directionless Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I forgot why I left Christianity, and that makes me wonder if I simply wanted to sin (as Christians often claim about atheists). I don't see any reason to believe in Christianity now that I'm an atheist, but that isn't what motivated me to leave Christianity. I detested every moment of being a Christian. I didn't like being around Christians with their phony smiles or singing those stupid songs or fasting twice a week or praying for help and never getting any. I wish I could say I was motivated by the logical inconsistencies that I discovered or something similarly principled, but I was just frustrated and unhappy as a Christian. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yunea Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Don't worry about it. I didn't deconvert by reading the Bible and noticing logical problems either. It'd be kind of cool if I had, but hey - we're out of the cult. That right there is the big thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wyson Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Everyone has different reasons for leaving. What's important is that you left. For me it was crippling emotional pain brought on by the doctrine of original sin. I was very, very unhappy as a Christian. Similar to you I guess. The logical inconsistencies thing and scholarship came after the fact, to turn Christianity out for good. I found leaving for emotional reasons didn't take care of the indoctrination or ideologies and I didn't start to recover until I started debunking those. One huge thing was finding out the doctrine of original sin isn't stated directly anywhere in the Bible and that it was made up by St Augustine of Hippo, that there was debate about it. Infact the whole of the Eastern Church rejects it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheOutsider Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I was just a poor quality cultural christian that was fed up with the hypocrisy of it all. Being dragged to church every week of most of your life without any real choice isn't a good foundation for strong belief... Wasn't until after I decided to leave that I started learning what was wrong with it in earnest, I still haven't actually read much, if anything, past genesis... It's such a damn slog, and I'm already not good at getting through books anyway... Not having to feel guilty about porn was a nice bonus... Huh, I must have come a long way to be okay with actually expressing that. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sylensikeelyoo Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 but I was just frustrated and unhappy as a Christian. What more of a reason do you need to leave Christianity? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraphicsGuy Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 My deconversion was purely emotional...because I am emotional. The logic followed to confirm that my emotions were leading me in the right direction. but I was just frustrated and unhappy as a Christian. What more of a reason do you need to leave Christianity? And this needs to be upvoted... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Xians are all like, "You can only be happy and fulfilled as a xian! Once you have a relationship with god then it'll all be great and you'll have the best friend ever!" When none of that happens and you notice the other people in church are just annoying and phony and praying for things that never happen, it's perfectly normal to say, "I've had enough of this bullshit." It certainly doesn't have to involve years of serious study of the bible. Simple observation of the waste of time praying and fasting for no results is perfectly good evidence. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Why does it matter? Every once in a while I forget why I don't like seeing my extended family. Then I go to a reunion and I suddenly remember why I don't like seeing them. The less you are around a bad environment the less you will remember it because you focus more on living your life and remembering things that actually matter. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HolyGoat Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I echo everything others have been saying. While it is all well and good to realize the facade for what it is, there is absolutely nothing wrong with leaving behind something that makes you miserable. Realizing the impossibilities and incongruencies is just a bonus prize. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted July 10, 2015 Super Moderator Share Posted July 10, 2015 If you don't know why you left, do you at least know why you joined in the first place? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlindReason Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Deconversion through logic isn't more fun, at least not for me. For the first time the world makes sense and my logic circuits aren't hurting anymore. And then the emotions of fear and pain and loss hit me like a brick wall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blood Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 You left because it is a stupid, soul-destroying, massive waste of time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeThinkerNZ Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 I left because one day I just realised I didn't believe anymore. It was not conscious or deliberate. Then I started reading and learning about the logical and historical stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted July 11, 2015 Author Share Posted July 11, 2015 If you don't know why you left, do you at least know why you joined in the first place? Yep, first time around, I was indoctrinated, second time around, I had experienced a psychotic breakdown and the dark side of Christianity seemed to come to life. I guess a big factor in my deconversion was getting well slowly, learning about psychosis, etc. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted July 11, 2015 Author Share Posted July 11, 2015 Xians are all like, "You can only be happy and fulfilled as a xian! Once you have a relationship with god then it'll all be great and you'll have the best friend ever!" When none of that happens and you notice the other people in church are just annoying and phony and praying for things that never happen, it's perfectly normal to say, "I've had enough of this bullshit." It certainly doesn't have to involve years of serious study of the bible. Simple observation of the waste of time praying and fasting for no results is perfectly good evidence. That about sums-up my experience. I remember the only way I could stand going to church was to walk for several hours first. Sometimes I would nearly faint in church from the low blood sugar and dehydration, because food and water weren't allowed before communion, but at least I was too exhausted to be miserable. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted July 11, 2015 Author Share Posted July 11, 2015 I was just a poor quality cultural christian that was fed up with the hypocrisy of it all. Being dragged to church every week of most of your life without any real choice isn't a good foundation for strong belief... Wasn't until after I decided to leave that I started learning what was wrong with it in earnest, I still haven't actually read much, if anything, past genesis... It's such a damn slog, and I'm already not good at getting through books anyway... Not having to feel guilty about porn was a nice bonus... Huh, I must have come a long way to be okay with actually expressing that. Just imagine how many billions of Christian men and women have felt bad about their sexual desires over the past 2000 years. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted July 11, 2015 Author Share Posted July 11, 2015 Deconversion through logic isn't more fun, at least not for me. For the first time the world makes sense and my logic circuits aren't hurting anymore. And then the emotions of fear and pain and loss hit me like a brick wall. Hmmm, so the Christian lifestyle must have worked better for you. I admire people who were actually successful Christians (unlike myself), because it clearly requires good character - just like I admire people who were successful in the military, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted July 11, 2015 Author Share Posted July 11, 2015 Everyone has different reasons for leaving. What's important is that you left. For me it was crippling emotional pain brought on by the doctrine of original sin. I was very, very unhappy as a Christian. Similar to you I guess. The logical inconsistencies thing and scholarship came after the fact, to turn Christianity out for good. I found leaving for emotional reasons didn't take care of the indoctrination or ideologies and I didn't start to recover until I started debunking those. One huge thing was finding out the doctrine of original sin isn't stated directly anywhere in the Bible and that it was made up by St Augustine of Hippo, that there was debate about it. Infact the whole of the Eastern Church rejects it. I was too stupid to even realize that I should be bothered by the doctrine of original sin. But I was bothered by the Eastern Orthodox claim to be "the Church" and other peculiarities of their beliefs, because my background was Episcopalian. The malarkey is spread very thick in the Orthodox church IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
traveller2 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 To the OP :I myself drifted toward deconversion thru not praying or reading the bible then started to find my humanity and deconvert properly later.i never left for reasons of unbelief thru study or a logical internal debate and study of its inconsistencies. Even now tho I quite happily disbelief the bible it more just thru my lifestyle I found eventually I saw it as a load of shite not worth believing.the only real concrete reason I began to leave and what fueled my deconversion was that I'd had enough of assholes I kept meeting in and thru church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 You're lucky you've moved on far enough to forget. I'm reminded every time I accompany my wife to church. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted July 12, 2015 Author Share Posted July 12, 2015 You're lucky you've moved on far enough to forget. I'm reminded every time I accompany my wife to church. I suppose you attend every week? Ugh. I was trying to attend a Catholic Saturday evening service with my mother earlier this year, but I couldn't continue. I felt very dishonest and disrespectful to be present. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 Pretty well. It's useful sleeping time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarriorPoet Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 If you can't remember your original reasons for abandoning christianity, just remember this. There have been around 2800 gods that have been worshiped by humans (that we are sure about.) When you know why you don't believe in 2799 of them, you will understand why you no longer believe in the last one. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoriahConqueringWind Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I forgot why I left Christianity, and that makes me wonder if I simply wanted to sin (as Christians often claim about atheists). I don't see any reason to believe in Christianity now that I'm an atheist, but that isn't what motivated me to leave Christianity. I detested every moment of being a Christian. I didn't like being around Christians with their phony smiles or singing those stupid songs or fasting twice a week or praying for help and never getting any. I wish I could say I was motivated by the logical inconsistencies that I discovered or something similarly principled, but I was just frustrated and unhappy as a Christian. Don't worry about it. I didn't deconvert by reading the Bible and noticing logical problems either. It'd be kind of cool if I had, but hey - we're out of the cult. That right there is the big thing. I got out because I couldn't handle the monster in the prayer closet. Reading the bible and noting all the inconsistencies just made me abreact into satanism, because I was still stuck on the idea that there was "a THERE, over there." Meaning some sort of cosmic supernatural war deal going on where everyone had to choose sides blah blah blah. Once I finally got fed up with the RELATIONSHIP and it was so toxic my ONLY choice was to break it off (breaking up with god, LOL, someone should do one of those cheesey "jeebus is my boyfriend music" songs about that) THAT was when I started realizing the plain truth, and seeing that what I thought was this majorly colossal epic stand against a deity who utterly failed to deserve his throne was really just the flip side of the same noose of belief that kept me ping-ponging and running back to said deity (as well as believing a boatload of bullshit about myself, life, and everything else). OMFNEG I am glad to be out of that filth. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
directionless Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 I forgot why I left Christianity, and that makes me wonder if I simply wanted to sin (as Christians often claim about atheists). I don't see any reason to believe in Christianity now that I'm an atheist, but that isn't what motivated me to leave Christianity. I detested every moment of being a Christian. I didn't like being around Christians with their phony smiles or singing those stupid songs or fasting twice a week or praying for help and never getting any. I wish I could say I was motivated by the logical inconsistencies that I discovered or something similarly principled, but I was just frustrated and unhappy as a Christian. Don't worry about it. I didn't deconvert by reading the Bible and noticing logical problems either. It'd be kind of cool if I had, but hey - we're out of the cult. That right there is the big thing. I got out because I couldn't handle the monster in the prayer closet. Reading the bible and noting all the inconsistencies just made me abreact into satanism, because I was still stuck on the idea that there was "a THERE, over there." Meaning some sort of cosmic supernatural war deal going on where everyone had to choose sides blah blah blah. Once I finally got fed up with the RELATIONSHIP and it was so toxic my ONLY choice was to break it off (breaking up with god, LOL, someone should do one of those cheesey "jeebus is my boyfriend music" songs about that) THAT was when I started realizing the plain truth, and seeing that what I thought was this majorly colossal epic stand against a deity who utterly failed to deserve his throne was really just the flip side of the same noose of belief that kept me ping-ponging and running back to said deity (as well as believing a boatload of bullshit about myself, life, and everything else). OMFNEG I am glad to be out of that filth. I'm glad you escaped religion. It sounds like you had a stressful journey. I don't know anything about Satanism, but it makes me uncomfortable because of my Christian background. IDK Christianity implants a lot of fears in people, and the best way to escape those fears for me was atheism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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