How Should One Go About This?

[VahnBlue]

First and foremost, I would like to say that I am new here; though I've been lurking for a few weeks now. I am a fairly recent ex-christian and will be posting my extemony later on when I get the chance.

 

For now I just wanted a little insight. A few other opinions on the topic at hand. I have a handful of other friends that are still within the church and heavily into the religion. I've already came out about no longer being a Christian to a close friend and I'm sure he's already told some of the others in the church. Regardless of the fact, I've already told him that I no longer plan on going to the church, because for what reason would I? Don't care to hear the morning sermon and I don't feel like being harassed with questions, seeing as how I would be surrounded. Almost like an interrogation or convention now that I think about it lol.

 

Anyway, a "friend" of mine(close friend's ex) is having a birthday dinner coming up, that she invited me to. Only reason why I could even call her a friend is because of her, used to being, a gf of a close friend and because I had to associate myself with her because of the environment. We barely got along as it is. I found her annoying, she found me annoying, we barely talk to each other unless spoken to directly or within a group setting, etc. Im sure some of you could understand that kind of situation. Well as you can guess, its on a Sunday and filled with some of the other Christians from the church. Thing is: 1. Do not feel like being constantly questioned about such and such by multiple people and 2. I don't have a car of my own yet; so that would require me having to go to church in the morning, hearing the sermon, possible chance of people wanting me to pray with them when I don't and also I cant just sit up there and deny a group pray inside of the sanctuary without feeling bad lol(they do this after every sermon for multiple community groups), and leaving them ample time to bother the hell out of me and pkssibly trying to reconvert menfrom between the morning sermon until who knows when! Because they all hang out after and do activies, watch sports game at houses, etc, go out to eat. Ive never been home before 10 or 11pm on Sundays. Can't really ask to go home because I didn't drive and all that, but I think you guys get the point. No idea how to go about this. And if I end up going, I'll just be asked to keep coming out of guilt."But you've been here for 3 years now, aren't we all your friends?, do you not want to hang out with us anymore?, etc. And its not like I DONT consider a handful of em those friends, I just don't feel comfortable, at least not yet, having to sit up in church when I have no reason to be there or bothered, watching them pray inside and before they eat and having to wait to eat of resspect for them as they pray over there food.Sitting there bored to death and staring with the blank face as I hear some of them talk about Church stuff and situations involving the man related to The flying spaghetti monster, etc.

[sdelsolray]

I wouldn't go, but that's just me.

 

If you go, do so with open eyes, and don't whine about that decision later.

[RipVanWinkle]

1. Tell them you will come back to church after all of them give all

of their wealth to the poor, and not before. End of discussion.  bill

[luke1993]

I struggled with the obligation my family tried to place on me in regards to attendance, and I still haven't "come out," so I can relate to your problem, it's up to you, but I would mirror sdelsolray's post in regard to make your own decision, but I wouldn't go. It's always frustrating to watch the mental abuse people suffer as they are being tricked by a profit based establishment. I just get sad when I see people I used to be so familiar with at the point of tears, because they are so devoted to something fake. In short, I think it's more damaging than constructive to go to church after leaving religion, because it brings up too much negativity inside.

[Idontevenknow99]

 Well as you can guess, its on a Sunday and filled with some of the other Christians from the church. Thing is: 1. Do not feel like being constantly questioned about such and such by multiple people and 2. I don't have a car of my own yet; so that would require me having to go to church in the morning, hearing the sermon, possible chance of people wanting me to pray with them when I don't and also I cant just sit up there and deny a group pray inside of the sanctuary without feeling bad lol(they do this after every sermon for multiple community groups), and leaving them ample time to bother the hell out of me and pkssibly trying to reconvert menfrom between the morning sermon until who knows when! Because they all hang out after and do activies, watch sports game at houses, etc, go out to eat. Ive never been home before 10 or 11pm on Sundays. Can't really ask to go home because I didn't drive and all that, but I think you guys get the point. No idea how to go about this. And if I end up going, I'll just be asked to keep coming out of guilt."But you've been here for 3 years now, aren't we all your friends?, do you not want to hang out with us anymore?, etc. And its not like I DONT consider a handful of em those friends, I just don't feel comfortable, at least not yet, having to sit up in church when I have no reason to be there or bothered, watching them pray inside and before they eat and having to wait to eat of resspect for them as they pray over there food.Sitting there bored to death and staring with the blank face as I hear some of them talk about Church stuff and situations involving the man related to The flying spaghetti monster, etc.

