Watch The Road!

[R. S. Martin]

So my sister was giving me a ride home. We crossed an intersection and suddenly another car was heading directly at us. I'm not sure of the right terms but I'll try to describe the road. After the intersection, it's wider so that through traffic has to switch lanes, so to speak. My sister failed to do that and this put us on the wrong side of the centre-line, so that we were heading directly at an on-coming car intending to turn left. Then in a split second my sister realizing this and turned sharply aside, avoiding a collision by inches--so it appeared to me. 

 

"Thank you, Lord," she said under her breath. To me she said that apparently you have to turn aside at that spot. I can't see the road good enough to drive and have to trust drivers but that made me mad--instead of watching the road she's thanking God for saving us from an accident??? It's not as though this were the first time she's driven that route. 

 

On second thought I'm asking myself: Am I making too big a deal of this? Is she, or is she not, safe to ride with? Is she so preoccupied with God that she is not watching the road or is that just her knee-jerk response of relief?

 

She learned to drive at about age 50 roughly five years ago, about the time when she converted to this evangelical type religion, so I just don't know what to make of it. We were less than a block from my home but almost had a head-on collision because she failed to watch the road. Any ideas or suggestions from more experienced folk out there?

[qadeshet]

No, she is not a safe driver. Encourage her to take a Defensive Driving course. If I had to ride with her, I'd probably start praying again.

[R. S. Martin]

Thanks for the suggestion. I passed it on to her. We'll see if she takes it seriously.

[mymistake]

Without being there I can't tell exactly why it happened but that was a very serious incident.  Hopefully 

 

nothing like that ever happens again.

[amateur]

I wouldn't accept rides from her.

[R. S. Martin]

I'm still waiting for a response from her. Possibly she's praying about it, waiting for God to tell her whether or not it was serious enough to take the course or get her eyes checked. I really have no idea. One thing I know, it did not impress me of God's protection, in case she thought it would. I know she didn't do it on purpose but sometimes people think in retrospect that some incident or other will be a strong witness. 

[moanareina]

Not knowing your sister and her driving style or the situation it is not really possible to give you a judgement on it.

 

Now I have experienced dangerous situations and it happens...though I never had any situation where I ended up on the wrong side of the street. That sounds a bit crazy to me too. Is it because she was too occupied with God and she did not pay attention to the street? Who knows. Can be, could also be AD(H)D or any other psychological condition or just being tired...

 

Now this is stuff that should not happen and I also think I might not ride with her anymore.

Here if you get caught ghost riding your driver's license is gone...it is that serious, even if you hit no one.

[Brother Jeff]

A few years ago, I was almost involved in a very serious accident here in Anchorage, AK. I was waiting to turn left at an intersection that does not have a light. I had my blinker on and I was paying attention to the traffic. I was waiting for oncoming traffic to go by so I could turn safely. Suddenly I noticed this car coming at me fast, and he didn't realize that I was stopped and waiting to turn. At the last possible second, he realized and fortunately he was able to escape into the right-hand lane, missing me by an inch or two. This was soon after major back surgery, and if the guy had hit me, it would have destroyed my back and probably would have killed me. 

 

I posted about the incident on Facebook, and one of my religious friends suggested that god was giving me another chance to repent and return to him.    Somehow, I rather doubt that. I was just very lucky that day, and it wasn't my time to go.

[R. S. Martin]

Brother Jeff, that sounds exactly like my situation, except I was a passenger in the car that was in the wrong and there were traffic lights. We had the green light.

[R. S. Martin]

Not knowing your sister and her driving style or the situation it is not really possible to give you a judgement on it.

 

Now I have experienced dangerous situations and it happens...though I never had any situation where I ended up on the wrong side of the street. That sounds a bit crazy to me too. Is it because she was too occupied with God and she did not pay attention to the street? Who knows. Can be, could also be AD(H)D or any other psychological condition or just being tired...

 

Now this is stuff that should not happen and I also think I might not ride with her anymore.

Here if you get caught ghost riding your driver's license is gone...it is that serious, even if you hit no one.

 

I will give a lot of thought before taking another ride with her, though she is the only way I have of getting out to the rest of the family. That's where we had been. For this reason I sincerely hope she will look into why it happened and how to prevent it from happening again.  

 

When I asked in the OP whether she was preoccupied with God, I thought perhaps former evangelicals on here might know if this is likely. No one has yet confidently affirmed this likelihood, so it may be that she was tired or careless. 

[R. S. Martin]

Here's her single line of response this morning: I bless you, [my name], with the peace of God that passes human understanding.

 

I guess she's not taking me seriously AT ALL. Probably believes trust in God will overcome all problems. After all, she didn't hit that other car. *shudder*

[francesco]

[mymistake]

Christians solve problems by asking an imaginary friend to help and trusting that imaginary friend to do a

 

good job.

