cobrakai Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I'm sure this topic has been discussed on here before, but I am looking for some advice. I would like to know if anybody on here is married to a Christian, and can it work. I met this wonderful woman years ago when we were both believers. We stayed in touch even after I denounced my faith. There was just always some intangible that kept drawing us together. We decided to date even though we had this huge difference between us. It lasted for about 2 years and just ended last month. I ended it because I felt in the end we were just set up for failure. I felt if we got married that we would eventually grow apart because of it. Thing is, even though I have a strong opinion about faith in general the way she believed was more humanist. I was bothered she never really wanted to examine her faith but overall we had a great relationship with mutual love and respect. I've just been hurting and missing her, and second guessing my decision everyday since it ended. I think the thing that scares me most about it is the idea of possibly having kids. If I knew my kids wouldn't be raised with it and could just make a decision for themselves later in their life I think I could look past it. Even though we differ on faith our values are very much the same in many ways. I would like to hear from people that have actually gone through it or are making it work somehow. Thanks for taking the time to read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Did you have discussions about kids and how the relationship would work with her? That may ease some of your fears, or not... but if she isn't crazy fundy Christian and more liberal mainline, like Methodist or Episcopal, things might work out wonderfully. I know a few married couples with that dynamic and things work out fine. They just see themselves as being on two sides of the same coin rather than at odds, or missing something because the other can't fully relate and confirm their individual beliefs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seeker001 Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I'm not in a Christian/Atheist relationship, but I have a Christian friend is engaged with an atheist and they seem like a happy couple. They have an agreement worked out that when they have children, the children will be going to church until they are old enough to make their own decisions. After that than the children can decide for themselves whether to continue the Christian path. Unlike my other friend, this friend is much more liberal in her belief. My other friend told me she would not date anyone who is not a Christian. The kid's from my first friend will have the opportunity to see things from both perspectives, while the latter will be in a much firmer Christian environment. Relationships are always going to be about give and take, and no one is going to agree 100% on anything whether it be about politics, religion, philosophy, and even ethics. Only you can decide what is best for yourself and what you can deal with and everyone's situation is going to be unique. But it sounds like you should consider giving her a call and sitting down and talk with her. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue elephant Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Pick up the phone boy! There seems to be enough there to have a wonderful relationship if you can just get to the bottom of this issue. You are both still in there for each other after years and years. This is a very strong predictor for having a successful relationship. Pick up the phone before some other lucky devil snaps her up!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExXex Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I know a few 'unequally yoked' partnerships - sometimes I can see it causes the Christian partner a lot of pain but it probably depends on the individuals. Maybe a few things to consider are: - You've already mentioned children, it's probably best you both have your cards on the table about how you'd want to raise them before things progress- whether they'd be taken to church, christened, how you'd approach certain things like if they started dating etc. - Her having to go to church without you, some people are perfectly happy to do this, others feel like they've failed slightly every time, and may be made to feel like they've failed by the church too, especially if children are involved and they stay home with you. - Her having to sit through church services that bring up how she should be evangelising or how atheists are going to hell or how relationships with non-christians are doomed to fail. - How you two approach the less explainable elements to her faith - if you can talk through them calmly and respectfully even when you're feeling impatient with them that's a much better sign than you both feeling you should avoid the subject. These all depend on what sort of people you are on how hard they'd be really! How tough her skin is maybe, it would be nice to say love conquers all but really sometimes it can lead to unwittingly inflicting pain on your partner on a daily basis because of it. I wouldn't advise just sitting back and letting her slip away though, talk to her! If anyone knows how much Atheism she can put up with it's her! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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