Welcome!

 

I'm not sure if I can help you much with your decision, but I do understand where you're coming from. A lot of this sounds like they'll guilt trip you no matter what you decide. I've been around people like this, who figure once they get you coming to one church outing, then they'll expect you to come to another sermon, and then bible study, and then next thing you know you're the youth pastor lol! It's like a trap.

 

Like luke1993 mentioned, it really isn't a good feeling when you're around after leaving the religion. It's unfortunate for me because the church I used to go to is right in my neighborhood and I pass it everyday on my way to school.

 

Though she's no longer my best friend, I had the same problem whenever I tried to spend time with her outside of church. The problem is, she's always in church like seven days out of the week doing something. Not that it isn't her right to do so, but that isn't what I'm into anymore. In fact, I never was into it while I was there. So she never feels like being around me, and I sometimes don't enjoy being around her. It's too awkward.

 

Anyway, in some way or another, politely say to them that you don't feel comfortable answering any questions, or make up something like you've been busy with other things and they'll probably believe it once you have your car, or are able to avoid going to church altogether.

 

Best of luck!

[VahnBlue]

Thanks you guys. Your posts really helped me. I just decided on not going. I rule appreciate you guys!

 

 

Well as you can guess, its on a Sunday and filled with some of the other Christians from the church. Thing is: 1. Do not feel like being constantly questioned about such and such by multiple people and 2. I don't have a car of my own yet; so that would require me having to go to church in the morning, hearing the sermon, possible chance of people wanting me to pray with them when I don't and also I cant just sit up there and deny a group pray inside of the sanctuary without feeling bad lol(they do this after every sermon for multiple community groups), and leaving them ample time to bother the hell out of me and pkssibly trying to reconvert menfrom between the morning sermon until who knows when! Because they all hang out after and do activies, watch sports game at houses, etc, go out to eat. Ive never been home before 10 or 11pm on Sundays. Can't really ask to go home because I didn't drive and all that, but I think you guys get the point. No idea how to go about this. And if I end up going, I'll just be asked to keep coming out of guilt."But you've been here for 3 years now, aren't we all your friends?, do you not want to hang out with us anymore?, etc. And its not like I DONT consider a handful of em those friends, I just don't feel comfortable, at least not yet, having to sit up in church when I have no reason to be there or bothered, watching them pray inside and before they eat and having to wait to eat of resspect for them as they pray over there food.Sitting there bored to death and staring with the blank face as I hear some of them talk about Church stuff and situations involving the man related to The flying spaghetti monster, etc.

Welcome!

 

I'm not sure if I can help you much with your decision, but I do understand where you're coming from. A lot of this sounds like they'll guilt trip you no matter what you decide. I've been around people like this, who figure once they get you coming to one church outing, then they'll expect you to come to another sermon, and then bible study, and then next thing you know you're the youth pastor lol! It's like a trap.

 

Like luke1993 mentioned, it really isn't a good feeling when you're around after leaving the religion. It's unfortunate for me because the church I used to go to is right in my neighborhood and I pass it everyday on my way to school.

 

Though she's no longer my best friend, I had the same problem whenever I tried to spend time with her outside of church. The problem is, she's always in church like seven days out of the week doing something. Not that it isn't her right to do so, but that isn't what I'm into anymore. In fact, I never was into it while I was there. So she never feels like being around me, and I sometimes don't enjoy being around her. It's too awkward.

 

Anyway, in some way or another, politely say to them that you don't feel comfortable answering any questions, or make up something like you've been busy with other things and they'll probably believe it once you have your car, or are able to avoid going to church altogether.

 

Best of luck!

