When Someone Tries To Proselytize, Is There A Polite Way To Turn Them Down?

[fluffykitten]

 An acquaintance is coming to speak to my class. That's usually a big favor on the part of the speaker, as he has to speak to several groups, which takes more than a day of time out of his busy . (Like most academics, I don't have money to pay speakers. The upside is that they can  recruit for their organization, but as this guy works for a prestigious company, they don't need help with that.) He always seemed like a very smart guy as well as a decent person, so I was happy to have him.

 

I knew he was an Evangelical Christian from his blog. But then, I found out he was part of the leadership of CCC. (If you're wondering what it stands for, here's a thread about it. I'm not spelling it out so that this thread won't come up on the Google results for that group.)

 

When I was in college, CCC was known to be extremely aggressive about evangelizing, more so than any other Christian group.  Before I knew about this, I offered to take him to lunch as I do with all my speakers.

 

But now I'm wondering if he'll try to evangelize me.  He seems like a good guy, and he's speaking in a professional capacity, so I'm hoping he won't be too aggressive about it.  (If you can believe this, I've never been evangelized before--even while going to 2 Christian organizations' events during college.)

 

But if he does try it, what's a polite way of saying no? I owe him, so I don't want to be jerky about it.

[Pantophobia]

You haven't asked him to come speak to your class about his religious beliefs, right? If he starts, you can say, "Friend, that's not on topic for today." But since he's there in a professional capacity, it should be fine. 

My responses to proselytizers have gotten increasingly blunt, friend or no. Admittedly, my Christian friends are just fine with my atheism, so that isn't really an issue. But I used to go to a school where a group of evangelicals would roam around approaching people, inviting them to social events, usually without first mentioning that it was a Christian organization. No answer worked. They'd argue with you and demand to know why. A repeat of "No, I'm not the least interested" was the only thing that worked. 

[chrisstavrous]

If he gets weird do this.

 

[leopardus]

There are many approaches.

-As has been suggested, "I'm simply not at all interested." is polite enough.

-You could offer to sell him drugs. When he says 'no', you say, 'OK. I don't want your unreality/escapism either"
-You could simply open fire with all the unanswerable problems with the faith. Contradictions in the bible, contradictions in the nature of god, contradictions with reality/science/history/observable day-to-day life; and so on.

-You could tell him you follow Dr Who because he's way better than that patzer Jesus.

[midniterider]

 An acquaintance is coming to speak to my class. That's usually a big favor on the part of the speaker, as he has to speak to several groups, which takes more than a day of time out of his busy . (Like most academics, I don't have money to pay speakers. The upside is that they can  recruit for their organization, but as this guy works for a prestigious company, they don't need help with that.) He always seemed like a very smart guy as well as a decent person, so I was happy to have him.

 

I knew he was an Evangelical Christian from his blog. But then, I found out he was part of the leadership of CCC. (If you're wondering what it stands for, here's a thread about it. I'm not spelling it out so that this thread won't come up on the Google results for that group.)

 

When I was in college, CCC was known to be extremely aggressive about evangelizing, more so than any other Christian group.  Before I knew about this, I offered to take him to lunch as I do with all my speakers.

 

But now I'm wondering if he'll try to evangelize me.  He seems like a good guy, and he's speaking in a professional capacity, so I'm hoping he won't be too aggressive about it.  (If you can believe this, I've never been evangelized before--even while going to 2 Christian organizations' events during college.)

 

But if he does try it, what's a polite way of saying no? I owe him, so I don't want to be jerky about it.

 

"Thank you and I shall consider it."  - then forget about it. :-)

[florduh]

"Christianity? Sure, I was considering that at one time, then I read Dianetics and it changed my life. I am literally reborn because of its insights. Are you familiar with the writings of L. Ron Hubbard? You simply must come to a meeting with me sometime."

[slave2six]

Honestly, I would simply say, "I appreciate that you are concerned for my welfare. I truly am. But I am already on a journey and I do not want to be influenced by what others have to say. I hope you can appreciate that." 

 

Something that is non-threatening and doesn't tip him off to just what that journey may be is probably best. I'm certain he would respect that. 

 

If he presses, you might say, "It doesn't sound like you trust god very much. Do you think that god is unable to show me the right path?" That usually shuts them up but isn't offensive.

[fluffykitten]

 

 An acquaintance is coming to speak to my class. That's usually a big favor on the part of the speaker, as he has to speak to several groups, which takes more than a day of time out of his busy . (Like most academics, I don't have money to pay speakers. The upside is that they can  recruit for their organization, but as this guy works for a prestigious company, they don't need help with that.) He always seemed like a very smart guy as well as a decent person, so I was happy to have him.

 

I knew he was an Evangelical Christian from his blog. But then, I found out he was part of the leadership of CCC. (If you're wondering what it stands for, here's a thread about it. I'm not spelling it out so that this thread won't come up on the Google results for that group.)

 

When I was in college, CCC was known to be extremely aggressive about evangelizing, more so than any other Christian group.  Before I knew about this, I offered to take him to lunch as I do with all my speakers.

