Guest sylensikeelyoo Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Yeahhhhh I chickened out. Fuck. So, my dad is your traditional, old school Republican, very conservative, but a very VERY nice gentleman. But I swear to KRYYST that ol goat is so dense sometimes. I know for a fact THAT is where I get my thickheadedness from. I'll just get to the story. So, I was talking to my dad on the phone, as I do every day, because I'm a big time "daddy's girl" and I felt like I was ready to tell him about my deconversion. I've been going through this process for a couple months now and I've already told my husband and my two best friends. They have been very supportive, just like all of you, and so I feel like this healing process has been expedited, if that makes sense. So anyway, I start telling him different things about the bible that DONT make a lot of sense, and a lot of christian doctrine that doesn't seem to add up, and for a while he was agreeing with me and the conversation was going great! Two hours into the discussion, we got to the afterlife. And I went out on a limb and told my dad that I don't believe in the afterlife as described in Christian theology. I told him that I didn't think hell exists, and heaven may not be what we think it is. Holy shit, did my dad suddenly flip the fuck out and go on this religious tangent that I've never heard from him before. My dad is a Christian, but he's not that religious. That's why I felt okay telling him about this. So he surprised the piss outta me and goes off on all this religious rhetoric about how you can't believe that the bible is true if you DONT believe in heaven and hell and that means that you don't trust that the bible is the word of God and that you are probably deceived by the devil if you don't believe in heaven or hell and all this shit that I've never heard him say before. So, I didn't go on. I ended the conversation and haven't really talked to him as much since then. I haven't talked to my dad in like 3 days and he's been calling, worried about me. I know that my dad will love me and accept me for who I am, even though I'm an atheist now. But, I don't know what is stopping me from just telling him. I don't know what my deal is. Why am I freaking out so bad about this when I know my dad will always love me no matter what? I know that he's proud of me and nothing I could ever do will ever change that. So what is my fucking PROBLEM??? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chez130 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Well, it's scary. I know. I've told my husband and my parents. My husband seems fine with it, but my mom is disappointed with me. She actually works for the church, so she's immersed in it all the time, and she still thinks I will "come around" eventually. She keeps trying to get me to go to church with her. It's hard when you know your relationship will probably not be the same after you "come out." My mom still loves me, I know that, but she does view me differently. Her priest told her that I was just having doubts and that this would just make my faith stronger when I came back. She believes him, so she's backed off from talking to me about it for now. I don't know when she will finally get that I'm not going back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daffodil Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 You love him. You know that it will change things between you. Kids never want to disappoint their parents even if they know they'll still be loved. Give yourself a break. You opened some doors that he wasn't ready for and he had a knee-jerk reaction. Hopefully he'll be more open next time to at least listen without jumping all over you. I'm impressed you went as far as you did! Kudos! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
disillusioned Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 It's not an easy conversation to have. There's no shame in not being ready to go all the way. When you're ready, you'll know it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travi Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 My mother knows about my atheist nature, and she just continually prays for my return to the truth. It's tough, but I just basically came out and said "god dammit" one day on the phone to her. She was all like, you know better. I replied: "Oh, yeah - sorry for insulting the imaginary man in the sky." It went from there, and if there is one thing I won't do is let my parents talk to me like a child. I may be their child, but I am also a grown adult.It's tough, but like the others said - just hang in there and maybe once the time is right, it'll be easier to talk to him about it. If he's the great man you say he is, then he'll hear you out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Call him as normal. You've grown some, he'll have to adapt. Don't miss out this valuable time with him, trust this, there isn't enough of it when his time gets short. This I know all to well. kL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 It's not easy because we all fear being abandoned by our parents. As children, we often (subconsciously) take on our parent's problems/issues as our own, so in your mind this is YOUR problem. It's actually your father's problem. He's the one that has to come to grips with your unbelief and you're afraid that he will reject you (which, unfortunately and unbelievably, happens in cases where parents are not mature enough to understand that their children are not little clones but individual people). So, the consequence is possibly losing some contact with your father until he accepts that this is the way things are (it's a good sign that he is attempting to call you...unless he is just wanting to preach to you). This will be painful. The benefit is huge: a possible, real, honest, peer-to-peer relationship with your father that steps beyond the boundaries of parent/child...but it does take some time for it to fully bloom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOpened Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 There must be a way somehow, someway, to explain to him this isn't personal against him and actually the reason you are telling him about it is because you feel he is one of the only ones you trust to talk about this with. It might be time for your dad to start treating you as an equal now and not just father/daughter. You are both adults and hopefully he respects your beliefs as you respect him having his. Good Luck Sy. Hope things get worked out for you both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sylensikeelyoo Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Thank you so much everyone! I ain't gonna lie, I cried as I read your comments. This has been really tough for me. Just to update, I have called my dad since this post and we have been talking again like normal. We talk on the phone every day again. We just avoid this topic entirely. I'm okay with this. For now. For the holidays, however, we are all going to be together so I intend to fully come out to him once everyone is in bed on Christmas eve and he and I have had lots of egg nog. I am confident that I will be ready by then. When I do, I will update you all on how it goes! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Slowly, slowly. People need time to adjust. No need to hurry things beyond their natural pace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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