Fat Acceptance Movement

[NoOne]

I guess this is a bit of an update from recent thread I wrote called "I'm so fat..."

So I haven't been eating that much and I've actually lost more weight. Not a lot, now I'm around 135, and it's because I'm sick and I've been sleeping instead of doing other things. I'm not even going to lie though, I've been working out more and eating healthier but it's literally doing nothing. I stay at the same weight all the time. I want to only eat the 3 main meals of the day and then just drink water for the other times I'm hungry because I really want to lose weight. I asked about this in another forum I'm on, and everyone is telling me not to do that because it's not healthy and it won't work.

I keep getting mixed results on my BMI calculations. If I use ones for adults, I have a healthy one. If I use ones for children and teenagers, it becomes overweight or marginally overweight. If I use one that asks for my parents' heights, it becomes healthy again but really close to overweight. I'm really confused and I'm not going to worry about that anymore. It's disappointing though, I want a clear answer.

I took a ton of body image tests today. All the ones I took said I had a bad body image, an unhealthy obsession with my physical appearance, or "BDD". I'm not surprised. I don't like the way I look, in all honesty. I researched body positive stuff after that because most of the tests suggested that I do that. I found a lot of stuff on the fat acceptance movement, which I didn't know about. I thought I should share some of the videos I found because I honestly thought you guys might like them lol. I don't really know what to make of it.

 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QQCkoBAd__g

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=j3f1zii5skA

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fX-p9WOZbu4

[Brother Jeff]

Sister RC,

 

135 for a young woman is not fat! I'm really getting concerned that you might need to seek some counseling for cultivating a healthy body image and learning to love yourself as you are. You are too young to be so obsessed with this, and I'm concerned that you may worry yourself into an eating disorder. My young niece has had one, and they are not fun!

 

You've said before that you are not happy being black, yet there is absolutely nothing wrong with being black! There is also nothing wrong with being 15 and weighing 135. PLEASE work on learning to love yourself as you are. That will take you far in life and save you a lot of unnecessary grief.

[Brother Jeff]

These articles are from a yoga perspective, but I hope they will help you:

 

http://www.yogajournal.com/article/philosophy/nurture-the-new-you/

 

http://www.yogajournal.com/article/lifestyle/happy-in-your-own-skin/

 

http://www.yogajournal.com/article/philosophy/love-in-full-bloom/

[Brother Jeff]

Also, check out this book. 

 

http://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1434066050&sr=1-1&keywords=self+compassion

[mymistake]

 I want a clear answer.

 

You are not fat.  You are normal.  Just live a healthy life and don't worry so much.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

I think you mentioned in the other thread that your parents had said unkind things about your appearance?  I honestly think you should see a counsellor about the self esteem issues that have probably been triggered by your parents' comments.  One day I hope you will have learnt the assertiveness skills to stand up to them and tell them it's not ok, and you deserve to be treated with respect.  I don't think these issues are going to get better on their own, without professional help.

[mymistake]

Also if I may add, I remember from high school that the other kids can be cruel.  As a guy I was slightly

 

underweight in my teen years.  Objectively it wasn't that big of a deal but the way other kids treated me

 

left me wishing I was dead.  You have to lean to not listen.  Cruel people will look for any excuse to hurt

 

others emotionally.  That doesn't mean the insults are valid.

[Daffodil]

First of all, ignore BMI. It is notoriously inaccurate. As an example, my 6' 3" husband is supposed to be between 148 and 200 according to BMI. He got down to 188 when doing triathlons a decade ago, and he looked worryingly thin. At 148 he would be positively anorexic! He both looks and feels the best right around 200 - where BMI thinks he is borderline overweight! I don't know how tall you are, so 135 doesn't really tell me much, but it doesn't really matter anyway. How do you feel physically? Do you get regular exercise to keep your heart, lungs, and muscles healthy? Do you try to eat real (unprocessed) food - especially veggies and fruit? Do you eat to fill an empty stomach, rather than out of boredom, anxiety, depression, etc.? That's what really counts for the rest of your life. Forgive me for going all "mom" on you. I know that at your age other people's opinions are at the forefront of your mind - it's just a part of being the age you are - but it also makes you very vulnerable to unkind or even just unthinking people around you. Try to limit the time you spend around those people, if possible, and focus on how you feel. It's so much more important than how you look!