Idk99 your post REALLY helped, because it was the most relatable. Especially the "out of nowhere, you're the youth pastor" haha! That's exactly how I feel. Their hearts are in the right place but it's definitely like no matter what I'm guilt tripped and pressured, when it comes to the people at the church. Even when I say things like, "I dont want to talk about right now, a handful will still try to push it" and I know for sure the one Christian friend I have the lives in the SAME neighborhood will keep up the pressure for idk how long, until I move out lol Thank you again for making me feel welcomed! =)

[Ellinas]

The first point is that you are not, if I understand you aright, in a position where practically you feel you have to hide your deconversion.

 

The second point is that you are under no moral obligation to submit yourself to the attentions of those who are likely to want to re-convert you.

 

If you were hiding your current position, you might well wish to avoid the gathering because of the general tone of the likely conversation (though presumably there would be less danger of re-conversion attempts).  That has been my situation - but I'm blessed (sic) with a fairly anti-social personality and have no compunction about staying away from gatherings of those who may regard themselves as my friends, or even who are my relatives (somewhat to their puzzlement and my wife's discomfort, but that's just the way the proverbial cookie crumbles).

 

Were I in your position, the question would not even arise for consideration.  I would stay away.  Were these to seek to contact me to ply their evangelical trade, I would walk away.

 

I accept your mindset is likely different to mine.  Nevertheless, you might wish to consider whether you need to be a little more hard-nosed about this.

[traveller2]

If your deconversion is a bit shaky right now then I wouldn't go.church and then all day with these folks till 11am and having to rely on one of them for a lift places you in a weak position.your freedom and ur future are too important to gamble over a lunch.you could always have a migraine that day lol . then the worst they can all do is "just lift you up" from afar in prayer and "just ask that the Lord will take away ur migraine and just heal you" pmsl.quite apart from being subjected to attempts at mini counselling and reconversion you'll be bored off your tits listening to church chat all day.

[traveller2]

*11pm

[VahnBlue]

If your deconversion is a bit shaky right now then I wouldn't go.church and then all day with these folks till 11am and having to rely on one of them for a lift places you in a weak position.your freedom and ur future are too important to gamble over a lunch.you could always have a migraine that day lol . then the worst they can all do is "just lift you up" from afar in prayer and "just ask that the Lord will take away ur migraine and just heal you" pmsl.quite apart from being subjected to attempts at mini counselling and reconversion you'll be bored off your tits listening to church chat all day.

It happened yesterday already. I turned down everything. I had to stick to my guns. It's not so much that I'm on shaky grounds because I refuse to go back. I just want to avoid even further talk. I had already came out with it one before to a handful who I knew would obviously tell everybody else. Why would I put myself in a position to be surrounded by the religious fanatics to jump on my decision, ya know? lol And yeah there was no way I would've been able to put up with a boring ass sermon and listening to the pastor spreading this nonsense for a whole hour and then leaving myself open to attack until I got back home. HELL NO! lol

[Leo]

VahnBlue:

Please don't go. You said you have no car and would need a ride. You are sacrificing your personal autonomy in that situation. Take it from a blind man on this one: I've lived where I was not in walking distance of things before, which for a blind person is tantamount to work release. And in that situation, when you are dependent for a ride from people, you sacdrifice autonomy.

I was still a Christian then, but I was not dogmatically or doctrinally correct. That is one quick way to becoming somebody's project unless you fight it. And I did. But it's a fight you shouldn't have to fight. Your personal autonomy is way too important for this. I'd say this RE: any dogmatic group, and it definitely applies to the Christians.

Chances are, you will be given a ride by someone who wants to set you straight. Happened to me multiple times, and the ride-giver ended up feeling like I was ungrateful, since I would not yield on evolutionary theory, the findings within cultural anthropology and the support of Palestinian citizens, all absolutes in Christianity of today. Even if you pay for the gas, they still are transporting you, and you are subjecting yourself to the fact they know full well what they're doing. it's a 'loving act of concern' -- code word for thought crime analysis.

