For Our Atheists Among Us, What Came First, Leaving Church Or Your Atheism

[Chikirin]

Left church first, then stopped beleiving.

[Leo]

I think in a way I'm still figuring out when it was I became an atheist. To be honest, the last time I was in a Bible study was 2011, but that was an email Bible Study. And I realized what a chore that really was. I already felt heretical by then, and realized if most knew how I actually felt about things they would consider me so. It was in that year when the Wife came home with those checklists and I failed on all counts. Still called myself a Christian then. But in fact I've probably had atheist leanings since as early as the late 90s when I "came back to the Lored" after a couple years off. They were just growing into full flower. I sort of sped up the process, sort of a do or die, when we were "between churches" after the Daughter had moved out. I realized then that I had only gone to uphold my paternal and husbandly duty. I didn't want the Wife to be compromised in the type of church She wants to go to, so I had to test myself to see what I could actually lay claim to believing. Most of my experience has been with evangelical churches of one form or another. And the Wife didn't want to go back to the Methodist church of Her upbringing. By deductive reasoning I found myself out to be an atheist. For how long, and I not really acknowledged it, that is probably up for debate.

[Vigile]

I first stopped going to church.  I had figured out something was wrong, but thought it was the church, not god.  It took me a few years before I realized I no longer believed in god.  This wasn't a result of not going to church.  That was just a step in the process of my self-directed 'disindoctrination.'

[mwc]

     I stopped going to church a couple or three decades back.  It was always a chore for me.  I hated those people.  It wasn't a community for me.  It was a torture chamber.  All those stupid, painted-on, smiles.  The hypocrisy was just so thick you could cut it with a knife.  It was just unbearable.  So I stopped going but I never officially quit until I went apostate since I would attend now and again, especially at Easter and Christmas, to please my family.

 

     There's nothing in a church, any church, that I want/need/desire.  I don't need to seek out any sort of relationship with any of those sorts of pretentious people.  Fake friends aren't real friends.

 

          mwc

[Aries256]

I was first told I deserved to die because my dad was divorced, then apparently I deserved to be treated like crap and or killed because I was born gay, then I realized all the hypocritical bullshit, and nonsense of the buybull, quit going to church, and been a atheist since.

[Neverlandrut]

I was first told I deserved to die because my dad was divorced, then apparently I deserved to be treated like crap and or killed because I was born gay, then I realized all the hypocritical bullshit, and nonsense of the buybull, quit going to church, and been a atheist since.

I guess I grew up a bit sheltered. I can't imagine what it takes or a human being tell tell another human being that sort of fucked up non-sense! I'm terribly sorry you were told that, as if any of those things were your choosing!

[Aries256]

Hey it definitely could've been worse, especially if I was born in Uganda or some other xtianist, or islamic hell hole. But yes it is still very damaging. I really wish I could fine the churches for all the damn allowance, and later income I gave (with market bearing interest, and adjustments to inflation).

[sparklingphoenix]

I quit going to church when I was 17. I was getting more sick and I was too tired to go on Sundays. I hated going anyways. I was still a believer and loved gawd, but I hated the church people and I was never really accepted there-even though I had been going to that church for 9 years. My deconversion process happened from that point on I guess. It was slow and I still tried being in religious clubs or going to bible studies here and there. My last attempt was at my current university. I went to a church and ran into ignorant people, I went to the BCM and met more rude and ignorant people who expected me to tell them all my personal information about my life when I didn't even know them "because we are sisters in christ." I had also had a cultish experience before this and these two things really just pushed me over the edge.

[Neverlandrut]

 

Hey it definitely could've been worse, especially if I was born in Uganda or some other xtianist, or islamic hell hole. But yes it is still very damaging. I really wish I could fine the churches for all the damn allowance, and later income I gave (with market bearing interest, and adjustments to inflation).

Some of that money could possibly have gone to real charity work. That's good Hopefully not all of it went to waste on evangelism and the new speaker systems etc. Helping people is a privilege

This is true. There are some churches that use at least part of their income to make a real impact in meeting real needs.

[milesaway]

I went to a church and ran into ignorant people, I went to the BCM and met more rude and ignorant people who expected me to tell them all my personal information about my life when I didn't even know them "because we are sisters in christ." I had also had a cultish experience before this and these two things really just pushed me over the edge.

 

Wow, that is beyond inappropriate of them! Sad to say this seems to be par for the course for them, as I got a lot of this at my last attempt at church. I only told them the basic common knowledge bullshit about me, and they were pissed when I wouldn't tell them more. They acted all smug and superior even toward what little I told them. This always left me feeling like garbage, and I couldn't understand why. 

 

Now I know it's b/c they have no concept of boundaries, nor do they respect them. Privacy is a foreign concept they don't understand. They're doing it so they can judge how "worthy" you are to be in their presence, when in reality they aren't worthy enough to be in yours by a long shot. And it's more gossip for them to pass around their stupid social club. When they make you feel bad about not giving into them like everyone else has done before, they get pissed and act like spoiled 3 year olds, but that's on them. 

[sparklingphoenix]

Wow, that is beyond inappropriate of them! Sad to say this seems to be par for the course for them, as I got a lot of this at my last attempt at church. I only told them the basic common knowledge bullshit about me, and they were pissed when I wouldn't tell them more. They acted all smug and superior even toward what little I told them. This always left me feeling like garbage, and I couldn't understand why.

