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Paper Prayer Rug?


Vixentrox
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So...here yet again I get more junk mail from Saint Mathew's Churches. Inside was this retarded paper prayer rug with a picture us Jesus on it. It's one of those optical illusion picts where if you stare at it long enough, it makes it look like he opens his eyes.

 

Anyway they have this prayer request thing and of course a place to make a donation. Comes with a nice postage paid envelope. Well....I'm gonna send them thier stupid prayer rug back with some choice comments and bible passages.

 

Anyone have some "prayer" requests I can send back to them? :lmao:

 

Examples:

"Dear Jesus, please make it so my boyfriend likes anal sex more"

"Dear Jesus, give me bigger tits, at least another cup size"

"Dear Jesus, make my cock 12 inches"

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Examples:

"Dear Jesus, please make it so my boyfriend likes anal sex more"

"Dear Jesus, give me bigger tits, at least another cup size"

"Dear Jesus, make my cock 12 [WHOLE] inches"

 

:phew: I made it just in time to correct that last one! :phew:

 

We wouldn't want to leave room for error on THAT one! :twitch:

 

:phew:

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:HaHa::HappyCry:

 

I got that too! And it is the second one we got! I wanted to wrap a $5 in shit and send it back, but hubby wouldn't let me.

 

I want to know why they want the stupid paper back... it's not like they are fooling anyone that rug has passed through dozens of people's lives blessing them...

 

Vixentrox... just out of curiosty, what kind of area do you live in? Demographics? I grew up in a very different part of town (WASP suburbs), but we never ever got these kinds of things in our mail.

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Man, it would probably be slightly nifty, if I could do those 3D viewing things. As it stands, I have one bad eye so I can't (damn depth perception).

 

Yeah, his marketing tactics are really low. I thought pyramid schemes were illegal.

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Yeah, his marketing tactics are really low. I thought pyramid schemes were illegal.

 

Technically, to be a pyramid scheme, it'd have to involve sending money to the previous people who got the package. This is just low-class shameless money-grubbing, which, apparently, isn't illegal.

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lol, I got that!

 

I told my mom it was in the mail and read her the bullshit letter. It talked about how it had been prayed over or something. I pointed out to my mother that this was going to be another unanswered prayer... balled up the cheap paper "rug" and filled the postage paid return envelope with as many "sample" trading cards as it would hold. The sample cards were given to me at walmart as a freebie to try out the game with the kids I work with. It's a complete flop and garbage... and they were laying about so I sent them.

 

Anyway, I get shit from this place all the time. The end result is always the same... the stuff goes in the trash except for the return envelope which is filled with leaves, cards, newspaper shreds, whetever... and send back.

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We should collaborate on a form letter people can send back when they receive this junk.

 

Dear St. Matthews,

Thank you so much for the prayer rug, boy do I need it! I have a problem, you see, I have this compulsion to torture and kill anyone who rips me off. So far I have killed 12 people and maimed another 20. It's fun while I do it, but I feel so bad after. Thank God I haven't been caught yet!

 

So, here is five dollars, please pray for me.

 

Sincerely,

BadAss

 

p.s. If this doesn't work, I'll know you ripped me off.

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