[mymistake]

Meghan Trainor has a word of wisdom.

 

http://www.vevo.com/watch/meghan-trainor/all-about-that-bass/USSM21400908

[NoOne]

Daffodil, I'm 5'3".

[Daffodil]

Here's another thing to think about, RC. You're probably still growing. Your body hasn't finished working out all the details, yet. What you look like now isn't what you will look like at 21. I wish I could just give you a big hug right now, but all I can say is hang in there and be kind to yourself!

[Guest sylensikeelyoo]

I must caution you, baby girl. Im gonna get all "mommy" on ya so please bear with me. Fucking eat goddammit. You're 15 and you are African American. 135 is PERFECTLY HEALTHY WEIGHT. If you stop eating, you're going to get fat once you start eating again. Putting your body through starvation mode like what you are doing right now is going to trick your body onto thinking that there's a famine and its going to slow your metabolism down drastically. You'll lose some weight but once you start eating again, your body is going to STORE EVERYTHING! Then, you'll gain weight faster than it took to lose it. As an adult, you'll send yourself on this journey of weight yoyo where you'll go through periods of crash diets and starvation, lose about 20 pounds, then pack on 40. And this cycle will continue till you have a heart attack or a severe eating disorder. So, my darling Rock Chick, please listen to our advice, and just eat healthy, stay active, and enjoy your life. Don't try to lose weight, because you don't need to. I wanna give you a big hug and just squeeze you!

[Travi]

Also if I may add, I remember from high school that the other kids can be cruel.  As a guy I was slightly

 

underweight in my teen years.  Objectively it wasn't that big of a deal but the way other kids treated me

 

left me wishing I was dead.  You have to lean to not listen.  Cruel people will look for any excuse to hurt

 

others emotionally.  That doesn't mean the insults are valid.

And sadly, most people never move out of that high school phase of their life and their only objective in life is demean others because their own life sucks so badly. Regardless of what people say, people who are cruel to others are the ones whose own lives are so bad - they can only make themselves feel better by dragging people down to their level. I agree with the above statement 100%

 

First of all, ignore BMI. It is notoriously inaccurate. As an example, my 6' 3" husband is supposed to be between 148 and 200 according to BMI. He got down to 188 when doing triathlons a decade ago, and he looked worryingly thin. At 148 he would be positively anorexic! He both looks and feels the best right around 200 - where BMI thinks he is borderline overweight! I don't know how tall you are, so 135 doesn't really tell me much, but it doesn't really matter anyway. How do you feel physically? Do you get regular exercise to keep your heart, lungs, and muscles healthy? Do you try to eat real (unprocessed) food - especially veggies and fruit? Do you eat to fill an empty stomach, rather than out of boredom, anxiety, depression, etc.? That's what really counts for the rest of your life. Forgive me for going all "mom" on you. I know that at your age other people's opinions are at the forefront of your mind - it's just a part of being the age you are - but it also makes you very vulnerable to unkind or even just unthinking people around you. Try to limit the time you spend around those people, if possible, and focus on how you feel. It's so much more important than how you look!

This here. As Daffodil said, BMI is laughably inaccurate because it takes a "one size fits all" approach to "ideal weight". Genetics and family history play a role in this regardless of what people say, every male in my family have always been big guys. Stocky builds, tall and lean, or just flat out in the case of my uncle, hulked out and the man hasn't hit the gym in his life. But as the others have said, you cannot let your body get into starvation mode - the body will begin storing it for future use.

 

It's very tough to do, but all you can do is just do what is best for you. Don't listen to society, and be who you are 135 is just fine for a girl who is 15 and still growing. By the time you hit 18 or so, as long as you take care of yourself - you will grow into a beautiful young lady. Don't let others get you down. Just remember, all it means is they are envious because their own lives are bad. People like them are the ones who find any way to make their own horrible existences better, show them you are better!

