Pastor Wants To Talk About My Faith

[florduh]

Sometimes I have to fight the urge to email some of the people from the old church and ask if they'd like to meet for coffee so I can tell them about "Dianetics."

[Lilith666]

Good for you, FF! I'm glad it went well.

[midniterider]

Sometimes I have to fight the urge to email some of the people from the old church and ask if they'd like to meet for coffee so I can tell them about "Dianetics."

 

"I have a business opportunity for you...come to a meeting  Is it Amway? Er ahhhhh...welll....."

[EyesOpened]

Thanks for all of the input.  I ended up emailing him back and saying that it was not something that I wanted to talk about and I had the support of people that I could talk to about it.  He replied and said that if I changed my mind I could always meet with him.  My husband was upset because in the back of his mind he hoped that I would meet with the pastor and reconvert I guess, but he got over it.  It's been really helpful to have this community for support.  Thanks!

Good to hear FF.

 

Now might be the time to start planting seeds in your husbands head how fake and dangerous religion is? Go slow as to not cause issues. If you can do this you could avoid any further possible "Calls" or "Email" in the future.

 

I am currently going through this with my wife and i am trying to just have her do some critical thinking. Like the fact that Xtianity oppresses women and i showed her how it was doing it. I can tell that she never looked at it like this and it is giving her cause to rethink things.

 

Good luck and i hope you two come to a better understanding regarding this subject and it strengthens your marriage instead of a dividing topic.

[Ellinas]

Well done.  Hopefully this has sorted the issue once and for all.

[Leo]

I agree with what others have said here. As a woman in some Christian circles your autonomy might have been under threat. Certainly in many I was in mine was for different reasons.

But if, and only if, for some obtuse reason you do want to meet with the pastor, here are a few things I would suggest be non-negotiables:

 

- Do it only when you're totally comfortable communicating your position. It won't be comfortable, but it can be more manageable when you are not on the defensive.

-- this is going to sound weird but: sit up tall and confident. Doing so activates things in your brain so that yu exude more confidence than defensiveness.

- Meet in a secure location. A coffeeshop, a pub, a restaurant, the library (so their voice can't be raised in pitch and volume). Not his office, not your house. Safe public space only.

- Don't go in either to justify yourself or to convince him. It's explanation only.

- You're not responsible if they go on the defensive.

- Stick to what my friend calls "I' statements. Things like "It appears to me that," or "It's my opinion that," or "I've found that".

- Stick to answering their questions and asking your own questions. I mean if they ask you a question, feel free to answer it but don't give a ton of backstory and other stuff that can make you vulnerable. Preferably end your answer with a question directed at them.

 

Anyway I feel much more prepared now, a year out, than I was when I first came out. I have tested the waters on Facebook by responding to posts put forth by a friend from high school who's an evangelical Christian pastor. Not all evangelicals are the same: he's not young earth, embraces the ard questions, and a whole host of things that defy the narrative about evangelicals. I don't intend to convince him that I'm right. If anyone lurking happens to be questioning, maybe they'll take a look at my position on things. But I don't imagine that I own the narrative. That's a fallacy from my Christian days -- especially much younger Christian days -- that I won't repeat as an atheist. I didn't even repeat as a Christian in the past decade or more of being in.

 

Anyway hope it helps someone. I'm all in with everone else saying if you don't want to, then don't. It's much harder talking to someone who used to know you as a Christian, and who sees all the experiences through that lens. You just have to be ready to be confident, and explain without justifying. And in my opinion most important, do this in a public place where you are both neutral.

Maybe some would say as a man I couldn't appreciate the challenges here. But I am. I'm a blind man and have been driven places where I couldn't get away on my own, even as Christian, and held hostage to some young earther's drivel and constant badgering to "get me thinking right". Trapped is something you absolutely need to take steps not to be. Public place is where it's at.