So Are There Any Ex-Christians Here Who Aren't Bitter Toward Christianity?

[xtify]

Darius, my story is not uncommon.  I'm glad for you that you had a positive experience, but, from a historic perspective, it is your story that is uncommon.  

 

Christianity may have its relatively benign sects these days, but it can't erase the damage done to many people over the past 1900+ years.  If it makes you feel happy to choose to ignore this, what can I say?  To each his own.  

 

Not really sure why you are sticking your tongue out at me for my experience with christianity... I'm just going to assume you are not trolling here because if you were, it wouldn't change the relevance of my story to others anyway.

[★ Citsonga ★]

I'm not bitter at all, but I would like to have my money back.

 

Ditto. I also wish I hadn't wasted a good bit of my life thinking that I had a "calling from God."

 

It is a bit upsetting that I was brainwashed with an enormous lie to the point that it took many years to see through it, but I don't blame those who taught me the lie, because they were simply teaching me what they believe. The vast majority of Christians I know personally are decent, caring people. They've been duped, but they're good, honest people.

[EternalEquinox]

I remember feeling angry at being duped by religion and even angrier at myself for falling for it.

 

The christians I've met were very nice and decent. But there are some things that do set me off when it comes to religion(s) and its those things which I fight tooth and nail. Other than that I am content to let others do as they please. 

[Darius]

Darius, my story is not uncommon.  I'm glad for you that you had a positive experience, but, from a historic perspective, it is your story that is uncommon.  

 

Christianity may have its relatively benign sects these days, but it can't erase the damage done to many people over the past 1900+ years.  If it makes you feel happy to choose to ignore this, what can I say?  To each his own.  

 

Not really sure why you are sticking your tongue out at me for my experience with christianity... I'm just going to assume you are not trolling here because if you were, it wouldn't change the relevance of my story to others anyway.

 

I was sticking my tongue out at your experience and those who screwed you over, not you personally. Trust me, your story touched me deeply and I have no ill will towards you.

 

I'm not saying there aren't sects of Christianity that are doing harm to people, and I don't think we should ignore those. I just don't pin that on EVERYONE practicing the religion. That's like thinking the entire American population are morons when you look at what a lot of them watch on TV.

[milesaway]

Some of us who have been royally screwed over by xtianity have every right to be bitter and feel resentment about it. It's part of the healing process, and we will overcome that bitterness and resentment on our own time. Considering some of us have endured alienation, rejection, racism, physical, emotional and even sexual abuse at the hands of xtians, I'd say that resentment towards them is earned. As for those who stay in the cult, it's up to them to decide whether or not they want out, and they have to be ready to leave. Nobody can make those decisions for them. Only they can decide for themselves what their breaking point is or will be. It's their journey, not ours.

 

I will say this, your post does sound like it's rubbing it in our faces, and I daresay a bit dismissive and chastising too. Please remember that while there are others here who had good experiences in christendom, you are truly one of the outliers. I wish I could have been among those outliers, but I'm not. Consider yourself damn LUCKY. That said, I'm glad you had a good experience while you were in christendom. I'll admit that my first thought was that maybe you should go back if it was so great, but then I realized your reasons for leaving are no less valid than anyone else's here, and as such, they deserve to be given credence as well. Your intellectual honesty was at stake, and you chose your integrity over what was familiar. That's not an easy thing to do for a lot of people, and you should be proud of yourself for that.

 

In a perfect world, we could agree to disagree. I wish it could be that way, but that isn't gonna happen when they're using their religion as their green light to abuse others, make them feel like shit about who they are, and take away people's rights. That's where I draw the line.

[amateur]

I wasn't bitter while in church and questioning and after, when becoming an agnostic then an atheist.

 

However, after reading so many extimonials and stories on this site, I am angry over what some people have gone through.  Some churches and some families are downright abusive with the religion, to a degree that I never realized.  I have also heard adult xians crying because they want a divorce after many years of a truly bad marriage, but "Am I allowed?  God hates divorce!"  That level of brainwashing which makes people waste their lives and/or live with some type of abuse or neglect is reprehensible.  Yes, there is personal responsibility and saying, "I am an adult and can make my own decision," but the brainwashing and family peer pressure can make it extremely hard.

