Weird Moments Of Anxiety

[moanareina]

Hm...

 

Next week I have an appointment at the psychiatrist to get my prescription for methylphenidate. I look forward to give this a try and also to talk about the medical issues of ADD, not only the psychological ones.

 

Now yesterday I had something similar to those anxiety attack like emotions that came when I was about to fall asleep during my preparation for the exams the past two years. Back then I had a crazy amount of books to study and it was clearly overwhelming. When I lied in bed there came a feeling accompanied by a thought that was something like: I forgot to do something very important and urgent and if I don't do this right now something really really bad is going to happen. When the moment passed I could not remember what that something was, only the emotion that it evoked and it kinda made me afraid of being in bed trying to sleep in...

 

Right now I don't have that crazy amount of books to read and study. Just my latin class and one lecture. It is totally doable and there is no pressure with latin since I can take this test as many times as I wish and I have no set date for the test either. I can't think this has to do with stress of that kind.

But yesterday I wanted to relax and took a bath and just as I enjoyed the hot and soft water I got some very similar feeling accompanied with unidentifiable but terrifying thoughts. So I guess it has to do with that moment I am relaxed and let go.

 

Now I don't know If I should talk about this to the psychiatrist and or my psychologist or if I just try the meds and see how they work and if they solve that issue and if not that I then talk to the doc about it...

Somehow I really feel like trying the ADD meds first, before I try anything else. And I am afraid that I would be put on other meds if I talked about this.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

You always have the right to discuss any med recommendations with the doctor - if you say you dont want the meds, or dont want them now, then they are supposed to back off. If they don't then I'd see that as a sign that I should get a new doctor.

 

I think the ADD meds should help with the ADD. Anxiety attacks may (or may not) need a specific med for that.  IMO it would be appropriate to see a psychologist first to learn about ways to deal with the attacks when they happen.  If those sessions help, you might not need the extra meds.

 

I get anxiety attacks just like yours from time to time, so I can really empathise.  Keeping your overall stress levels as low as you can is a good idea.  I'm glad you are not under so much pressure academically now.  Getting enough sleep can also help.

[moanareina]

Thank you

 

Ehm, yes I know I don't have to take any meds and all. I think I just fear to be misdiagnosed somehow. And to not get the meds for ADD but other stuff instead. And so far i first want to try the methylphenidate for some good reasons.

 

As long as those attacks stay in the range they had on Monday I can live with em. Not that big of a deal.

I just wonder if it would be important to mention them. Maybe I should just the doc has the whole picture, also since I have schizophrenia in my family.

 

I mentioned it today to my psychologist but her reaction was somehow not the way I expected it. She asked me to describe it better, more in detail etc. But I really can't and I told her that it was very unspecific and not a concrete fear more like a weird feeling of something in my subconscious or like falling into a hole or something. I felt weird to tell her about it. However...I did.

 

Yes I have not much stress though I do have a full program. Means university and job. But the semester only lasts one more month and then there is summer break till September. By then I might have more lectures but until then I will be more than fine.

 

Do you have a strategy to deal with the anxiety when it comes? If so, what is it?

[bleedblue22]

I have dealt with anxiety attacks in the past. They really suck. For me, excercise, sleep, and music are key. Good music can be very therapeutic.

 

Also, anxiety is temporary and if you can just imagine it as riding out a wave when it crops up. It's gonna be bumpy and (sometimes extremely) uncomfortable when it rears its ugly head, but that wave is guaranteed to break eventually and you should just try your best to relax and ride it out.

 

Anyway, sorry to hear you're dealing with this. However, these are important learning experiences which can help you come out a stronger person

[yunea]

I'm not an expert, but intense feelings of some kind of hard-to-explain impending doom are definitely something your psychologist should be curious about when mentioned, so she did the right thing to ask more questions.

 

Sometimes we get so used to our own anxiety, it escapes the mind that many people in fact do not feel them. Some years ago my social anxiety was very high, and somehow I heard my friend just nonchalantly say she pretty much never gets anxious before meeting people. My head just went "wtf does that even mean? How is that humanly possible?? I thought *everyone* feels the way I do, sweating their skin off when getting ready for meeting people" and it was so weird! Well, then I was diagnosed with actual social phobia, so no, it wasn't everyone. Heh.

 

You do need to be as honest as possible with your doctor. Even when it feels silly or like you're making a bigger deal out of things you should just live with. Especially since there's family illness. I have psychotic symptoms in the family too, and it makes my psychiatrist very careful with what to prescribe me.

 

Hope things go well for you. Hug.

[yunea]

Oh, also. I too wanted to say I still get anxious as well from time to time, but I find it happens much more if I'm not sleeping, eating or exercising enough (or especially, taking my ssri's right). Distraction helps, preferably by another person, but I totally can't bring myself to calling anyone in that state so I usually end up hoping someone calls me or I find an online friend to chat with.

