of that wrong mind-set. They are not. If it gets too absurd, you can come here and vent. We'll be here to remind you that YOU are the sane one. (And sometimes you need that when you're surrounded by crazy.)

 

I have gone through this too. When my parents pressure me into going to church with them (for Christmas when I visit, etc.) I smile and politely remind them I don't believe the same way they do, and I hope they have a good time at the service. If they press, I tell them that religion and spirituality is personal, and while I respect their right to believe the way they do and won't try to convert them to my way of thinking, I need them to also respect me and my beliefs and not try to pressure me to change. If they press in a longer conversation and ask me why I won't go to church, I tell them I have a lot of personal issues about church, but they probably don't want to hear about it, because if they enjoy church I'm happy for them and they should feel free to keep going and enjoying it. 

 

In my opinion, one of the most important things you can learn in life is how to figure out what your boundaries are and where they are, and then defending them, demanding respect for them. A lot of women who grow up in religion don't learn how to stand up for themselves, not be a doormat, how to have a strong spine. Think of this as a learning experience. It's hard. You're on the battleground of people trying to use psychological weapons of persuasion on you, and you have this opportunity to learn how to defend your own ground. If you can do it with your parents and your family, you can do it with everyone else for the rest of your life. That is SUPER valuable. 

 

That being said... it took me a lot of time myself. Trial and error. Be patient with yourself. You might lose a battle here and there, but you WILL win the war. You have a long life ahead of you. I'm 38, and I only really got good at defending my boundaries in my 30s. (But I wasn't aware of boundaries yet in my 20s, so it was much harder then to see what was really going on. I had to realize what they were, that I had a right to my own personal beliefs and privacy, and then I felt empowered to stick to them.) Operate from a position of strength (knowing that you absolutely have the right to your own personal beliefs and no one has the right to dictate to you how you should think or behave in that) and then you don't allow others to treat you poorly. When you are coming across as strong and empowered rather than meek and guilty, you have the upper hand. Always. In every conversation. Hold onto that.

 

We are taught, as women who grow up in church, to be meek and to accept authority and parental dictatorship. Don't do it. Be warm and loving, but firm on your boundaries. Keep reminding yourself you have the right to be who you are. Remind yourself that anyone who is trying to change you is in the wrong, not you. At the same time, be compassionate to their motives: they believe they are doing the best thing for you, so it does come out of love, concern and worry for you. It's up to you to keep reminding them of your boundaries and that their tactics and goals are not right, good, kind, or fair. That you are living a good and happy life, and you're okay. Keep pointing it out and keep it on them, not on you. 

 

Good luck, hang in there, and know you are NOT alone. 

 

Love and hugs!

[★ Citsonga ★]

Wow. Sorry to hear how rough you have it. I hope things can get better. In the meantime, I thought I'd point out this:

 

For example, my dad basically told me after that I'm not a good wife because I don't pray for my husband when he goes out to work (he's a merchant marine and works on tankers for months at a time). He says I'm leaving my husband's safety to chance and need to be praying for him like he (my dad) does.

 

If prayer is supposed to be so effective as to remove chance, then why aren't your dad's prayers doing so? Are his prayers completely ineffective?

[Deva]

Wow. Sorry to hear how rough you have it. I hope things can get better. In the meantime, I thought I'd point out this:

 

For example, my dad basically told me after that I'm not a good wife because I don't pray for my husband when he goes out to work (he's a merchant marine and works on tankers for months at a time). He says I'm leaving my husband's safety to chance and need to be praying for him like he (my dad) does.

 

If prayer is supposed to be so effective as to remove chance, then why aren't your dad's prayers doing so? Are his prayers completely ineffective?

 

God is basically deaf, so the more people yelling at him, the more likely he is to respond.

 

I don't think there is any way you can convince a hard core Christian that atheists are equal as human beings. I wish there were. I have never considered myself an atheist, and have never described myself this way, but my parents know I don't believe in their god. Because of this, I will never be able to have a real relationship with them.  In their eyes, anyone who does not believe is automatically a wicked person.  It must present them with quite a dilemma.  After all, they spent all those years trying to indoctrinate me.

 

If anything goes wrong in my life, its because I am not a believer.  So, I really can't share my problems, which are problems that many other people have, including Christians. They are common problems, but they are happening to me because I don't have Jesus. That is the way Christians think. Atheists are automatically considered wicked, but then again, if I said I was a Christian but didn't go to a fundamentalist church, its almost the same thing to my parents.  I don't have an answer for getting through this kind of thinking. It is indoctrination to a deep degree where they don't want to know anything different. They have a narrow interpretation of a 2,000 year old book that they use as a guide to life that has no connection with reality as I experience it.

