StillLooking Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I am in a depressed mood now so everything that doesn't follow my expectations makes me extremely disappointed or sad. Yesterday someone told me maybe I needed to rely on a higher power to help me relax. Then I said it was not I did not want to believe, I wanted to believe however I couldn't. I wanted to feel peaceful. I missed the calm feeling when I heard the song "As the deer panteth for the water..." (I was a catholic). However as long as I remember I actually never felt the present of god or jesus in my heart. I desperately wanted to feel my heart touched by god but it never happened. If I want to be honest, since the beginning I found the whole jesus story, virgin birth, resurrection, infallible popes were impossible but I didn't say anything because everybody around me believed those stuff. The only thing that drew me in was the feeling of peacefulness inside a quiet church or chapel or the meditation and some teaching of jesus. Beyond that, my brain blocked my effort to be a full fledge believer. Anyway, back to original rant, after I spent a few minutes opening my heart about this issue I saw that person didn't even paying attention to what I just said! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted July 1, 2014 Super Moderator Share Posted July 1, 2014 Just like talking to god, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StillLooking Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 That made me laugh and made me feeling better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I see no reason why you cant find a peaceful place like a quiet room or even a chapel and just sing that song. Regardless of what it means, if you find peace in it, what reason would keep you from finding it? Music comes in all varieties and types and I guarantee that you can find similar soothing type music without any of the Christian junk in it. It might take a little time, but I promise its out there. Meditation isn't an exclusively Christian or Catholic thing. Many religions use it. Many people use it in non religious situations. Bottom line is this: You need to do whatever makes you be and feel the best for you. Who cares what anyone else thinks. Sorry the person you were discussing this with was not listening. I know that sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LongWayAround Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 However as long as I remember I actually never felt the present of god or jesus in my heart. I desperately wanted to feel my heart touched by god but it never happened. I felt the same way. I knew people that said they felt god's presence and I believed they did but I never felt something that I thought was real. In retrospect, in didn't bother me either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StillLooking Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 I see no reason why you cant find a peaceful place like a quiet room or even a chapel and just sing that song. Regardless of what it means, if you find peace in it, what reason would keep you from finding it? Music comes in all varieties and types and I guarantee that you can find similar soothing type music without any of the Christian junk in it. It might take a little time, but I promise its out there. Meditation isn't an exclusively Christian or Catholic thing. Many religions use it. Many people use it in non religious situations. Bottom line is this: You need to do whatever makes you be and feel the best for you. Who cares what anyone else thinks. Sorry the person you were discussing this with was not listening. I know that sucks. Currently I am exploring Buddhism and it seems Buddhism works ok so far. A few times I visited some church to feel peaceful however my brain started to think about god and jesus and it was hard for me to feel peaceful. I am going to explore meditation from buddhist point of view. It is just that at this stage it is hard for me to meditate. I need to make myself stop feeling negative and get going. What makes it hard for me is most people I am closed with believe in god and when I just wanted to vent off they told me to rely on god and it would set me deeper in negative feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StillLooking Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 However as long as I remember I actually never felt the present of god or jesus in my heart. I desperately wanted to feel my heart touched by god but it never happened. I felt the same way. I knew people that said they felt god's presence and I believed they did but I never felt something that I thought was real. In retrospect, in didn't bother me either. Sometimes I am jealous of those people. I really want to feel happy and peaceful and rely on god but my brain does not cooperate. Fortunately when I feel normal I am not jealous of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Are you doing anything for the depression? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeThinkerNZ Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 I am in a depressed mood now so everything that doesn't follow my expectations makes me extremely disappointed or sad. This sounds like classic symptoms of depression. I have lived with depression on and off for over 20 years. Do you have a therapist? There is a list of secular therapists here www.seculartherapy.org Is your doctor aware of your symptoms? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 You didn't say how long you've been out of the cult, but a sense a "something missing" is common early on. It's ironic that we miss something that wasn't there in the first place! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StillLooking Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 I had seen a therapist but I didn't like her. Thanks for the link to find secular therapist, I am going to try it! Wish me luck. I have firmly come to conclusion there is no christian god about a year ago. Before that I felt I needed something to believe in when I was down so I didn't want to let the believe in god go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 "Just like talking to god, eh?" florduh Very good, florduh. That's the kind of humor I really like. Too bad it couldn't be directed at a Xtian. Maybe later. bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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