[Guest sylensikeelyoo]

But anyways Rock Chick, I'm gonna shut off mommy mode and level with ya woman to woman. You are no longer a child, but a young, perfectly normal woman. These thoughts and feelings of dislike with your body are perfectly normal and natural. This is how I know you really ARE a woman. We Caucasian women want darker skin. African American women want lighter skin. Women with curly hair want straight hair and straight hair wants curly hair. I have Sandy blonde hair and green eyes. When I was your age I wanted bleach blonde hair and blue eyes. Women with small boobs want big boobs and big boobs want small boobs.

 

What is really important, is that we are happy with ourselves, just the way we are. If there was a god, we should see ourselves the way he would us: perfect, beautiful, and amazing. At least I would if I were god. We as women need to learn to be comfortable in our own skin and love ourselves just the way we are if we are ever going to find true happiness in this fucked up world.

 

I really do wish I could scoop you up in my arms and squeeze ya right now, because reading your writings, I see so much of my self in you. And if I could talk to 15 year old me, I'd tell her exactly what I just told you right now, Rock Chick.

 

Seriously. Crying right now. Fuck.

[NoOne]

Sylensikeelyoo, I'm sorry that I made you cry I really don't want anyone here to get worried about me. I just really don't like the way I look. I think I do have an obsession, it's the only thing that I've been thinking about all day. I have a therapist, I think I'll ask her next time I see her. I always get worried about the health risks that come with being overweight because there are overweight people in my family and diabetes and heart problems run in my family. I also hate thinking that I'm fine, then I go to the doctor and even if I'm not overweight my BMI is or is close to overweight and then I'm told that I need to make better choices. Or my parents would say something, or I think about the girls in my grade are so thin. It's just easier to worry about it yourself than to have other people say something or notice.

I'm not really happy today, I ran a mile on the elliptical. It took me a little under 20 minutes and I ran the whole time, and I didn't lose anything. I thought I would at least lose 2 pounds and I didn't lose a single thing.

 

There has been a woman who I have been following named Maria Kang. She's a mother with 3 children and she posted something on Facebook that showed a picture with her children and her. Holy cow, she's stunning. She has a 6-pack and she's very fit. The picture said something like "What's your excuse?" It's gotten a negative reaction because a lot of women, especially mothers, found it to be condescending and fat-shaming. I've been looking her up and I've noticed that Maria is very confident, it can come off as arrogance. But she does have a lot of good tips. She's a bit of a health freak. She's very serious about it, I look at people like her and feel very shitty because they're just so good at it and I'm not.

[Tealeaf]

I'm not fully up to detail on whatever threads have preceded this, but the aspects here all sound familiar. Let me me give you a heterosexual male perspective; and since people keep mentioning specifics, a light-haired, blue eyed one.

 

It seems well known as the 2nd previous poster stated that women are just never happy with anything. This is not a healthy stance to take no matter what, and it's also not attractive. Most men - and people in general - do not find self-loathing and hatred to be a desirable thing. How are you supposed to love someone who doesn't love themselves? I've been around this block too many times. You're with a girl for a reason, you're not making any comments what so ever about changing appearances, and you think she's absolutely beautiful. Yet constantly there is this under flowing tone that she isn't happy with herself and wants to change this and that and yadda yadda. Factor in when it isn't realistic and goes against most of her fundamental personality. It's frustrating as partner. And it's so needless.

 

If your goal is to score a partner (I'm guessing a man for you) then just be comfortable in yourself and never try to fit some ideal model of beauty. There isn't one. And the bullshit one Hollywood tries to sell you isn't actually what most men find attractive. Men are just as bad for being led astray into what they think they should find attractive as well. But just like female beauty ideals, it's all based on bullshit from culture. Men find a vast array of all sorts attractive. And extra weight is by far not a weird one either; probably the most popular actually.

 

Personally, I had to 'go through' my own realization of cultural bullshit. I always found myself attracted to not what pop-media said was attractive. I just like bigger, everything. I'm not an extreme fetishist or anything like that. My biology just dictates that I find 'heavier' women more attractive. The Trainor song is absolutely a salute to the tons of men who have preferences like myself. There are many more men too full of shit out there to admit their attractions as well.