 

I wouldn't say bitter, but I would say my eyes have been opened by this site.  I am indignant for what some people have gone through with xianity.

[amateur]

milesaway, your post came on right as I posted mine.  Like I said, this website has truly opened my eyes to what others have experienced.  You said it much better than me.  Obviously, there are many different experiences and levels of xianity in families and churches, but I never realized how bad it was for some people.  I am grateful for this site and glad I got out of the church and I'm so glad my kids are out, too.  I'm glad those of you with horrible stories have gotten out and I can't imagine the pain you went through and still do.  Reading this helps me at least understand on an intellectual level.  Mainstream xianity in the US never really scared me until I read stories like yours.

[Darius]

I will say this, your post does sound like it's rubbing it in our faces, and I daresay a bit dismissive and chastising too.

 

No, not at all. It was mainly an attempt to see if there were any others here that had experiences like mine. With so many stories of people being angry at anything having to do with Christianity, I was starting to think maybe I didn't belong here. To be honest, I still miss it. In fact, if I were being totally honest, if I could trick myself into believing in it 100%, I'd probably go back. It was better than the existence I have now. Not that life is bad now... it was just better then.

 

That might sound outlandish to you, but remember that the 'flavor' of Christianity I practiced was not the same as what many of you had to endure. My church didn't care a wit about politics or trying to get anti-whatever legislation passed, nor should it have, IMO. Even from a Christian perspective, I feel all of that nonsense is nothing but a waste of time.

[milesaway]

 

I will say this, your post does sound like it's rubbing it in our faces, and I daresay a bit dismissive and chastising too.

 

No, not at all. It was mainly an attempt to see if there were any others here that had experiences like mine. With so many stories of people being angry at anything having to do with Christianity, I was starting to think maybe I didn't belong here. To be honest, I still miss it. In fact, if I were being totally honest, if I could trick myself into believing in it 100%, I'd probably go back. It was better than the existence I have now. Not that life is bad now... it was just better then.

 

That might sound outlandish to you, but remember that the 'flavor' of Christianity I practiced was not the same as what many of you had to endure. My church didn't care a wit about politics or trying to get anti-whatever legislation passed, nor should it have, IMO. Even from a Christian perspective, I feel all of that nonsense is nothing but a waste of time.

 

 

And that's fair. I can definitely see how you felt like you didn't belong here, but you do. As good as your experience was while you were in christendom, it's only natural that you'd miss it since you left on good terms. That will pass in time, since going back would only give credence to a falsehood and sacrifice your integrity at the same time. You can't go back to the not knowing. Your integrity is too valuable to throw away like that. Xtianity had all the guesswork done for you, albeit with intellectually dishonest answers, but they were answers nonetheless, so it's understandable that things would seem like they were better back then. Now it's up to you to forge your own path, make decisions for yourself and whatnot. It's not the path of least resistance, but it's doable, and the best part is, your integrity won't suffer for it.

 

There are so many branches within xtianity that it's kind of pathetic once you really think about it. None of them can agree with one another, and each of them thinks they have the market cornered on the truth. It's good that there are churches out there that don't care about politics and involving themselves in things that don't concern them, even though they're few and far between.

[milesaway]

milesaway, your post came on right as I posted mine.  Like I said, this website has truly opened my eyes to what others have experienced.  You said it much better than me.  Obviously, there are many different experiences and levels of xianity in families and churches, but I never realized how bad it was for some people.  I am grateful for this site and glad I got out of the church and I'm so glad my kids are out, too.  I'm glad those of you with horrible stories have gotten out and I can't imagine the pain you went through and still do.  Reading this helps me at least understand on an intellectual level.  Mainstream xianity in the US never really scared me until I read stories like yours.

