Popular Post Guest sylensikeelyoo Posted June 16, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted June 16, 2015 So my 8-year-old son was asking me some questions today, and I am very amazed at how mature our conversation got, and I am impressed with his level of understanding with the issues we discussed. It started off, he was watching some Pop Music videos. I hate today's pop music that kids listen to, so I was in the other room with my younger two kids, playing with over sized Lego's and listening to Metallica to drown out my son's crappy music. lol So anyway, my son comes into the room and says to me, "Mom. Those girls in those videos are very pretty. I want to marry one of them. How old to I have to be to get married?" So I explained to him that first off he needs to wait till he graduates college, so at least 21 or 22, and that he needed to find the RIGHT girl, one who would treat him right and love him just as much as he loved her. Secondly, I explained that those girls in those music videos aren't real. Many of them put their bodies through so much harm to get them to look like that. Real girls have imperfect bodies, and that shouldn't be his focus anyway. I told him he needs to find someone who has inner qualities that are "good", and "beautiful", such as compassion, selflessness, patience, etc. Then he asked me something that I didn't expect, but it didn't catch me as off-guard as I thought it would have when I first imagined us having this conversation. He asked me, "Well, mom, what if I fell in love with a boy? Can I marry him?" Yes you can, I told him. Boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls. While mommy and daddy's marriage is the most common, there are plenty of families that have two dads, or two moms. He thought for a minute. then he said, "But, mom, if I marry a boy, that means I won't be able to have kids, right? Don't I need to have a wife if I want kids?" No, I told him. While it may cost you more money, you can still have kids if you have a husband. You can either adopt a child who doesn't have any parents at all, or you can use your sperm, and find an egg donor and have your baby made for you. You'll need to find a lady who will carry your baby in her body, and then after 9 months, you and your husband will have a baby that's yours! He nodded his head. "So you will be happy for me if I marry either a boy or a girl?" I scooped my son up in my arms and looked him in the eyes. Baby boy, I said...When you get married, it will be the happiest day of my life, no matter whom you choose! As he ran off to play, I sat there looking at him and thinking. A year ago, I would have been terrified to have this conversation with him. I meant everything I said to him. I feel like this is a VERY VERY good change. I used to be a religious bigot, and now here I am, honestly telling my son that it's totally okay and normal to have a wife OR husband, whatever he wants. This goes against everything I was raised to believe. My heart is filled with joy knowing that my children's generation is going to be less bigoted and more tolerant than mine. I also feel a sense of warm fuzzies, having just had one of our very first of hopefully many mature, heart to heart conversations together as Mother and Son. 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyesOpened Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 That is a very good change. Excellent parenting Mom!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolaida Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Aw, how sweet! That is a good change. Made me happy for the both of you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdelsolray Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Cool story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Llwellyn Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Good job. To be flexible, adaptable is an awesome thing. There is nothing so sweet and liberating than to change your mind, and to be ready again to change your mind when the proof is there. A humanist's beliefs are tools for intelligent action rather than a fragile egg on the shelf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travi Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Excellent read, and it is always very liberating to have open discussions with your kids like that. I'm sure it made his day to hear your approval on whatever he decides to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yunea Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Wow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 What if you change your mind in the event he does marry a same sex partner? You can say that you won't. But I'm sure you would've said the same when you were a Fundy. I'm just thinking out loud here. Don't mind me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sylensikeelyoo Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 What if you change your mind in the event he does marry a same sex partner? You can say that you won't. But I'm sure you would've said the same when you were a Fundy. I'm just thinking out loud here. Don't mind me. You mean, like, suddenly decide I won't support my son's life choices? I doubt it. That's highly inconsistent with my character. However, it might be possible that the guy or girl he is dating treats him like shit and that's the reason I don't like him or her. But I'm pretty sure if my son is gay or bi I won't have an issue with it. I'm not flaky like that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moanareina Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I love it when a parents make their children feel good about themselves and give them the freedom to find themselves instead of making them put on a role. Your son can be happy to have you as his mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Very cool! My mother would have started shrieking and demanding who put those thoughts into my head. Rock on, sylens! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DutchGoddess Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 So beautiful, your son can be happy with such a mom! This warms my heart. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thrive Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I love that you told him to find the right person who will love him back! What a great conversation! My 7 year old son recently was pointing out kids in his class photo telling me who he was in love with, and he mentioned a boy a few times. He would get nervous and then point out a girl right away. I made sure he knew it was ok to love the boy too. I also explained that when he is young it is best to have friendship love, and that when he is a grown up and done with school he can start to think about the kissy kissy love (his description of romantic love). I have a friend who just married his long time partner, so I think my son is just trying the idea on, but I want him to know that as long as he is loved I am happy. So I explained to him that first off he needs to wait till he graduates college, so at least 21 or 22, and that he needed to find the RIGHT girl, one who would treat him right and love him just as much as he loved her. Secondly, I explained that those girls in those music videos aren't real. Many of them put their bodies through so much harm to get them to look like that. Real girls have imperfect bodies, and that shouldn't be his focus anyway. I told him he needs to find someone who has inner qualities that are "good", and "beautiful", such as compassion, selflessness, patience, etc. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 So sweet! I can't imagine not loving and supporting my young adult children no matter what they do. Your son is very lucky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedStar Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 You have a smart kid there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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