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The Scheme Of Damnation


Castiel233
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The Scheme of Damnation:

 

In the Beginning God created the world, because He’s God, so up yours.

 

Creates man, calls him Adam and parades animals in front of him, in the hope they could match up.

 

Match up not found, creates Eve (nice abs and buns yet to be confirmed)

 

Adam and Eve perfect match up (Whew) much happiness

 

Plants magic tree nearby, bearing enchanted fruit, tells security Angels to “Stand down”

 

Informs first humans they must never ever, ever eat said fruit.

 

Informs Satan of location of Adam and Eve….and tree

 

Fucks off

 

Chaos ensures

 

Boots children out of garden

 

Selects chosen people, gives them some very strange rules and regulations

 

Accepts animal sacrifices, introduces waterboarding for entire planet

 

Intermission for several centuries 

 

Knocks up engaged virgin, gives birth to Himself, in a manner of speaking

 

Talks in parables to confuse flock, over throws some of His previous (and eternal rules)

 

Allows self to be put to death, despite prayer to self, asking self to relieve Him of the burden He was going to put Himself through.

 

Dies, goes to Hell

 

Spot of preaching

 

Comes back to life

 

Fly’s back home on cloud

 

Inspires followers to write down earthly visits. Followers cannot agree completely with all accounts. Two of them, Paul and Peter disagree on doctrine, have a row. Peter, despite knowing God and living with Him on Earth loses.

 

Lets humans know there is to be eternal suffering after death in lake of fire, He has created, doesn’t let humans know for certain how to avoid fate.

 

Mission accomplished, sits back, listening to constant praise, votes Republican 

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It makes perfect sense!

 

 

 

Oh wait, no it doesn't.

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 I think what  I have written  broadly sums up Christian Theology  without the need for divine inspiration : )

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Not bad. Made me laugh.

 

LeoReads like a tourism brochure.

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That made me laugh.  I loved the wording "Knocks up engaged virgin, gives birth to Himself"

 

So, tell me again how this is not mythical?

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