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Goodbye Jesus

What To Say If You Are Witnessed To (Suggestions)


Castiel233

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1- A religion that calls for rape victims to be murdered is not for me

 

2- No thanks, I don't fancy having invisible friends 

 

3-Thank goodness you guys are no longer allowed to keep slaves

 

4-Didn't your god once get into a row with a fig tree

 

5-Do you think the talking snake and talking donkey knew each other

 

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Guest Furball

-a religion where the rape victim is forced to marry her rapist upon pain of death isn't for me

 

-a god who murders his own children by drowning them shouldn't be giving me advice

 

-is that the religion where a guy got swallowed by a whale and still lived for 3 days?

 

-am i saved? from what?

 (christian: hell)

 who created hell again?

 (christian: god di....never mind)

 i thought so

 

-if i grow my hair long, can i have superhuman strength like samson? if i grow my hair out can i slay a lion?

 

-sorry, i believe in equality for women, i'll pass on your hate for females

 

-a 1-way relationship with an invisible myth with no heavenly feedback sounds suspicious, you might want to go witness to someone who is telepathic

 

-if i accept jesus i have to give up my sundays AND 10% of my income? no thanks.....no further logic needed on that one

 

-jesus? is that the guy who suspends gravity to walk on water, tells the wind to shut up and it disappears, magically makes a boat suddenly appear on another shore instantly, makes people grow another hand instantly, predicts the future, confuses jewish people, calls non jewish people dogs, likes to have female prostitutes bow down and wipe his nasty feet with tears and then kiss his feet, back talks his mother, throws tables around, bitches at people to hate money then demands his followers pay 10% and/or sell everything they have and give it to his cause, inspires people to write tons of stuff about him that don't agree with each other, causes confusion with doctrines and all other practices then gets pissed because people don't understand him (yet he is the way and the truth) etc.?

 

-a book that says people can throw sticks on the ground which immediately turn into snakes sounds like complete b.s.

 

-floating axe heads, does that sound right to you?

 

-god is all powerful yet is rendered powerless by people's unbelief or things made with iron? then how can he save me if i am in a state of unbelief as your gospel says i am?

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Go for the jugular vein:

 

No human sacrifices for me.  That shit is barbaric.

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The woman made from a mans rib religion? The earth is only 6000 years old and flat religion? Nah, that's ok. lol

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I put my sassy boots on just for this ;)

 

-Christianity? No thanks, I actually respect women and the LGBTQ+ community and want them to have rights.

-As a black person, I don't think I want to be part of the religion that justified the slavery of my people.

-Wasn't Hitler a Christian?

-Wasn't the KKK a Christian organization?

-Take earth science. It's a course for 9th graders, but it shows all the flaws/contradictions in your religion so beautifully!

-Don't you guys like smashing babies' heads on rocks or something? Yeah, I'm not into that.

-I actually enjoy having basic science and reason on my side, thanks.

-You'll pray for me? I'll think for you*

 

*not original, I stole this from a meme.

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"I once believed the same as you.  Although your Bible says that those who are Christ's can never be lost to him, I saw through the stupidity and hypocrisy of your religion and am now free of it.  Therefore, I am the walking proof that the Bible cannot be true.  I have no wish to discuss this further with you."

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  • Super Moderator

"I'm already following Jesus. Shit! There he goes! See ya!"

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tumblr_nk0r67p7YN1u3wz3po4_250.gif 

 

tumblr_nk0r67p7YN1u3wz3po5_250.gif

 

tumblr_nk0r67p7YN1u3wz3po6_250.gif

 

 

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Can we pray right now so Jesus can cum into my farts and slave my inner spook? Glory!

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-so what changed in the universe when Jesus died that now makes it possible for Christians to get to heaven whereas previously it was impossible? Because we know that a righteous God would not ask even his own son to die just as a symbol; it had to have a practical purpose such as removing a physical obstacle in the universe. What was it? 