 

Biologically speaking as well, you are a woman. Women carry more fat percentage than men by default and it's much easier for women to put on weight this way. In the reality of nature it's a very attractive indicator of a well-nourished partner for reproduction. It makes perfect sense to find heavier women attractive in this light. Not that I give a flying fuck anyway, since I stick with what I genuinely like.

 

You're young and from the sounds of it you're actually underweight by far. You will almost certainly gain a significant amount of weight as you grow into a full on woman. There's things you can do to stay healthier like getting activity and avoiding the shittiest things to eat. But you may very well still gain weight. This you can't really change, and it's like that for a tons of women, especially in North American style cultures. Believe it or not exercise is not going to be all that much of a weight loss tool. It's better used as a drug; a good drug for promoting all around benefits for your body and to relieve stress.

 

And here is your biggest detriment to health: stress. That will kill or cause health problems long before weight issues will. Weight is not the end all and be all that is the pop-culture health theory right now. Weight itself will become an issues if you are morbidly obese. But you are far, far, far away from that.

 

My suggestion to you is just be confident in yourself and know that despite appearances, plenty of people are marveling at you. Embrace any gain or loss in weight but don't focus on it as a health indicator.

 

And you mentioned you're African. That "bass" often comes with the territory, so embrace it, cause no guys are complaining If they are, fuck them. Not worth any of your time.

 

PS - I've been told by several women I have a "black guy ass"   Sort of felt weird, but fuck it. I rock it and wouldn't have it any other way. 

[florduh]

You have a very unhealthy obsession with weight and body image. You are absolutely not fat, but you don't care that your weight is just fine. You still talk about BMI and shit.

 

You need a new therapist. Please get some real help before it's too late and you develop a full blown eating disorder.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

You have a very unhealthy obsession with weight and body image. You are absolutely not fat, but you don't care that your weight is just fine. You still talk about BMI and shit.

 

You need a new therapist. Please get some real help before it's too late and you develop a full blown eating disorder.

 

+1

 

Also, doing an hour of exercise is unlikely to result in any weight loss directly.  Exercise is good for weight management indirectly, as it gives you endorphins, which improve your mood and can reduce cravings.  It's good for you, but don't expect instant weight loss.  Weighing yourself before and after exercise is a sign of an obsession, as is weighing yourself daily. Weight changes as fluid shifts, that's why the early results are often encouraging and then it seems to slow down.  Once a week is often enough to weigh yourself.

 

I can guarantee you that if you lost the weight you want to lose, you will still feel bad about yourself.  Weight is so not the issue here.

[Travi]

Sylensikeelyoo, I'm sorry that I made you cry I really don't want anyone here to get worried about me. I just really don't like the way I look. I think I do have an obsession, it's the only thing that I've been thinking about all day. I have a therapist, I think I'll ask her next time I see her. I always get worried about the health risks that come with being overweight because there are overweight people in my family and diabetes and heart problems run in my family. I also hate thinking that I'm fine, then I go to the doctor and even if I'm not overweight my BMI is or is close to overweight and then I'm told that I need to make better choices. Or my parents would say something, or I think about the girls in my grade are so thin. It's just easier to worry about it yourself than to have other people say something or notice.

I'm not really happy today, I ran a mile on the elliptical. It took me a little under 20 minutes and I ran the whole time, and I didn't lose anything. I thought I would at least lose 2 pounds and I didn't lose a single thing.

 

There has been a woman who I have been following named Maria Kang. She's a mother with 3 children and she posted something on Facebook that showed a picture with her children and her. Holy cow, she's stunning. She has a 6-pack and she's very fit. The picture said something like "What's your excuse?" It's gotten a negative reaction because a lot of women, especially mothers, found it to be condescending and fat-shaming. I've been looking her up and I've noticed that Maria is very confident, it can come off as arrogance. But she does have a lot of good tips. She's a bit of a health freak. She's very serious about it, I look at people like her and feel very shitty because they're just so good at it and I'm not.

