Being The Only Ex-Christian In A Large Extended Family

[Prometheus]

It's rough, and I'm sure some of us here could speak on my behalf.  I don't know of anyone in my entire extended family who, like me, has "fallen away" and left the church.  I had a cousin who apparently left, but came back (apparently).  It makes for some times where I feel a little isolated.  I'm also out of touch with almost everyone in my original social circle, who were and still are fervent Christians. I have a big extended family and at times, it can feel uncomfortable.

 

Anyone else want to share a similar experience?

[hereticzero]

I also have an extended family with crazy funny-mentals thumping their bibles. I think i am the only out-spoken nonbeliever in the bunch. The extended family used to shun their own until they complied, then my family arrived and I don't go for the BS. I told them their behaviour was unacceptable even by christian standards. They are generally nicer to me these days. Religion is never going to go away but that doesn't mean one has to kiss their butts either. I don't care who rejoins the herd, I know it is important to me that I do not.

[TrueFreedom]

Yes.  It can be very isolating.

[buffettphan]

It is aggravating and isolating.  But I guess I'm at the point that I really don't care anymore.  If they don't like me for who I am or don't want to hang out with me because I don't meet their narrow-minded bigotry -- their loss.     

[EternalEquinox]

It is aggravating and isolating.  But I guess I'm at the point that I really don't care anymore.  If they don't like me for who I am or don't want to hang out with me because I don't meet their narrow-minded bigotry -- their loss.     

Same here, buffetttphan! Though the only one who know's I'm not religious is my dad. 

[Prometheus]

I love this forum because of the responses people give.  It's nice to know I'm not alone.

 

 

It's rough, and I'm sure some of us here could speak on my behalf.  I don't know of anyone in my entire extended family who, like me, has "fallen away" and left the church.  I had a cousin who apparently left, but came back (apparently).  It makes for some times where I feel a little isolated.  I'm also out of touch with almost everyone in my original social circle, who were and still are fervent Christians. I have a big extended family and at times, it can feel uncomfortable.
 
Anyone else want to share a similar experience?

Hi Prometheus,

I have a large extended family. My immediate family is small, but I have dozens of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Being in a Christian culture, it's so taboo for anyone to become an actual unbeliever. People are either "in church" or "out of church." Or they're "right with God" or "not right with God" (which usually means in church or out of church). For a rare few -- such as myself -- who have lived a noticeably devoted Christian lifestyle and made a reputation of being a committed Christian, people make allowances.

Also, there a lot of nominal believers who don't get involved, or not much, with the church environment. But they profess belief in God. It's so pervasive in our society. So, for someone like me to be out of church isn't that big of a deal. Plus, most people who know me just assume I'm attending church somewhere. I spent many years being ecumenical, visiting and attending various churches and participating in many inter-church ministries. I haven't attended a worship service in about three years now.

I'm not yet "out" about being an unbeliever to my extended family, but only to my immediate family and some friends who are not local.

If you live in a community or come from a family where church attendance equates with being a believer, then it would be very difficult and awkward for you to quit church altogether, in a noticeable way, and not be open about being an unbeliever. People will ask questions, nag and badger you, and maybe even gossip especially in the form of asking prayer requests for you in church.

Have you posted your "extimony"? I'd be interested to read more about your experience.

Peace,
Human

 

 

I think I have posted a sort of extimony, but I'll have to go back and update it, because I've matured a lot since I posted it.  I'll link you when I do.

 

I went through a lot of "counseling" with pastors growing up, because I was showing signs of being a "bad boy".  Most of my acting out was merely due to the fact that my parents didn't know how to communicate with me, or avoided it altogether.  They, at the time, didn't have the awareness or insight to see that they were framing everything within a rigid framework.  I also had three sisters, and my masculinity was a force they didn't understand and didn't know how to deal with.

 

That was nearly 10 years ago, though, and my parents have come a long way in their ability to see past the rigid, dogmatic framework through which they once viewed me and there has been a lot of healing in my relationship with them.  However, as far as my extended family is concerned, I never really talk with any of them, because I don't want them to ask me how my "walk with the Lord is".  They are all quite embedded in a religious framework.  I recently came "out" to my grandparents, who are deeply faithful people and were once missionaries in China and the Philippines.

 

What I usually tell my family is that I believe in God, but I don't believe that the Bible, written by fallible men, has a monopoly on him.  I'm essentially a Deist.  I told my grandparents this and they simply told me, "All we want is peace and hope for you in this life and the life to come.  You know where to look."

 

What they don't understand is, just as the Bible doesn't have a monopoly on God, Christianity also doesn't have a monopoly on peace and hope.  There are plenty of people who are at peace, and who have hope and joy, that are not Christians.  Similarly, there are plenty of Christians who are afflicted with fear, pain, and depression.  I've been trying to decide if I should even bring this up to them or just end the discussion.

 

One thing I CAN say is that, even given the difficulties I have with communicating with people like my grandparents, I feel much more inner joy knowing that I am being my authentic self and not holding back from expressing that to them.  I feel much more comfortable with myself than I did before I came out to them.  I think true peace and happiness can only come to a person by them being their authentic self and expressing that to the full, no matter the consequences.

 

I'll work on that extimony.

[CC91UK]

I find it really frustrating watching the rest of my family put so much time and energy into their religion when it's all for nothing. I'm glad I've left the religion while I'm still young!

 

Actually, I think one of my cousins might not be a Christian, but everyone else is. One of my uncles is a vicar (pastor), my other uncle is a 'reader' and my dad has been heavily involved in the church music group since before I was born.

[Deidre]

It is aggravating and isolating.  But I guess I'm at the point that I really don't care anymore.  If they don't like me for who I am or don't want to hang out with me because I don't meet their narrow-minded bigotry -- their loss.

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[par4dcourse]

 

It is aggravating and isolating.  But I guess I'm at the point that I really don't care anymore.  If they don't like me for who I am or don't want to hang out with me because I don't meet their narrow-minded bigotry -- their loss.

this entirely

I love and use the "too old to give a s**t" reasoning.

[Deva]

I find myself extremely isolated and the older I get the more isolated it seems. There is literally no one in my family that has a clue how I think.  Its getting scary.