 

I really think it is tragic, and the only suggestion I have is move away from it, and keep your distance. Vitani, I wouldn't go to any church services with the family and would just hold out for the day when I could get away. Just continually remind yourself that it is only temporary. Still not easy, I know.

[Guest Marty]

Every time you are made to feel uncomfortable simply say in a calm, non threatening way: "Do you really think attacking/belittling/insulting/mocking/ostracizing me and/or my husband is a good way to get me to return to your faith? I don't point out everything I find wrong with your beliefs because I respect and love you, and I realize it would be pointless.  I would like it very much if you could do the same for me..."

[amateur]

I'm sorry for what you're going through.  Keep hanging in there and try to be patient yet assertive with your family.  Try your best to ignore them with their obvious favoritism and their trying to blackmail you (yeah, I'm not sure I could ignore all that either!).  Live your own life, go to school, study, and pretend you're living with roommates.  Are you able to communicate at all with your husband while you're apart?  Maybe that can help.  Do you have a friend from school, someone you can spend time with outside the house, someone you can vent to, then laugh with about other things?

 

Religion isn't the only thing that causes weird families, too, which is something to consider.  Some families are just weird.  My husband's parents, for example, boycotted our wedding, not because of religion but because they thought he was taking advantage of me (actually it's because his dad is mentally ill and his mom is co-dependent).  They have never come to our house to visit us and have told him that they never will.  I haven't seen them since before the wedding and have never met his sisters.  The sisters actually scare me -- both take after the dad with violent outbursts and criminal behavior (one has spent time in jail because she stole the whole family's SS#'s, opened accounts and didn't pay, among other things).  My husband is the one nice person in the family, and is close to normal, and he handles his family well -- he is respectful to his parents, visits them about once a year, but keeps his distance emotionally, ignores his sisters, and has put a freeze on his SS#.  When he visits his parents, or calls his mother, he won't argue or fight or bait them, he knows when they say crazy things to him it is because they are crazy and can't help it.  His dad is always re-writing his will and putting people (including mom) in and out of it.  His dad signed the house over to one of their daughters so that when he dies, the mom will get nothing (being written out of the will on occasion) and will have nowhere to live, and the daughter agrees to that.  His mom just goes along with it, shows my husband the latest will, and says oh well.  When my husband visits, he will listen to all this and look at the will, and say oh my, but he refuses to actively engage in it or get sucked into picking sides.  When his dad says something to my husband about how wrong and bad my husband is about . . . (something made up) . . . my husband will respectfully say no, that's not true, then he drops it.  He KNOWS they are all bat-shit crazy, unstable, and criminal.  His parent's are early-70's, my husband is near 50, and he knows there is no changing the decades-long dysfunction.

 

But good luck with your own situation.  

[Adam5]

Vitani, sorry to hear what you are goin through.  I am praying for you  wishing you luck!  As "amateur" says families can be weird, anyway, so just hang in there. Cheers, Adam 

[RenaissanceWoman]

I'm in North Carolina too (central part), and my former church has a big push for Ecuador mission trips too. (Is your dad at my church?) There are those of us from my former church who refer to those as eco-vacations. What a sham. All the push for money to send people on this little vacation to "slum with the brown people" and come back as mini-celebrities for the bragging rights about the phoney number of people they "touched with the love of Jesus" caused a great number of people to leave our congregation. It's a mess.

 

I feel you. Church people are awful. It's worse when it's also in your family. What damage is done in the name of a loving god, huh?

[slave2six]

Hi Vitani - There has been good advice here and I hope that you know you are not alone. Personally, your story makes me extremely angry. 

 

There is no way to argue with such people or make them see how hateful their actions (and their god) are. All you can do is endure for as long as you are in their home. Once you are out and away from them, things will improve.

 

We lost all our friends and some of our family when we left the faith. My sister and I have not talked in four years. The thing is, I don't miss her anymore. It was hard for the first year but as she continued to be her typical Christian self (e.g. a self-righteous, arrogant boob), I finally had to cut her off. Best thing I could have done.

 

I have no room in my life for strife or conflict over something so inane and all she wants to do is prove how right she is. I hope that over time you will be able to make such a separation from the hurtful people in your family. 

 

In the meantime, come on in here and rant all you want. We get it.

 

("It is better to live in a corner of the roof than in a house shared with a contentious [person].")

[florduh]

MM nailed it.

Your family does this because they are part of a cult.

 

 

There is no such thing as conditional love. Their love and allegiance belongs to an imaginary being and his ignorant band of followers. I'm sorry the cult has ruined your family, but it's not uncommon for Christianity to destroy relationships. Emotional manipulation is a popular tool among believers who find a family member with a differing opinion. Stand firm.

 

I'm sorry for what the cult has done in this and every other case just like it. I wish you well.

[slave2six]

"Men never commit evil so fully and joyfully as when they do it for religious convictions."