[wyson]

I find I get mini anxiety spikes if I try to force myself into doing something or am procrastinating.  Somewhere in my subconscious I have priorities that I know need to be taken care of.  

 

Maybe the Latin exam is more important to you than you realise and you are treating it less seriously than you should?

 

Maybe it was triggered because you felt  you didn't deserve to relax.  Of course, if you woke up, studied hard all day according to a revision plan, knocking off targets for the day, then decided to take a little break, then it could be a problem. 

 

However, if you woke up at 11am, chatted to friends, did a little shopping, flicked through your books guilty because you felt you HAD to do something without really studying and then thought you should relax and got a little anxiety attack, well, then it serves you right.! It's healthy and your minds way of telling you to get off your ass! 

 

Anxiety and anxious episodes are a completely normal part of life.  They are only a problem if they aren't based on reality, or are blown way out of proportion to the problem.   

 

It doesn't sound from your post that it was debilitating or really severe, so could just be normal.  

 

Developing self management skills is an art in itself! 

[moanareina]

Thanks guys, you are all awesome.

 

Today I just had to think about something my psychologist mentioned and I felt not so comfortable with it but I knew she was right...she talked about that inner booster who is constantly yelling at you about doing this and that...and I just became aware how this sums up my whole life kinda. Like in the morning, first thought when waking up: Relax, you have twenty more minutes. Then second time my alarm rings: Ok, you got ten more minutes but then you need to be ready, so no, don't turn and close your eyes again, do something that wakes you up! Open your eyes!

Then: You got not that much time left, so lets get going, shower, not too long if you want to put on make up, ok, you can skip breakfast if necessary, get your stuff together, get out of the house, hurry, so you will not miss the train...and it continues until I am back home where my inner critique waits for me and goes: Look at this mess! No, you don't relax now, you need to wash the dishes, clean up, do this and that...and I keep ignoring much of it because there just needs to be time to relax when getting home. But then it goes: You just spent two hours online for nothing...could have done this and that instead.

 

Procrastination is my life...and while I hate it, much just works that way. For example, I am not able to pack my suitcase for vacation in advance. I need to do so the evening before leaving.

 

The thing about those weird attacks is, that I am ok with them as soon as I am aware what they are. But it takes a while until I get that the danger I feel is not real. That is when it is scary.

 

And yes, I probably take the latin more serious as I am aware and with procrastination and the inner booster it just amounts to this. Somehow I take a lot of things more serious than I want to. It is how I survived...and got my absent mind to get through school, apprenticeship and life.

 

And no it was not too crazy, just made me sleep bad and in the morning I had difficulties to get up. That is not too bad...my concern was that it could become more intense.

 

I am learning .

[wyson]

If you hate it, change it!   There are plenty of books about stopping procrastination on Amazon.  I'm sure they will be available in your library also.

 

This is definitely a life skill thing that can be learned.  Its not a case of well, I'm a procrastinator, so I will have to live with it.

 

If you find it hard to wake up in the morning, did you think about sleeping earlier?  I had problems waking up like you, but once I started going to bed by 10:30pm, I found it super easy to wake up, completely refreshed.   The important thing is to get up when your biological clock wakes you, not when your mind (or alarm clock) decides it can be bothered.  You could treat yourself to something you like each morning if you find it hard.  You mentioned you like going online?  Maybe save this for the first hours of when you awake.   If you sleep early, you will awake early and naturally find the time to do stuff.

 

After surrendering authority for my life to Jesus and God, reclaiming it and taking charge of it was one of the cornerstones of my recovery from religion and its associated mental health problems.  And yes, this meant getting organised!  In fact I spent 3 months full time on it, reading as much as I could, implementing various strategies.  Finances, wardrobe, bills, photo albums you name it.  It was so freeing.  I find I have a lot more time and a lot less anxiety about day to day aspects of life.

 

Anyway, try and find ideas and strategies that can help you.  From the sounds of your post getting organised sounds like one of them!

[moanareina]

Thanks wyson, I know you mean well.

 

Now the procrastinating is typically ADD and the difficulties to get going in the mornings as well. I sleep enough and it does not matter if I went to bed early. In fact I can go to bed at nine and still not making it out of bed in the morning when I don't have to due to work or university or anything else.

If it was that easy to just stop procrastinating and getting organized believe me, I had already done it long time ago because it is no fun. But I am working on it, it actually is one major thing why I am going to the psychologist and also why I decided to try the drugs (methylphenidate better known as Ritalin).

[FreeThinkerNZ]

 

Do you have a strategy to deal with the anxiety when it comes? If so, what is it?