RC, again - a lot of it could be genetics and your family history. Society is built on negative imagery unfortunately and you are falling victim to it. Metabolism shortfalls, and general life decisions are a lot of this, but people like this Maria Kang chick sounds like someone who spends 20 of the 24 hours a day working out and not everyone has that kind of time on their hands. People "excuses" are not really excuses, but are real reasons as to why they can't sport a six pack of abs with three kids. Most other mothers are too busy with their three kids, working, and extra-curricular activities to even think about hitting the gym or what have you. Everyone is different, and it's not a reason to feel lousy about it.

 

 

 

You have a very unhealthy obsession with weight and body image. You are absolutely not fat, but you don't care that your weight is just fine. You still talk about BMI and shit.

 

You need a new therapist. Please get some real help before it's too late and you develop a full blown eating disorder.

 

+1

 

Also, doing an hour of exercise is unlikely to result in any weight loss directly.  Exercise is good for weight management indirectly, as it gives you endorphins, which improve your mood and can reduce cravings.  It's good for you, but don't expect instant weight loss.  Weighing yourself before and after exercise is a sign of an obsession, as is weighing yourself daily. Weight changes as fluid shifts, that's why the early results are often encouraging and then it seems to slow down.  Once a week is often enough to weigh yourself.

 

I can guarantee you that if you lost the weight you want to lose, you will still feel bad about yourself.  Weight is so not the issue here.

 

These two. I've been hitting the gym nearly every day for the last two months and have only lost 14 lbs total. I also work in a factory, and the work can be rather physically demanding. Granted, I'm a male and the differences in make up and anatomy are huge. Men, typically, as they shed fat, put and gain muscle in its place (which, despite the myth, doesn't weigh more, it's just more dense and the same are that a pound of fat took up can hold up to two pounds of muscle). Women on the other hand, usually build some muscle, but primarily tone it. It's what gives women the "sexy" look. But yeah, you can't expect to hit the gym once and watch weight fall off. If you want to do that, it has to be done regularly and you have to keep at it. And remember, your body weight is the TOTAL weight of your entire body. This including bones, organs, fat, muscle, and water. (and clothing, which can add up to 3lbs) Water weight is a big part of your number, as our bodies are made up of a lot of it.

 

Another thing to take into consideration when working out, START SLOW. You will not believe how many people I see literally hit the ground running and wind up injuring themselves in a bad way because they wanted instant results. Nothing happens overnight RC, it takes time. But as the others have said, you need to stop focusing so much on what society says and worry about you.

 

You have a very unhealthy obsession with weight and body image. You are absolutely not fat, but you don't care that your weight is just fine. You still talk about BMI and shit.

 

You need a new therapist. Please get some real help before it's too late and you develop a full blown eating disorder.

Please follow what Florduh said here and reconsider everything before this happens. I've seen the aftermath of eating disorders firsthand, and it is not a pretty sight. Please Please Please! Do not end up like this, you have your entire life ahead of you and it would be a great shame to see a young life ruined by something so damned trivial!

[VacuumFlux]

Here's another person telling you your weight sounds fine, you should stop obsessing about it, and you need to feed yourself enough food to not be sick, and healthy isn't always the same thing as skinny. It's more important to establish healthy habits that will serve you well for the rest of your life than to loose weight unhealthily fast right now. Since other people have covered that quite well, here's some details about me in case they help you:

 

I'm an adult female, 5'6", 152 lbs. The BMI calculator says I'm plenty healthy. I visually look ok.

 

At my lightest as an adult, I weighed 135 lbs, because I had an untreated medical issue and kept forgetting to eat. I was weak all the time, sick a lot, moody, stressed out. Hetero women told me how jealous they were of how skinny I was; the only two (hetero) men who had the nerve to make comments on a woman's appearance told me that I'd look better if I had a touch more meat on me.