I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, but go to the Colloseum board on this site, and look for a thread called "Orwellian Christianity."

I wrote it a few months ago, shortly after my own coming out. I think in your situation it could be very helpful in understanding what you're up against.

Please don't sacrifice your personal autonomy

b

[gall]

First and foremost, I would like to say that I am new here; though I've been lurking for a few weeks now. I am a fairly recent ex-christian and will be posting my extemony later on when I get the chance.

 

For now I just wanted a little insight. A few other opinions on the topic at hand. I have a handful of other friends that are still within the church and heavily into the religion. I've already came out about no longer being a Christian to a close friend and I'm sure he's already told some of the others in the church. Regardless of the fact, I've already told him that I no longer plan on going to the church, because for what reason would I? Don't care to hear the morning sermon and I don't feel like being harassed with questions, seeing as how I would be surrounded. Almost like an interrogation or convention now that I think about it lol.

 

Anyway, a "friend" of mine(close friend's ex) is having a birthday dinner coming up, that she invited me to. Only reason why I could even call her a friend is because of her, used to being, a gf of a close friend and because I had to associate myself with her because of the environment. We barely got along as it is. I found her annoying, she found me annoying, we barely talk to each other unless spoken to directly or within a group setting, etc. Im sure some of you could understand that kind of situation. Well as you can guess, its on a Sunday and filled with some of the other Christians from the church. Thing is: 1. Do not feel like being constantly questioned about such and such by multiple people and 2. I don't have a car of my own yet; so that would require me having to go to church in the morning, hearing the sermon, possible chance of people wanting me to pray with them when I don't and also I cant just sit up there and deny a group pray inside of the sanctuary without feeling bad lol(they do this after every sermon for multiple community groups), and leaving them ample time to bother the hell out of me and pkssibly trying to reconvert menfrom between the morning sermon until who knows when! Because they all hang out after and do activies, watch sports game at houses, etc, go out to eat. Ive never been home before 10 or 11pm on Sundays. Can't really ask to go home because I didn't drive and all that, but I think you guys get the point. No idea how to go about this. And if I end up going, I'll just be asked to keep coming out of guilt."But you've been here for 3 years now, aren't we all your friends?, do you not want to hang out with us anymore?, etc. And its not like I DONT consider a handful of em those friends, I just don't feel comfortable, at least not yet, having to sit up in church when I have no reason to be there or bothered, watching them pray inside and before they eat and having to wait to eat of resspect for them as they pray over there food.Sitting there bored to death and staring with the blank face as I hear some of them talk about Church stuff and situations involving the man related to The flying spaghetti monster, etc.

 

Very simple solution. don't go.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

Ex-girlfriend of a close friend?  Bros before hoes, man.  Don't go.

[florduh]

I didn't see one reason to go in the OP. Why is it even a question?

[traveller2]

 

If your deconversion is a bit shaky right now then I wouldn't go.church and then all day with these folks till 11am and having to rely on one of them for a lift places you in a weak position.your freedom and ur future are too important to gamble over a lunch.you could always have a migraine that day lol . then the worst they can all do is "just lift you up" from afar in prayer and "just ask that the Lord will take away ur migraine and just heal you" pmsl.quite apart from being subjected to attempts at mini counselling and reconversion you'll be bored off your tits listening to church chat all day.

It happened yesterday already. I turned down everything. I had to stick to my guns. It's not so much that I'm on shaky grounds because I refuse to go back. I just want to avoid even further talk. I had already came out with it one before to a handful who I knew would obviously tell everybody else. Why would I put myself in a position to be surrounded by the religious fanatics to jump on my decision, ya know? lol And yeah there was no way I would've been able to put up with a boring ass sermon and listening to the pastor spreading this nonsense for a whole hour and then leaving myself open to attack until I got back home. HELL NO! lol

 

glad you didn't go , you saved yourself alot of grief.I never had any freinds to speak of in the church so leaving was easy for me but it must be hard when you still have various contacts but don't want to endure attempts at re evangalisation.

[VahnBlue]

lol again. Thanks you guys. Glad to be here btw