Thought About You Guys This Morning

[xliar]

Found myself listening to the old fundamental one liners this morning. A good friend of mine buried his dad today. I'm on the front row [pallbearer] so the only person I can see is the preacher but I can tell from the audible feedback there is a pretty good crowd of believers behind me. God is in control, God don't make mistakes, God will not fail you,,,this guy knew em all and they seemed to be crowd favorites. I knew this man well, we go back 30 years or so, and I wouldn't describe him as a heathen but you could honestly count on one hand the number of times he's been to church since I've known him. Nothing wrong with that ,,right? I mean no disrespect to my friend's father or the family. He was a good guy and he did right by his family. Maybe I shouldn't even mess with a touchy subject like this, but it's awful disappointing to me to watch a family shell out serious bucks for a few clever formalities, orchestrated in a manner that makes everything just heavenly. If the preacher did his homework you'll think they were fishing buddies and the families took turns cooking-out. Outside a WWll veteran and two younger vets. waited. It was cold, the wind was blowing ice and snow out of the trees, and they were there to honor a brother. There was a gun salute, taps was played, and a flag ceremony. A service done for the family by these three volunteers. I spoke to these men and shook their hand after the service. I was moved, much more so than inside the chapel where everything was so fabricated and perfect and warm and expensive and fucked-up.

[mymistake]

I'm sorry for your loss.  I'm sorry to hear that you couldn't be yourself in your grief.

[MerryG]

Funerals are so often anguish -- and not just for the loss, but for the desperate phoniness surrounding them. What a pit that you and any other people who cared about the man had to go through that instead of just being able to remember him honestly.

 

I once attended a Catholic funeral for a young man who killed himself after years of drug problems, stealing, and being in and out of jail. Half the people there were squiriming as the priest, who clearly believed the kid was burning in hell and didn't have a single good thing to say about his life or death, twisted to try to find standard, non-committal religious things to say.

[RenaissanceWoman]

I'm glad you got a chance to talk to the vets. When I was in high school, a guy from the Legion would get me and a friend out of school every few months for an hour to play Taps at local vets' funerals. (We played at the cemetery, and one of us was always behind a bush as the "echo." Awesome memory.) This was Ohio, and sometimes it was freaking cold! I kept my trumpet tucked in my coat, blowing warm air through it until the last minute. But I know that no matter what the preacher had to say, people sat and listened, but when Taps started, there was never a dry eye. I don't remember a word from my husband's grandfather's funeral, for example, but I distinctly remember Amazing Grace on bagpipes as they carried the casket out of the hearse at the cemetery. I also remember that he was a big vegetable gardener, and the florist put colorful seed packets in the flower arrangements for decoration -- which I took home, and I harvest seeds every year to keep them going.

 

Not sure what my point is here, other than... as usual, the words are useless in the end. It's the vets, the music, and the seed packets that matter. Those are more of a celebration of the deceased than the droning cliches of the minister.

 

I'm sorry it was a difficult day for you in more ways than one. You did your friend a great service by being there. And you did a great service for thanking the vets for being there. Cheers to you, good man!

[slave2six]

I'm so sorry for your loss but I am glad that you had such a great friend in your life. 

 

It's astounding how a few words of reality (e.g. "He served his country with honor", "He was a good friend", etc) are so much more meaningful than religious platitudes.

 

My mom passed this last March and she was a strong Orthodox Christian. Her service was no different than any other church service. Honestly, I was bored. But the reception afterward when people told stories about her was wonderful. 

 

I really don't understand the need for a religious service. If you're religious, you really don't need the reminder. If you aren't, you aren't. Much better to simply tell the truth about one's life, IMHO.

 

(Orson Scott Card's idea of a "Speaker for the Dead" has always been appealing to me.)

[xliar]

Thanks for the kind words everybody. I guess there are things we'll have to do like it or not until we check-out ourselves. Called the son this afternoon, he's back at work but you can tell he's still hurting pretty good. You know what,,,the last bunch of times I've found myself in a church [for funerals], I've felt a strange sense of relief and I reckon it's because I'm not forcing that horse shit into my head. It's kinda funny, I feel almost childish, looking around at everyone during prayers, not wanting to get caught but not caring a helluva lot if I did. I get a weird feeling when I first go in, but I seem to get over it.

    Sorry about your Mom, Slave. Yea I know what you mean about all those personal stories, they're great.

    I love to hear taps Renaissancelady. Do you still play?  My brother-in-law was buried in a

 

I'm sorry for your loss.  I'm sorry to hear that you couldn't be yourself in your grief.

 

 

Funerals are so often anguish -- and not just for the loss, but for the desperate phoniness surrounding them. What a pit that you and any other people who cared about the man had to go through that instead of just being able to remember him honestly.

 

I once attended a Catholic funeral for a young man who killed himself after years of drug problems, stealing, and being in and out of jail. Half the people there were squiriming as the priest, who clearly believed the kid was burning in hell and didn't have a single good thing to say about his life or death, twisted to try to find standard, non-committal religious things to say.

 

 

I'm glad you got a chance to talk to the vets. When I was in high school, a guy from the Legion would get me and a friend out of school every few months for an hour to play Taps at local vets' funerals. (We played at the cemetery, and one of us was always behind a bush as the "echo." Awesome memory.) This was Ohio, and sometimes it was freaking cold! I kept my trumpet tucked in my coat, blowing warm air through it until the last minute. But I know that no matter what the preacher had to say, people sat and listened, but when Taps started, there was never a dry eye. I don't remember a word from my husband's grandfather's funeral, for example, but I distinctly remember Amazing Grace on bagpipes as they carried the casket out of the hearse at the cemetery. I also remember that he was a big vegetable gardener, and the florist put colorful seed packets in the flower arrangements for decoration -- which I took home, and I harvest seeds every year to keep them going.

 

Not sure what my point is here, other than... as usual, the words are useless in the end. It's the vets, the music, and the seed packets that matter. Those are more of a celebration of the deceased than the droning cliches of the minister.

 

I'm sorry it was a difficult day for you in more ways than one. You did your friend a great service by being there. And you did a great service for thanking the vets for being there. Cheers to you, good man!

 

 

I'm so sorry for your loss but I am glad that you had such a great friend in your life. 

 

It's astounding how a few words of reality (e.g. "He served his country with honor", "He was a good friend", etc) are so much more meaningful than religious platitudes.

 

My mom passed this last March and she was a strong Orthodox Christian. Her service was no different than any other church service. Honestly, I was bored. But the reception afterward when people told stories about her was wonderful. 

 

I really don't understand the need for a religious service. If you're religious, you really don't need the reminder. If you aren't, you aren't. Much better to simply tell the truth about one's life, IMHO.

 

(Orson Scott Card's idea of a "Speaker for the Dead" has always been appealing to me.)

 

 very old cemetery called Bear Creek, here in Tx. His coffin was placed in a horse drawn hearse [lots of glass] at the entrance, and it followed a gentleman through the cemetery as he played Amazing Grace on the bag pipes, the weather was perfect and it was awesome, but I still wish today [5 years later] that I had whupped his ass!