Angel Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 I got to thinking today about when I was a strong, pig-headed christian. I think of the friends that I had at the time that tried to be the "model christian", but had difficulties doing so. (you know that damn world will get ya everytime...) I was such a jerk to them. I do not know if any of you were really nasty to those that just did not "measure up" to the christian standards. With much regret, I was an asshole, bottom line. Back then, I honestly felt that I had their best interest at heart, you know, trying to save them from hell and all...blah blah blah, but when I think of it now, I am suprised one of them did not put me out of my misery like a wounded horse. I did have the opprotunity to apologize to some people, (which left them totally stunned mind you) but there are some that I wished that I could just say, "I'm sorry" to, but can't. (they moved away) Even if they do not forgive me, that is ok really, I just want them to know that I see what I was back then and that I am sorry for making their lives so miserable. See, what I was taught, when you bring people to the lord, you are then responsible for them and you have to make sure that they are brought up in the ways of god.... (a lot of bullshit really). So, I hired myself on to be their "morality police". You want to talk about wrong??? One time me and a group of others went through someone's room to clean it out of anything demonic! (I could kick myself in the ass for that one....HARD) We had absolutely NO RIGHT to do such a thing. Hell, one time a bunch of us went to get this guy out of a strip joint! Can you imagine a group of women (with a bible in hand) going into a place like that? Have any of you ever been in that deep to do out right stupid and cruel things???? This kind of stuff makes me feel like total shit, really it does. This is one of MANY reasons why I am so glad that I am out of this vicious cult. I like who I am now. I accept people for who they are and do not look at them like "the next soul for jesus", or judge them for the things they chose to do....their life, their business, their right to do so. I just wished that there was a way to erase the foolish, dumb, stupid, cruel and idiotic things that I was doing, all "in the name of the lord". It is hard to live with, you know what I mean? The guilt I feel from this....a lot worse than the fear/guilt that I had leaving the flock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Hell, one time a bunch of us went to get this guy out of a strip joint! Can you imagine a group of women (with a bible in hand) going into a place like that? I can imagine it. What better excuse could be used as such a great opportunity for self-righteous women to get a look at the "wild side". Seriously, a lot of those women were probably pretty eager to go along with it just to satisfy their secret curiosity about "such places" as strip clubs. Even beter if a whole group is going. Safety in numbers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amanda Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 I think I know what you're saying Angel... Doesn't it feel good that it is no longer our job/responsibility to save the world? What a load to carry that was! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 At least you've corrected your mistakes. A lot of people never do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Broke Free Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Don’t’ beat yourself up Angel. I too have memories regarding just how insufferable I was while I was a Christian. I was so smug, so self-righteous, and so quick to point out any failings I saw in others. I figured if god was watching me the best way to avert his gaze at my shortcomings would be for me to have my accusatory finger pointed somewhere else. I was a Christian for only two years; the last two years of high school. My parents were the most common target for me. They claimed to be Christian too, but they often worked around the house on Sunday! Sometimes my dad drank a bit too much beer or he would use the Lord’s name in vain. (They were really good ones too, I use them now.) Years later I apologized to them both, my father especially. He accepted my apology and agreed I was an insufferable kid during those two years. Angle, I found that apologizing did help me deal with those awful memories. (I believe Pitchu calls them “wincers.” You know, when you have to wince when the memory comes back to you?) I wouldn’t fret about apologizing to everyone, but I did find that apologizing to those close to me did help me get over those memories. I can laugh about most of them now. IBF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aqua Kitty Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 * Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponymic Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 Ya know... you were an asshole. I kid. Actually the most important thing is you show tremendous character by taking responsibility for your actions & acknowledging them with the people you dealt with during less reputable times. And we all know you're most definitely not an arse now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curtdude Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 ....Actually the most important thing is you show tremendous character by taking responsibility for your actions & acknowledging them with the people you dealt with during less reputable times..... Exactly. Learning from our past is always a good thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel Posted February 25, 2006 Author Share Posted February 25, 2006 Thank you all for your kind words, you made me feel a lot better. It was just on my mind today more than any other day and I was starting to feel pretty low....again, thanks all, I am feeling better about things. I have learned more than one lesson from this whole situation. Some of the important ones are these: No one has the right to try to tell you what to do and push their way into your life to try to run it....whether they believe they are doing you a favor or not. Everyone has their right to do what they want and that should never be taken away..(or attempted to be taken away) nor should they be judged by what they choose to do. Never become a know-it-all, super christian, you will become an asshole. (Kinda like that bumper sticker....Jesus loves you, it is just the rest of the world that thinks your an asshole) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Checkmate Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 I was so smug, so self-righteous, and so quick to point out any failings I saw in others. I figured if god was watching me the best way to avert his gaze at my shortcomings would be for me to have my accusatory finger pointed somewhere else. Sounds like the perfect description of sub_zer0, redneck22, daniel_1012 and every other Fundie visitor we receive. (And yes, it sadly describes ME when I was a Fundie nutcase. I'm SO ashamed. Welcome to the club everyone.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Gods Fail Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 I was pretty bad, too. Honestly, some of the shit I used to do and say as a xtian just pains me. It's hard to even talk about it, it's so godamn shameful. I was a total dildo as a believer - but then, most of us prolly were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Shiva H. Vishnu Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 I was a member of one of those groups who were explicit about abandoning your worldly relationships. In the 8 yrs since I left that cult I have gone back to each and every one of the friends that I tossed aside for god to find them smiling with open arms and ready to take me back. I might compare their acceptance of me to that of the church if it weren't for the glaring disparity of the ACTUAL PRESENCE OF REAL HUMAN LOVE in my previously spurned friends acceptance. In a few cases the chasm created by many years of divergent paths was simply a backdrop to the play of greater understanding of the human experience to which we had both inadvertantly bought tickets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luck Mermaid Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 Shiva, that's beautiful!!! Also, I think if more Christians were dildoes, we would have less problems. But they're more like rusty bent nails. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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