[VacuumFlux]

Yes, she is a bad driver. It's possibly also a badly designed intersection - we often have dashed white lines painted on the ground to guide cars when things don't line up like normal, or "Keep Right!" signed posted in the cement dividers between directions to help people not end up in opposing traffic. So there's a lot of bad drivers who need help figuring out what to do when things aren't perfectly lined up.

 

No, I don't think her thanking god is necessarily a sign that her religious view contribute to her bad driving. Around here, the phrases "Oh thank God" (even for secular people) or "Praise Jesus!" (for the religious) are about as automatic as swearing after something goes wrong. Some religious people even object to the use of the phrase "Thank God" in that context because it's too close to "taking the Lord's Name in vain"! So my assumption would be that the religious sentiment is an afterthought, not a cause.

[R. S. Martin]

Badly designed intersection describes it. It's a five-point intersection and predates cars. The road has been widened, traffic lights installed, and lines painted on the road. The one road (of the five-point) has been down-graded to entrance only; no exit.

 

There has been no accident that I know of in the nearly six years since I'm living here but this is the second time someone drives the wrong direction in the wrong lane when I'm in the car. I stopped taking rides with the other person after several mistakes--the other mistakes were less serious. 

 

Christians solve problems by asking an imaginary friend to help and trusting that imaginary friend to do a

 

good job.

 

This is what she's obviously doing and it does not give me peace. I suppose that since she wasn't "caught" there's no way to force her to do remedial training. She actually had an accident the other year that trashed her car. She took it all in stride as part of god's plan. I tried telling her that she should do this for the safety of everyone on the road but her only response is blessing me with peace.

[Guest sylensikeelyoo]

Going off of that little bit of information, I would guess that its not so much that she's a "bad" driver, per say, but an inexperienced driver. You say she's like 50 and has had her DL for only 5 years? I got my license at 15 and when I was 20, one could still argue I was an inexperienced driver. You say she has vision trouble. It sounds like a poorly designed intersection as well, just like some of the other people mentioned in the comments. Sounds like those three things are all of the dangerous ingredients to concoct the scenario you mentioned. Inexperienced driver, poor eyesight, confusing intersection. Bam. You, of course, being scared shitless, got irritated with her because not only did she almost kill you, but she was praising God that she didn't kill you both. I'd be kinda miffed as well. Doesn't sound like she was distracted with her god, I dunno, I wasn't there, but its pretty clear to me that she did what her religion programs her to do: THANK GOD FOR EVERYTHING. its annoying as all bloody hell when hyper religious numbskulls do that shit immediately after doing something stupid, narrowly avoiding disaster, but you can't blame them really. They just don't know any better.

[R. S. Martin]

Going off of that little bit of information, I would guess that its not so much that she's a "bad" driver, per say, but an inexperienced driver. You say she's like 50 and has had her DL for only 5 years? I got my license at 15 and when I was 20, one could still argue I was an inexperienced driver. You say she has vision trouble. It sounds like a poorly designed intersection as well, just like some of the other people mentioned in the comments. Sounds like those three things are all of the dangerous ingredients to concoct the scenario you mentioned. Inexperienced driver, poor eyesight, confusing intersection. Bam. You, of course, being scared shitless, got irritated with her because not only did she almost kill you, but she was praising God that she didn't kill you both. I'd be kinda miffed as well. Doesn't sound like she was distracted with her god, I dunno, I wasn't there, but its pretty clear to me that she did what her religion programs her to do: THANK GOD FOR EVERYTHING. its annoying as all bloody hell when hyper religious numbskulls do that shit immediately after doing something stupid, narrowly avoiding disaster, but you can't blame them really. They just don't know any better.

 

I think you're right, sylensikeelyoo. Inexperienced driver (on top of everything else) fits about as good as anything, if one can be inexperienced after five years. I'm not sure, though, if she would accept the description. On the expressway she was pulling ahead in the fast lane, yet she kept having to correct the car, jerking it back in line. That worried me. It was raining but I don't get that jerky ride from everybody. I mentioned all this in my email to her and the above is her response.

 

I simply don't know what it would be like to learn to drive. The very idea scares me but I can't see so that may be my problem. However, I wonder if she feels like this kid with a new toy. I know how long it takes a taxi or other friends to drive from her town to my place, but she does it in less time. In fact, when I mention how long I expect to wait, she practically scoffs so that I get the feeling she thinks, "I can drive faster than that!"...

