All Gods Fail Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 I’ve been here at Ex-C for a while, and have heard some extremely convincing arguments from learned x-ers who have studied the Bible deeply and thoroughly, and can argue the finer points of scriptures as well as actual history and theology. But lately, I’ve been trying to sum up some of the reasons the Bible is in reality a book of myths, not unlike the Illiad. The god(s) described in it cannot be real, nor most of the events, major and minor. Then I realized something – it’s just common sense that disproves the bible. No need to argue about unfulfilled prophecies, discrepancies, inaccuracies, etc. You just have to look at the claims of the Bible to know they’re hogwash. So here in a nutshell is what the bible claims: ---------------- Once upon a time, many, many thousands of years ago, an obscure little tribe in a desert was created by a supreme being, after this being created the world and everything in it (except for the rest of the people on earth who weren’t members of this tribe – or maybe He created them too. It doesn’t really matter). These original people disobeyed their god because a snake tricked them into it. Really. So instead of being eternal, now they were eventually going to die. After a lot of heavy stuff happens (including this god destroying the world except for a few favorite people), eventually this god gives the tribe a bunch of mystifying laws to follow because they kept sinning all the time. So the tribe tries to faithfully follow the laws and otherwise do whatever their god demands of them, which often relates to killing other people and taking their land and possessions. In general, however, the tribe doesn’t do such a good job of following the laws, so the god decides to try something new. He reveals hell, which is a place of eternal torture for everyone who sins against him. He didn’t create it – it was there all along but nobody really understood it. Also, the devil is now recognized in the same way – he was here all along to destroy mankind, but the tribe didn’t really recognize him as such. In fact, the devil runs hell and punishes those who sin against god – which is the devil’s way to rebel against god. Seriously. As it turns out, god doesn’t want us to fall into the devil’s clutches for eternity, but he can’t do much about it because no one seems capable of obeying the laws except for a few special people. So he splits himself into 3 parts (which he always was, but again nobody understood that) and one of those parts is a human being, who is born by spiritual conception and becomes a carpenter who has miraculous powers. However, the human part of god is really a cunning way to save the tribe from the laws the god gave them that the devil uses to put people in hell (plus, the laws now apply to everyone in the world, not just the tribe he created). Since this god demands blood sacrifices for disobeying his laws, he has his human part unjustly executed and sends himself to hell for a few days, then comes back to life. The tribe he created more or less rejects him, and doesn’t believe he really is their god. His human part returns to Earth for a little while, then goes back to the sky (or outer space, or some other dimension) where the rest of god lives. But before he does, he gathers a bunch of his followers and tells them to go out and teach everybody about this new deal god made so people can escape hell and spend eternity after they die in a wonderful place instead. And the new deal is…well, it’s hard to explain exactly. They have to believe the carpenter is god, repent, be born anew, and follow his laws without believing they have to, because laws alone don’t get people into this after-life paradise. Except they sort of do…you have to obey them, but if you break them the carpenter will forgive you if you’re really sorry. Unless you keep breaking them. But the main thing is accepting the carpenter as god and spreading his word to everyone. But you still have to be careful you don’t break too many laws, because then you’ll wind up in hell…but if you believe god forgives you, you won’t. At any rate, don’t break the big rules, the 10 important ones that god originally gave the desert tribe. That will send you to hell for sure. Probably. Unless you repent. Or unless the carpenter-god’s blood sacrifice covers it, but don’t take the blood for granted. It doesn’t cover everything. Anyway, just go to church a lot and don’t break the laws. Except the ones that pertain only to the original tribe, because they don’t matter, like eating unclean foods and stoning witches. Or maybe you should stone witches, but don’t avoid shellfish. But the main thing is to go to church a lot and spread the carpenter’s words. And don’t break his laws, which were both fulfilled and nullified by the carpenter’s sacrifice. But don’t break the laws, unless you repent afterwards and really try not to break them again. Except for shellfish, which isn’t that important, etc., etc., etc. --------- So is it just me, or does this story seem unlikely? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Hmm. Somehow it made more sense than the original. What did you modify to make it so clean, simple and organized? It must've been the shellfish thing that made it easy to grasp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Gods Fail Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 Hmm. Somehow it made more sense than the original. What did you modify to make it so clean, simple and organized? It must've been the shellfish thing that made it easy to grasp. I always found the shellfish thing so puzzling. What did jehovah have against oysters? Poor Jewish folks, with no lobsters or shrimps... Also, why didn't he ban certain New World animals while he was at it? Are raccoons, kangaroos, mountain lions, etc. ok to eat or not? We'll never know. But the rest of it, I just tried to explain it as simply as I could without getting bogged down in a lot of semantics. As far as I'm concerned, this is pretty much the xtian belief in it's core message: we've all sinned against this Jewish desert god who became a carpenter to save us the punishment from his own laws. But he wasn't clear on exactly how it all works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuddhistCommunist Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 HAHAHAHA! you should right your own book with all this and get it published. Don't even say its about the bible. And then it becomes a best seller.... and bam! your a millionaire. Just a thought! Great post by the way Peace, BC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponymic Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I love how people try to make the whole food thing something holy, when all it was was a necessary dietary practice of the day. Where certain foods would kill or spread disease because they didn't have adequate storage, cleaning, & other processes to maintain their food. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thunderbolt Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 If only god struck down that first tribe that was jealous of the superiority of the Egyptian “gods” - then who knows, we might have had a more peaceful world. Instead, we have three competing Abrahamic religions fighting for world domination, or a plot of middle eastern desert for themsleves ... Well said friend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 That was great!! I just read the whole thing out loud to my partner as she and I were laughing so hard! Thanks for making my evening! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I always found the shellfish thing so puzzling. What did jehovah have against oysters? Poor Jewish folks, with no lobsters or shrimps... When not stored correctly (really cold) most shellfish (all?) go bad really fast, and you get really sick. That's probably the reason why pork was forbidden too. There were more diseases connected with these kinds of food. So the laws making them "unholy" was just a way of protecting the people from eating the wrong kind of food. That was the method back then, instead of informing people that is was just bad for you, they had "God" being the spokesperson condemning them to eternal torture if they touched that kind of food. Efficient method, until the rational and scientific mind woke up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I always found the shellfish thing so puzzling. What did jehovah have against oysters? Poor Jewish folks, with no lobsters or shrimps... When not stored correctly (really cold) most shellfish (all?) go bad really fast, and you get really sick. That's probably the reason why pork was forbidden too. There were more diseases connected with these kinds of food. So the laws making them "unholy" was just a way of protecting the people from eating the wrong kind of food. That was the method back then, instead of informing people that is was just bad for you, they had "God" being the spokesperson condemning them to eternal torture if they touched that kind of food. Efficient method, until the rational and scientific mind woke up. There's another potential danger with shellfish. The red tide. No.....not menstuation! Don't even go there! http://www.whoi.edu/redtide/whathabs/whathabs.html The neurotoxins can really pack a whallop! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I always found the shellfish thing so puzzling. What did jehovah have against oysters? Poor Jewish folks, with no lobsters or shrimps... When not stored correctly (really cold) most shellfish (all?) go bad really fast, and you get really sick. That's probably the reason why pork was forbidden too. There were more diseases connected with these kinds of food. So the laws making them "unholy" was just a way of protecting the people from eating the wrong kind of food. That was the method back then, instead of informing people that is was just bad for you, they had "God" being the spokesperson condemning them to eternal torture if they touched that kind of food. Efficient method, until the rational and scientific mind woke up. This is true. So can we then rightly conclude that Technology came to fulfill the law, and not Jesus Christ? With the advent of refrigeration, God's law is fulfilled and pork is no longer unclean. All hail the Holy Appliance!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Gods Fail Posted February 1, 2006 Author Share Posted February 1, 2006 Ok, the shellfish thing is explained. Now, how about the rest of it? Any takers amongst the fundies? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Gods Fail Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 Bump. Xtians? No comment on this? Viper, Chris...anyone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Broke Free Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 All Gods Fail, That was wonderful! Thank you. It would make a great children’s book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Gods Fail Posted February 4, 2006 Author Share Posted February 4, 2006 All Gods Fail, That was wonderful! Thank you. It would make a great children’s book. Haha, if I ever turned it into a kid's book my house would prolly get firebombed! still, wouldn't hurt to vaccinate 'em when they're young... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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