Moderator Margee Posted March 22, 2014 Moderator Share Posted March 22, 2014 It's very late for me to be posting... I rarely stay up this late but I can't go to bed until I tell you of something that I realized tonight....... I gave up life and living life when I gave up the Christian god 3 years and a few months ago, when I joined EX-c. Deconverting has been hard on me and I haven't even had a lot of energy to take the walks in nature like I used to love to do. I just put one foot in front of the other, while you guys helped me deal with some of my biggest concerns with living in a believers world. When I was a Christian, I was a very busy hairdresser and had quite the social life. Not only did I only belong to the church and participated in a lot of their activities including the music ministry, but I also belonged to the organization of AA for many, many, years in which I also stopped going to 3 years ago. I could not tolerate any talks of higher power from anyone, so I stopped going. I became a complete loner except for the clients I continue to see. My whole life has revolved around research on the internet and staying very close to EX-c in my spare time. I even gained 16 Lbs. in the last 3 years. (which I'm proud to say I lost my 12th lb. today with a lot of hard work!!) Anyway.....I have been exploring getting back out in the world of believers. I have been to the odd AA meeting in the last couple months which I really enjoy.... once I turn a deaf ear to those dear people who depend on a 'higher power' to help them get their lives back on track. But I understand that much better now. These are the 'innocents' who just want to believe that god exists out there somewhere. I had an 'on the spur' opportunity to go out with a huge gang tonight and I hired a babysitter for my MIL and went. I haven't had so much fun in a long time. We ended up at a dance and I swirled around that floor tonight. I actually felt happy. I was with people who I have known for many years. We all got sober together when we were all really young, stressed 'to the nines' and stupid. We've all grown older together and have remained non-drinkers...... They all want me to come back. They don't really know why I haven't been going. I don't tell them. I told them I needed a break from the meetings. They always need help for the newcomers who walk in those doors with sunken eyes and feeling totally hopeless. Many have lost their families and jobs and are lonely. We help them to get back on their feet again, the same as they helped me 22 years ago. (It's much like Ex-c in many ways) I think I want to help again. I like helping suffering people. I won't be introducing Jesus to anyone, (which I always felt I had to do) but maybe, I can help someone get on the 'dry wagon' and see if they can get their life back. I think I'm ready to socialize again. I have a good feeling that I might just create a nice new life for me...a little different than the past. I am the same person I was 3 years ago, I just don't believe in the christian god anymore. I don't need to explain myself to anyone. It's my business...not theirs. If they ask, I shall be honest. If they don't ask, I'll bow my head and do my own version of the serenity prayer. I know there is controversy around AA.. but it's not as bad as people think it is. It does help quite a few people so that's not really what I want to talk about tonight if you don't mind. I want to dance more often again. That's what I wanted to tell you. I think I'm ready. No..I am ready. No need to make a big deal over this post....Just needed to share that with all my friends here on EX-c......my very favorite support group..... Lol *hugs* to all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarriorPoet Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Margee, you are a wonderful member of this community. Your kind words and encouragement have been (allow me to use the word) miraculous to many struggling people. My understanding of the AA culture is that they never define what the higher power is. Atheists don't necessarily negate all forms of a higher power. It just takes a different form for us than it does for the the religious. For example, a higher power that I believe in is the nearly unlimited potential of the human race. When and if we decide to fully tap that potential, there is almost nothing that we won't be able to do. Helping people to get through a serious problem like alcoholism is vitally important. Knowing what I do about you from your involvement here indicates that it is also a task that you are highly qualified for. There are social benefits to this as well. This is one of the very big positives to AA. Go do your good work wherever you think you can. Dance your heart out. We have one life to live and do whatever you can to find fulfillment. Great big hug right back at you. Go forth and bring more love and happiness to your fellow humans. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Margee... you go girl! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 It sounds like you had a great time. I am glad for you! Depending on where one lives, it is near impossible to have social interaction without at least undertones of religious issues and often with all the god talk being very direct. It sounds like you, Margee, live in such a place. I do, too. I think part of what we must learn is not always to confront the religious, but to learn a way to interact with them both peacefully and respectfully. It sounds like that is what you are doing. I would call that positive growth on your part! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryG Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Yeah, what WarriorPoet said. Margee, I had no idea that your sweet, bubbling, sociable, giving self had been denied so much since, and because of, deconversion. No idea. I'm so sorry you've felt that you had to isolate yourself that way -- and so glad that you're starting not to feel that way now. Go! Dance! Sing! Help! Do in the real world what you do here so well! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MadameX Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Is there anything nobler and in the end better than being kind and helping people? For me it is a must. Service to others is my calling. You can say it is my Higher Power. Margee, you go dance and love the people you want to be with. Warts and all, we are all just human and we are all in this together. <<big hug>> 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xtify Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Margee, you deserve to have your life back. Go for it again. Don't let the religion thing stand in the way of enjoying your life to the fullest. AA is only as good as the individuals involved in a particular group. If you are involved, it will be good. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparklingphoenix Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 That's so great that you were finally able to go out with friends and enjoy yourself. You definitely deserve that, considering what I've seen from your posts here. it's really strange how deconverting can make you feel isolated. That has happened to me in a smaller way as well. You seem like such a warm and loving person, and I'm sure people miss you. Honestly I bet that some people who come to the AA meetings will appreciate you not saying stuff about god to them. I remember even when I was a Christian I would get so annoyed at people telling me to have more faith and all those other phrases. They're just not helpful. Do what makes you happy 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seeker001 Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 You go for it girl 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violetbutterfly Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 I love this post! I am glad you were able to go out dancing and have a good time. It makes me sad to think you've been isolated for so long, though I completely understand. I agree with what's already been said. New AA members will benefit much from your presence and support. Just from what I've seen you say on this board, I am confident you would be able to be a wonderful encouragement for them, while not even needing to acknowledge the "higher power" if you don't want to. They may address it in the meetings, but that doesn't mean you need to make it the focus of YOUR encouragements. KWIM? You seem very good at helping others, and you said you'd like to...so I think you should. I also think you should continue to go dancing as much as you can. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EternalEquinox Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 I'm glad you were able to enjoy a wonderful night out and dance! You go and enjoy life girl! Take it back and take charge, full throttle! Your an awesome person, Margee and if anyone can be the candlelight in the darkness of their lives, its you! Best wishes to you! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Look out Nova Scotia... Margee's back! I'm so glad you're getting back into enjoying your life. You deserve it. Grab hold of life and don't let go. Big hugs to you, my friend. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted March 22, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted March 22, 2014 I've been very proud of many of the posts you've made, Margee. But this one, I'm proudest of all. Get out there you young whipper-snapper and have yourself the time of your life. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Margee, I agree with everyone who encourages you in your decision. I, too, find some of my staunchest friends among believers. So long as we can find common ground to respect and support each other in our humanity, I think that is what counts. If they find joy and fulfillment in their religious pursuits (in ways that do not hurt others) I rejoice with them. This might include finding a CD with a favourite hymn. Since you feel at peace about this I am sure you will find ways to deal with the controversial and ambiguous items that arise. I wish you the best as you help people find their way to a stable and sober way of life. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 A saying I grew up with--if it feels good, do it. You go girl! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodsy Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I am happy for you, sweetie! You have helped so many of us here and now it's time to take that show on the road. You have a tender heart, dear one. Thank you for sharing it with me these last few months. You go, girl, and spread the love around! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted March 23, 2014 Author Moderator Share Posted March 23, 2014 You guys are the best encouragement I've ever had in my whole life. I don't think I have ever felt this good about myself. So many of you have had such an influence on my new life. Even everyday, when a newcomer joins the board...there is an instant connection to them as you read the stories. Thank you so much for supporting me all through my journey and..... and my future life on Ex-c. I hope to remain on this board for us all to help one another as we 'freethinker's need each other. I will go back out into the real world again, but I can tell you that nothing beats my on-line friendships!! *hugs* to everyone of you...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted March 23, 2014 Moderator Share Posted March 23, 2014 This is wonderful, (((Margee)))! I hope that it's ok for me to cut in for a song or two! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverAgainV Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Margee, Congrats on losing the weight!!! I know it's not easy to do so you are AWESOME! I'm so glad you went out w/ friends and had FUN. I can say that the years leading up to exiting the church and realizing I was no longer a bible believer were some horribly dark days. I too gained a lot of weight (lost weight first from the stress, then gained wt), incredibly depressed about it all. I never thought I'd ever feel happy or glad again. Just sayin I hear you. ((HUGS)) Wow, it's so good to hear you want to get out again and LIVE again. If helping people at AA works for you then I think you should do it. As you said, just bow your head during the serenity prayer and if people don't ask, don't tell. If they do then cross that bridge when it happens. I'm sure you will deal with it in a good way. Just keep moving forward, it's all you can do. Yaay Margee!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I'm not familiar with AA but looked up the Serenity Prayer. I adapted it from here http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/special/serenity.html for a secular view as follows: I seek the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking the good and bad as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that all things will work out rightas I seek only to win the battle of this present moment, and then the next, Adding up to a victorious life That I may be happy with my family and loved ones. -modelled on Reinhold Niebuhr's Serenity Prayer This comes from the same link: I adapted it for secular purposes: Trust in the process with all your heart and try not to control the situation;in all your ways acknowledge your vulnerabilities,and direct your path to embrace your strengths. modelled on Proverbs 3, 5-6 For interested parties, I found a blog by The Serene Atheist who made up his own Secular Serenity Prayer at http://sereneatheist.blogspot.ca/2009/10/secular-serenity-prayer.html DISCLAIMER: I have no experience with alcoholism or other addictions so I put this forward only as suggestion by one who loves to work with words. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted March 23, 2014 Author Moderator Share Posted March 23, 2014 I'm not familiar with AA but looked up the Serenity Prayer. I adapted it from here http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/special/serenity.html for a secular view as follows: I seek the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking the good and bad as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that all things will work out right as I seek only to win the battle of this present moment, and then the next, Adding up to a victorious life That I may be happy with my family and loved ones. -modelled on Reinhold Niebuhr's Serenity Prayer R.S.,Thank you so much for this version of the serenity prayer.That was very kind of you hon. I love it. They are actually very good words to live by, aren't they? I LOVE how it starts off with ''I'' seek the serenity!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 You need to live in such a way as expresses the person that you are.. You have as much right to enjoy yourself and to express your desire to help others as any Christian. Is this not a proof that the desire and opportunity to live a fulfilling existence does not depend on belief in a certain doctrine? All the best. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mudhoney Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Margee, I’ve never properly told you this before but you helped and encouraged me immensely when I first came to ex-c and you continue to do so now. Thank you for being you. I’m glad you’re getting back to being around people again. And having fun again. I’m not there yet myself. I’ve been sober now for seven years but quit AA before I even deconverted, it just didn’t click with me. I know it does help a lot of people, though. I like Rational Recovery (in case anyone out there is looking to get sober but can’t stand AA for whatever reason). Again, thank you Margee for all of the encouragement and hugs you’ve given me here. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pantophobia Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Dance, Margee, dance! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Margee, you're the best. Have fun and be yourself. With that you can't lose. If you find a higher power please share it with us. I'd like nothing more than to believe in that. bill 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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