Gemma4 Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 I'm a new member of the forum, but a couple year browser of the blog. I have found myself feeling drained lately in my de-conversion process. I grew up "Christian," attended church now and again, youth group a bit more regularly, and prayed at night, especially when my mom got cancer, and even after she died. My mom was a Christian, but not the judgmental, pushy sort. She was the most selfless, loving person I know, and I remember having religious talks with her about all questions and qualms I felt as a Christian. I was raised to be a free thinker and to question things, and mostly to treat everyone with kindness. So I have never been anywhere near a fundamentalist as many of you have. A lot of the time, I didn't think too much about it. After she died, I started to question my beliefs. About 5 years after she died, I officially came to terms that I am not a Christian. It was scary at first, with the fear of hell still looming in my brain, but I knew that pretending to believe something I didn't was pointless. It has been about 2 years since then, and in many ways I'm a happier person. Religion was never something that tied me down, so leaving it wasn't as freeing as it was for some, but I do feel I have a new appreciation for the earth and for life itself. Lately though, religion has really started to bother me. I used to just shake off people's comments of "the Lord guiding them" and such, but now stuff like that really gets to me. I'm to the stage of de-conversion where I just don't understand how other people can't see the flaws with the Bible. Or how people can be so high and mighty because they "believe." I love my sister like crazy, but I'm finding it hard not to feel disconnected from her since she's a religious Christian. We were doing a yoga video and the instructor was talking about self gratitude and pushing into the earth and other yoga phrases and my sister referred to it as nonsense, which I know is because of her religious beliefs, and her comment left me in a bad mood. She doesn't know where I stand really. She asked me if I still believed and I skirted around the answer without really saying yes or no. I want to be honest, but I also don't want to deal with the consequences if I do. I love my sister and I don't want something to come in between us. This turned into a ramble, but I'm finding myself more consumed by being anti-religious lately than I ever was consumed by being religious. I feel trapped between being true to myself and open about my beliefs and dealing with the repercussions and just keeping my beliefs private but going crazy on the inside. How do you all cope when you're frustrated over religious people? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted May 30, 2015 Super Moderator Share Posted May 30, 2015 Thinking takes more energy than not thinking. I turn frustration into pity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted May 30, 2015 Super Moderator Share Posted May 30, 2015 Live and let live; this, too, shall pass. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VanWinkle Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Also, remember that xtianity is a sickness of sort. Maybe a "disability" is a better description. Theirs is a disability whereby they cannot see or hear anything that is contrary to their belief system, because when they sense information contrary to their myth they automatically and instantly hear "warning,warning" from within, like the robot in the "lost in Space" t.v. show of years ago. Nothing but denials and rationalizations can then be processed by their brains. There is a break in the circuit, so to speak. rip 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemma4 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 Thinking takes more energy than not thinking. I turn frustration into pity. It sure does! Live and let live; this, too, shall pass. I hope so. I don't like to have bad feels toward people. I have no intention of trying to change anyone else. I just don't like to feel negative feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeThinkerNZ Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 I have often felt the same way. I have a religious sister and I dont want this to come between us. I think she knows but we never discuss it. The frustration of dealing with people like this is the price we pay for the convenience of not telling them. We can't have it both ways. We either stay quiet and deal with our frustration (pitying them is a great idea, I do that) or we tell them and accept the consequences of that, be they good or bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemma4 Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 I have often felt the same way. I have a religious sister and I dont want this to come between us. I think she knows but we never discuss it. The frustration of dealing with people like this is the price we pay for the convenience of not telling them. We can't have it both ways. We either stay quiet and deal with our frustration (pitying them is a great idea, I do that) or we tell them and accept the consequences of that, be they good or bad. It's a hard truth, but you're right, it just isn't possible to have it both ways sadly. I try to remind myself that it's nobody's business but my own what I believe and it's okay to keep things to myself, but sometimes it makes me feel like I'm not actually being myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 I see the world one way, others see it