 

-I guess I don't have to discuss with adults where babies come from (a line I have used with missionaries who challenged me with the question: Where did we come from?)

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Another thought. If a child evangelist appears at my door I might say something like this, "I don't talk to children about my religious beliefs. You need to be at least eighteen to make up your own mind about something as serious as religion." If an adult is with the child I might say to the adult, "I am a Secular Humanist and I think child evangelism should be banned on the same basis as child labour."

 

Those ideas are based on what people here have said evangelizing as children did to them, the extreme stress it imposed on them, the playtime and childhood it stole from them, etc. I personally never had to evangelize.

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1- A religion that calls for rape victims to be murdered is not for me

 

2- No thanks, I don't fancy having invisible friends 

 

3-Thank goodness you guys are no longer allowed to keep slaves

 

4-Didn't your god once get into a row with a fig tree

 

5-Do you think the talking snake and talking donkey knew each other

 

Four and five made me laugh.

 

 

"I'm already following Jesus. Shit! There he goes! See ya!"

 

Tag, he's it!

 

Jehovas-Witness-Deterrent-Best-Demotivat

 

Maybe this will deter them. 

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Guest Furball

- you mean if i exercise faith the size of a mustard seed in jesus i can literally move mountains and they'll fly away into the sea, and do all the works that jesus did, and even greater works than those? Cool, so i can curse bushes that will dry up instantly (or the next day depending which fictional book you read), i can re-animate dead people, i can have conversations with satan and demons and they will have to obey my every word, i can speak words like " i am he" and big tough soldiers will fall backwards, i can command the wind and the sea to bend to my control, i can piss off the government and be killed by them yet i can resurrect myself, and afterwards i will be able to fly away into the unknown universe to a place called heaven? Neat, what other superpowers can i have by believing in jesus? 

 

- sounds completely legit bro!

 

 

 

 

                                                                                      fb79899a9c1269c028fe093c3d62cff6.jpg

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Charles Bradlaugh (atheist lecturer and leader)  had this to say in the 19th century  (I'm working from memory here, so its not 100 percent)

 

Did God create the tree of knowledge

 

"Yes"

 

Did He know that Adam and Eve would eat from it

 

"Yes"

 

Did He know that they would eat from it before He made them

 

"Yes"

 

Did they have knowledge of what they were doing, in eating it, was wrong

 

"They had God to guide them"

 

But did they know what would really happen to them

 

"No"

 

God was not only responsible  , He was a partner in the crime

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My home owner's association has a full time sniper...

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"Lucifer and Demon haven't had company in a while"

 

*Gives a whistle and two Rottweilers appear out of nowhere* 

 

"Wait...where are you going and why are you running so fast?"

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what? i have to witness jesus in church?

he is no longer there, what i'm witnessing to again?

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"Jesus?  Oh, yes, we used to be really great friends.  Then I realized he was only imaginary, so I told him to get lost.  He wasn't very happy about that, I can tell you, but he really had no right to come into my head and pretend he was real.  No right at all"

jesus.gif

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I will say...'hold it right there, let me get Castiel on the phone to talk to you.' :D

 

funny thread!

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"Jesus?  Oh, yes, we used to be really great friends.  Then I realized he was only imaginary, so I told him to get lost.  He wasn't very happy about that, I can tell you, but he really had no right to come into my head and pretend he was real.  No right at all"

jesus.gif

 

I live in the Bible belt and was at a small mom and pop resturant and noticed a picture of the wall that looked to be Jesus witnessing to his disciples. They were all white men some blonde, some brown hair, clean, and the surrounding area was full of thick brush and trees, very pleasant looking. Kind of like some of the areas around here.

 

I guess they make this stuff out to be what they want it to be, if these were "real" people (using that term loosely) the men should have had much darker skin color, no blond hair men and they should have been standing on a rock surrounded by nothing but sand and desert.

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