Rosa Mystica Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 As most of you know, I post to ChristianForums.com. Recently, I changed my faith icon from Christian to Seeker. Since then, at least one person who I used to dialogue with has started ignoring me (basically acting like I don't exist)! WTF is up with that?! Am I less than human b/c I don't use a Christian icon anymore? I guess I must be. Has anyone else here experienced similar treatment after their deconversion (either online or in real life)? Have you been ignored/unacknowledged by people in your life due to your change in beliefs. Heh, I hate to think how my abusive family will treat me if/when they find out. Rosa Whoopsies, I meant to post this in Rants and Replies. Mods, feel free to move this if need be. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrmarlin Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 As most of you know, I post to ChristianForums.com. Recently, I changed my faith icon from Christian to Seeker. Since then, at least one person who I used to dialogue with has started ignoring me (basically acting like I don't exist)! WTF is up with that?! Am I less than human b/c I don't use a Christian icon anymore? I guess I must be. Has anyone else here experienced similar treatment after their deconversion (either online or in real life)? Have you been ignored/unacknowledged by people in your life due to your change in beliefs. Heh, I hate to think how my abusive family will treat me if/when they find out. Rosa Whoopsies, I meant to post this in Rants and Replies. Mods, feel free to move this if need be. Thanks. You are not a bad person -- and you DO exist. That's just one of the xian's tactics to guilt you into being their little sheep. Don't fall for it. It is not worth the emotional blackmail involved --- and highly childish. Xians never cease to amaze me with their stupid and childish behaviors. You just ignore them and don't let their shitty attitude effect the way you feel about yourself. You're a good person -- it doesn't matter what others believe. It all boils down to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosa Mystica Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 You are not a bad person -- and you DO exist. That's just one of the xian's tactics to guilt you into being their little sheep. Don't fall for it. It is not worth the emotional blackmail involved --- and highly childish. Xians never cease to amaze me with their stupid and childish behaviors. You just ignore them and don't let their shitty attitude effect the way you feel about yourself. You're a good person -- it doesn't matter what others believe. It all boils down to you! Thanks for the compliment. If I ever believe again, I will NOT be like the people who post there. My God, how childish of them to behave the way they do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 I lost my best girlfriend because I deconverted. Even got "fired" as the maid of honor at her wedding because she thought I couldn't be a good spiritual guide and confidant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrmarlin Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Thanks for the compliment. If I ever believe again, I will NOT be like the people who post there. My God, how childish of them to behave the way they do. Perhaps your questioning has caused them discomfort within themselves because deep down they know what they're spewing is utter shit. I bet you never thought about that one... You might have "Found them out..." and they don't like that one bit. Just ignore them... To quote the BABBLE: They know no what they do.... Funny, you would think the babble would be on the other side wouldn't you? I lost my best girlfriend because I deconverted. Even got "fired" as the maid of honor at her wedding because she thought I couldn't be a good spiritual guide and confidant. Any "friend" that would do that to another person they called a friend, is not really a friend at all... not even to begin with. Being a false friend is untruthful... You never needed her, Pan... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightflight Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Sounds like a good ol fashioned shunnin' to me! Perhaps your questioning has caused them discomfort within themselves because deep down they know what they're spewing is utter shit. You are probably on to something there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 As most of you know, I post to ChristianForums.com. Recently, I changed my faith icon from Christian to Seeker. Since then, at least one person who I used to dialogue with has started ignoring me (basically acting like I don't exist)! WTF is up with that?! Am I less than human b/c I don't use a Christian icon anymore? I guess I must be. Has anyone else here experienced similar treatment after their deconversion (either online or in real life)? Have you been ignored/unacknowledged by people in your life due to your change in beliefs. Heh, I hate to think how my abusive family will treat me if/when they find out. Rosa Whoopsies, I meant to post this in Rants and Replies. Mods, feel free to move this if need be. Thanks. I had one friend online decide that she didn't want to be my friend anymore after I posted my deconversion story on my lj. Granted it was ranty, but I had added a disclaimer that I did not have anything against any of my Christian friends. So yeah. I think they can't deal with someone else questioning the beliefs they've had all their life because deep down, they're afraid they wasted their entire life believing in a fairy tale. I know I had that fear when I was younger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponymic Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 As most