 

- Blaise Pascal

[vitani88]

Thank you everyone for the advice and for confirming that I'm not alone in this! 

 

It's hard for Christians, especially if they believe in hell. It makes them not want to stay close to someone who God might condemn to hell. The less they care about you, the less they'll mind that their God could do something so terrible as to send a good person to suffer in flames and torment for eternity. Have compassion for how scary that is to them, how utterly ridiculous too. 

 

This is my biggest issue with this whole situation. I have a really hard time trying to NOT be angry at their behavior when they tell me "you know better" or one of their other common phrases, because I do realize they do it because they think it's in my best interest. If I don't come back to the church, I'll burn in hell (something I found out is possibly unbiblical in my studies - a very helpful discovery). I understand they have my best interest at heart, but at the same time I feel there has to be some level of respect for what I think. You've given great advice! Unfortunately, if I told my dad I was sorry he felt that way, he'd probably think I was being a smart ass and get mad about it. 

 

If anything goes wrong in my life, its because I am not a believer.  So, I really can't share my problems, which are problems that many other people have, including Christians. 

 

Absolutely this! It blows my mind, to be honest. In middle school, I had acne. My parents took me to dermatologist after dermatologist and eventually got it under control. As a 25 year old, I have acne again, this time related to a food allergy. It comes and goes depending on whether or not I keep the allergy under control - my parents have told me this is because I turned from God. I am now seeking out a counselor to help with the overwhelming amount of everything I'm dealing with right now. I don't feel like I can tell my parents. Acne is visible, mental health is not, so I can keep this a secret if need be. I saw a counselor when I returned from Afghanistan and they fully supported it, but I was a Christian then (or so they thought). 

 

Religion isn't the only thing that causes weird families, too, which is something to consider.  Some families are just weird.  My husband's parents, for example, boycotted our wedding, not because of religion but because they thought he was taking advantage of me (actually it's because his dad is mentally ill and his mom is co-dependent).   

 

I am so sorry you're dealing with this. Unfortunately, we have the crazies on my husband's side too, which is another part of my problem. His mother essentially ruined my wedding and one of his sisters told me to kill myself a couple weeks ago when I asked if there was something I could do to fix whatever it is that causes her to hate me so much. What is wrong with people? 

 

I'm in North Carolina too (central part), and my former church has a big push for Ecuador mission trips too. (Is your dad at my church?) There are those of us from my former church who refer to those as eco-vacations. What a sham. All the push for money to send people on this little vacation to "slum with the brown people" and come back as mini-celebrities for the bragging rights about the phoney number of people they "touched with the love of Jesus" caused a great number of people to leave our congregation. It's a mess.

 

Could be! This church is located about 20 minutes or so outside of Raleigh and is led by a "Pastor Mike" and possibly a "Pastor G". It would be convenient if it was the same church - I don't know anyone around here yet. 

 

I have no room in my life for strife or conflict over something so inane and all she wants to do is prove how right she is. I hope that over time you will be able to make such a separation from the hurtful people in your family. 

 

I have already stopped attending family functions with the extended family. My husband and I got married in Florida last Christmas and I have plans to be away this Thanksgiving. My parents can't understand why I wouldn't want to be with our family for holidays, but I don't see a point in being in a house full of people who don't even like you. 

 

The only consolation is my 19-year-old cousin called me the other day and we talked for about two hours - she thinks she's an atheist and she had questions. I think she must be because she was saying things about God that I'd have been absolutely terrified to even think in the beginning stages. At the end of our conversation she asked if she should tell everyone. I told her it's a personal decision, but if I could do it over again I would have kept it secret. While it would be nice to have another out atheist in the family, I don't want her going through what I've gone through. 

[pawn]

That sucks. Personally, I would just let the whole family go, and sever all relationships with them. "Bye bye!"

I realize that is not an option for you right now, but if the abuse continues, I think it would be healthy for you and your husband to distance yourself from your family as soon as possible. Unfortunately they may not change their destructive, abusive actions until you stand up and walk away.

 

Good luck, I hope you find some support here.

[RipVanWinkle]

what a terrible situation you are having to live with. But as said above, it is only temporary. I think

your only real effective remedy is to move out as soon as possible. I don't know enough about your

circumstances to tell you how to facilitate that. But when you can move out, do it. Good luck and don't

despair. bill

[slave2six]

I have no room in my life for strife or conflict over something so inane and all she wants to do is prove how right she is. I hope that over time you will be able to make such a separation from the hurtful people in your family. 

 

I have already stopped attending family functions with the extended family. My husband and I got married in Florida last Christmas and I have plans to be away this Thanksgiving. My parents can't understand why I wouldn't want to be with our family for holidays, but I don't see a point in being in a house full of people who don't even like you. 

