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I Just Want To Rant


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I am in a depressed mood now so everything that doesn't follow my expectations makes me extremely disappointed or sad. Yesterday someone told me maybe I needed to rely on a higher power to help me relax. Then I said it was not I did not want to believe, I wanted to believe however I couldn't. I wanted to feel peaceful. I missed the calm feeling when I heard the song "As the deer panteth for the water..." (I was a catholic). However as long as I remember I actually never felt the present of god or jesus in my heart. I desperately wanted to feel my heart touched by god but it never happened. If I want to be honest, since the beginning I found the whole jesus story, virgin birth, resurrection, infallible popes were impossible but I didn't say anything because everybody around me believed those stuff. The only thing that drew me in was the feeling of peacefulness inside a quiet church or chapel or the meditation and some teaching of jesus. Beyond that, my brain blocked my effort to be a full fledge believer.

Anyway, back to original rant, after I spent a few minutes opening my heart about this issue I saw that person didn't even paying attention to what I just said! 

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I see no reason why you cant find a peaceful place like a quiet room or even a chapel and just sing that song. Regardless of what it means, if you find peace in it, what reason would keep you from finding it?

 

Music comes in all varieties and types and I guarantee that you can find similar soothing type music without any of the Christian junk in it. It might take a little time, but I promise its out there.

 

Meditation isn't an exclusively Christian or Catholic thing. Many religions use it. Many people use it in non religious situations.

 

Bottom line is this: You need to do whatever makes you be and feel the best for you. Who cares what anyone else thinks.

 

Sorry the person you were discussing this with was not listening. I know that sucks.

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However as long as I remember I actually never felt the present of god or jesus in my heart. I desperately wanted to feel my heart touched by god but it never happened.

 

I felt the same way.  I knew people that said they felt god's presence and I believed they did but I never felt something that I thought was real.  In retrospect, in didn't bother me either.

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I see no reason why you cant find a peaceful place like a quiet room or even a chapel and just sing that song. Regardless of what it means, if you find peace in it, what reason would keep you from finding it?

 

Music comes in all varieties and types and I guarantee that you can find similar soothing type music without any of the Christian junk in it. It might take a little time, but I promise its out there.

 

Meditation isn't an exclusively Christian or Catholic thing. Many religions use it. Many people use it in non religious situations.

 

Bottom line is this: You need to do whatever makes you be and feel the best for you. Who cares what anyone else thinks.

 

Sorry the person you were discussing this with was not listening. I know that sucks.

 

Currently I am exploring Buddhism and it seems Buddhism works ok so far. A few times I visited some church to feel peaceful however my brain started to think about god and jesus and it was hard for me to feel peaceful. I am going to explore meditation from buddhist point of view. It is just that at this stage it is hard for me to meditate. I need to make myself stop feeling negative and get going. What makes it hard for me is most people I am closed with believe in god and when I just wanted to vent off they told me to rely on god and it would set me deeper in negative feelings.

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However as long as I remember I actually never felt the present of god or jesus in my heart. I desperately wanted to feel my heart touched by god but it never happened.

 

I felt the same way.  I knew people that said they felt god's presence and I believed they did but I never felt something that I thought was real.  In retrospect, in didn't bother me either.

 

 

Sometimes I am jealous of those people. I really want to feel happy and peaceful and rely on god but my brain does not cooperate. Fortunately when I feel normal I am not jealous of them.

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I am in a depressed mood now so everything that doesn't follow my expectations makes me extremely disappointed or sad. 

 

This sounds like classic symptoms of depression.  I have lived with depression on and off for over 20 years.  Do you have a therapist?  There is a list of secular therapists here www.seculartherapy.org 

Is your doctor aware of your symptoms?

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You didn't say how long you've been out of the cult, but a sense a "something missing" is common early on. It's ironic that we miss something that wasn't there in the first place!

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I had seen a therapist but I didn't like her. Thanks for the link to find secular therapist, I am going to try it! Wish me luck.

 

I have firmly come to conclusion there is no christian god about a year ago. Before that I felt I needed something to believe in when I was down so I didn't want to let the believe  in god go.

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"Just like talking to god, eh?" florduh

 

 

 

Very good, florduh. That's the kind of humor I really like. Too bad it couldn't be directed at a Xtian.

Maybe later. bill

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