of you know, I post to ChristianForums.com. Recently, I changed my faith icon from Christian to Seeker. Since then, at least one person who I used to dialogue with has started ignoring me (basically acting like I don't exist)! WTF is up with that?! Am I less than human b/c I don't use a Christian icon anymore? Well. Yea. That's basically how it works. Remember, Christian faith is often so tremulous that any doubt that creeps in can send you off your belief rocker. So they have to shun those who turn away because if they don't it could allow doubt to creep in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmccaskill Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 I used to post at CF. But the more I thought about it the less it made sense to visit a xian website where people have for the most part made up their minds. I hate when preachers come here and the AN to tell us we're wrong and so forth. So why would I go pollute their boards? Let those who question their beliefs come here where they can question without being threatened with hell. You're better off not posting there. If the Christians are going to ignore you over a difference of your personal decision about religion then it does nothing but show their all-loving god's teaching of tolerance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Thanks for the compliment. If I ever believe again, I will NOT be like the people who post there. My God, how childish of them to behave the way they do. Perhaps your questioning has caused them discomfort within themselves because deep down they know what they're spewing is utter shit. I bet you never thought about that one... You might have "Found them out..." and they don't like that one bit. Just ignore them... To quote the BABBLE: They know no what they do.... Funny, you would think the babble would be on the other side wouldn't you? I lost my best girlfriend because I deconverted. Even got "fired" as the maid of honor at her wedding because she thought I couldn't be a good spiritual guide and confidant. Any "friend" that would do that to another person they called a friend, is not really a friend at all... not even to begin with. Being a false friend is untruthful... You never needed her, Pan... I know that know, but it sure was painful then. Now she's a Bush-loving evangelical. We last got together around a year or so ago. It was pleasant, but we just don't connect anymore because our lives have gone different directions in so many ways. We used to be able to joke together and make fun of Rush Limbaugh... but she didn't even go for that. When we first met, she was a Worldwide Church of God member. At the time, she credited me with getting her out of the "cult" and into "real" Christianity. I guess I disappointed her... LOL I still miss her... but I miss who she was, not what adulthood and Christianity have turned her into. Good thing I have new friends now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexandrian Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 That's often the problem with really devoted Christians- they view the entire point of there relationship with others is to further their religion. With Christian friends, so they can help each other grow in Christ, with non-Christian "friends", so they can "witness". It's not entirely illogical to do so if you take the whole heaven and hell thing literally, but it kind of sucks in dealing them that anything they do has an ulterior motive. That's one of the best things I have liked about deconverting. When I was a Christian(Catholic), I always had to think about how to be a good example of my faith and how I should act as to promote my religion. Since deconverting, my friendships are all based about genuine care for the other person, and not how I could influence him/her in any given way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 I met a nice woman on the internet through freecycle. She seemed really cool. We hit it off to the point that she invited me and my husband to her house to have a yard sale. Well, everything was cool, then I started to see that she was a full blown christian. It never came up before, she never asked me about my beliefs. Since the friendship was just starting out, I felt that I had to be honest with her. (What prompted me doing so was when she said it was nice to have a christian friend...ut oh) I told her that I was a non-christian, I was once, but chose to walk away. OH BOY, that did it. Even though she never SAID, I could see it on her face. She was trying to say that her church is a good church and that I should try out other churches and not go but what I have seen/been through.... I really did not want to get into it with her.... but after that visit, I have talked to her maybe 2 times, every now and then I get a christian forward....I guess I made it to the "X" list, one that she needs to pray for and get saved.... I hate the fact that I too, was that narrow minded and judged people by their beliefs/nonbelief, you can really miss out on a good person by cutting them off that way. But you know, if they are not interested in YOU as a person, then there really is no friendship worth trying to have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigToe Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 I think that's so stupid. Why the hell does one's faith have any effect on if you can be friends and treat them decently or not? I mean seriously, some people need to really get over themselves. I'm sorry that's happened to you, but whomever is ignoring you now is obviously not worth wasting your time talking to anyway. But, where is the faith icon thing? I couldn't find it in my profile over there at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrmarlin Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I