I'm Thinking Of "coming Out" As An Agnostic Atheist And Becoming An Activist. Advice? Thoughts?

[tylereverett]

So this is a really complicated and convoluted series of thoughts that I'm attempting to condense, so bear with me.

I was a full blown Christian for 9 years. I prayed in tongues (still can), moved to different cities for God (twice), got engaged and then broke off the engagement because God was "testing me." I was on the path to become a pastor, and that was my world. I became a Christian at 15, gave up all my hobbies, and left at age 24.

I never officially left. It was more of a slipping out. Of course, my closest friends know, but I still have a lot of former contacts on Facebook and in the old cities that don't. Some people looked up to me for my devotion to faith and theology.

Its now been 1.5 years since my deconversion, and I feel like I am through the worst of it. There are still lots of issues, and I still have to rebuild my life in a lot of ways.

One thing that I really care about is political activism. And I really desire to be outspoken. Some of that means blogging, videologging, etc. I would have to be an open atheist to do this honestly.

So I'm thinking of posting a blog on my social media accounts just "coming clean" so I can get it over with. It probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but I could face significant blowback from this action.

However, I really feel like psychologically, its the next step I have to take. Just to be honest with myself.

ONE OTHER THING: I'm very lucky (or "blessed" as I would have put it in the past) to say that my family is 100% supportive of me, and I don't face the type of drama that many others in my position do.

Any thoughts? For those of you who've "come out" as an atheist, how did it go? Do you regret it?

[Guest sylensikeelyoo]

I really commend you for making this decision. Political activism and raising your voice for what you believe in is very important. It is really awesome that you have recognized that you need to be true to yourself in all of your endeavors. You are very lucky to have the support of your friends and family. Since you have this, there's no need to hide from anyone else. Go ahead and make a Facebook post about it. Any "friends" that can't accept you for who you are aren't worth keeping in your life.

[Insightful]

Hey Tyler, man I hear you. I'm in a similar place - wrestling with how public i want to be. Just to balance the last comment I would add that you should definitely count the costs of going public. I'm not saying you shouldn't go public, but think through it carefully because you can't really undo it later. It depends on how valuable those relationships are to you. I'm still counting costs and not sure what I'll do... but I totally relate to that strong feeling to be open and honest. I respect that.

[RenaissanceWoman]

Wow, I totally get your zeal and your ambition here, and I wish more people had the desire to right some of the wrongs going on. However, I am almost 20 years older than you, and I'd like to offer some things to think about before you go too forcefully with this. Do not set up your future self to have to backtrack on what your current self has done. I tend to grab an idea or project by the horns, and go all out pursuing it, only to have to scale back later when reality sets in a bit.

 

Remember that stuff on the internet never really goes away. There are stories in the news of young people being passed over for jobs because of stupid drunken photos they posted years prior. Employers will google you. What you are advocating for may be just and logical, but a potential employer has to consider how well you will fit with the other people in the organization. If too many people in their employ are going to be uncomfortable with you, they will move on to the next candidate with less potential for disharmony.

 

I see that you are in Texas, so the reality is that there are lots of Christians around you. Even moderate Christians (who also detest crazy fundy religious types) will feel a little intimidated by you. Even though they may agree with you on many issues, you are still going to set off a certain amount of fear in them -- like maybe you will be judging them for their beliefs even though they are not the crazy ones you need to fight against. If they would just hire you, you would show what an awesome, thoughtful, loyal, and cooperative person you really are despite differences in belief -- but you can't get to that point if they refuse to hire you from the outset, know what I mean? I'm not suggesting that you hide with a bait-and-switch kind of thing. It's a fine line, I guess.

 

I don't know what your career goals are, so none of this may apply to you. But remember that career goals change, and you might not be the same person in 10 years that you are now.

 

In 5 or 10 or 25 years, you may be the perfect candidate for a position with a civil rights advocacy group or whatever (just an example), but based on demographics of this country, the reality is that there may be Christians in that organization (unless you are going for a group like Freedom From Religion, for example). Some employers might jump at the opportunity to add you to their mix; your perspective and passion are exactly what they need. But I'm going to guess that they are going to be the minority. Who knows -- I may be totally wrong. All I'm saying is that you want to be careful not to pigeon hole yourself so that your employability is limited far more narrowly than what you are willing and able to sort through. Your patience and persistence will eventually find you a perfect fit, if you are willing, but just be aware that you might be limiting yourself.

 

You might argue that you don't want to compromise yourself or hide, and do not want to work in such a place anyway if they won't accept you for who you are and what you advocate. That is so very admirable, and I respect that. I'm just pointing out that you may be creating a tougher road for yourself. You may have to relocate, take longer in your job search, narrow down your options to the equivalent of a needle in a haystack perfect fit. Again, if you are willing, then by all means, stick to it!

 

And you might find the perfect opportunity, and an organization that will snatch you up in a heartbeat. Or you will start your own business or organization, so none of this will matter. Think about your long term goals before jumping in with both feet.

 

Don't let me squash your zeal. I mean no offense, but you are young and full of zest -- I love that! (Nothing quite so annoying as an older person pointing out that you are young, huh?) But think about where you want to go with all of this. Have at least a vague road map in your mind. In your fervor, don't do or post anything that will haunt you later.

 

Here's another annoying older person saying: you catch more flies with honey. Think about the angle from which you want to attack the issues. Militant Christians and militant atheists are both divisive and cause people to put up their defenses. You may have the desire to fight the system from the outside, but sometimes the reality is that it's more effective to work from within it. So don't push yourself so far out that you are not taken seriously.

 

Believe it or not, there is a chance your current passion will change (more or less of it, or in a slightly different direction, whatever). Ride it out a little and see where it goes. Have a big-picture view of where you want to be, knowing that of course that may change over time too.

 

I support you. I encourage you to harness this energy and use it for the greater good of yourself and the world around us.

 

Sorry to have gone on so long here. I hope this helps in some way.

 

 

Edited for sloppy grammar. Damn perfectionism.

[AndrewTomlinson]

I think this is a great idea. Especially considering that you have a support network in place that knows and accepts you already. I'd recommend being careful not to word your revelation apologetically. There's nothing wrong with you. You didn't advertise your veiws before, but don't portray yourself in a way that people might misconstrue as a repentant liar. Because I suspect some people you know will latch on to that and never let it go.

 

I'd say it more like "here's something you may not know about me". This is an opportunity for people to get to know you better. Frame things positively. That's my best advice.

[Leo]

I agree with Renaissance Woman here. I'm biased: I'm not a political activist, outgrew my fiery zeal by age 25 and never looked back.

Here are some questions for you. I'd ask these of any would-be activist:

Who do you want to convince, and of what?

What goals do you have and how do you plan to accomplish them via activism?

 

Remember most people steer away from politically active people the same way they do lawyers and used car salesmen. They might fully agree with you but not want to approach you politically. Even when I was firmly a Christian, I didn't take tracts from Christians, and didn't like their approach one bit.

 

There are a lot of ways to communicate your views, not the least of which are relationship building and listening and asking questions.

 

Political activism and zeal is like dumping cereal on the floor: cute and excusable when you're young. But as you get a little older, it's very quickly unbecoming.

 

Did you ever notice as a Christian that the most fiery ones were either yung or emotionally stunted? Either they were college kids / just out of college, or they were the type of 40-somethings that wish they were rock stars and world changers.

 

Everyone else grew up and out of it.

 

Now if you want to join FFRF, a very thoughtful and strategic organization that seeks to act as policeman when religious organizations get carried away and overstep their bounds into public spaces, have at it. It's a great organization. I go to their meetings occasionally, and when I do I put money in the cup. I'm not an active member for a variety of reasons, none of which have to do with their stance. I find them completely reasonable. As someone in an interfaith marriage it might be less than wise to commit household finances into something people of faith have misgivings about, albeit misplaced.

 

In fact, if you really do wish to be some sort of activist, I can't think of a better group of people than FFRF for you to hang around with. They're going to help center you a bit, keep focus on things that are solvable.

 

Oh, and listen kid, I've already been a cranky old buzzard / paternalistic older guy: This "no compromise" business? That's straight-up Christian / Islamic thinking, no more and no less. It doesn't belong in rationalist arguments. Human beings and other social animals constantly compromise. It's how relationships big and small happen. Better to take an active role in intelligent compromises than to stamp your feet and hold your ground.

 

I don't apologize for being an atheist. I don't shrink back from admitting that I was wrong for years on many counts. I'm also unapologetic about keeping an open door and a listening ear to people of faith, because to me, they're people first and faith second. I, like you, don't want to live with the cognitive dissonance and so take steps to avoid certain things.

 

Of course, I'm not a politician either, just a guy living and working in his community.

[Ellinas]

The basic message of "be careful not to do anything you may regret later" is a good one.  Then again, political activism is a very good idea if you want to seek a political career, or if your conscience won't let you sit back.

 

Matter for you - and good luck however you decide to proceed.

[Guest Furball]

Many individuals don't know what exactly an agnostic atheist is.

 

Your right ES. I have never even heard of that before. I have only heard the terms atheist and agnostic used separately. I also learned another word on here by someone referring to themselves as an ignostic. 

[Leo]

Secular humanist is safe except among some radical brands of Christianity and Islam. Both of those have painted secular humanism as a hedonistic and selfish group. They already wrote a narrative and are just waiting to fill it. Take it from a disabled person: It's difficult to near impossible to change someone's mind about you if they already have a preformed narrative, and that narrative functions as a security blanket for them.

[R. S. Martin]

Tyler, as I read your post I thought to mention an organization I found out about that might harness your pastoral talent and energies with your current beliefs. It's Recovering from Religion at http://recoveringfromreligion.org/, an organization set up to help people coming out of religion. I take it there's volunteer and paid positions, though you'd have to check out to know what's available. 

 

I agree with the others who suggest to be careful about co-opting your future by posting openly about your nonbelief--not that this is the way it should be but unfortunately it is the reality we live in and I think RW's wide-ranging ideas and suggestions are a good consideration. If you can somehow engage your energies within the system, covertly undermining it from within so to speak without co-opting your own life opportunities, all the while being openly available to any would-be deconverts, in my opinion that would be ideal.  

[RenaissanceWoman]

Yes, Recovering From Religion, I forgot about them! When I first deconverted, I found a lot of great things to read on their site. Unfortunately there is no recovery group in my immediate area, or I would have attended at least once. Since then, I have found a virtual community here on this forum, and that has filled the gap quite nicely.

 

You could find (or start) a local support group, use your pastoral inclinations to help others in real life face-to-face, and see where that goes.

[tylereverett]

Thanks everyone for the feedback.  Life caught a hold of me and I hadn't been back here in a bit.  Still chewing it over.  I do like the label secular humanism.