Fweethawt Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 It's about duty... http://www.rawstory.com/2015/07/more-conservatives-explain-that-marriage-isnt-supposed-to-be-about-love-or-happiness/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Love this quote: "Basically, their real concern is that people are going to stop seeing marriage as a miserable duty to be endured and instead start thinking that love, happiness, and companionship should be what marriage is about." http://www.rawstory.com/2015/07/more-conservatives-explain-that-marriage-isnt-supposed-to-be-about-love-or-happiness/ So the real problem is that allowing gays to be married means that suddenly gay people are happier, on average, than Christians. Can't have gays being happier than Christians. It's just not right. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Marriage is not about love and happiness? By that definition my former marriage was perfect! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daffodil Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Wow. Just . . . Wow. They just keep digging a deeper and deeper hole every time they open their mouths. If they think millennials will agree that marriage is a duty to be performed despite your feelings, or lack thereof, they're really misreading this generation. They don't seem to do anything they don't feel right about and "duty" seems to be a concept lost on them. It looks like Christianity's death will be a slow aging out into oblivion. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I've heard this before from various xians. Since you and your spouse exchanged vows in front of god, you have entered a covenant with god, and you are not permitted to break it. Oh, except if one of you is a non-believer. And if you re-marry you are sinning because you still have the covenant with the first spouse, so now you're a bigamist. Oh dear, that is a very depressing message and a waste of your life to stay married out of duty. Two people being miserable together for their entire lives is a sad waste. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith666 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 No, marriage isn't about love or happiness, not at the core of it. Marriage is about honoring gawd and keeping your relationship Christ-centered for his glory. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violetbutterfly Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I've heard this before from various xians. Since you and your spouse exchanged vows in front of god, you have entered a covenant with god, and you are not permitted to break it. Oh, except if one of you is a non-believer. And if you re-marry you are sinning because you still have the covenant with the first spouse, so now you're a bigamist. Oh dear, that is a very depressing message and a waste of your life to stay married out of duty. Two people being miserable together for their entire lives is a sad waste. Same here. When I was still xtian and looking for some sort of comfort after my divorce, all I kept coming across was how selfish and sinful I was. And about how marriage is not about happiness and sometimes God doesn't want us to be happy or have good sex. It was absolutely sickening. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 The Christian version of love and marriage has caused a lot of misery because for a devout Christian there is no way out of a bad relationship. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Marriage is not about love and happiness? By that definition my former marriage was perfect! Yes, I divorced that notion... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I've heard this before from various xians. Since you and your spouse exchanged vows in front of god, you have entered a covenant with god, and you are not permitted to break it. Oh, except if one of you is a non-believer. And if you re-marry you are sinning because you still have the covenant with the first spouse, so now you're a bigamist. Oh dear, that is a very depressing message and a waste of your life to stay married out of duty. Two people being miserable together for their entire lives is a sad waste. Same here. When I was still xtian and looking for some sort of comfort after my divorce, all I kept coming across was how selfish and sinful I was. And about how marriage is not about happiness and sometimes God doesn't want us to be happy or have good sex. It was absolutely sickening. Isn't that the truth!!!! I called bullshit to that sucky xian attitude and went out and enjoyed great sex! And you know what? I think that that great sex with willing partners brought a little bit of joy into the world! I truly do. More joy than me and my ex had, walking on eggshells and being polite with each other, with no passion. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violetbutterfly Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I've heard this before from various xians. Since you and your spouse exchanged vows in front of god, you have entered a covenant with god, and you are not permitted to break it. Oh, except if one of you is a non-believer. And if you re-marry you are sinning because you still have the covenant with the first spouse, so now you're a bigamist. Oh dear, that is a very depressing message and a waste of your life to stay married out of duty. Two people being miserable together for their entire lives is a sad waste. Same here. When I was still xtian and looking for some sort of comfort after my divorce, all I kept coming across was how selfish and sinful I was. And about how marriage is not about happiness and sometimes God doesn't want us to be happy or have good sex. It was absolutely sickening. Isn't that the truth!!!! I called bullshit to that sucky xian attitude and went out and enjoyed great sex! And you know what? I think that that great sex with willing partners brought a little bit of joy into the world! I truly do. More joy than me and my ex had, walking on eggshells and being polite with each other, with no passion. It definitely brought me joy, and I in turn was probably a happier, more joyful person to others...especially after having a similar marriage experience with my ex-husband. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 It definitely brought me joy, and I in turn was probably a happier, more joyful person to others...especially after having a similar marriage experience with my ex-husband. Yay, us!!!! We are strong, brave, freethinking women who own our own bodies and sexuality! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sylensikeelyoo Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Yeah I agree with all of ya. I'm really sick and tired of Christians trying to own Marriage as if they invented the institution. NEWS FLASH: y'all didn't invent marriage, Christians. It was around long before your religion was born and it will be around long after your religion has died. Believe me when I say YOUR RELIGION WILL DIE...At least it's current form. The way your people are leaving your religion in droves, its going to happen. They way y'all treat people and play the victim constantly, and manipulate your followers....your religion is self destructive and it will go away one day. So will its cousins, Judaism and Islam. Just sayin. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I find it so arrogant and insensitive when preachers say things like, "My spouse and I have been married for (fill-in-the-blank) years. We went through rough patches, like everybody, but we worked them out, and now that the kids are grown our love is deeper and more wonderful than ever. We just didn't give up when things got rough." Oh, fucking gag me!!! So, Preacher-Person, you are bragging that: 1. You were lucky enough to be born hetero. 2. You were lucky enough to find another hetero to marry. 3. You were both lucky enough to have decent enough childhoods so that neither of you had to deal with huge baggage of addiction or abuse from childhood. 4. You were both lucky enough to have no fatal flaws (hidden or otherwise) that popped up after the marriage. 5. You were both lucky enough to not have to deal with a tragedy of the scope of the death of a child, which doesn't always cause divorce, but often does. And, Preacher-Person, you are assuming that those horrible divorced people: 1. Simply could not deal with normal "rough patches" in a relationship. 2. Got bored easily, unlike you that could withstand some marital boredom now and then. 3. Must have missed big, obvious red flags while dating, which sucks for them because now they are obliged to stay with that person forever. So, Preacher-Person, you are being so condescending to heteros who simply never meet the right person, for whatever reason that may be, but it certainly doesn't make you a better person because you met the perfect person for you. And in your arrogance you forbid them to ever have sex. Preacher-Person, you are being so condescending to people who do end up in an abusive relationship (whether physical, mental, verbal) with someone who never acted that way while dating. Preacher-Person, you are being so condescending to all gay people who you are forbidding to ever have sex. Preacher-Person, you are being so condescending to people who were raised in abusive or addictive homes who never had good role models and found themselves unable to break that cycle themselves. Preacher-Person, you are being so condescending to people who suffer great tragedies, like the death of a child, which can erode a marriage. Preacher-Person, you are being so condescending by implying that divorced people are immature, selfish, or unable to handle a little conflict, boredom, or lust. Preacher-Person, you are being so condescending by saying that all of the above issues can be cured by prayer and xian counseling and "taking your marriage vows seriously." I just find it so incredibly condescending and insensitive of those preachers to say, "Because I found the right hetero partner I am entitled to fulfilling sex for life. Other people in the same situation are also entitled to fulfilling sex for life. The rest of you can suck it up, act mature and responsible like ME, and remain virgins or remain married to the totally wrong person because you weren't as lucky as ME!!!" That is so incredibly not loving or caring or sensitive to so many people. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sylensikeelyoo Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I find it so arrogant and insensitive when preachers say things like, "My spouse and I have been married for (fill-in-the-blank) years. We went through rough patches, like everybody, but we worked them out, and now that the kids are grown our love is deeper and more wonderful than ever. We just didn't give up when things got rough." Oh, fucking gag me!!! So, Preacher-Person, you are bragging that: 1. You were lucky enough to be born hetero. 2. You were lucky enough to find another hetero to marry. 3. You were both lucky enough to have decent enough childhoods so that neither of you had to deal with huge baggage of addiction or abuse from childhood. 4. You were both lucky enough to have no fatal flaws (hidden or otherwise) that popped up after the marriage. 5. You were both lucky enough to not have to deal with a tragedy of the scope of the death of a child, which doesn't always cause divorce, but often does. And, Preacher-Person, you are assuming that those horrible divorced people: 1. Simply could not deal with normal "rough patches" in a relationship. 2. Got bored easily, unlike you that could withstand some marital boredom now and then. 3. Must have missed big, obvious red flags while dating, which sucks for them because now they are obliged to stay with that person forever. So, Preacher-Person, you are being so condescending to heteros who simply never meet the right person, for whatever reason that may be, but it certainly doesn't make you a better person because you met the perfect person for you. And in your arrogance you forbid them to ever have sex. Preacher-Person, you are being so condescending to people who do end up in an abusive relationship (whether physical, mental, verbal) with someone who never acted that way while dating. Preacher-Person, you are being so condescending to all gay people who you are forbidding to ever have sex. Preacher-Person, you are being so condescending to people who were raised in abusive or addictive homes who never had good role models and found themselves unable to break that cycle themselves. Preacher-Person, you are being so condescending to people who suffer great tragedies, like the death of a child, which can erode a marriage. Preacher-Person, you are being so condescending by implying that divorced people are immature, selfish, or unable to handle a little conflict, boredom, or lust. Preacher-Person, you are being