You Cannot Save Me

[Idontevenknow99]

...is what I want to tell people, friends, and family alike who just won't get the picture. I've been dealing with my friend slapping me with strange looks and mood swings every time she realizes that I'm just missing out on all the good Jesus things.

 

I'm not dumb. I can sense something is wrong, but I wish (though it is virtually impossible at this point) that we were on common grounds so we can have a good discussion about this, but I'm afraid she and other Christians are going to "attack" me with their indoctrination and holy spirit backlash.

 

What I've noticed is that people are more interested in "saving me" like I'm so lost and in desperate need of some pity. Please, you can save it for some other gullible individual. I'm doing just fine without that church, is what I want to say, but she can't help it. I realize people have every right to be concerned about my well-being, but I believe they go about it the wrong way. It's so uncomfortable to be around that everyday, that people only want to get near you so they can tell you about the wonders of being obligated to go to church and serve god.

 

More importantly, I think I'm intimidating people so that they themselves stifle and suppress any doubt that enters their minds when they see me doing better than I ever was at their church. Choosing to leave Christianity and church is a long, lonely, scary endeavor, and the last thing I need is someone trying to pull me back in whereas if I actually wanted to come back, I would have come back. Stop comparing me to some lost sheep!

 

And one more thing I'd like to add is, I could never see myself as an evangelist. Never have. Never will. I think it's wonderful, that wave of inspiration and excitement one gets when they want to share the gospel with someone. I know how she feels, because I have been there. Without the doctrine of original sin, there wouldn't be a need for any savior. Without there being some "fall of man" then Christians wouldn't feel compelled to go out and save people from what they think is doom and turmoil, but it's called life. And because, according to the history of Christianity and Judaism, people felt this implicit need for someone to save them from all the bad things that go on in life, I don't blame them wanting to help others in the grand scheme of things. I would too if I were told the devil is out "to kill, steal, and destroy" everything.

 

In conclusion, I just want to live my life. I love life. We only get one and if that means spending it some place I really don't want to be, is that really "abundant living?"

[mymistake]

Yeah it hurts and it sucks.  *hugs*

[RenaissanceWoman]

Like I said in another thread, a kind christian man at my church wondered if my success outside of church was Satan tempting me with free time, increased income, and personal joy. Oh please! I have personal joy because I started devoting time to myself, my family, my work... rather than a church full of greedy, lazy assholes who were dead set on using up every last ounce of my time, talent, and resources to make their little club look good. They are like vampires sucking the life out of my soul and my life.

 

I totally hear you, my dear. What you describe is frustrating, lonely, and hurtful. I'm glad to hear that you are doing fine without the church. Over time, all those old triggers and tactics they use will annoy you less and less. At some point, I started feeling sorry for the people in my church. They are so lost, and they don't even know it.

 

Be free! Enjoy your peace. I'm sure you have more of it now that you have found the truth. I'm with ya!

[Guest Babylonian Dream]

As intimidating as it is for them, like someone wanting to "help you acrossed the street safely" when you're an adult that can walk, it is really annoying when they are constantly pitying you trying to save you. And is kinda degrading if you actually think about what they're saying with their actions, they're saying that you're not capable of deciding on your own what religion you should want to follow. How much more arrogant can they be?

 

Welcome! The struggles you have are all too familiar. Even if I've long since become an atheist.

[Fweethawt]

I realize people have every right to be concerned about my well-being,

Actually -- no, they don't.

 

One of the things you learn when becoming an unbeliever is how to protect your personal and mental space. If you keep getting bombarded with religious bullshit from people that refuse to respect your choices and personal boundaries, you have every right as your own individual self to stay away from them them and to ask them to stay away from you.

 

If they don't stop, they have no concept of what personal respect is. And you don't need those types of people in your life. Especially now.

[kolaida]

Like I said in another thread, a kind christian man at my church wondered if my success outside of church was Satan tempting me with free time, increased income, and personal joy. Oh please! I have personal joy because I started devoting time to myself, my family, my work... rather than a church full of greedy, lazy assholes who were dead set on using up every last ounce of my time, talent, and resources to make their little club look good. They are like vampires sucking the life out of my soul and my life.

 

I totally hear you, my dear. What you describe is frustrating, lonely, and hurtful. I'm glad to hear that you are doing fine without the church. Over time, all those old triggers and tactics they use will annoy you less and less. At some point, I started feeling sorry for the people in my church. They are so lost, and they don't even know it.

 

Be free! Enjoy your peace. I'm sure you have more of it now that you have found the truth. I'm with ya!

 

Wow, can't believe that guy said that to you! How dare you not spend every waking moment of time devoted to the church? How did he know you weren't reading your Bible or devotionals in said increased free time, anyway? I wish I were more successful at times but I certainly have never thought like that, even as a Christian, I never saw success as Satan tempted people, I always saw it as God blessing people (how strange, guess people have a really wide range view even within the religion).  Now I realize success isn't related to that, but hard work and luck, good timing, the right circumstances, etc, etc. 

 

As for the OP, if you don't want to go to church, don't. All of us struggle to find their way, religious or not. Sometimes I think for some religious people, it gives them a sense of peace, belonging, like they've "found" their way and become content and then get upset when others imply it's not the right way.  It is harder for some to ever find peace in life.  Keep going, if you're better without the church then don't go back. You can find other friends, there are always more people (though it is HARD, I know). 

[amateur]

Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing.  You can't make everybody happy.

 

I've lost friends, not over xianity, but over the years I've lost friends.  It always hurts.  Sometimes it is just time to move on from old friendships.  It never gets easy, but it is part of life.  I lost my best friend at about age 45 -- best friends since high school -- we had grown very far apart and finally I did something that pissed her off but good, and that was that.  But, really, it was time.  It hurt, it was awkward!  But since then I've made a couple other good friends, we understand each other in our current life -- NOT our high school life -- and it's much more fun.

 

Find new friends, and yes, I agree with Kolaida above, it is hard.  But not impossible.  "Hey, after school (or work, or whatever you're doing) how about we go out for a Coke and a chat?"  

 

And as far as people trying to drag you back into the fold . . . .  Be politely assertive.  "No thank you.  I'm not going back.  I don't believe that any more.  I understand that you care about me and I appreciate that, but I am doing very well in my life right now.  I see that that life works for you, but it no longer works for me."  No need to explain anything further, and don't try to explain your struggles or they will jump on that as your weakness.  "I'm doing just fine, thank you for asking.  I haven't been to church because I've been very busy."  Tell them about school, your work, whatever.  Assert yourself, don't be aggressive and attack them or their beliefs, just firmly, politely assert your own.  "I am really loving my life right now!  I am enjoying learning new things and growing!  Thank you for asking."

 

Good luck and if it helps, keep posting your thoughts and what you're doing to move forward in your life.

 

Life is too wonderful and short to try to make others happy and deny your own happiness and beliefs.

[Idontevenknow99]

Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing.  You can't make everybody happy.

 

I've lost friends, not over xianity, but over the years I've lost friends.  It always hurts.  Sometimes it is just time to move on from old friendships.  It never gets easy, but it is part of life.  I lost my best friend at about age 45 -- best friends since high school -- we had grown very far apart and finally I did something that pissed her off but good, and that was that.  But, really, it was time.  It hurt, it was awkward!  But since then I've made a couple other good friends, we understand each other in our current life -- NOT our high school life -- and it's much more fun.

 

Find new friends, and yes, I agree with Kolaida above, it is hard.  But not impossible.  "Hey, after school (or work, or whatever you're doing) how about we go out for a Coke and a chat?"  

 

And as far as people trying to drag you back into the fold . . . .  Be politely assertive.  "No thank you.  I'm not going back.  I don't believe that any more.  I understand that you care about me and I appreciate that, but I am doing very well in my life right now.  I see that that life works for you, but it no longer works for me."  No need to explain anything further, and don't try to explain your struggles or they will jump on that as your weakness.  "I'm doing just fine, thank you for asking.  I haven't been to church because I've been very busy."  Tell them about school, your work, whatever.  Assert yourself, don't be aggressive and attack them or their beliefs, just firmly, politely assert your own.  "I am really loving my life right now!  I am enjoying learning new things and growing!  Thank you for asking."

 

Good luck and if it helps, keep posting your thoughts and what you're doing to move forward in your life.

 

Life is too wonderful and short to try to make others happy and deny your own happiness and beliefs.

 

Thanks for the positive message, and everyone else! I'm working on being assertive as that has kind of been my weakness. But this is good advice

[milesaway]

Boundaries are definitely in order. I struggled with that as well. but I realized my number one priority was protecting myself. That's your priority right now as well. You don't owe these people a single explanation, they probably won't listen anyways. You don't have to justify yourself to them. They'll ask how you're doing, and you can say you're doing great, and that yes, you are still breathing. They may ask you why you left, and you can tell them that isn't up for discussion and part ways. If you feel like your friend would be a little more understanding, you can be more straightforward with her. If your friendship is on a solid foundation, you may not lose her after all. Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.

 

I still think about the people I tried to befriend at the last church I went to. I cared so deeply about them. Part of me still misses them from time to time, but I know that those weren't healthy relationships to be in, and the crap I got out of them would only have been a sign of what's to come. For what it's worth, none of the friendships I tried to make during my church days survived.

 

It's a tough row to hoe. It's a lonely road to travel when it seems like religion's the be-all, end-all. It isn't. This is your one and only shot in life, and now that church is no longer a part of it, you get to decide how to spend that time. The ball's in your court now. You'll make some new friends who won't only care about you unless you do X, Y and Z. Last I checked, true friendship isn't conditional.