 

Come to think of it, another person from that town thinks it takes less time than people from around here in the city like to allow. Maybe it's more the fact that they don't build in extra time to navigate city traffic and traffic lights. Also, the town where she lives is a satellite or bedroom community of the city where I live so that they are always rushing this way, but when people from the city go all the way out into the country they feel like it's quite an adventure, for some of the taxi drivers it's unknown territory. My doctor is out there because that's where I'm from and some of the taxi drivers ask me if I know the way; they apparently don't but they like the long trip. All this to figure out where this sister of mine fits into the equation.

 

Horse and buggy is the only thing I've ever driven and she used to drive horse and buggy, too, till she was about fifty. We didn't leave together but we both left.

[R. S. Martin]

Just now I got off the telephone with my sister discussing what happened. She blames it on absentmindedness but credits God's protection that there was no accident. She would not accept that if God were truly powerful he would have prevented the near-accident in the first place. She just kept repeating that I don't understand. Like everyone here, she said she could understand that I was scared. But she also said this kind of thing just happens, even to experienced drivers, and that we could worry ourselves sick if we worried about everything that could happen. She kept telling me that she prays for God's protection and for the protection of everyone around her. She just kept harping on that. All she has is her own common sense and ability, she said. So I suggested she train that common sense and ability to a higher skill but she refuses to consider it, saying how sick we'd get from worry... She considers herself a good enough driver, reinforced by all the praying she does. She said she consulted an experienced driver who takes a lot of rides with her and that person has no concerns with her driving.

 

I mentioned the very many drivers I've taken rides with and that this kind of mistake does not happen on a regular basis. It meant nothing to her. She freely admits that she made a mistake and she expects to continue making this kind of mistake because she thinks it's normal.

 

It's true that she drives acceptably most of the time when I'm with her but this attitude seriously bothers me. I expect to seek another ride next time I want to see family, maybe ask a friend to make an extra trip like I did for years before my sister had a car. I don't know what else to do--all the while "praying" that we won't encounter careless drivers like her on the road. 

[moanareina]

Hm...in some way I can also understand your sister's reaction. I mean, mistakes really do happen. They happened to me and I knew they where my fault because I somehow had a moment of confusion and took a wrong decision. At the end I did not thank God but I was truly thankful nothing happened. And I felt angry at those drivers who showed me the "bird" because I knew what just happened and was just glad it went OK. If on top of that someone would have expressed how he thought I was an unexperienced or even bad driver I think I might not have agreed with this person and thought of him making too big a deal of it. Even my driving teacher used to say in traffic you need to forget about mistakes immediately and concentrate on continuing your ride as safe as possible.

 

But if you feel uncomfortable taking rides with her in general of course you should not do that anymore.

 

How much driving is she doing in a week? I drive for a little more than two years now and it really helped to go to work by car daily and also do longer trips to other cities. After driving to Croatia and back (all in all I made 2500 km from Switzerland) I sat in my car quite differently. Much of that insecurity that leads to mistakes has gone. Also I know my car better and that helps too because if you know what your car is able to do and especially what not helps you to take better decisions. Also you get to calculate mistakes of others. Like when I was in Croatia and wanted to pass a truck that I followed already for quite a while and finally saw my chances...and at the moment I accelerated and changed the lane he too accelerated...moron...until there came other cars and I had an almost head on collision and I have no idea how it was possible nothing happened. Those things make you learn many lessons at once...and they happen.

[R. S. Martin]

Moanareina, this explanation helps me a LOT. You're the first person to tell me what it's like driving a car, and the process of learning, getting used to it, etc. People say you gotta trust. Yeah right! There's got to be a reason--something real--to trust. 

 

But the way she said, "Thank you Lord," was not the spontaneous Thank God! I hear from a lot of people when they are relieved. It was a deliberate prayer she feels obligated to utter when God does her a favour or whatever. She believes God let the near-accident happen to show his power to save us. So I don't know if I can trust her driving or not. I also take into consideration that she had problems controlling her vehicle in the rain, yet she still passed in the fast lane. Does a responsible driver not slow down when it's hard to control the vehicle? The police are always issuing warnings to slow down on icy roads. Surely that also applies to wet roads due to rain.

[moanareina]

Yes I agree that wet roads are quite dangerous. Aquaplaning is real. When I drove to Croatia they had electronic speed signs and I got into a rainstorm and the speed limit was reduced to 60km/h instead of 130km/h. In Switzerland there is no such speed limit reduction but generally people drive slower when it is raining. Also because the sight is limited too when it rains hard and it takes longer to break if necessary and traffic is quite tight here.

 

Does she have a big car, like an SUV or so? I think in those cars and also in most new cars with lots of electronics it is harder to "feel" the road and therefore know how far you can go. My car has 75 horsepower only and there is almost no electronic involved. And I drive a manual. I feel almost every bump and also how the car acts and reacts in curves and how heavy rain feels on the street. With a big car that is less so.