 

Eventually I figured out how to eat enough food, and ended up gaining a few pounds. No one comments much on my looks either way, now. No one has ever told me I look fat, even though I do have belly fat and some flab in places. Recently, I got fed up with being weak and that getting in the way of stuff I wanted to do, and started weight lifting. I had a horrible time of it at first because I forgot to increase my food intake to compensate, and some of the bad blood sugar crashes started happening again. But then I remembered to actually feed myself (I need about 4 meals a day, or 3 meals and one large snack), my body got used to the exercise, and it got better. At once point I was worried that all this hunger from exercise was making me eat too much and I was going to get fat, so I tracked my calories and carbs and proteins for a few days. Turned out that I was actually under-eating by 100-200 calories for my sex/age/height/activity level, so I quit tracking it and just ate when I was hungry and stopped when I wasn't hungry any more. I do avoid getting stuffed full; I don't like feeling lethargic after I eat.

 

After 6 months or so of weight lifting, and eating extra food to support the muscle growth, I gained a whole 2 pounds. And I still don't look any fitter than I used to, but I guess that's part of having female levels of testosterone. I am a lot stronger, and I can do fun activities for hours without having to drop out half way from exhaustion, so that a huge quality of life gain. I am pleased with where my body is right now. It would be nice if I eventually shed some fat and get some visible muscle, but I'm not going to starve myself to get there. I also looked at some pictures online of bodybuilders vs weightlifters, and discovered that weightlifters don't look skinny. Some of them even look "fat" compared to what society says we're supposed to look like. But they're all stronger and healthier than me. The bodybuliders go through cycles of bulking up then cutting back on food intake to get more muscle definition, often doing the cutting stage right before a competition if they're doing this competitively. So even they don't look that muscular all the time, and need periods where they eat more food in order to support their muscle growth.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

People with eating disorders can recover, they can learn new ways of seeing themselves and managing their eating and exercise in a more healthy way.  But we are not there yet, we are still trying to help you understand that your thought patterns are not helping you.  If we saw you, we would say your size was normal, healthy and attractive.  But when you look in the mirror, you see an unhealthy, fat, and unattractive person.  This is called body dysmorphia, and is a common feature of eating disorders.  

 

Unfortunately, no amount of people telling you that you are and look healthy and attractive, will change your mind.  The most effective way for your perception to change is for you to have therapy with someone trained and experienced in this area of psychology.  Such therapy will only work if you want to change your perception.  If you want to keep it the same, so that you are motivated to lose weight and exercise, and terrified of gaining weight, then your distressed feelings about your body size will continue, and will probably worsen.

 

Summary: if you want to feel better, find an specialised therapist and be willing to change your perceptions.

 

 

EDIT:

 

Although you may not have an eating disorder at the moment, it sounds like the issues you have would best be helped by an eating disorders therapist.  Below is some advice about how to find one.

 

"Eating disorder recovery is much easier when you have experienced, caring health professionals in your corner. It’s important to find a professional counselor or nutritionist who specializes in anorexia or bulimia. As you search, focus on finding the right fit, someone who makes you feel comfortable, accepted, and safe. To find an eating disorder treatment specialist in your area:

• Ask your primary care doctor for a referral.
• Check with local hospitals or medical centers.
• Ask your school counselor or nurse.
• Call the National Eating Disorders Association’s toll-free hotline at 1-800-931-2237 (Mon–Fri, 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. PST)."

Source:

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/eating-disorders/eating-disorder-treatment-and-recovery.htm

[★ Citsonga ★]

As others have already said, your weight sounds fine. Don't obsess over it and drive yourself to unhealthy habits. My daughter is in rehab right now for an eating disorder, and you really do not want to end up having to go through that. Please take the advice that people have been giving you regarding professional therapy and working on your own self-esteem. You truly are just fine the way you are.

[wyson]

Did you ever think about attending a health club and getting a personal trainer?  I did this because I became overweight and learned a lot.  We did meal plans and exercise routines.  I lost a ton of excess weight, yet felt I was eating more than ever.   At the end of the 6 months training package I ran a 10k in 45 minutes.  It was sort of unbelievable because previously I would have struggled to run 40m for the bus.  I also lost over 10kg in weight, about 70% of it was fat (calculated using special scales).