so condescending by saying that all of the above issues can be cured by prayer and xian counseling and "taking your marriage vows seriously." I just find it so incredibly condescending and insensitive of those preachers to say, "Because I found the right hetero partner I am entitled to fulfilling sex for life. Other people in the same situation are also entitled to fulfilling sex for life. The rest of you can suck it up, act mature and responsible like ME, and remain virgins or remain married to the totally wrong person because you weren't as lucky as ME!!!" That is so incredibly not loving or caring or sensitive to so many people. *mic drops* *standing ovation* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Well said Amateur! However that is far too many "lucky enough"s. That means the preacher is reading a script in order to follow a idealistic religious agenda. Rest assured the actual marriage is nothing like the script. Exactly how it is different depends on the preacher but they all keep secrets from the public eye. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Well said Amateur! However that is far too many "lucky enough"s. That means the preacher is reading a script in order to follow a idealistic religious agenda. Rest assured the actual marriage is nothing like the script. Exactly how it is different depends on the preacher but they all keep secrets from the public eye. This is so true, and in my sane, calm life, people saying crazy things either makes me laugh or shake my head or I can just ignore them. But immediately after my divorce, when I was very emotionally vulnerable (i.e., "a total wreck"), when I heard things like "people don't try hard enough these days to stay married," or "most divorces are because of an affair," I would be personally hurt and rendered tearful (once again) and I would feel compelled to explain that I didn't get divorced because I was bored or couldn't resist temptation. It took me about a year before I could deal with people's stupid statements and questions when they found out I was divorced. It also took me about a year to not feel compelled to bring up my divorce around everybody, then feel hurt when they said insensitive things. It was a vicious cycle. I do know that preachers will talk the script about a lot of things, regardless of what goes on in their marriages (or no preacher would ever be caught with porn or a mistress), but it's so disingenuous and insensitive of them to talk down to people and claim they know the real reasons the person got divorced. Saying "God hates divorce" or "people divorce too quickly these days" does not start a conversation, or a healing process. It only shames a person. And it takes advantage of a person's emotional vulnerability at that time. The most helpful people I met in that first year after my divorce were the people who expressed genuine concern for me, for the end of the marriage, and for my children. They listened to me. They asked relevant questions. They listened to the answers. They didn't spout platitudes. They let me cry and say irrational things until I could calm down and start saying rational things. They treated me like a mature woman who made a careful decision after a 15-year marriage with two young children. The least helpful people, including a couple pastor-type people, talked at me. No matter what I said, they still said or implied that saving a marriage is better than anything else. They liked to point out that children of divorce have like 187% more chance of getting into drugs and unwanted pregnancies and gang violence and becoming terrorists than the children raised in intact families. So much for their predictions: one of my children has a great job and great life, and my other child is in college pursuing an interesting degree. Neither has addictions to drugs/alcohol/sex. Neither ever joined a gang or became promiscuous or littered unwanted babies around the landscape. Both kids, my ex-husband, and I still get along and talk; we all just spent some time together when my son came home to visit this past month. I guess, in general, the best thing to do with anybody in a crisis (divorce, a bad medical diagnosis, death of a loved one, etc), is to just LISTEN and let the person cry. Ask questions and listen to the answers. Don't judge the answers, don't judge their actions. If the only thing you can think of to say is a stupid platitude, don't say anything except, "That situation sure sucks." Preacher-People need to know that, too. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 Sweet post, Amateur. My boys have done really well in spite of our divorce, also. Both have had jobs (since 16), cars (and occasional motorcycles), steady girlfriends, put themselves through college and got their own apartments once 18. This isn't to say that the divorce didn't hit them like a Mack truck. It just means that supposed "187%" stat you mentioned simply sucks ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I made up the 187% stat, but I know there are some statistics out there that make divorce sound like a death sentence for children, and several people made sure to point it out to me right after the divorce (including the wife of a pastor). Maybe in the 60's and 70's when divorce and single moms weren't as common, it was harder and the stats were worse because the kids would have been more stigmatized. I'd have to think that these days with so much divorce and remarriage and blended families and single moms and single dads, that kids would be used to classmates coming from different and changing situations. I know my kids didn't have to face anything extra from their schools or friends. They just had to deal with their mom and dad dropping a bombshell on them! But I bet the vast majority of kids now do fine with divorce in the long run and don't end up destroying their own lives over it. Fweetheart, I'm glad all our kids have done well! We did a great job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 Fweetheart, I'm glad all our kids have done well! We did a great job! She called me Fweetheart... I give all the credit to my boys. All we did was give them nudges in the "right" direction every now and then. They did the rest. My youngest will be 24 this year and he will be getting married with a wedding IN VEGAS next year. Yeah, he's awesome... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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