 

So you are blind or you just have bad vision? Sorry if that question is stupid...

I know of driving classes for blind people. Of course they are not for them to drive alone. It is to get them an understanding of how a car works and the general feel of driving. Maybe you can do something like that to get more of an understanding.

 

And...here they say, the first three years are actually the years you drive the safest. Then you think you are a skilled driver and don't pay as much attention anymore and that is when the accidents starts to happen. Statistically the fourth year is the most dangerous. And yes, experience is key and driving is a risk always and any times.

[mymistake]

Moanareina, this explanation helps me a LOT. You're the first person to tell me what it's like driving a car, and the process of learning, getting used to it, etc. People say you gotta trust. Yeah right! There's got to be a reason--something real--to trust. 

 

But the way she said, "Thank you Lord," was not the spontaneous Thank God! I hear from a lot of people when they are relieved. It was a deliberate prayer she feels obligated to utter when God does her a favour or whatever. She believes God let the near-accident happen to show his power to save us. So I don't know if I can trust her driving or not. I also take into consideration that she had problems controlling her vehicle in the rain, yet she still passed in the fast lane. Does a responsible driver not slow down when it's hard to control the vehicle? The police are always issuing warnings to slow down on icy roads. Surely that also applies to wet roads due to rain.

 

 

I can't gauge a driver's skill based on a single incident.  The quality of a driver is based on their over all

 

performance.  However you have mentioned three things that stand out.  She is over 50.  This is an age

 

when all drivers start to lose their reflexes.  It is a fact that older people do not process information at

 

the same speed as younger people.  An experienced driver (50 - 16 = 34 years of experience) can 

 

compensate for that using over three decades of memorizing traffic patterns.  They have seen it all so they 

 

can predict what will happen a few seconds ahead of time.  But your sister does not have even a decade

 

of experience.  The thing that bothers me about her prayer and talking about peace is that she displays

 

magical thinking.  She isn't the operator of a vehicle in a chaotic environment.  She is best friends with

 

the God who controls everything that happens on the road.  It discourages problem solving or taking action. 

[R. S. Martin]

 She isn't the operator of a vehicle in a chaotic environment.  She is best friends with

 

the God who controls everything that happens on the road.  It discourages problem solving or taking action. 

 

 

YES! This is what bugs me and makes me unable to trust her. 

 

Moanareina, thanks for telling about driving classes for the blind. When I get time I may check that out. I'm not blind so I don't know if I qualify; I just have low vision. 

 

My sister has a small car. I don't understand the things about the controls that you mentioned. She has to manually lock the doors and open/close windows, if that tells you anything. 

[moanareina]

Sounds like your sister has an older car which is better for feeling what you can and what you can't do with your car.

 

Thing is, newer car's have lots of electronics like they correct you without you knowing if you don't drive in a straight lane as you should. Also a car with more horsepower is stronger and you are able to accelerate faster which is helpful to get out of dangerous situations but also can lead to racing and not planning too much ahead. With my car I know I can't go from zero to 100 in five seconds. So when I enter an expressway I know I need the whole entering lane to speed up and I need to speed up in third and fourth gear. In a situation where I need to pass someone on a two way road as I described the situation in Croatia, I need to gear down to fourth or even third gear because in fifth gear I just can't get enough speed. I had to do this even on German expressways because they have no speed limits and trucks only drive 95km/h while on the left lane cars run 200 to 300 km/h...and I can't do 200 but I really don't want to go 95...and to pass those bloody trucks I need to go at least 160 if I don't want to get hit.

 

With more horsepower you can tip the gas a little and your car reacts. With little horsepower you can fully press the gas through and your car starts to accelerate like an elephant.

 

So it sounds like your sister has a car that she should have a good feeling about her driving and all. I can feel when the street is slippery for example due to rain and I know how fast I can go to still be save. But I also pay attention to those things and that also comes with experience. The first time you get into your car for example, when it is could outside and just got some snow and you try to hit the breaks and those breaks seem kinda blocked...and the car just does not stop...you understand that a car is not a toy and it depends on you weather you are save or not. Once there was heavy snow when I got off work and they did not even have the time to free the expressways (usually they are very well maintained). I got out of the parking house just a tiny bit too fast and was slippering and could get control of my car just in time to not hit the wall. I drove home 40km/h where you normally drive 100 and 120 and even then it was like riding on eggs. Just one wrong move...my car could turn around.

 

If you feel your sister does not get what she can and what she can't do with her car, I too think you should not take rides with her anymore.

[DoubtingNate]

I thought this was going to be about the film adaptation of the Cormack McCarthy novel:
 

 

 

which you guys should definitely watch if you get a chance!