kymbrasg Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I found this site by chance a few days ago and just clicked. I have always had my doubts about Christianity, but I wasn't an atheist until my near death experience a few years ago. It's a bit of a long story, but I figured this is a safe place to tell it. Anyway, my family brought me up to believe in god, regardless of whether or not you go to church. When we moved to Tulsa, Oklahoma, I started going to church every Sunday and Wednesday. I was 13 at the time. I made a lot of friends there but my most memorable friend, and the only one I still talk to today, was a guy named Michael. We dated for a few months, actually, and he was fiercely anti-Christian. (He said he only went to church to meet girls. I guess it worked out well for him.) He used to say that he hated the idea of god because to some Christians, even contemplating committing sin makes you sinful. Like, if you think about murdering someone, you've already murdered them. It doesn't make sense to me, now, but I tried to explain it away back then. I would try to convince him of god's glory and he would always deny it so vehemently and I worried so much for his soul. Well, fast-forward a few years and I come out as a lesbian at 16. At this time we were living in a small town, Welch, Oklahoma, and everyone was really religious, meaning that when I came out, I only came out to a few people because I knew I would not be accepted because people would think I was bad for being gay. I really started doubting god at this time. I had been for about a year at this time because I had been contemplating coming out. When I came out, my mother and my grandmother were appalled because they were embarrassed already by my uncle's homosexuality (who is also an atheist and played a big part in helping me overcome the guilt and fear in giving up my religion.), and now I was gay. My mom used to say it was between me and god and that I would answer to him in the end for my 'wicked ways', which terrified me and made me angry. Why would a god that was supposed to love all of his children no matter what send me to eternal damnation for liking other women? Why did I have to lie to myself to go to heaven? Isn't lying bad? Am I going to go to hell anyway even if I be with men but think about women? What kind of god would make me this way and then punish me for it? When I finally decided to stand my ground about being gay my grandma said I would probably go to hell. A few months later I felt so tired of all of it and overdosed on pain pills. I just thought that if I was going to hell for being myself, then I might as well just go now. I had been brought up that suicides go to hell, and this was just easier in my mind than a life of being judged for who I am. I was legally dead for about 6 minutes during which I remember being outside of my bod and apparently in the afterlife, only there was nothing. I wasn't in hell or heaven. I just was. I have since read about reincarnation and think that perhaps I was in a womb to be reborn again, but I don't know for sure if I believe in that. It's a pretty neat idea though. However, that was when I decided that god couldn't be real. I just can't believe in a god who would claim to love all of his children but hate me, and when I was dead and nowhere, I realized that Christianity really is just another crazy religion thought up by man to enforce his laws. I mean, Greeks used to really believe in all of those gods, right? Maybe Christianity will be in history books in a few hundred years and they'll all laugh at it. I think the only reason Christianity has lasted so long is because it fulfills a desire to fit in with a crowd. Anyway, I hope my story wasn't too long or too boring. I'm just thankful I got out of it at such a young age. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Good for you. Welcome to ex-C! Sorry to hear about your family. That sucks. But you have the rest of your life ahead of you so you can make your own meaning and enjoy. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ousian Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Welcome to ex-xtian, and congrats on overcoming the absurd delusion that is religion. It's remarkable the mental gymnastics one will play to continue believing something out of obligation and peer pressure, believe me, I've been there. As a 19 yo guy deep in the Bible Belt (Houston) who is still closeted as an atheist, I definitely sympathize with your situation on that front. The advice I'd give is to keep your head down, learn all you can about the subject, and really be sure you know why you are an atheist and why Christianity is so patently wrong. This place can be very hostile to atheists such as ourselves, so play your cards carefully until you're independent. I'd suggest trying to find a secular/atheist group in real life, maybe at your school or on meetup.com. Good luck with everything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cousin Ricky Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 Are you in touch with other non-believers? If you can get back to Tulsa occasionally, that city has quite an active non-believer community. The Tulsa Coalition of Reason has a list. The Thinking Atheist is also run out of Tulsa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pratt Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 welcome,,,, and was legally dead for 6 minutes,,,,, wow,,,,, please do, whenever you can, write a piece of your NDE experience,,,,,,, of which there is considerable interest in this forum on such topics because most of the NDEs mentioned here enforces the religiousity rather than moving away from it,,,,,, brave girl..... cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 Welcome, kymbrasg! Thank you for your story. I agree with bluel0bster and pratt, both about others' interest in NDEs and in the prudence of keeping