sparklingphoenix Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 I just have to chime in here and say I totally agree with those who have urged you to set boundaries. Because I love my parents and wanted them to hear what I was thinking and feeling, I did sit down and talk with them ONCE. It didn't go well, but I made it clear I was not open to any further debate. There is nothing they could tell me that I haven't heard before. And I knew nothing I said would change their minds. So I just didn't agree to talk to anyone about it other than my then husband. I decided that other than the one talk with parents, (and a brief explanation to my brother) I just didn't owe anyone any explanation. I had gone around and around this shit for years and reached my own conclusions, and I didn't want to argue about it. There was no way to save much of a relationship with any of them, but I don't think any kind of debate would have helped much. I don't know. Your mileage may vary. But don't get drawn into a discussion you don't want to have. You can just say no, it's not up for discussion. Hope it all works out ok for you. Hmm, thanks for your insight on what happened with your parents when you talked to them. I'm feeling more and more reluctant to even talk about it to my mom again. She's ready to brainwash me back into the fold, but that will never work. I love my family a lot and I want them to love me for me, but what can I do? I feel the same way about both of us not being able to change each other's mind. The conversation is going to be futile. I think I don't want to explain anything else, because when I tried explaining over the weekend, I didn't get a very productive result... It just left me feeling more misunderstood. I think at first I was just hoping for a better relationship with my mom, but the reality is that I probably won't gain much milage at all. She'll be nice to me, but even when I'm talking to her about other topics not related to religion, she's not really listening... It's so sad we can't have the relationships with family that we want and need. I read your other post and I'm glad you found someone who makes you so happy. My mom's not too keen on my SO either... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilovemybrain Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I hear ya. I'm just really sad tonight about how these relationships we treasured are based on their own mental picture of who they think we are or who they want us to be. So when we admit what we really think, we can't really connect anymore. The way fundy Christianity divides people is just...sad. Hopefully though, you will be able to at least keep things on somewhat of an even keel and not have a major break with them. And thanks for sharing my good cheer about finding someone special Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparklingphoenix Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 Yeahh, that's something I've been lamenting for a while. I don't understand why xtianity has to be so divisive. You said everything that I've been feeling. I think I can still have a relationship with my mom, which is a relief, but I probably just won't be able to talk about my thoughts. I had hoped that if I came out, I wouldn't have to be so silent anymore, but I'm seeing that this is not really the case. It's disappointing. I'm really sorry about how your family handled things with you, I know it's really painful to go through. It's nice to celebrate the good relationships though, and it's nice to hear that even though family is not good, you still found happiness and stayed true to yourself. Go you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Lots of replies I know... This vid by JT Eberhard giving his Dear Christian speech to actual Christians was very simple yet thorough. There are many vids of this speech but I like this one due to actual xtians and there's a Q&A afterward Watch if you can. Good luck. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparklingphoenix Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 Jeff thanks for sharing that! He had some really good arguments, and he handled the questions in such a nice, humorous way. Looks like there is a part 2, which I will now watch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I'm sorry. Looks like I posted the QA link and not the speech. I'm sure you figured that out and saw the speech too! Oops Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I think this will get you where you can see the various parts of this speech and links to the QA too. This is tough on a phone. Argh. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparklingphoenix Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 Haha! No worries, Jeff. I figured it out. I watched his speech and I also watched all three parts where he answered questions from the students. I may watch it all again so I can be more familiar with his responses. He had good answers for everything. Does he have a website? Thanks for sharing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 He has a blog but never read it. I think he started Skepticon years back in college. You'll find him easy enough I think. Gonna be tough with your mom but again good luck. Maybe she would watch??? Well anyway... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Castiel233 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 UPDATE: For anyone interested... I talked with my mom again and she started trying to debate with me immediately. -.- Not what I want to do. She asked me some reasons why I don't believe and I told her I have some problems with the bible and began to list some. She had some kind of typical response for every sentence I uttered and I tried my best to stand my ground. I need to brush up on how to crush her arguments. Anyone know a thread that has arguments I could read through and practice? I told her I don't want to debate with her, but if she really wants to know why I quit religion I'd be glad to tell her. She then responded that she wants to hear what I have to say but she should be allowed to say what she has to say in rebuttal. Is that not a debate???? Grrr. She asked me to talk to her about this and explain myself when I come home again later, so I said I'd get some material to let her read. She then said she'd get me some material to read. I don't want to read any of that. -_____- I told her I already know what she thinks because I used to think the same way and then rejected it, so it's kind of pointless to have me read stuff. Sigh... Any advice on how I should handle this? I'm thankful that she is being nice about it, but she clearly said she's not happy (which I expected). She said she wants me to be open to god. I DONT BELIEVE IN A GOD, so how can I be open to one????............ If she wants to debate , I'd offer to do so over email, that way the emotions are not involved 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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