Chez130 Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 So, to start out I should say I'm typing this on my phone. Not the best, but I don't really want to use my home computer right now. Anyway, I've been lurking around here for a few days and so far, I like this site very much. However, I don't see many testimonies I can relate to, so I wanted to offer mine. I grew up in a non-religious home. We did Santa and the Easter bunny and all, but no church, and no praying. We were a military family and moved all over the USA, so we didn't have extended family to deal with, either. My dad grew up Roman Catholic and my mom was Episcopalian. My dad seemed to have unpleasant memories of church, and my mom's mother converted to baptist when she was a child, and that made things difficult for her, as well. Not going to church was not an issue until we moved to the southern US. I was going into the 7th grade, and had grown up primarily on the west coast until that point. The Bible Belt is just that. As the new kid in a "I've lived here all my life" area, they set about trying to evangelize me. It didn't work. Well, I say that, but I guess it must have started the ball rolling. No one shunned me for unbelief while in high school because I had learned by then to keep my mouth shut. My mom decided to go back to church just as I was graduating high school. To appease her, I went, too. I had been with friends to the baptist church and an Assembly of God church, and I just couldn't stand them. The episcopal church is different, progressive and liberal. I liked them. I was baptized, confirmed, and later married there. I would never have become a Christian had it not been for the Episcopal church. Now it's several years later, and I have deconverted. The church I went to with my mom is in another city. The one I was going to here just never did it for me. I was browsing online and found some info that just really made me realize it was all a lie. I had fallen for it, and now I feel kinda stupid. There's more to say regarding my current situation, but I'll save it for a different post. Thanks for reading! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted May 22, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted May 22, 2014 Welcome to the forums, Chez. I'm happy for you that you didn't have years of childhood indoctrination to undo. Keep coming back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chez130 Posted May 22, 2014 Author Share Posted May 22, 2014 I'm glad for that, too. Thanks, Professor! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted May 22, 2014 Moderator Share Posted May 22, 2014 Welcome, Chez. I assume that your husband is still a Christian. What information convinced you that Christian claims were false? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dutchie Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Welcome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chez130 Posted May 22, 2014 Author Share Posted May 22, 2014 TrueFreedom, well, it's been a process. I was a member of a FB group for progressive Christianity. Some non-Christians were posting there. They seemed like very nice people. I went to their group and they referenced a book called Believing Bullsh*t. I read that book, while it's not explicitly anti-Christian, it does point out fallacies many religious people, and others, make. After reading that book, I realized I'd been rooked. I've completely reverted back to my pre-Christian state. I guess I'm better off now than I was then, though, because I understand both sides. I don't have doubts anymore, either, the way I did before. My husband is a non-practicing Christian. He would go with me occasionally, but he never liked my church. He used to go to a Baptist church. I've mentioned my unbelief to him, and things seemed tense for a bit, but everything seems to have gone back to "normal." My children are my biggest concern right now. I have 2 boys, 11 and 14. They go to a private Christian school. I've been worried sick about it for years now, since I know the school is very fundamentalist. That was why I was trying to take them to the episcopal church, knowing that they are more progressive there. Now I don't know what to do. My oldest seems like he will be fine. He's a believer at the moment, but will likely slip right out of that with no harm done. I can reason with him. We've had discussions about evolution and other things. My youngest is a problem. He's very literal. He believes everything they say. It's very disturbing to me. He would be devastated to know he's been lied to. My parents know my situation, and my mom has suggested the Unitarian Universalists. I'm not sure what to do. We've tried public school, but that didn't work for us, either. As far as anyone else knowing, that will not happen anytime soon. I know better than to let anyone around here find that out. It could be devastating considering our location. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chez130 Posted May 22, 2014 Author Share Posted May 22, 2014 Thanks, dutchie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chez130 Posted May 22, 2014 Author Share Posted May 22, 2014 Thanks, dutchie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Welcome. The children issue sounds potentially problematic. Was the older boy also very literal at his brother's age (i.e. the younger might learn to question in due time) or are they totally different? