tylereverett Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 I was a very serious Christian. Serious enough that when my pastor told me to call of my wedding 1 month ahead of time, I did it without questioning. Now four and half years later, I haven't gone on a date since she and I split. I have left the church and find adjusting to dating to be particularly difficult. I had my first date in almost five years scheduled tomorrow, and the girl just backed out on me. This has easily been the most demoralizing issue I've faced. Anyone else deal with stuff like this? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 There's a whole section of the forums dedicated to what you are facing. Not sure if you can see "Sex & Christianity" section yet. Might need a certain number of posts. Then you need the password from a mod. But yes, a lot of us had years of fear of sex and the fear of lust (both completely normal things for humans), and that gets in the way of a normal sexual interaction. It messes with many of us even after years of marriage. It takes time to change, and purposeful self-development to gain confidence and charm. Better to attract than to chase. After all, what's in it for her? I spent years chasing a particular woman, only to be rejected at every turn. In retrospect, I was in my late 20s and living at home, I had no real life experience outside of church, I was a student and unemployed, and had no social history with girls. I wasn't even exercising. I was not attractive, even while I was consumed with desire for her. Looking back it would have been a terrible match anyway, so glad we didn't do the naive Christian thing and get married. The church doesn't prepare us at all for life, always spinning a fantasy that god had a special someone for us. Instead, we go do the things we like in life, and hook up with someone nice who shares an interest. Your city is famous for music and festivals. You can go to these, play or sing in these if you are a musician, you can find meetups in your area for the things you enjoy doing or talking about. Dance lessons are a great way to build self confidence, and meet women. There are endless dance lessons and music in big cities. I don't know you, so this may be old hat, or it could be new information. Be willing to push the boundaries of your comfort zone. Take steps to become the man you would like to be, and that will make you more attractive right away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Don't give up. Try again. And your former pastor was a real jerk. Dating is about improving yourself and figuring out who finds you attractive. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milesaway Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Hey, for what it's worth, I'm sorry she flaked out on you. That's her call, and at the same time it's her loss. When I was 6 months out of an unhealthy relationship, a guy I'll call Mark pulled a similar stunt with me last summer. He'd been in contact with me for a few weeks prior to meeting up, and when we did, it was like he was there doing me a favor. I'd taken a chance and texted him a couple weeks prior after I hadn't heard from him in a week, and he got nasty with me. He ran off on me, citing schoolwork, and I never heard from him again. I waited for him for a week afterward, and I took that as my answer. Mark can just stay disappeared. He's free to gun for the Guinness World Record for being obsessed with school, and I can take comfort in the fact that I don't have to worry about his six figure student loan debt alongside him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Thankfully I'm old, tired and cynical enough that, were I to suddenly find myself unmarried, I would be unlikely to want to be bothered with seeking another partner. In your situation, I cannot see any solution beyond "keep trying". Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Autumn2909 Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 I don't have much advice, just empathy. I'm lucky, my boy is a de convert also so at least we understand the issues that hang around post Christianity and can seek comfort in each other x Wishing you all the best on your journey; you're not alone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Dating is tough and people are weird, but the experience is worth it. Sometimes you meet people you click with and you stay friends. Sometimes you get a friend with benefits (usually doesn't last long, but that's just my experience). Persevere long enough and you may find a partner. I went on well over 40 first-dates and a few short-term relationships before I found my current partner. If you want a relationship and if you want it to work it is going to take WORK...a lot of it. There will be pain, heartache, frustration, and blue balls while you search, but my opinion is that connecting with live people is worth it. Pain fades, heartache recedes, frustration comes and goes, and blue balls can be rubbed out. Enjoy the process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts