AtheistSailorDude Posted November 9, 2013 Share Posted November 9, 2013 I recently saw my whole world shatter before my eyes, but behind the clouds and remnants of what I thought I knew, I glimpsed reality. I had grown up in a Christian family. We regularly went to church until we moved to Rigby Idaho, then the regularity slowly deteriorated into a sort of non-commital relationship. I didn't go to church for about two years. After some time, I felt lost, like my life held no meaning. Being a naive 15 year old, but with a good heart, I turned to my church again. For the next three years I was that on again off again church goer typical of the judeo Christian faith. I thought I finally had a grasp on the real world. My faith was my guide that influenced my decissions, and I felt almost positive that this was the way it was supposed to be. Almost. There had always been that nagging doubt in my head that questioned everything I was being told by the church. I wanted it all to make sense, but it didn't. Since my parents had given up the church life, I was never indoctrinated by someone who wanted me to think like them. So I was essentially a free thinker, but a very inexperienced one. As I grew older and took more college level courses throughout highschool, I gained a better understanding of the world, and with that, a more logical and rational thought process. I graduated highschool and went on for months with my blind faith in Christ, desperately wanting to believe it was all true. I held on to my faith, but I could feel it slowly but surely slipping away. I had so many questions. Why did god claim to love us, but condemn us to eternal suffering for simply being skeptical about his plan? And do I even need to mention the fact that I was supposed to believe in talking snakes, Jews walking on water, that man was made from dirt and women were made from a man's rib, and that Jesus rose from the dead? The list goes on and on. The longer I went on believing this, the more I ignored the voice in my head that says this all contradicts science. But science was backed by evidence, proven through relentless testing. My faith was backed by hand me down stories told by ancient uneducated religious fanatics. It was such a sudden realization, an epiphany that hit me like a ton of bricks; I've been lying to myself. I wanted to believe in Christ and God, but I couldn't anymore. I finally admitted that it wasn't true, and it felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. I could breathe again! I wasn't constantly in fear of an eternity of misery in hell. I didn't have to constantly repent and ask for forgiveness for simply being human! It was at that moment of sudden realization that I opened my eyes for the first time. God didn't exist, he was just some made up explanation for things that science had not yet discovered. Made up by early humans who had no grasp on evolution, or such subjects as quantum mechanics, or the derivation and integration of calculus. I'm sure that God was a very reasonable answer for natural phenomena back in the stone age. But we as modern day humans are almost infinitely more intelligent than those prehistoric God creators. I can now give myself credit for my achievements, not some self righteous God. I got myself to where I am today, without the help of religion. And it feels so good to finally say that. I'm glad that I've come to this realization at such an early point in my life. I'm a new person because of it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadrunner Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 welcome and thanks for sharing your story. be glad that you have your life ahead of you. It is funny how when you stop feeding the bs to yourself, most of it goes away on its own. Im glad you made it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burny Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Welcome and congrats. You can now continue the rest of your life in true FREEDOM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slave2six Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 I recently saw my whole world shatter before my eyes... Oh, if only Christians could possibly understand how devastating and traumatic deconversion usually is, perhaps they wouldn't hate us so much. The anguish that we go through is a very high price to pay. If those people had any inkling of the road we have traveled, they would be ashamed of themselves that they do not have the same strength, intellectual honesty and moral fortitude that are our companions along this path. AtheistSailorDude - Thanks for your posting and welcome to the world of the real. Please hang around and contribute often. This community helped me through perhaps the most difficult time of my life. I'm very glad you have found us and spoken out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeCycle Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 Thanks for posting that and welcome to the forum! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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