 

I do, but I wouldn't recommend it for you at the moment. I take a medication, which calms things down until it passes. It doesn't happen very often these days.  It sounds like you might have more success using self-management techniques at least as a first option.  If they don't help and the episodes are bad enough you might want to ask about meds.  I also take daily meds that dampen down the overall anxiety and they really help too.  Like I said, I will be learning the self management techniques over the next while, and I haven't really gotten into it yet with my therapist.

 

I also think the ideas from the other posters sound good. I hope the ADD meds help, they might make a huge difference.  Fingers crossed.

[moanareina]

I see. No I think it is not that severe to take meds for the anxiety. Also I think my concern was, that it could develop but as long as it is the way it is, no big deal, just weirdness . So my intention is, to be more aware of things and I do meditations that help to deal with emotions. Though this was very different to the usual stuff I deal with. Less tangible. And that is why it scared me.

 

I ll see how the meds work, will say more about it as soon as I can. I am really really curious. Just the other week I met a friend whom I spent my vacations with about three years ago. Back then she was so worried about her son, because he was taking anti depressants and still was not able to do well with life. She lost her other son to suicide. When I told her about my diagnosis and that I am going to try the meds she lighted up and said: Oh, my son is taking them for three years now and he is doing well. I have found that very encouraging .

[wyson]

Thanks wyson, I know you mean well.

 

Now the procrastinating is typically ADD and the difficulties to get going in the mornings as well. I sleep enough and it does not matter if I went to bed early. In fact I can go to bed at nine and still not making it out of bed in the morning when I don't have to due to work or university or anything else.

If it was that easy to just stop procrastinating and getting organized believe me, I had already done it long time ago because it is no fun. But I am working on it, it actually is one major thing why I am going to the psychologist and also why I decided to try the drugs (methylphenidate better known as Ritalin).

I hope the new meds help.  My friends mom had to cycle through 5 or 6 different meds before she got some that "took" when she got depressed.  Good luck to you. 

 

@freethinkernz - I found the theory of mind presented in the book the Chimp Paradox really helped my self management.  In the book, the author divides the mind into human and chimp minds.  I suppose they are different ways of saying conscious and sub concious minds.  Your inner chimp mind is WAY more powerful than your human mind in effecting how you feel and you need to be able manage it effectively in order to be mentally healthy.  The author talks about how mismanagement can lead to anxious states.  It might help you.  Although I didn't apply everything from his book, it gave me ideas.  It really helped me to understand that the conscious part of my mind (the part that can justify taking a break, even if I have procrastinated all day), the part I am directly aware of is only the tip of an iceberg and that its the more primitive centres that have dominance in generating feelings of wellbeing.

[moanareina]

 

Thanks wyson, I know you mean well.

 

Now the procrastinating is typically ADD and the difficulties to get going in the mornings as well. I sleep enough and it does not matter if I went to bed early. In fact I can go to bed at nine and still not making it out of bed in the morning when I don't have to due to work or university or anything else.

If it was that easy to just stop procrastinating and getting organized believe me, I had already done it long time ago because it is no fun. But I am working on it, it actually is one major thing why I am going to the psychologist and also why I decided to try the drugs (methylphenidate better known as Ritalin).

I hope the new meds help.  My friends mom had to cycle through 5 or 6 different meds before she got some that "took" when she got depressed.  Good luck to you. 

 

@freethinkernz - I found the theory of mind presented in the book the Chimp Paradox really helped my self management.  In the book, the author divides the mind into human and chimp minds.  I suppose they are different ways of saying conscious and sub concious minds.  Your inner chimp mind is WAY more powerful than your human mind in effecting how you feel and you need to be able manage it effectively in order to be mentally healthy.  The author talks about how mismanagement can lead to anxious states.  It might help you.  Although I didn't apply everything from his book, it gave me ideas.  It really helped me to understand that the conscious part of my mind (the part that can justify taking a break, even if I have procrastinated all day), the part I am directly aware of is only the tip of an iceberg and that its the more primitive centres that have dominance in generating feelings of wellbeing.

 

 

Thanks wyson. And there are not 5 or 6 different meds for ADD. There is one (methylphenidate) that comes in different brands as the best known of them is Ritalin. Anti depressants are a whole different story. With them you need to take them for a while until they fully do their job and to find the right med can be a challenge. Methylphenidate works more like caffein. You take it, it starts to work and when it is all used up it stops working. Very simple .

[Blue elephant]

Moanareina

 

I think you will find the methylphenidate very useful. I was diagnosed wiht ADD in mature age and have been using for about 8 years now. Allows me to prioritise and get things done.

