Brother Jeff Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I had reason to look at my old Christian Again website that I did a couple of years ago while I was manic and experiencing an intense religious episode. https://christianagain.wordpress.com/ I didn't feel ill at the time, but I was. I was extremely manic. All I can do now is shake my head and roll my eyes. Of course, I sometimes wish that it could all be for real, at least the pleasant parts like a loving God, eternal life, and an eternal Charismatic worship service. But, of course, it's not. I came down from the mania after a few months, and the religious belief faded away. I remember when it happened too. I was really struggling to maintain my faith as the mania died down, and one day I was lying on my bed trying to pray, and I realized with finality that I didn't believe in God anymore. And, I actually said out loud "I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD ANYMORE!" It was impossible to pray knowing that there was no God out there to hear it or respond to it. Within a day or two after that, I was back to my normal self, and I've been okay ever since. Glory! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burny Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 You should update the site... Many xtians will read your post about converting back to xtianity after being a "bitter and angry atheist for years" and will justify their own f'd up views with it. Tell them you're back to atheism! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sylensikeelyoo Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Even when you were manic, you still seemed to do your best to reconcile the things your brain was telling you with the things you felt in your heart. Like, you felt in your heart that god is real and the bible is true. But your head still knew that it was all bullshit and you needed to be tolerant of other lifestyles and faiths. Your more severe episodes would calm down eventually, and you attributed it to prayer...even though it would have calmed down regardless because that's the nature of the disorder. And it appears that once you came to your senses, you've realized that if there really was a God and he loved you, he would have just healed you altogether. That's what a GOOD god should do. Not just let you suffer and make you think that when your symptoms temporarily subside, that its HIS doing. What kind of sick game is that? Christians say it's "mysterious," but I say its FUCKED UP. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOpened Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Even when you were manic, you still seemed to do your best to reconcile the things your brain was telling you with the things you felt in your heart. Like, you felt in your heart that god is real and the bible is true. But your head still knew that it was all bullshit and you needed to be tolerant of other lifestyles and faiths. Your more severe episodes would calm down eventually, and you attributed it to prayer...even though it would have calmed down regardless because that's the nature of the disorder. And it appears that once you came to your senses, you've realized that if there really was a God and he loved you, he would have just healed you altogether. That's what a GOOD god should do. Not just let you suffer and make you think that when your symptoms temporarily subside, that its HIS doing. What kind of sick game is that? Christians say it's "mysterious," but I say its FUCKED UP. I totally agree with this logic. What sick twisted God allows his creations praise him for the good things and gets to have a free pass on the bad. It is a messed up mindset. Christianity is very slippery when it comes to this and teach its followers to turn a blind eye towards Gods errors. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rach Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Last time I had a major episode, people looking at me from the outside thought I was just 'on fire for God.' They thought it was god's spirit at work in my life, and a wonderful thing, and a prodigal son going home to the father. It was a f**%ing psychiatric episode, I was psychotic, there was nothing healthy or holy about it. I was even "preaching" to my friends in this deranged state. Thankfully they didn't take any of my advice, good thing I wasn't teaching a sunday school which is what the church would have wanted. I've had the bible hammered into my brain from the time I was 2 so of course my episodes are focused upon Christianity. Christians cannot recognize the difference between insanity and spiritual fervor- perhaps because they're one and the same. Whenever I see somebody "on fire" for god I wonder if they are having a psychiatric episode and don't realize it. Don't ever feel ashamed for having a mental illness. A lot of super brilliant, creative, gifted people have psychiatric issues- it's a double edged sword. I think it all comes down to how our brains are wired. My brain is wired to have periodic psychiatric attacks, and my thinking and behavior can be bizarre at times (there have been times when I believed I could jump out of a 100 story building and not be harmed), but I am also a capable artist in healthy times and come up with lots of creative ideas and perspectives my friends haven't imagined. Mentally ill people can convert from dedicated atheist to dedicated Christian or Christian to atheist in the time it takes to snap your fingers. There isn't much that can be done about this since our reasoning faculties get turned off when we have episodes and we are usually so convinced at the time that our thinking is right, we refuse to listen to anyone else's advice. But...we can recognize certain triggers and avoid them. Going to church would set me off. I know better than to put myself in that situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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