GraphicsGuy Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Time for me to ramble a bit: So, I'm back posting a fair bit lately after a lengthy hiatus. There is a part of me that is not certain if coming back to the site is good for me. I like the people on here and I like seeing new people that are leaving the damage church(es)/religion can cause. However, I don't like seeing people in pain and my anger-metre cranks to '11' damn quick. I do manage anger relatively well now, but sometimes there is just too much to deal with to bring it down before I explode over something. Anyway, I wasn't planning on talking about anger, it's just been the kind of day that brings it out a little more. I left Christianity 8 years ago and I don't regret it one bit. Best decision I ever made. But it didn't stop life from happening. Shit happens. It is a fact no matter what your belief system is. Three years ago I started my divorce (after five years of separation). It is finally being finalized this month (we had to pause it a few times to deal with the issues I'll list next). Pretty stressful for me, hard on my partner. Re-developed a lot of bad habits, gained back all the weight I'd lost, etc. Two years ago my partner's son was diagnosed with testicular cancer. They caught it early and he is in good health today, but it was very difficult for them and it was extremely hard to feel her pull away during that time and to just feel like a bit of an outsider looking in. It was like I was always waiting to be needed for about a year and half. Eight months ago my partner's mother had a stroke and was in and out of hospital until passing away a few weeks ago. My partner also had to deal with a lot of other issues in between these big issues that I felt were so not fair to her. I helped where I could when and where she asked, but it just seemed like I had to sit by and watch a lot of it happen. I felt very powerless through much of it. Were I still a Christian I suppose I would be sitting here thanking "God" that we got through it. However, I'm thanking me and I'm thanking my partner for getting through it. I'm thanking my friends and family. We toughed it out, we made it. We found out that we can deal with a lot. I just can't say that I want to deal with anymore right now (it could/should be another 15+ years before I have to deal with my own parents passing on). I'm wore out! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbysometh1ng Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Somewhere, It can be a helpless feeling when loved ones are suffering. The reality is that you did the only thing that you could...which is just be there for your partner. Ah...fairness. I think that, in the US at least, we are raised to believe that the world is (or should be) a fair place. Not sure how it is in Canada. Religion plays into this. It dresses up tragedy, all sparkles and rainbows. Suffering is rewarded. If not in this life, then in the next. Religion tells us that there are "reasons" for misfortune and pain that can explain away all of the uncertainty and anxiety that these unfortunate events can bring to the foreground. We are told to pray harder, to throw away lingering doubt, to claim miracles in advance, and, if we do have a good outcome, to praise the lord forever. To let doubt creep in is to reject the miracle that occurred...and invite further tragedies into your life. I think that this is why so many xtians cannot allow themselves to hear what atheists are saying. We're bad joo-joo, god testing them, or satan tempting them. I am sorry for the loss your family is going through, and hope that you find better times ahead. Abby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RenaissanceWoman Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 ..... There is a part of me that is not certain if coming back to the site is good for me. I like the people on here and I like seeing new people that are leaving the damage church(es)/religion can cause. However, I don't like seeing people in pain and my anger-metre cranks to '11' damn quick. ..... I totally hear you. I have found a lot of comfort here, but it also brings up painful memories of my deconversion process and the people who hurt me. I get angry that it continues and it is so universal. But now that I am better in that regard, I also feel a thankfulness that makes me want to come back and maybe offer comfort to others who are still fresh in their deconversion journey. I too get angry knowing that others are suffering from religion, but I hope maybe we can all chip in to help. I'm so sorry for the loss you have been experincing. I know that pain too, unfortunately. I spent months last summer and fall caring for my little brother (well, he was 41) as cancer took him, sleeping in his hospital room or sitting next to his bed at home monitoring his machines, doing my work with the hospital's free wi-fi or on his kitchen table or on the train to and from his city. I was alone with him in his home that last week as he deteriorated shockingly fast, but thankfully my dad, sister, and husband arrived just in time so I was not alone when he passed. That was 7 months ago, and it is still raw for me. So avoiding pain and anger has been a priority for me for a few months now. However, coming back here has been nice, despite the anger and other people's pain. The folks here seem to think like I do on many issues, and that kind of community is comforting. I feel like the regulars here "get" me, and I appreciate that. This place is a bit of calm in the storm, I suppose. And maybe I can contribute to a bigger purpose? Who knows. And you specifically, GraphicsGuy, have wisdom, humor, and gentle guidance for newbies and for more hardened deconverts like me. I appreciate you too. Do what you need to do for your own sanity and peace of mind -- coming here or not. I for one like having you here, but I completely get your dilemma. I'm sending you warm peaceful vibes up from the south, and hope you are doing well. Thank you for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 I'm sending you warm peaceful vibes up from the south, and hope you are doing well. Thank you for sharing. Thank you very much. Lovely post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burny Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Hi from a fellow Albertan. I am so sorry for all the loss and pain you and your partner have gone through lately. My wife and I have been saying for a few years now that we're in for a "valley" at some point soon and reading your story reminds me how difficult those can be. I get the feeling that both our families think that God will somehow "bring us back" through any suffering that we'll encounter, but that is NOT going to happen. Anyway, just wanted to drop a note to keep your chin up and enjoy crawling back out of that valley that life threw at you and hopefully you and your loved ones end up on a nice mountain top soon! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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