 

Honestly, if you would like to look a certain way and its realistic for your body type and you set it as a goal and go about it in a controlled, healthy way, its a very positive thing.  This does not involve excessive worrying or self examination or criticism however.  It does involve setting achievable, healthy goals.  I weighed myself once a day during my weight loss journey and recorded it and discussed it with my trainer once a week.   At one point when it didn't go down for a week, my trainer said it was perfectly normal and part of the process as long as I was sticking to his eating plan and that if it didn't shift over a couple of weeks, he would adjust it.  He said it was the pattern over weeks that was important and that my body weight would fluctuate from day to day, the time of day and my hydration levels at point of measurement.  My weight didn't cause any kind of anxiety whatsoever.  It was something to be managed in a planned and controlled manner.... certainly not to be done as an emotional reaction to single measurement on a scale, or a subjective self assessment done by looking in the mirror.

 

I should also say that the eating plan was about nutrition, NOT starvation or depriving yourself of food.  The focus was on what my body needed to be healthy and function at its peak, NOT calorie restriction per se.  Its a completely different mindset to that which you are describing on your post.

 

My friend (a girl) wanted to look super svelte but her trainer said no and worked on getting her the figure that was healthy and right for her body type and gave her an eating plan to suite.  She has started to look toned and healthy, and as a result quite sexy.

 

Anyway just a thought.  Personally, I think these fat acceptance movements (where the participants are proud of being obese for example, not just a bit overweight) are stupid.  What next, a smoking acceptance movement?  Its clear from fat peoples weight they are not managing their eating properly.  To accept the extra risks that arise from this, say as an adult smoker would with his/her cigarette habit is fine.  But to be PROUD?

[violetbutterfly]

All good advice, and let me add a little perspective... I'm about the same height/weight range as you. A few years ago, I went through a divorce and out of despair/depression/guilt and because I had no appetite, I dropped a lot of weight. Then I had to have emergency surgery and spent a week in the hospital and dropped more weight. After it was all said and done, I was super thin, about what you stated your ideal weight is. Of course I loved it because that's what women in magazines look like. So I was obsessed with not gaining any of the weight back. I stopped having a life. I was struggling emotionally anyway, but I stopped going out with my friends for about a year. I was obsessed with what I ate and I never ate anything I didn't make fresh. I worked out for at least two hours a day. I never went out to restaurants, I never socialized, I didn't drink anything but water. I was miserable and lonely. The "What's your excuse" stuff makes me angry. I was obsessed with my weight and my looks because I had unaddressed psychological issues. I used to cry during my work outs because it felt like it was all I had. As soon as I started feeling emotionally better, and started socializing, and started going out with people again, going to restaurants, going to parties, and letting go and having fun, I put more than half of the weight back on. But I'm HAPPY. My body wasn't meant to be that thin. I was so proud of myself when I was dieting and working out but it was my WHOLE life. Work, sleep, prepare meals, work out. I still kept the healthy habits, like drinking mostly water instead of sugary drinks, eating lots of fruits and veggies and minimal processed food, and I work out for about 30 mins every other day. But I am never going to be that so-called "ideal" weight again. And that's okay....it was a hard lesson to learn but this is just how my body is supposed to be. Now I have an occasional glass of wine or meet my friends out for tacos. I have a life again. I just want you to know that even though it may be possible to maintain a certain weight, it doesn't necessarily equate with being healthy. I didn't even get there by healthy means...it was stress, depression and an emergency appendectomy that got rid of the weight for me. I hope this helps you see things in a different way. I'll take my mentally healthy self any day over being skinny and miserable.

 

Also, I agree about switching therapists or at least making sure you really talk about it in therapy. We are hard enough on our selves, we don't need the added pressure of family opinions.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

Hi Rockchick, I saw your status update about feeling really low, and cutting.  I'm really worried about you.  I think it's time to see your doctor and make sure you have an accurate diagnosis and treatment plan for your anxiety/depression/other issues.  If your current therapist is not qualified to help, your doctor should be able to recommend one who is.  Please keep in touch with us, as we are all rooting for you and many of us have experience and knowledge that can help. Hugs.