Life Is So Good Now That I Am Ex-Christian, I Feel Like I've Just Born...

[Jaseph]

1 year and 7 months ago I left christianity.

 

The first year was difficult, I had to learn so much. The secular world was scary, because I did not learn how to function in it. The christian world was scary, because I feared that they would judge me.

 

I spent a lot of time educating myself, and this was good. But then I came out of the closet and publicly declared my non-christian status, with a bit of my story, on Facebook. This was a huge boost in my confidence. Responses were not harsh, but mostly kind and some very stupid.

 

The last 5 months of my life have been extremely good. My new motto for life is "live courageously" and my deconversion and subsequent experiences taught me how to do that. I learned intellectual courage to explore new (and uncomfortable ideas) and to change my position, I learned moral courage by now having to think for myself in moral matters and not depending on what the bible/god says and because I only have this life, so it's my responsibility to make it count and physical courage because I have let go of my fear of death (my main reasons were the fear of hell and the fear of heaven, both of which were not very attractive to me).

 

Life is so different, I do not feel like I am the same person. This feels very strange, but it is also good, because the last years were quite bad. I do try to reconnect to some parts of my former self, I think that's healthy and I do want to appreciate what was good. There were many fun and cool things I did despite of my christianity and I want to feel connected to that. It does take a lot of digging, because christianity is everywhere in my past and I do not want to reconnect to that part.

 

I hope that makes sense. How do you deal with your xtian past?

 

[mymistake]

Life begins right now.  Enjoy!

[Jeff]

Good post Jaseph.

I deal with most of my past by having to work hard to make up for it. I either have to just lay down and die or get my shit together. I have chosen the later for now.

I too have been educating myself for years now at a breakneck speed and I'm amazed at how wrong I was about so many things when looking through the God goggles.

[Ellinas]

Glad things have worked out.

 

My past is what made me what I am; it is part of me, in that sense.  Hence, I see no reason to deal with it.  It is merely a fact - or series of facts - of what has happened in my life.

[GraphicsGuy]

There are times when my past is just the past and it is the "now" that matters most to me.

 

And then there are times when my past really bothers me and I wish it had been different.

 

I still get angry and bitter from time to time, but there is nothing to do except to "feel" those emotions and ride them out.

 

I often wish that I had one specific person to blame, but there isn't. It's this huge hive-mind that I was a part of. I escaped it and I am really the only one to blame for my own stupidity (although I was born into it, so it's technically not my fault either).

 

So, I eventually come around to just accepting that the past is what it was.

 

I watch life pass by and find it immensely strange.

[traveller2]

good motto to have. Congratulations on finding this new life,its much better huh?

[Burny]

I've been deconverted just a bit longer than you and feel exactly the same way! I do occasionally get bitter about wasting so much time and money on xtianity but the past is the past and I can't change it.

[Jaseph]

Good post Jaseph.

I deal with most of my past by having to work hard to make up for it. I either have to just lay down and die or get my shit together. I have chosen the later for now.

I too have been educating myself for years now at a breakneck speed and I'm amazed at how wrong I was about so many things when looking through the God goggles.

Thanks Jeff! Working hard and making up for my past are strong motivators for me now to develop myself now. My past may drag me down occasionally, but more often it drives me to take action and change things for the better, like you do, at a breakneck speed! Interesting that we share that experience! Indeed, it's a choice; post traumatic stress or post traumatic growth. I think we need each other for support and for reminding to keep on trying to improve, even after all the damage that has been done.

 

Glad things have worked out.

 

My past is what made me what I am; it is part of me, in that sense.  Hence, I see no reason to deal with it.  It is merely a fact - or series of facts - of what has happened in my life.

Sometimes I think about the past like this, but sometimes I am more emotional and thinking about the past affects me. Like I said above, I try to channel that energy to drive me forwards. When I get forwards I do lose the connection to that past, I don't feel it was me. I find it hard to see it as part of me, of things that I did. This makes it strange, but at the same time it's also nice that there is some distance.

 

There are times when my past is just the past and it is the "now" that matters most to me.

 

And then there are times when my past really bothers me and I wish it had been different.

 

I still get angry and bitter from time to time, but there is nothing to do except to "feel" those emotions and ride them out.

 

I often wish that I had one specific person to blame, but there isn't. It's this huge hive-mind that I was a part of. I escaped it and I am really the only one to blame for my own stupidity (although I was born into it, so it's technically not my fault either).

 

So, I eventually come around to just accepting that the past is what it was.

 

I watch life pass by and find it immensely strange.

Wow, you describe exactly my experience and you deal the same way with it as me. Life is immensely strange indeed!

 

good motto to have. Congratulations on finding this new life,its much better huh?

Thanks! Yeah, it is great!

 

I've been deconverted just a bit longer than you and feel exactly the same way! I do occasionally get bitter about wasting so much time and money on xtianity but the past is the past and I can't change it.

The bitterness comes and goes. First it was there almost permanently (just before and after my deconversion), but over time the bursts of bitterness became shorter and shorter. I think that, like you say, accepting that the past is the past and that it can't be changed is what helps me to not stay bitter but to look to the now and to the future.

 

Life begins right now.  Enjoy!

I will!