their ways. There is no reason why I should believe the same as them, nor them the same as me. So, as long as they leave me alone, I really don't care what anyone else believes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bruisermel Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Hi Gemma4. I totally get how you're feeling--I went through a phase (and it still flares up a bit now and then) where I was so upset by all religion and religious people--how can they be so blind?! How can we let religion continue to hold our world back, inhibit medical and scientific progress, etc?! I would be ANGRY! And then I'd feel bad for being angry--I'm not a mean or angry person and I don't like to feel that way either--what a conundrum! I don't think there's a "fix" per se. The things that are contributing to you feeling bad aren't going to change: -religion is still going to be around and many people will fall victim to it -family who are religious are most likely going to stay religious and you'll have the same pros/cons to weigh out in deciding how to handle it -religious memes perpetuating unhealthy concepts are still going to be in your face (if you're on social media at all!) I think negative feelings often come from how we think, so to change a negative feeling you have to dig deep and change a thought pattern...this has taken time and practice for me. In this regard I had to let go of "thought policing." I thought it was my duty to care about and even change or control how others think (whether it be about religion, politics, their view of me, etc). I mean, if there is a "right way" (which clearly we all think we have when it comes to religion ) they ought to think the same way I do! I had to let go of that and honestly stop caring. That was tough b/c I felt by letting go of caring about others still being sucked up in religion I was caring less about "the world" and "progress", but that wasn't true. It's not like my being upset that religion and religious people still exist was positively impacting the world. And my now not caring is not negatively impacting it--in fact I'd say I have the capacity to behave nicer by not caring, so the world won when I stopped caring I think it's natural to feel disconnected from someone that has such a differing world view. Feeling a disconnect doesn't mean you don't care about her or even love her. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sylensikeelyoo Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 I know how you feel Gemma. I get frustrated when I see others with the fog of religion blinding them to reality. It quickly turns to pity when I think back on when I was in the exact same situation. I used to say the same religious stuff, preach at people, judge others, and worst of all, I couldn't accept people for who they are. I needed them to change to be worthy of my friendship. Since I've walked away from Christianity, I am a MUCH better person than I was before. I am friendlier, I'm happier, and I have more friends. I have a wide variety of friends, which adds so much more meaning to my life than god ever did. I want this for Christians. I want them to be as happy as I, but their religion will never let them. As long as they are blinded by the dogma of their religion, they will always be trapped and miserable.... I can only feel pity for them. I have no desire to change anyone, and I feel no anger. I just wish there was something I could do for them, but I can't. Just like I did, they must come to the realization on their own that their religion is bullshit, and pull themselves out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
disillusioned Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 How do you all cope when you're frustrated over religious people? It get better. In this area and many others, I have come to understand that there are things I can change, and there are things I can't change. I try to change the things I can, and laugh about the things I can't. Most days, it works pretty well for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConsiderTheSource Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Pity them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leahbekah Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Hey, there's always the option of becoming an activist! But then... everyone would pretty much know you're an atheist ;P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOpened Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Hey, there's always the option of becoming an activist! But then... everyone would pretty much know you're an atheist ;P I am kind of neutral with this. I don't hide my atheism anymore but i don't go out of my way to put it out there either. There is a slippery slope when you become an activist. I am speaking just for myself but i would probably be just as bad with atheism as Xtians are with Xtianity. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leahbekah Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I completely agree (sorry, I can't quote at the moment). Only a few people know how deep my "doubt" goes, only my husband knows I'm no longer a believer.. otherwise, no one knows. But.. if I were totally out, I could see my zeal easily getting out of hand! lol Which is probably why being an activist was my first thought in reaction to the OP. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOpened Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I completely agree (sorry, I can't quote at the moment). Only a few people know how deep my "doubt" goes, only my husband knows I'm no longer a believer.. otherwise, no one knows. But.. if I were totally out, I could see my zeal easily getting out of hand! lol Which is probably why being an activist was my first thought in reaction to the OP. Exactly. That would be my problem also. I know myself too well that way and i would over do it. As it stands right now i have to force myself off my ipad and away from Ex-C at times. It is very addicting, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leahbekah Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 lol! I think it's safe to say that you're not alone in that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConscientiousObjector Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I have been dealing with the same frustrations for many years. I've only recently deconverted, but I could never relate to other Christians. Whenever I heard something disagreeable in church, or read something offensive in the bible or a Christian publication, I would become a self-apologist, always trying to justify the discordance of my personal beliefs vs the whole of Christianity. I have yet to come out as an atheist (perhaps secular humanist would be a more apt label), and I have no idea how to begin. How does one explain a lifetime of disgust and disillusionment? Where do I start? I have been dreading the question of why my family no longer attends church. I have no desire to lie, and I've always been a non-confrontational person. Thankfully, I know my family will accept my loss of faith, but my in-laws are another matter. I'm fairly certain that they have never thought of me as a "true Christian", how will they feel when they find out how right they were? I've reached a point where I cannot engage in small talk with religious people. I'm a stay-at-home mom with 3 very young children, and have recently moved to a new city. The only people I know here are Christians (with the exception of my apostate brother-in-law and his wife, both of whom work conflicting hours, so we rarely get to visit). My social life is limited to social networks, even phone calls are difficult due to my 3 noisy kids. Leaving the house merely causes me all the more stress (hard to keep track of 3 boys all running in different directions with no walls to contain them). Logging in to Facebook has been pissing me off, it seems to be a soapbox for humanity to shout "This is my opinion, and if you disagree, you are stupid (or an a-hole, or evil, or a libtard, republicunt, or un-American and if you don't love this country, then git out). I'm having a hard time containing my annoyance, and I fear I am turning into a very angry atheist. Forgive my pity-party/rant hijacking. Misery loves company, and I really needed to vent to people who have been in my shoes. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemma4 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 Thanks for the advice everyone. I am naturally very non-confrontational so I don't think I'd likely be someone to become too outspoken. I do believe everyone should believe what they want to, even if I can't understand it or find it frustrating. It just seems the more religious someone is the less they can accept someone else's beliefs/choices. I feel your frustration Doubter. Part of the reason I fear sharing my lack of Christian beliefs with some people is having to deal with the questions. My fiance is an athiest and my sister knows that, and I don't want her to "blame" him for me de-converting when it actually has nothing to do with him. He never pressured me to change my beliefs and just accepted me for me, no matter what I believed. I completely share your facebook frustration, too. I've had to unfollow quite a few people that posted things that bothered me all the time. Social media has increased the amount of outspoken people and decreased the amount of credibility. Too many things people post are plain untrue, or are actually satire and they poster doesn't even realize it. Feel free to keep and touch and we can be rant buddies 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burny Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I see the world one way, others see it their ways. There is no reason why I should believe the same as them, nor them the same as me. So, as long as they leave me alone, I really don't care what anyone else believes. This sounds great except it doesn't work in the real world. This is because people's beliefs affect their behaviour and their actions affect me. "So long as they leave me alone" doesn't work with family or even neighbours. We are social animals. What we believe affects everyone around us. Crazy beliefs with no reality to back them up will hurt humanity until we finally grow up and no longer need our security blanket gods. I totally relate to the OP. It's frustrating to see loved ones going down the rabbit hole when we know full well that there's nothing at the bottom of it except more dark. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I see the world one way, others see it their ways. There is no reason why I should believe the same as them, nor them the same as me. So, as long as they leave me alone, I really don't care what anyone else believes. This sounds great except it doesn't work in the real world. This is because people's beliefs affect their behaviour and their actions affect me. "So long as they leave me alone" doesn't work with family or even neighbours. We are social animals. What we believe affects everyone around us. Crazy beliefs with no reality to back them up will hurt humanity until we finally grow up and no longer need our security blanket gods. I totally relate to the OP. It's frustrating to see loved ones going down the rabbit hole when we know full well that there's nothing at the bottom of it except more dark. I accept that others beliefs affect people around them, of course, and that it is understandable for that to cause frustration. The approach I suggested works to the point you are prepared to be a loner. Never been particularly sociable, so perhaps I have an advantage there. There is a degree of compromise with immediate family, but even that is slowly lessening. I can honestly say that any other person I can think of can believe in their god, their devil, neither, both or in little green men from Mars for all I care. It's evangelism I object to, rather than any privately held beliefs. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOpened Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 I see the world one way, others see it their ways. There is no reason why I should believe the same as them, nor them the same as me. So, as long as they leave me alone, I really don't care what anyone else believes. This sounds great except it doesn't work in the real world. This is because people's beliefs affect their behaviour and their actions affect me. "So long as they leave me alone" doesn't work with family or even neighbours. We are social animals. What we believe affects everyone around us. Crazy beliefs with no reality to back them up will hurt humanity until we finally grow up and no longer need our security blanket gods. I totally relate to the OP. It's frustrating to see loved ones going down the rabbit hole when we know full well that there's nothing at the bottom of it except more dark. This is very true. I have tried to take the "they leave me alone, i will leave them alone" approach. The problem with that is Christianity will not allow that to happen, as a matter of fact they are "suppose" to approach you because God told them to. So as long as there are any TRUE Christians in your family or friends that just will not happen. It is part of their trials and tribulations to get the deepest sinner back to the flock. If they fail, they fail God and risk the chance if "The Big Burn" themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConscientiousObjector Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 I appreciate that, Gemma! Forgive me for taking so long to get back to you, there are so many great topics on this site that I get lost in them. I've made a habit of checking facebook first thing in the morning, then later visiting this site to calm down. So much religious douchbaggery I need to wash from my mind! Alas, christianity overflows with it! My husband and I have a similar problem as yours, but in reverse. His family is very religious, mine, not so much. I have no doubt that they will blame me, but I'm much more worried that they will prostelytize my boys. I don't mind if they want to grow up and follow christianity, but I don't want it to be based in fear. Lmao, MOHO! Praise the lord for my flatulence! I have a feeling Brother Jeff would love that! That stuff drives me crazy, my sis-in-law is like that, when shes not whining about how hard she has it, she is praising Jesus for helping her find her keys, or helping her make it to work on time. She is even convinced that the reason her first two husbands died young, was because god wanted her to be with her current husband! Really?!? Wouldn't he have just saved himself the trouble and hooked them up in the first place?!? I need to buy a kazoo to supply the soundtrack for all the christian inanity I am exposed to on a daily basis! Thank you all for making me laugh and restoring me to some degree of sanity! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leo Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Gemma, look up the "It gets better" campaign that some thoughtful gay people have put together for kids coming out. You can glean stuff from that video and the ensuing discussions. De-conversion is hard. I'll tell you this much though. When peple talk about the god doing this or that, I internally assume the role of the anthropologist, or the active observer. Feel free to ask a question, and when they say god, think "fairy king" or something completely outside your culture's idea of supreme deity. You could, after all, be in parts of Southeast Asia or India and hear people talk about the gods aiding them with this or that. Also, you don't have to answer everything all at once for yourself. Sometimes even when we're not Christians anymore, it's hard to stop thinking like a Christian typically does. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConscientiousObjector Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Not a problem at all, MOHO! I have an uncommon first name that is pronounced and spelled slightly different than a common name, so I'm totally used to people messing my name up. My apologies for making fun of your wife, but I've known so many people that talk like that, and I always have to restrain my mirth! It's awesome to have a place to commiserate about the utter outlandishness of Christianity without worrying about causing offense! You must have the patience of a "saint" to deal with that on a daily basis! I'm so lucky my husband is starting to see christianity for the BS that it is! Thanks for the laughs, MOHO!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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