 

But now I'm wondering if he'll try to evangelize me.  He seems like a good guy, and he's speaking in a professional capacity, so I'm hoping he won't be too aggressive about it.  (If you can believe this, I've never been evangelized before--even while going to 2 Christian organizations' events during college.)

 

But if he does try it, what's a polite way of saying no? I owe him, so I don't want to be jerky about it.

 

"Thank you and I shall consider it."  - then forget about it. :-)

 

 

Thanks, I think this is probably the best way to go. Again, I owe him for coming in so I don't want to be too aggressive.

 

I mentioned him to a current student when she said she was considering a job at his company. She  (the student considering the job) told me that this guy's girlfriend is in her bible study group, but seemed really reluctant to talk to him. I wonder if he's considered ultra-hardcore even by other evangelicals.

[fluffykitten]

There are many approaches.

-As has been suggested, "I'm simply not at all interested." is polite enough.

-You could offer to sell him drugs. When he says 'no', you say, 'OK. I don't want your unreality/escapism either"

-You could simply open fire with all the unanswerable problems with the faith. Contradictions in the bible, contradictions in the nature of god, contradictions with reality/science/history/observable day-to-day life; and so on.

-You could tell him you follow Dr Who because he's way better than that patzer Jesus.

 

I have to admit that I know very little about the unanswerable problems in the New Testament, and even most of the Old Testament, as I've always been a reform Jew.  I had a lot of atheist friends in college who would go to Christian Fellowship study breaks and debate with the Christians, but those debates were mostly about the existence of God in general.

[ClaraOlive]

I've always had success with "I'm an atheist and I'm not looking for a religion, but thank you for thinking of me". Then you have to just walk away if they persist. ETA: If they come back with "it's a relationship not a religion" or any other attempt to convince you that what they have to say is different, repeat "I'm not looking right now, but thank you." This is if you don't want to engage or argue.

[mwc]

     "I'm sorry to interrupt but your evangelizing has triggered an emergency evacuation of my bowels.  Please see yourself out as this may take some time on my part."

 

          mwc

[fluffykitten]

I've always had success with "I'm an atheist and I'm not looking for a religion, but thank you for thinking of me". Then you have to just walk away if they persist. ETA: If they come back with "it's a relationship not a religion" or any other attempt to convince you that what they have to say is different, repeat "I'm not looking right now, but thank you." This is if you don't want to engage or argue.

 

I am not an atheist, though as my profile says, my conception of God is pretty vague and certainly does not involve a trinity. I'm not sure if that makes them more or less likely to prosyletize me.

[midniterider]

     "I'm sorry to interrupt but your evangelizing has triggered an emergency evacuation of my bowels.  Please see yourself out as this may take some time on my part."

 

          mwc

 

Grab his crotch and scream, "Praise the Lord! I am saved!" :-)

[ClaraOlive]

 

I've always had success with "I'm an atheist and I'm not looking for a religion, but thank you for thinking of me". Then you have to just walk away if they persist. ETA: If they come back with "it's a relationship not a religion" or any other attempt to convince you that what they have to say is different, repeat "I'm not looking right now, but thank you." This is if you don't want to engage or argue.

 

I am not an atheist, though as my profile says, my conception of God is pretty vague and certainly does not involve a trinity. I'm not sure if that makes them more or less likely to prosyletize me.

 

 

I'm a nonbeliever ["in your religion" can be what's in your mind] or just I'm not looking for a religion.

[RaLeah]

When you are comfortable with what you believe and you have good boundaries, this question answers itself. 

 

Think of it the same way if someone tries to confide a racist story to you... and you have to say no way to that instead of remaining silent. 

 

Example of racism: 

 

"So I was getting my hair cut at this beauty parlor and they tried to give me a black beautician. I mean, can you imagine?"

 

Your response: "No, what does it matter if your expert beautician is black or white? They know hair. I DON'T care about the race of my beautician. I think that sounds racists, actually."

 

So... If you get to talk beforehand, and your colleague says: "I know I owe my success to God, because, as a Christian, I've always lived by the Bible, and I keep God's commandments, and that's been my key to success."

 

Response: "I appreciate anecdotes and personal stories, and what gives people inspiration is great for them, whether it's family, religion, or upbringing or whatever. You've done a great job, but we're more focused on the practical human application of knowledge and hard work and talent than on specific inspiration. If you give some of your inspiration to your religion, that's fine, but let's keep this on topic for practical things that people can do. Assume that the people attending your talk are from every background and give practical advice that could help anyone."

 

If the talk is religious anyway, the response: "I appreciate that your personal motivation came from Christianity, but the people listening to your talk come from all walks of life, and they can be equally successful too. I think our goals as educators for the specific thing we way we'll help with should focus on the specific and practical advice that would be useful to anyone, regardless of their religion."

 

This is a smart question from fluffykitten though, because I grew up in this world, and I know that Christians teach that EVERY opportunity to speak to or reach people should also be an opportunity to share their faith. Empathy helps in this situation, because you understand that a Christian speaker has not one, but TWO goals--to put forth the message of their talk, but also to advocate for Christianity. 

