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The Scheme Of Damnation


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The Scheme of Damnation:


In the Beginning God created the world, because He’s God, so up yours.


Creates man, calls him Adam and parades animals in front of him, in the hope they could match up.


Match up not found, creates Eve (nice abs and buns yet to be confirmed)


Adam and Eve perfect match up (Whew) much happiness


Plants magic tree nearby, bearing enchanted fruit, tells security Angels to “Stand down”


Informs first humans they must never ever, ever eat said fruit.


Informs Satan of location of Adam and Eve….and tree


Fucks off


Chaos ensures


Boots children out of garden


Selects chosen people, gives them some very strange rules and regulations


Accepts animal sacrifices, introduces waterboarding for entire planet


Intermission for several centuries 


Knocks up engaged virgin, gives birth to Himself, in a manner of speaking


Talks in parables to confuse flock, over throws some of His previous (and eternal rules)


Allows self to be put to death, despite prayer to self, asking self to relieve Him of the burden He was going to put Himself through.


Dies, goes to Hell


Spot of preaching


Comes back to life


Fly’s back home on cloud


Inspires followers to write down earthly visits. Followers cannot agree completely with all accounts. Two of them, Paul and Peter disagree on doctrine, have a row. Peter, despite knowing God and living with Him on Earth loses.


Lets humans know there is to be eternal suffering after death in lake of fire, He has created, doesn’t let humans know for certain how to avoid fate.


Mission accomplished, sits back, listening to constant praise, votes Republican 

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It makes perfect sense!




Oh wait, no it doesn't.

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 I think what  I have written  broadly sums up Christian Theology  without the need for divine inspiration : )

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Not bad. Made me laugh.


LeoReads like a tourism brochure.

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That made me laugh.  I loved the wording "Knocks up engaged virgin, gives birth to Himself"


So, tell me again how this is not mythical?

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