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Goodbye Jesus

Jesus Comes Back E-mail


regencybrougham

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UGH!

I was just forwarded a Christian e-mail by a relative. She described the message as "strong." Mmm-hmm. I was nearly moved to tears... :Wendywhatever:

 

When Christ Comes

 

By: Max Lucado

 

 

 

You are in your car driving home. Thoughts wander to the game you want to see or meal you want to eat, when suddenly a sound unlike any you've ever heard fills the air. The sound is high above you. A trumpet? A choir? A choir of trumpets? You don't know, but you want to know. So you pull over, get out of your car, and look up.

 

As you do, you see you aren't the only curious one. The roadside has become a parking lot. Car doors are open, and people are staring at the sky. Shoppers are racing out of the grocery store. The Little League baseball game across the street has come to a halt. Players and parents are searching the clouds.

 

And what they see, and what you see, has never before been seen.

 

As if the sky were a curtain, the drapes of the atmosphere part. A brilliant light spills onto the earth. There are no shadows. None. From whence came the light begins to tumble a river of color-spiking crystals of every hue ever seen and a million more never seen. Riding on the flow is an endless fleet of angels.

 

They pass through the curtains one myriad at a time, until they occupy every square inch of the sky. North. South. East. West. Thousands of silvery wings rise and fall in unison, and over the sound of the trumpets, you can hear the cherubim and seraphim chanting, "Holy, holy, holy."

 

The final flank of angels is followed by twenty-four silver-bearded elders and a multitude of souls who join the angels in worship. Presently the movement stops and the trumpets are silent, leaving only the triumphant triplet: "Holy, holy, holy." Between each word is a pause. With each word, a profound reverence. You hear your voice join in the chorus. You don't know why you say the words, but you know you must.

 

Suddenly, the heavens are quiet. All is quiet. The angels turn, you turn, the entire world turns-and there he is. Jesus. Through waves of light you see the silhouetted figure of Christ the King. He is atop a great stallion, and the stallion is atop a billowing cloud. He opens his mouth, and you are surrounded by his declaration: "I am the Alpha and the Omega."

 

The angels bow their heads. The elders remove their crowns. And before you is a figure so consuming that you know, instantly you know: Nothing else matters. Forget stock markets and school reports. Sales meetings and football games. Nothing is newsworthy. All that mattered, matters no more, for Christ has come. :notworthy:

 

Say it with me now... "HOLY HOLY HOLY!!!!"

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Damn it man, Jesus ain't comming back. Christians been waiting for his return for more than 2000 years and still nothing. :Wendywhatever:

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The angels bow their heads. The elders remove their crowns. And before you is a figure so consuming that you know, instantly you know: Nothing else matters. Forget stock markets and school reports. Sales meetings and football games. Nothing is newsworthy. All that mattered, matters no more, for Christ has come. :notworthy:

 

And Christ steps forward, extends his big thumb, gives you a wink and says, "that'll do pig...that'll do."

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Riding on the flow is an endless fleet of angels.
Main Entry: 2fleet

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English flete, from Old English flEot ship, from flEotan

1 : a number of warships under a single command; specifically : an organization of ships and aircraft under the command of a flag officer

2 : GROUP 2a, b; especially : a group (as of ships, planes, or trucks) operated under unified control

 

 

:mellow:

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Never mind. :Wendywhatever:

 

I just checked out the site of the author. http://www.maxlucado.com/

 

I pulled up two other pieces of his writings from his site

and both of them were written in this christian children's

book fashion. He writes as though he's speaking to nothing

but seven or eight year old kids.

 

He's rich though. :shrug:

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But then, Fwee - how far away from the mentality of 7- and 8-year-olds is the mind of the average Fundie?

 

Edit: it occurs to me that I shouldn't insult elementary school kids by making the comparison. My bad.

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I read Lucado a lot when I was a Christian. Very emotional manipulative stuff...

 

His books are devotional and for some reason I was attracted to the design of the covers. I remember that I cried a lot.... they are very powerful if you are a theologically conservative Christian.

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All that mattered, matters no more, for Christ has come.

 

He'd better not come on me - I don't swing that way :nono:

 

Seriously, though, it is all about emotionalism, like Pandora said. Ooo, here comes Jesus™, look how pretty! Isn't it wuuunderful? Now we can all be caught up in his bosom and praise him with the word "holy" (his favorite word, y'know) for all of eternity while the rest of sinning humanity, including the mentally retarded and little children and our dreadful unsaved heathen ancestors buuuuuuuuurn in Hell!!!

 

I used to read some of those flaky devotionals in my fundy days. It's truly great stuff to manipulate the believer, who has probably had some bad stuff happen in his or her life and really needs to feel better. I have some Xian friends who are like that, sucked in by the sugary-sweet devotionals into a world of lifetime angry-god appeasing. It's disgusting, really, and truly emblematic of a cult - the only thing that doesn't get most Xian sects under fire from the government is the fact they are so big and so deeply-entrenched in western civilization. This is the "cool" cult - the rest are bad.

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UGH!

I was just forwarded a Christian e-mail by a relative. She described the message as "strong." Mmm-hmm. I was nearly moved to tears... :Wendywhatever:

 

When Christ Comes

 

By: Max Lucado

 

 

 

 

It seems that we need to take Jesus to court for disturbing the public order. :grin:

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UGH!

I was just forwarded a Christian e-mail by a relative. She described the message as "strong." Mmm-hmm. I was nearly moved to tears... :Wendywhatever:

 

When Christ Comes

 

Send her a reply, stating that you're not interested in Christian porn. :D I've thought of that ever since a friend in high school said, "Sing, O Come Let Us Adore Him, and think dirty". Even as a Christian, I prefered the expression "When Christ Returns".

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"This generation shall not pass away, till all be fulfilled" - Luke 21:32

 

Jesus blew his chance to fulfill his own prophecy almost 2000 years ago...who do you suppose she is referring to in the email? It isn't jesus, at least not according to the bible.

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