 

It's also okay. If he / she is sharing personal stories, sometimes their faith will slip in. That's what personal stories are about. Trust your listeners to filter the message too. But if anything offensive or aggressive is shared, you can give a later disclaimer to the class, and you can also talk to the speaker. We do need to be more vocal about our non-belief, and have the right to ask that people who have a specific belief stick to the topic they are hired to talk about and not alienate any members of their audience. 

 

You can always be direct without being aggressive: "You have to careful with what you say, because you don't want to offend and alienate listeners who believe differently than you."

 

If the talk is extreme, you can always use humor too: "Hey, if you're trying to teach people how to make ice cream, you wouldn't tell them they can't do it if they aren't Christians."  

 

Sorry. Long answer. I'm super diplomatic, but I always speak up when someone says something as if they assume I agree. I tell them I don't. I learned how to say that I don't agree, with no respect or kindness toward them lost, but that I think they can think more kindly, empathetically, and diplomatically themselves. 

 

You can always remind them that they wouldn't feel comfortable if someone was giving an informative talk to them and pushing another religion or atheism at the same time. There's a time and a place for those conversations, but addressing a captive audience (those there to learn something else on a specific topic) then it isn't fair to push religion on them. Maybe that appeals to their empathy. 

[fluffykitten]

 I'd be very surprised if this guy tried to inject religion into the talk. He's representing his company, and he'd have been fired long ago if that was his MO.

 

I was more concerned about lunch. If that happens, I will definitely use the responses you  guys (and girls!) have mentioned above.

[fluffykitten]

And I'm at a state school. If anyone tried to inject religion into a talk in front of students, I would--and must-- stop him immediately.

[Guest MadameX]

Simply "this is about ______________(subject matter). Let's please stay on topic." Or "Let's not go there." or "Can we change the subject?" Pretty direct. May not be your style but sometimes one needs to be blunt.

[fluffykitten]

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I felt more confident going in with the resposes you gave me. He definitely didn't try to prosyletize at any time, thoug he did wear one of those magnetic bracelets athletes wear. The bracelet said something about Jesus, but you could only see that up close.

 

But I got the feeling that I offended him. At lunch, he was already fidgetty/looked like he wanted to leave before I was even halfway done. I'm a fast eater, btw! He also left in a huge rush on the second day.

 

There could be a few possible reasons: One is that maybe I asked too many questions during his talk. (This is what my own college professors did when guest speakers came in, in order to maintain a dialogue.) As a result, he may have felt upstaged.

 

The other one seems mroe farfetched. I read that Christian guys sometimes try to avoid the appearance of evil by being alone with single women (which I am.) He's a very "All-American" looking guy who likely gets a lot of attention from women, so I wonder if he thought I was hitting on him?  (I modeled a long time ago and some people say I have a "glamorous" appearance even while wearing a conservative suit and with hair in a bun. For some reason, this makes some male students think it's ok to hit on me. But he has a girlfriend with whom he's very serious, so he's unlikely to act that way.) As for me, guys that young aren't even on my radar screen--both for ethical reasons and because, well, they're just not my type!

 

A third possibility is that this is just his personality. I hope this is the case.

 

I'm considering emailing him to apologize if I offended him. It's a huge deal for guest speakers to take that much time out to speak to my classes, and the last thing I want is for them to feel unhappy about the experience.

[WarriorPoet]

Luckily, anytime anybody has tried to get their evangelism on with me they usually open with one of the common catch phrases.

 

Have you heard the good news?

Do you know about the gift of god's love through christ?

etc

 

I am usually able to respond with, "yes I have/do, thank you" and then they usually let me continue on my way under the assumption that I am among their brethren.

 

There was one time that I was having a particularly bad day, and someone asked me the good news question, and feeling a bit antagonistic I said, "you mean the news that it is all a myth and we can be truly free to live our lives without fear or guilt?  Yes I have, may I please share it with you?"

 

I'm not usually that witty in face-to-face conversations, and I am a bit proud of that one.  The looks on their faces (I'm guessing it was a couple evangelizing together) was absolutely priceless.  Made my day better instantly.  Needless to say, they were not interested.

[bdp]

Maybe he was unable to enjoy a nice lunch with a hot, smart woman because he was so obsessed over the idea that he might lust after you in his heart.  Had to 'flee temptation,' you know.  That would be a real shame.

[fluffykitten]

Maybe he was unable to enjoy a nice lunch with a hot, smart woman because he was so obsessed over the idea that he might lust after you in his heart. 

I'm curious about that last part in more general terms. Is a Christian guy permitted to lust after his girlfriend or a girl whom he intends to ask to be his girlfriend? If not, why do Christian books on dating and marriage advise woment to look their best?

 

This particular guy has a very attractive girlfriend whose photo he has posted on his social media account. He's far from a shallow guy, but I'm sure he lusted after her at some point.

[fluffykitten]

BTW, I just decided to let the whole thing go and just send him a handwritten thank you note.