your head down for now if you need money from religious and potentially judgmental people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 Welcome. That a person can be driven to attempt suicide by religious prejudice highlights how contemptible is the prejudice and pressure of religious fundamentalism. I hope you have now achieved a sense of balance in your life and acceptance.amongst others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neverlandrut Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 I found this site by chance a few days ago and just clicked. I have always had my doubts about Christianity, but I wasn't an atheist until my near death experience a few years ago. It's a bit of a long story, but I figured this is a safe place to tell it. Anyway, my family brought me up to believe in god, regardless of whether or not you go to church. When we moved to Tulsa, Oklahoma, I started going to church every Sunday and Wednesday. I was 13 at the time. I made a lot of friends there but my most memorable friend, and the only one I still talk to today, was a guy named Michael. We dated for a few months, actually, and he was fiercely anti-Christian. (He said he only went to church to meet girls. I guess it worked out well for him.) He used to say that he hated the idea of god because to some Christians, even contemplating committing sin makes you sinful. Like, if you think about murdering someone, you've already murdered them. It doesn't make sense to me, now, but I tried to explain it away back then. I would try to convince him of god's glory and he would always deny it so vehemently and I worried so much for his soul. Well, fast-forward a few years and I come out as a lesbian at 16. At this time we were living in a small town, Welch, Oklahoma, and everyone was really religious, meaning that when I came out, I only came out to a few people because I knew I would not be accepted because people would think I was bad for being gay. I really started doubting god at this time. I had been for about a year at this time because I had been contemplating coming out. When I came out, my mother and my grandmother were appalled because they were embarrassed already by my uncle's homosexuality (who is also an atheist and played a big part in helping me overcome the guilt and fear in giving up my religion.), and now I was gay. My mom used to say it was between me and god and that I would answer to him in the end for my 'wicked ways', which terrified me and made me angry. Why would a god that was supposed to love all of his children no matter what send me to eternal damnation for liking other women? Why did I have to lie to myself to go to heaven? Isn't lying bad? Am I going to go to hell anyway even if I be with men but think about women? What kind of god would make me this way and then punish me for it? When I finally decided to stand my ground about being gay my grandma said I would probably go to hell. A few months later I felt so tired of all of it and overdosed on pain pills. I just thought that if I was going to hell for being myself, then I might as well just go now. I had been brought up that suicides go to hell, and this was just easier in my mind than a life of being judged for who I am. I was legally dead for about 6 minutes during which I remember being outside of my bod and apparently in the afterlife, only there was nothing. I wasn't in hell or heaven. I just was. I have since read about reincarnation and think that perhaps I was in a womb to be reborn again, but I don't know for sure if I believe in that. It's a pretty neat idea though. However, that was when I decided that god couldn't be real. I just can't believe in a god who would claim to love all of his children but hate me, and when I was dead and nowhere, I realized that Christianity really is just another crazy religion thought up by man to enforce his laws. I mean, Greeks used to really believe in all of those gods, right? Maybe Christianity will be in history books in a few hundred years and they'll all laugh at it. I think the only reason Christianity has lasted so long is because it fulfills a desire to fit in with a crowd. Anyway, I hope my story wasn't too long or too boring. I'm just thankful I got out of it at such a young age. Not boring at all!! Damn, I'm so sorry your family treated you that way! One of the first issues that started driving my devotion away from the church was homosexuality. I'm not gay, but I could not and can not, for the life of me, see why Christians think it is okay to treat gay people the way you describe! Even if you believe it's a sin because the bible says so, Jesus also said to love your enemies. How can Christians put people through that kind of mental torture and claim that it's loving? They say it's an abomination, but so is eating pork and wearing cotton/polyester blends according to the bible. I'm an atheist now. My story is long too. Good for you for coming out! I hope you find this place to be a way to find peace. No one should ever have to apologize for who they are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 Welcome! I'm sorry what you've dealt with with xianity and your family and your attempted suicide. I'm glad you got your mind straight about these things and aren't still trying to twist your brain into accepting it all and beating yourself up. That's a ridiculous way to live! Your story isn't at all boring -- it's amazing. Please do write more about your NDE separately so others can see it. That's an incredible experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted June 1, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted June 1, 2014 When I read stories like this I am reminded of how fortunate I am to have survived religion and come out of it relatively sane. Thank you for being you, kym. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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