 

Now I know it's b/c they have no concept of boundaries, nor do they respect them. Privacy is a foreign concept they don't understand. They're doing it so they can judge how "worthy" you are to be in their presence, when in reality they aren't worthy enough to be in yours by a long shot. And it's more gossip for them to pass around their stupid social club. When they make you feel bad about not giving into them like everyone else has done before, they get pissed and act like spoiled 3 year olds, but that's on them.

 

Oh man what you described is exactly what I experienced. It's sad that this is a common trait. I didn't realize that before. I mean, I've grown up in the church. I think the 18-19 years I put into religion deserves some credit, but before they even knew where I stood in my "faith" they assumed I didn't know shit. They started lecturing me on how to pray and what to ask god about, and how I should be more open with them. This was only the second time I met those people. They didn't earn the right to know all that information, and even if I told them what they wanted to know they would be shocked because they live in their perfect little christian bubbles where everything is rainbows and doves. You're totally right, it's all for gossip and to show their status. I know they would share my "story" with all their friends and ask for prayer or something, so I didn't open my mouth. Screw them.

[Reprobate]

I left church years before I became an atheist.    I could not take the people, the language, and the phoniness any more.   I really didn't take a hard look at what I really believed after I left for quite a few years.   Stumbling into this website sure helped.  

[azisbest]

I quit going to church when I was maybe twelve, but I was still a believer in the idea of god.  By the time I was a senior in high school I was a confirmed atheist.  See what a little education will do, lol? 

[milesaway]

Everything was a whirlwind during the final year of my honeymoon with xtianity, so it's kind of hard to tell what came first. Going into christendom, I was a believer on my own, definitely a theist. Over the few years I spent in it, some things didn't add up, and with the crap I got from the congregation at the last church I visited, it was all downhill from there. I know the turmoil and betrayal at the hands of those congregation members was the catalyst, and after some long and hard thinking, I came to atheism as my conclusion. When I left, I thought I'd be back, not there, but at a different church, possibly a different denomination. I just needed some time to debrief from the mayhem I'd endured. After awhile, I realized there was no going back. That last church destroyed my faith beyond repair. They'd done their damage. I'd been giving them their cake and letting them eat it too. I was done. 

 

Looking back, I wasn't long for xtianity. I'd seen too much, I'd spent too much time on the outside. I couldn't live with myself knowing I'd be a part of the problem. I didn't broadcast it to everyone, so not very many knew of my plans to join this church. But I would have known. In the end I chose my relationships, my family and my future family over some twisted social club that's outlived its usefulness, and I know in my heart I did the right thing. 

[TrueFreedom]

I continued to attend and donate to the church for two years after losing all belief. I felt the need to do it for my wife.

[Ravenstar]

I never liked church… I was a solitary christian, mostly… though I did attend several churches for a time. My studies were more in the esoteric, and personal.

[themonkeyman]

I left church first - am still not what is called a "hard atheist", but certainly don't believe that the god of Abraham exists or anything that has sprung from that god-concept.

 

I'm not a hard athiest either tho I like being an Anti-Theist

[themonkeyman]

I never liked church… I was a solitary christian, mostly… though I did attend several churches for a time. My studies were more in the esoteric, and personal.

 

I found church boring and that even at Bible study there was always the fear of saying the wrong answer.

 

E.g. what do you think about this?  You had to immediately feed them what they wanted to hear and I was uncomfortable with that.

 

Perhaps thats why so many stay in the faith for fear of hurting people they consider their friends.

[SquareOne]

I was going to church right up until the point when I realised I was really losing my belief.  Then I stopped going.  I met with my pastor a few times individually to talk about the Bible for a few months, until I had to tell him that I really didn't believe any more.

[Leo]

I find this topic interesting. It seems the majority of us who have stayed in church longer than our belief have done so for the marriage.

I also grew very tired of self-monitoring, or not having self-monitored enough. Not just in a Bible class, but in the presence of any number of Christians. I can't tell you how often, after the person was gone or the event was over, I got asked why I said or did something, which I no longer remembered doing or saying. I believe I did in fact do and say those things. But to always have to give an accounting of every tiny little thing, every possible way that someone might have become offended. Totally destroyed any belief I had that faith, as a concept, could even be called strong. Even towards the waning years of my Christianity, I realized that faith was a weak and frail thing, one which needed everybody else to give it entitlements way above and beyond what the disabled and others have ever gotten, and must always feed and care for it, never say anything that can hurt faith's feelings, and on ... and on ... and on. Though I tried to be dutiful, I ultimately learned that this thing we call faith, could not logically be thought of as anything remotely resembling sustainable. I get it: we all self-monitor for certain things in certain environments. But every little thing, and usually out of nowhere, and usually in ways where I couldn't even remember enough to provide adequate justifications for everything: justifications which, in the end of all things, would not have been acceptable anyway.

... And now it is done.

[Autumn2909]

Since I'm still considering myself "non-Chistian" per say than "non-believer" absolutely, the issues with belief came before not going to Church. I still go once or twice a month, but I've 'cut back' on my church attendance (twice on sundays, tuesday or wednesday small group, Christian Union *when I was a student* on Thursdays, usually some sort of outreach work on Fridays).