 

I'm glad this site exists too, if for no other reason than to show others in the situations we all came from that they aren't alone in what they're dealing with. I thought I was the only one when I first found this site a little over a year ago. I read it as a lurker for a bit before I actually joined, and I found it pretty eye-opening myself. It sickened me to know that this crap was (and is) so universal, yet almost never talked about in polite company. The shit that goes on behind closed doors of even mainstream xtianity is nothing short of horrifying, and even worse is that it will probably never see the light of day.

 

Now that I think about it, experiences based on intellectual problems with xtianity like what the OP described are probably a bit more prevalent than we might think, albeit they're still outside the norm. They're just never talked about, so there really isn't much of a chance to create some dialogue about them. Maybe this will create that dialogue, and maybe even help a lurker who's got doubts even though their church experience has been okay for the most part.

[xliar]

Some days aint so bad, some days are. Some days I am so bitter and pissed off I hate every fucking christian out there and everything they stand for. I don't know why I'm that way. Some of you guys have had it so much worse. Maybe I just handle things poorly. I know my attitude is wrong. Everyone sounds so cool headed. Hoping it will rub off

[milesaway]

Some days aint so bad, some days are. Some days I am so bitter and pissed off I hate every fucking christian out there and everything they stand for. I don't know why I'm that way. Some of you guys have had it so much worse. Maybe I just handle things poorly. I know my attitude is wrong. Everyone sounds so cool headed. Hoping it will rub off

 

This, too, shall pass. It comes and goes, and that will lessen with time. Yes, there are some stories here of some truly horrific abuse here, but that doesn't mean your experience was any less damaging to you. While I no longer hate every xtian out there, I am cautious around them. They need to earn my trust. If anything, I feel pity for them, especially the otherwise decent ones and the ones who are trying to fight from within, b/c unfortunately they are part of the problem whether they realize it or not, and they're fighting a losing battle by trying to change things at their churches.

[Mudhoney]

 

I will say this, your post does sound like it's rubbing it in our faces, and I daresay a bit dismissive and chastising too.

 

No, not at all. It was mainly an attempt to see if there were any others here that had experiences like mine. With so many stories of people being angry at anything having to do with Christianity, I was starting to think maybe I didn't belong here. To be honest, I still miss it. In fact, if I were being totally honest, if I could trick myself into believing in it 100%, I'd probably go back. It was better than the existence I have now. Not that life is bad now... it was just better then.

 

That might sound outlandish to you, but remember that the 'flavor' of Christianity I practiced was not the same as what many of you had to endure. My church didn't care a wit about politics or trying to get anti-whatever legislation passed, nor should it have, IMO. Even from a Christian perspective, I feel all of that nonsense is nothing but a waste of time.

 

 

Do you have a Unitarian church near you? If so, you would probably really like it. They have all of the social benefits of church without the Jesus part.

[xliar]

 

Some days aint so bad, some days are. Some days I am so bitter and pissed off I hate every fucking christian out there and everything they stand for. I don't know why I'm that way. Some of you guys have had it so much worse. Maybe I just handle things poorly. I know my attitude is wrong. Everyone sounds so cool headed. Hoping it will rub off

 

This, too, shall pass. It comes and goes, and that will lessen with time. Yes, there are some stories here of some truly horrific abuse here, but that doesn't mean your experience was any less damaging to you. While I no longer hate every xtian out there, I am cautious around them. They need to earn my trust. If anything, I feel pity for them, especially the otherwise decent ones and the ones who are trying to fight from within, b/c unfortunately they are part of the problem whether they realize it or not, and they're fighting a losing battle by trying to change things at their churches.

 

I know you're right Miles and I'm hoping sooner rather than later but sometimes I just can't help but let their BS bring out the sarcastic bastard in me. I agree there are some really decent ones out there. I will never quit on my true friends and of course my family, x-tian or not, and I guess I've managed to keep my cool around them but it seems even harder at times not to tell the flakes to go fuck themselves instead of just ignoring the idiots. I reckon I'm glad I aint mouthed off to the wrong nutcase and got my ass shot or whupped,,,ha! Anyway,,thanks for the comment