 

I still have the tendency to procrastinate, but I make myself do 30 minutes of work on something around the house then have 30 minutes of fluffing around on the computer. Then another 30 minutes of work, then 30 minutes break. I use the timer on my iPhone.

 

Getting stuff done in this manner does reduce panicky feelings.

[moanareina]

Thank you for the encouragement.

 

Thing is, sometimes I manage to do things quite well and feel like wow, I am really great and just need to get this mess cleaned up...and it will all be fine. But then I fall back into old habits because I get overwhelmed with something. And it is my hope that the meds help me to keep up the good vibes. I ll see. If not, it was a try.

 

Also there has been a brief time after leaving church when everything was so easy. I just did things without thinking much. Not sure what triggered that time and what made it go away again but it was awesome. And I would love to get there again. Coffee does have some of that effect and it also lightens up my mood. So I think it really might be a lack of dopamine.

 

I once had a very weird experience with acid blockers that I took because I had stomach problems. They made me feel very numb and I was tired all day but when I went to lay down I felt so nervous and uncomfortable. It was impossible to study and it was impossible to go out as well. So I stayed home and thought, at least I could clean up some of my cloths. It took me so much effort and it was really painful to pick up things and put them where they belong. The next day a friend mentioned that this could come from the meds and I stopped taking them. Someone told me, I looked very depressed. This taught me how the chemicals of our body can interfere with our ability to do things that are normal daily business. I imagined a depressed person who feels that way all the times. It must be horrific. It was one of the worst experiences I ever had.

 

So I am very curious and excited and a little anxious as well because well, I don't take meds lightly especially since that experience with the acid blockers. But I really want to give it a try. Will report back if anyone is interested.

 

Cheers!

[Jaseph]

Hi moanareina,

 

I also have ADD and I know how tough it can be! It's my main challenge in life. Anxiety attacks also happen to me occasionally (they used to be very common). There is a lot that you can do to improve your functioning. Keep on trying new things, not just meds, but also new approaches, new ways of thinking, new habits, etc. Improving your life with ADD is not a linear process, it involves a lot of trial and error; a lot of "mistakes", a lot of things that will not work, a lot of tough situations (like the anxiety attack that you describe). I try not to focus on punishing myself for getting into that situation, but I believe those situations are a good opportunity to learn something and I try to figure out what I can learn. What helped, and still helps me, is to have/build a strong support network (with people that I support as well with their challenges). They can help you to deal with tough situations and they can help you focus on what's good about you!

 

So, take your time, try new things and celebrate the good!

 

Cheers,
Jaseph

[moanareina]

Thank you Jaseph

 

Ah, yes I have thought about a support network on and off. Thing is, I somehow had to work through some issues to finally be able to build up lasting relationships and even now i still feel very insecure with this. It is not that easy to find new friends when you are 37 but there are things happening and my hopes are that I finally can make the jump from loose connections to solid friendships. Just now my family somehow is getting closer again which makes me happy. My brothers have awesome girlfriends I get along very well. I get to know new and intelligent people at university which I really long for because I really can't stand the average whining of little folks (and by little I don't mean status or money...but a mindset that unfortunately is found often within the uneducated crowd). And even at my job I get along with people and am making connections. Good times .

 

The structure that university gives to my daily life is helping so much. I don't feel all lost in time anymore as I did when working only. The shift and irregular schedule is not really for me but I gotta do something to earn my living. And it gives me flexibility so I can study which is great. And that way I have to give it more of a structure which is crucial to my happiness I have found.

 

Also I am just forming some new perspective about work and might do some volunteering with immigrants to help them with language skills. Something that has been on my mind for years now and I think I might finally be ready to take a step and go for it. And this might also help me to get a job in that field when I get on with my study. 

 

For some reason I made it through the school system and the older I got the better. Only thing that has accompanied me all along was that I was never able to study hard...means I did everything last minute and went to tests with lots of anxiety thinking I was not properly prepared...then sitting in tests sweating hard doing my best, leaving with bad feelings to then be surprised to have made good grades. I think other students hated me for this...and thought I was exaggerating when I told them how I was not prepared and all...

And the feeling to only have made it because of luck and not really deserving the grades...to not really be that smart...has also joined me all my school career. Even now. In my mind I know that's not true...but my feelings...and then there is that feeling of: If I truly studied I could have done even better.

 

But my biggest issue is my mess...I guess I compensated my study performances by letting go of things that needs to be done at home like cleaning or cleaning up. And I want this to change. Because I also want to be able to invite guests and also to take home dates...

 

So everything is actually and finally getting to a place I feel good about.

[traveller2]

I kno the feeling of impending doom one.i found buspirone to b an excellent drug.dunno what it's called in N.America maybe same name but I've also heard alot of folk slate it.but it's worked for me many times . Unfortunately it's licenced for short term use.