 

The only consolation is my 19-year-old cousin called me the other day and we talked for about two hours - she thinks she's an atheist and she had questions. I think she must be because she was saying things about God that I'd have been absolutely terrified to even think in the beginning stages. At the end of our conversation she asked if she should tell everyone. I told her it's a personal decision, but if I could do it over again I would have kept it secret. While it would be nice to have another out atheist in the family, I don't want her going through what I've gone through. 

 

Agreed. Coming out isn't always the best thing, especially at 19 and especially if you are in any way dependent on family. When your cousin is older and lives on her own, perhaps she can move to a safer environment. She still doesn't need to "come out" (I work with a guy who I've known since 2000 and who thinks I am still a Christian) when she's on her own. Of course, when it comes to choosing a life mate, the issue will come up with the rest of her family unless that person also wants to play the charade.

 

Christians make this so difficult on people. 

 

I really do appreciate you posting here. It's good to have company and you seem to be an exceptionally good person. I can't have too many of those in my life.

[RenaissanceWoman]

Sorry, I'm further instate, about 100 miles from Raleigh. Funny how Ecuador seems to be quite the eco-tourism destination. Another church near us sent a bunch of people there, but some of the high school kids kept getting drunk on the beach. They stayed at a nice resort on the beach, then slummed it for a few hours a day inland in a poor community, then came back in the evenings for a nice dinner, and sex and booze on the beach. That's not much of a mission, if you ask me.

 

As for the holidays -- screw it. I actually like most of my family, but once I got married, I wanted to have my own traditions in my own home. Maybe you can use that excuse? I used to go to so much trouble having a gorgeous Christmas tree, but I always had to wake up at someone else's house 600 miles away on Christmas morning -- and then watch football all day. I thought, I drove 18 hours round trip to watch football, which I hate, with a bunch of football fanatics? Or help in the kitchen with tons of food that we just don't need, and chit chat with my sister's female inlaws that I only see or talk to once a year? No thanks. I just want to chill! Now hubby, daughter and I get up, open gifts, make a quiche and cinnamon rolls and mango daiquiris, and spend the afternoon riding bikes at the lake near our home. No more saving up vacation time and gas money to drive a full day there and a full day back, packing clothes and making arrangements for our dog and all that.

 

Sometimes we drive up the week after Christmas, when my sister is not running off to church services (she's an organist), the kids are still out of school, and her in-laws are not around for their obligatory visit. Much nicer, much more quality time.

 

As for Thanksgiving -- my excuse is that I don't like turkey, and I like to watch the entire Macy's Parade uninterrupted. I got stuck watching it in the kitchen by myself one year with my husband's family, on a tiny tv perched on top of the refrigerator, because all the other tvs were on different football pre-games. (The games had not even started yet!) Yuck.

 

So now we go on a mini vacation for Thanksgiving, usually to Hilton Head, SC, because there is no one there. Once you have had Thanksgiving dinner at Salty Dog, feasting on scallops rather than slaving over a turkey with people you don't like -- you'll never go back. LOL

 

My point is -- you are free to make your own holiday traditions, at your home or on a mini vacation. No other excuse is needed but that. The freedom is so amazing. And when all your friends or coworkers are grudgingly talking about "having to go do the family thing," you can smile and describe your glorious plans. (Oh, the envy! ha ha) Spend your time with the people you love, doing the things you love, and eating the things you love.

[Justin]

vitani88

 

I don't claim to know any quick solution or ready made answer to your problems, no more than whats already been said by others. Just know this place here in internet land is open 24/7. Stay strong.

 

[★ Citsonga ★]

There is no such thing as conditional love.

 

I assume you meant that there is no such thing as unconditional love.

[Blue elephant]

Great suggestions here for some replies to the emotionally manipulative nonsense.  Rehearse all of them and then use them judiciously.

 

We've all been there in some way or other.  They just don't understand that it is impossible to un-ring the bell.  And emotional blackmail sure as hell isn't going to get it to happen.

 

I think I would be doing a lot of study for the degree in my own room if I were you.  Try and keep your sojourn with them as short as you possibly can.

[florduh]

 

There is no such thing as conditional love.

 

I assume you meant that there is no such thing as unconditional love.

 

Nope. Love is unconditional. Love with strings attached is merely a control mechanism.

[traveller2]

it is all about the chrisitian fear of a non christian 'infecting' christians which is an admission of the weakness of their own faith really.when i was in my teens ,long time ago,I went to a bible school here in england.it was hard to get into coz they wanted to guard against 'infection',all these young people from usa came over who had pastors references etc and acted out the moment they arrived;some fucking screening process!chrisitans are just fuckingparanoid  IDIOTS period.

my heart goes out to the original poster in the situation she is in with her husband.hopefully you can move away from parents soon and live life free again.