met a nice woman on the internet through freecycle. She seemed really cool. We hit it off to the point that she invited me and my husband to her house to have a yard sale. Well, everything was cool, then I started to see that she was a full blown christian. It never came up before, she never asked me about my beliefs. Since the friendship was just starting out, I felt that I had to be honest with her. (What prompted me doing so was when she said it was nice to have a christian friend...ut oh) I told her that I was a non-christian, I was once, but chose to walk away. OH BOY, that did it. Even though she never SAID, I could see it on her face. She was trying to say that her church is a good church and that I should try out other churches and not go but what I have seen/been through.... I really did not want to get into it with her.... but after that visit, I have talked to her maybe 2 times, every now and then I get a christian forward....I guess I made it to the "X" list, one that she needs to pray for and get saved.... I hate the fact that I too, was that narrow minded and judged people by their beliefs/nonbelief, you can really miss out on a good person by cutting them off that way. But you know, if they are not interested in YOU as a person, then there really is no friendship worth trying to have. One little bit of advice....if she's praying for you then off-set it with you own energy. I don't know whether you know this, (as you probably do) but the xians have very negative energy and when they pray for you, they send that shit your way....so do some sort of psychic defense and don't let that energy into your life. i know it sounds hokie but trust me, they have bad juju! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I post on CF too. I started there with a pagan icon, and now it's agnostic (as my paradigm has shifted). So I never got dissed by anyone there for changing my mind, since it was moot by the time I got there. But honestly, knowing some of the personalities there, I'm not surprised some people are dissing you, sadly. I'm kind of lucky. Most of the RL people I know who have known me through my various religious states have just sort of ridden the wave and it hasn't been much of an issue. In fact I have a number of friends who seem glad that I'm not Xian anymore, because of how little sense it seemed to make to them that I ever was one, plus the fact that I'm not a pain in the ass religious zealot anymore - I don't go around trying to convert and guilt trip people. I've gotten some grief from my parents, especially my Xian mom, but for once I'm glad that I have the kind of family that Just Doesn't Talk About Certain Things . Because it never comes up. Nonetheless, I have certainly been on the receiving end of some negative Xian judgment. The fundie ex I've posted about here is pretty well convinced that I'm a subhuman whore. He considered himself sexually pure, despite his hardcore porn addiction, because he was a technical virgin (at the age of 32!) and I wasn't. I was a divorced, non-virgin, sexually active, pro-choice, feminist, independent-minded unbeliever - so I definitely didn't fit in the Jesus Club. And I definitely wasn't worth anything to him at all. It's hard to get over being thought of that way when it's by someone you love (or once loved, as the case may be). But it sucks all around anyway. People can just be fucking jerks. I agree with BigToe - faith in any given thing shouldn't really have anything to do with whether or not you can be friends with anybody. But, well, there it is. For some people it does matter. I just chalk it up to them being elitist assholes and have done with 'em. Works for me, anyway... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest chris 1.0 Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I find it rather hypocritocal of christians to just dump their friends over a lost faith. then again to the christian, being a believer is the only thing in life that matters so when someone "de-converts" it's like that person literally forfeited their soul. I have had a hard time coming out about my loss of belief for fear of losing those closest to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I think that's so stupid. Why the hell does one's faith have any effect on if you can be friends and treat them decently or not? I mean seriously, some people need to really get over themselves. I'm sorry that's happened to you, but whomever is ignoring you now is obviously not worth wasting your time talking to anyway. But, where is the faith icon thing? I couldn't find it in my profile over there at all. You have to get a mod (Alpha, I think) to change it for you now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigToe Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 Well that's odd. I guess it is so they can keep more in their fold? heh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thunderbolt Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 I told my best friend who is this super cool dude, musician and all, revelation of grace and the whole nine yards. His first response was shock, but then said it doesn’t affect our relationship. The next e-mail was two questions – what’s the purpose of life and where do I get morality. I had that figured out by then and give him my answers in a very non judgmental way. It didn't matter to me that he was still a Christian, and I was not on a crusade to change his mind. Then came the shocker. He said he wanted to be friends, but our relationship is going be *tricky* going forward. WTF? Tricky? What’s tricky about conversing with someone else when the conversation exclude Jesus? Oh wait, I get it, he spews Jesus from morning to noon, is now an associate pastor. My deconversion was a personal slap in his face. The irony is that he was the main catalyst to get me rethinking my fear of hell. He recommended that I read Brennan Manning’s The Ragamufin Gospel. It was awesome at the time and a good way to shed my fears about God. But it was also this that gave me the freedom to question everything else, and the rest is history as they say … So Rosa – it’s not surprising. Christians cannot relate to most people that does not sing from their song sheet, and they cannot have a potluck with anyone not part of their congregation. You are officially the enemy in their eyes – but know this – we take you just as you come! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrmarlin Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 Christians cannot relate to most people that does not sing from their song sheet, and they cannot have a potluck with anyone not part of their congregation. Very true, Thunderbolt. Very true. I think I may have part of the reason as to why they are firm supports of separatism. (sidebar: just looked up the actual dictionary definition of separatism to use and here's the first definition I found: One who secedes or advocates separation, especially from an established church. Ironic isn't it?) Have you ever noticed that the sign of christianity is the fish? Well, fish are notorious for traveling in schools. They are not satisfied to be loners, i.e. freethinkers. They (christians) contenuously need this validation of the pack mentality. They also shun any form of individuality and free thought. (Scary stuff because look what happened to you, Thunder... you like satan fell from grace...) Christians aka fish feel this burning need to breed, hence all the hoopla about contraception and abortion. They will take on "causes" with an extremist attitude - not caring if a few people die, i.e. the abortion clinic bombings and vigilantes shooting up the place. Fish are also cold-blooded creatures who will turn on you in an instant (especially the man-eating sharks and piranhas (Any of several tropical American freshwater fishes that are voraciously carnivorous and often attack and destroy living animals.) ) Judging by the sinister twist on the symbol they have fashioned for themselves, you can see why Christians view anyone else who does not possess like-mind, the enemy. It is a shame about your friend -- but you have to wonder, was he ever truly a friend or just a fellow christian "warrior?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 *hugs* Rosa. I hate to have to say this, but it is a bit of a rehearsal as to how people may be (not inevitably though) in real life. Just try and ensure you are ready before you tell anyone to withstand whatever their attitude might be. Get some support in first if you can too... And with regard CF, I still have this slight masochistic tendency to go there and there are still people who I used to talk to all the time who have ignored me. It may be they are angry, sad, upset, don't know what to say, afraid of putting their foot in it etc. I have pm'd a couple of people like that and they did talk back, it may be that they just don't know what to say and are afraid of saying the wrong thing, once I got in touch they were OK. It ached for me and still does, so *hugs* again for you. As for the vindictive ones, that's what the "ignore" button is for. Use it to protect yourself till you feel stronger. Cat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigToe Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 It honestly has never made sense to me why someone couldn't be friends with another because of their beliefs. It baffles me to this day, but even when I was way too involved in the Southern Baptist Church it didn't make sense to me. Life would be so incredibly boring if all my friends thought and felt the same way I do on any subject--be it religion, politics, or taste in movies. But I know it happens, heck, it has happened to me because I am not conservative enough or whathaveyou. Cat is, unfortunately, correct in that it is simply a taste of what might come from others. It is just one more thing that makes any choice to believe something that isn't what others want you to believe all the more difficult. But you shouldn't feel the need to hide who you are to avoid finding out who is an actual friend and who isn't. I hope you know who your true friends are and that they are there for you when others turn their backs, I can't imagine someone turning on you in that manner is easy to deal with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thunderbolt Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 Judging by the sinister twist on the symbol they have fashioned for themselves, you can see why Christians view anyone else who does not possess like-mind, the enemy. It is a shame about your friend -- but you have to wonder, was he ever truly a friend or just a fellow christian "warrior?" Great analogy - you have to wonder with a mind shut down like that if there is any growth or evolution happening. No wait, we know there isn't. My friend is an asshole, it turned out the only wanted to pursue a further relationship to show me the error of my ways. Well, up his! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrmarlin Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Yes, I've been ignored. Not just by fundies in my hometown but also on CF. I go by ltrain on that site, too. Check out the massacre of my question "Is the Catholic Church going down the drain?" (assuming it's still there). I'd provide a link, but I'd have to return to that disgusting site to get it. ltrain With any luck, it will be gone................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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