How To Get Rid Of That Churchy Appearance And Establish A Solid Personal Identity?

[RankStranger]

 

If you want to look cool you need to take up smoking

 

 

No, that is a horrible idea.  

 

 

Don't listen to this guy- he's lame.

 

You want to be cool like me don't you??

[Mike D]

I kinda like what BO said, mainly because I think the essence of who someone is comes from within, not from how you dress or look, or your "image", whatever that is. Just be comfortable with whoever it is you are.

 

I think one of the reasons I say that is I look personally very "white bread", "midwest", "conservative" whatever, yet i've never had any problem being associated with "cool" people or even being referred to as a "cool" person. But I also am a very confident person, and I have no problem voicing my opinion or position on topics that polite society tends to sidestep (ie religion and politics) and I think people respect me for that and I get cool points for it. As for image, I don't give a rats ass about fashion or trends (clothes shopping is one of my most despised activities besides filing my taxes), I only buy what I think I look good in and a $20 pair of Dickies from Kmart works for me so I go with that. Yet I have very wealthy friends (1%'ers for sure) that don't think twice about spending $600 on a pair of pants that have to come from Fred Segal or Barneys or wherever. I would never spend that kind of money on clothes myself, but I don't knock them for their choices and they don't knock me for my choices. Nor do they look down on me because I only spend $20 on my clothes, I think they know just as well as I do that how much you spend on clothes is not a measure of anything of importance, at least not in the large scheme of things.

 

At the risk of sounding cliche, just be yourself.

[midniterider]

 

 

If you want to look cool you need to take up smoking

 

 

No, that is a horrible idea.  

 

 

Don't listen to this guy- he's lame.

 

You want to be cool like me don't you??

 

 

C'mon....everybody's doin it! j/k

[traveller2]

god i loved going thru this process when i deconverted.i wish I could go back and do it all again sometimes as it was such an exciting time in my life and right now my life is stressed filled with little free time.

I actually gave cash to two female friends of mine to buy clothes for me as i had no idea what was in fashion and was too intimidated to go into mens cloths shops.

later I went with another female friend and had her advice.

It does take time to develop a new style,your still young so the world is your oyster.

I started getting tattoos in that period too.I had always wanted one but since it was demonic etc it waited till I deconverted.Now a good portion of my body is covered with them.

i too was interested in altering my crappy look and have a style that i am really happy with now.For me it was about changing what was inside too tho.I was such a 'nice guy' etc with the resultant rage and jealousy etc   inside that is in alot of 'nice guys'. You are on a fantastic journey so work hard and have fun with it.

[decafaholic]

Haha, I've been an atheist for 6 years and everyone I meet  thinks I'm a Christian! It bothered me a LOT for a while, but then I realized why people think that.

 

When I'm out in public/at work, I have a different persona than when I'm with my friends or at home. I rarely curse at work and I work very hard to have a consistently good attitude. I help people out in other departments and I try to be as nice as possible. That's how I was raised and I like that about myself. I know I'm pleasant to work around and I think that's a good quality to have in an employee. 

 

However, this persona also screams "Christian!", and that's just something I've come to accept. I've quit caring what religion my coworkers think I am. What difference does it make?

 

When I was dating it was a much bigger problem for me because I had to convince guys I was with that I really did want to sleep with them, which was never their first impression of me. I finally found another ex-christian who saw right through my khakis and polo shirt persona and we've been happily shacking up in sin for several years now.

 

I think it just takes time and a good hairdresser to figure yourself out. I'm 26 years old and I still don't dress "edgy". I'm not a drinker or smoker (would love to be a drinker but it interacts with my Zoloft). Some of my friends are my age and some are twice my age. I belong to a knitting group. I volunteer at an animal shelter for fun. In short, I'm a TERRIBLE 26-year old but I am a happy person. Sometimes I fret about my past, but most days I've moved on.

 

My advice is while you find your personal style, just accept that you're a little lost right now. You'll find a way to accept yourself, past and all, eventually.

 

 

[Tzarza]

I'd be wary of going the "TATTOOS AND SKULLS!" route. Being reactionary, or trying so hard to be the opposite of what you don't like, may leave you just as frustrated as you feel now.

 

Find something you like the look of, and buy yourself an outfit. You'll probably be in the process of upgrading your wardrobe for a long time, because it's an expensive investment. Your ideas of style will probably evolve over time as well. You'll either want to look through online stores or hit the streets and go try stuff on to figure out what you like depending on your patience for shopping. Friends can be helpful shopping buddies sometimes. 

 

Some key pieces like a good jacket or pair of shoes can really change your look though. That's a great place to start. Different clothes can also change the way you feel about yourself. Women sometimes get an extra ego boost by wearing nice lingerie under normal clothes just for the hell of it. Find something that makes you feel great. Take pleasure in dressing yourself instead of just going through the motions you're used to. 
 

Getting a haircut is also a great idea. That can make you feel like a whole new person. Google "men's haircut", and if you see something you like, take a few pictures to a stylist. Ask him/her how to style your hair daily. 

 

I love my bf's style. He usually goes for a very tailored, but unassuming look. Everything he has looks very masculine, but is some sort of soft material like fine wool,  brushed cotton, corduroy, or suede. It's very attractive haha. He's not shy about reading men's fashion blogs. 

PS - This time of year is a great time to shop because of all of the christmas and online sales. You might be able to find something more expensive that you otherwise wouldn't have purchased. 

 

Best of luck to you!