On my way out

[liquid ash]

I hate writing; college is going to be so difficult.

 

As a child I went to a Baptist church. My father was a substitute pastor there. In fact he almost went to college to be a pastor but changed to education. He was a very sincere and kind person, yet aloof. My mother was the opposite, stubborn, harsh, and unyielding.

 

So here I was growing up in this household that was looked highly upon by the members of our church. Around others and people in the church my mother was affectionate and loving to us. But at home she would yell, scream, and cuss (but never in the presence of my father). On one occasion my brother swore in front of my dad and my dad asked him where he learned such words. He said, "From Mom" and my mother denied it to the hilt. It was then that I began to question what I was being taught because I saw the hypocrisy behind her.

 

Why is it that it is often the parent that you struggle with so much, that you become like them? Like her, I hide who I am to the rest of the world. I just now figured this out about me as I'm writing this, from who it is that I learned to hide and to be ashamed or afraid of what other people will think and say. After years of therapy I had not put that together.

 

JP1283 has this signature "Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived." - Isaac Asimov

 

The same can be said of some Christians; for it is my mother who planted the seed of doubt in me.

[pitchu]

Liquid Ash,

 

What an important insight you've had. But don't discount the living presence in your psychology of that other more reasonable parent. Sometimes, it seems to me, it takes the course of a lifetime for the influences of both parents to rise, fall, cycle in and out, and finally arrive at a comfortable resting place within the person who is their child and unique unto him/herself.

 

Keep staying wise and keep recognizing and crediting those flares of awareness.

[liquid ash]

Thanks pitchu,

 

I was thinking on this more and it occurred to me that if this is how I learned to be, then it can also be unlearned. I don't have to accept it; it's not inherited.

 

I have my father's temperment, and his sensibility. That, I think is inherited and is an asset.

 

I hate to write, but it can be cathartic can't it?

[pitchu]

I hate to write, but it can be cathartic can't it?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Journalists, diarists, essayists and bloggers say, "Yes."

 

Besides, you seem to be good at it.

[Vixentrox]

Writing can be theraputic, even if it's just a rant. Xtians and the Bible are often Christianity's own worst enemies. Glad to see you here.

[liquid ash]

Writing can be theraputic, even if it's just a rant.  Xtians and the Bible are often Christianity's own worst enemies.  Glad to see you here.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Well, I'm sure to have a rant here eventually. At least there's a place for things like that.

 

 

 

Thanks for the welcome.

[liquid ash]

Journalists, diarists, essayists and bloggers say, "Yes."

 

Besides, you seem to be good at it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I never kept a diary because I wouldn't have wanted anyone to find it. A blog? Now that's a possibility.

[pitchu]

I never kept a diary because I wouldn't have wanted anyone to find it. A blog?  Now that's a possibility.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Go fer it!

[Loren]

Thanks pitchu,

I was thinking on this more and it occurred to me that if this is how I learned to be, then it can also be unlearned.  I don't have to accept it; it's not inherited.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Excellent! I found that there was a great inner sense of soaring freedom and exhilerating potential for danger when I really took inventory of what was mine, what was not mine and what I really had control over.

 

I realized that that was what true adult responsibility entails: facing the facts, making our choices and being willing to accept the consequences of every choice I make. That was when I began to understand just how much power I had to pick what kind of a person I will be, and as an outflow of that, what kind of a life I will have.

[liquid ash]

Excellent! I found that there was a great inner sense of soaring freedom and exhilerating potential for danger when I really took inventory of what was mine, what was not mine and what I really had control over.

 

I realized that that was what true adult responsibility entails: facing the facts, making our choices and being willing to accept the consequences of every choice I make. That was when I began to understand just how much power I had to pick what kind of a person I will be, and as an outflow of that, what kind of a life I will have.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Right Loren,

 

It is a lot different then trying to give power to a god of some sort who exercizes his control over your life as though you are a puppet. No more thoughts of 'meant to be or not meant to be' that make you feel powerless or causes you to become passively accepting of things. It's a very self-empowering way to think.

 

But taking honest inventory, now that can be a challenge.

[Amethyst]

I hate to write, but it can be cathartic can't it?

 

Writing can be very healing. I keep an offline journal so I can write things that I can't write in my online one that my friends know where it is. I also write a lot of poetry and short stories, a few of which I've had published under my real name. If it wasn't for writing, sometimes I honestly don't know how I would stay sane in this insane world.