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 That's an interesting post. A question if you feel like answering: you said you started attending church to support your mother, but what made you believe in Christianity? I was raised to believe in Christianity, but I'm always curious what it would have been like to be raised as an atheist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chez130 Posted May 22, 2014 Author Share Posted May 22, 2014 Ellinas, my oldest was somewhat literal when he was in 1st grade. His teacher ended up scaring him by telling the class that if they didn't accept Jesus, they would go to the "bad place." Of course, I was upset by this, and had to tell him he would not go to the bad place and not to worry about that. It didn't apply to him. After that, he seemed okay. He took the whole Santa thing well, too. My youngest is 11 and so far, still believes in Santa. I have a feeling I will have to tell him myself. My oldest figured it out on his own. Directionless, I guess all I can say to that is when I moved to the south, the people here started putting doubts in my mind. They all seemed to believe it. I wondered if they could be right. Plus, the Episcopal Church is different. They don't believe in a literal interpretation of the bible. Something with which I had major issues. The message there was all about God's love for us, and the "bad" sides were always analyzed and questioned openly. It seemed like they had the answers. Since I was worried that I could be wrong, and I liked the message they were sending, I remember deciding to believe it. They are very open there and will admit doubts they have and questions are welcome. It's very different from the fundamentalist approach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xliar Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Don't know much about the Episcopal church, sounds different, but I know all about these overly motivated southern baptist down here in the good ol bible belt. You seem to be navigating it well. Good luck with the boys and welcome Chez to X-C Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 "He would be devastated to know he's been lied to." Talking to him honestly may settle his inward fears that may have been started by the fundies. I first became a believer because I feared monsters. I knew how to counteract every monster I saw in every movie. But then I saw an advert for the Exorcist and here was a monster that lived inside people... AIEEEEEEEE!!!!! I knew from watching Jesus of Nazareth that there was only one that could stop demons, so I picked up a Bible and did all I needed to do to get safe. It was a completely childish decision, but was backed culturally (nicely dressed people in churches on every corner) and nice people who encouraged me and talked to me (a basic wallflower nobody in school). That was all it took to keep me gung-ho for Jesus for more than 30 years. I hope you'll help spare your son that wasted time, fear, and view of the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chez130 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 Thanks, xliar, I hope I am navigating it well. It feels like it's me against the world here. Fuego, I have to be careful what I say to both of them. My oldest is required to take "bible" class. I say "bible" in quotes because really it's not the study of the bible, but more indoctrination. If he were to express ideas that he disagreed with them, it could negatively affect him. You saying that you picked up the bible to keep you safe reminds me that my youngest has taking to reading the bible every day. I'm disturbed by this. I've told them both that I don't agree with the school's focus on how bad we are and their fear-mongering. I think my oldest listens, but I'm not sure about the youngest. I guess I just have to counter things as gently as I can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeThinkerNZ Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I have heard of parents who want to raise their kids to be freethinkers exposing them to a variety of different religions, in the hope they will see that they are all made up. You could try talking about a few other religions from time to time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chez130 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Share Posted May 23, 2014 Hm. That's a good idea, FreeThinkers. I might need to do some research on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 It's a difficult position, but, at the end of the day, your youngest sounds like an impressionable lad who needs a counterbalance to the indoctrination of the school. Just encouraging him to question what he's told (not necessarily to the teachers, if that is likely to be a problem) may be a good start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chez130 Posted May 25, 2014 Author Share Posted May 25, 2014 It's a difficult position, but, at the end of the day, your youngest sounds like an impressionable lad who needs a counterbalance to the indoctrination of the school. Just encouraging him to question what he's told (not necessarily to the teachers, if that is likely to be a problem) may be a good start. This is what I think, too. I'm not sure how far I can go with it, though. My husband is still a believer, despite never attending church. I have told the boys to think about what they are being told, and if it seems unreasonable, then it probably is. Oldest seems to understand that. Youngest does not. I can't be too explicit with either of them. If they expressed these ideas at school, I know that wouldn't be a good thing. My mom thinks I should take him to my old church just for the counterbalance, but with my new perspective on things, I see they are not quite as good for that as I thought they were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 The problem is that what is "reasonable" depends on the assumptions from which you start. If he's swallowed the Christian line, what he's told will seem very reasonable. Can you take him back a step - to the point of thinking about whether the biblical ideas of god are themselves reasonable? You don't necessarily have to provide him with answers that might cause a family confrontation - just a framework for "how to think". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cousin Ricky Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 My youngest is 11 and so far, still believes in Santa. This is disturbing. Unfortunately, I don't know of any stories of resolution of this situation at that age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cousin Ricky Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 My youngest is 11 and so far, still believes in Santa. This is disturbing. Unfortunately, I don't know of any stories of resolution of this situation at that age. I should say any stories where the parents tried to resolve it at that age. Daniel out of the Lion's Den, who posts in the blog, was 11 years old when his parents were busted by his younger sister. But his parents' case was not like yours; they were actually trying to prolong the illusion. Daniel had already had doubts, but his parents deliberately strung him along. I once saw a post by someone whose daughter believed in Santa at age 13, but I don't know how that was resolved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chez130 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 My youngest is 11 and so far, still believes in Santa. This is disturbing. Unfortunately, I don't know of any stories of resolution of this situation at that age. I should say any stories where the parents tried to resolve it at that age. Daniel out of the Lion's Den, who posts in the blog, was 11 years old when his parents were busted by his younger sister. But his parents' case was not like yours; they were actually trying to prolong the illusion. Daniel had already had doubts, but his parents deliberately strung him along. I once saw a post by someone whose daughter believed in Santa at age 13, but I don't know how that was resolved. Hello, all, sorry I've been MIA. As far as Santa goes, I think it should resolve itself. He mentioned last year that someone in his class said Santa wasn't real. He will probably figure it out soon. In my husband's family they would never tell the kids. My family was much more upfront about things like that. The kids in his family figured it out, but they would just go along with it, even into their teens. I won't be able to do that, though. I'll have to have a talk with him at some point. He's going into 5th grade in the fall. More than old enough to know the truth. I don't know how he will take it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chez130 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 He's actually going to be 11 in the fall. He's 10 right now. I just think of him as already 11. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Our stories are similar, as I was raised in an agnostic family. We did go to church, and it was pleasant. It can be hard to escape xianity when you have nothing huge to fight against! But after reading stories on this site about people raised in fundy homes and with horrible fears of hell and other issues, I realized how truly easy I did have it, and I am more militantly ex-xian after reading those stories and realizing how insidious it is. Your kids will be fine if you just admit you don't know everything and that you agree that stories in the bible don't make sense, if they ask you. My ex and I raised our kids in the church, too, as we had both attended as kids. He was an atheist and I sometimes believed and sometimes was agnostic. Both kids are young adults now and neither believes. When they asked questions, I answered as honestly as I could and never gave the xian answers of "just have faith" and "we can't understand god." I wasn't raised that way either. If someone tried to be too fundy with my dad he'd just smile and shrug and say, "How should I know if there's a god or what's going to happen when we die? I guess we'll find out someday one way or another!" None of us goes to church any more. And welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chez130 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Share Posted June 5, 2014 Our stories are similar, as I was raised in an agnostic family. We did go to church, and it was pleasant. It can be hard to escape xianity when you have nothing huge to fight against! But after reading stories on this site about people raised in fundy homes and with horrible fears of hell and other issues, I realized how truly easy I did have it, and I am more militantly ex-xian after reading those stories and realizing how insidious it is. Your kids will be fine if you just admit you don't know everything and that you agree that stories in the bible don't make sense, if they ask you. My ex and I raised our kids in the church, too, as we had both attended as kids. He was an atheist and I sometimes believed and sometimes was agnostic. Both kids are young adults now and neither believes. When they asked questions, I answered as honestly as I could and never gave the xian answers of "just have faith" and "we can't understand god." I wasn't raised that way either. If someone tried to be too fundy with my dad he'd just smile and shrug and say, "How should I know if there's a god or what's going to happen when we die? I guess we'll find out someday one way or another!" None of us goes to church any more. And welcome! Thanks, amateur! I suppose I am relatively lucky I didn't grow up in a fundamentalist home. My mom has become a very committed Episcopalian and she thinks it's now her fault that I don't believe. She wants me to visit her church. I think she thinks it will reconvert me. It's not that simple, though. When I became an episcopalian, I had doubts about atheism, and I thought xtianity had the answers. How could all these people be wrong? Turns out, they are deluded, just as I was. I hope you're right about my children. Neither one has openly expressed doubt to me. If they ever do, I will have to tell them gently what I think. The school is the most troubling to me. I need some counter action for it. My mom thinks I should continue to our former church to counteract the stuff they get in school. I don't think I can do that anymore. The thought of going to church again is abborant to me. Thanks for the welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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