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All This Ark Talk... We Need Reality Show!


Jeff
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Seriously. I would love to see some kind of reality show about 8 people who take a number of animals into a structure of some sort matching the dimensions the ark had for living space.

 

I bet Christians would run from this like the plague knowing the obvious outcome. But can you imagine the deconversions that would happen when confronted with the sheer stupidity of trying to live enclosed with even a few pairs of medium to large animals including all the food needed for the time indicated in the bible.

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Now Jeff, you know no one would deconvert because of this. They'd just double up on the "it was a miracle" theory and forge ahead.

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From personal experience I know that magic is the prime answer when literalists are challenged on Noahs ark. My church realised some time ago that 8 people, x gazzilion animals, and all the food and water couldn't fit on the ark. The answer - God brought them into the ark and into another dimension to survive while the flood wiped the earth clean. True doctrine at my church.

 

I have yet to challenge them on:

 

How then did plants survive. (Magic)

What did all the herbivores eat considering there wasn't enough time for vegetation to grow back enough to allow a rapidly growing herbivore population to survive after the flood. (People don't realise how much vegetation even a sheep needs to survive!)

How many species were destroyed in the first week because the carnivores went and ate one of a pair, or a whole pair.

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Oh I don't imagine many overnight conversions but how many of us unraveled from tugging on some loose threads.

 

Christians are grasping for real proof of the bible all the time. They grasp at any pseudo science about finding the ark, or ark if covenant, or blood moons and any damn scrap of archaeology that someone digs up.

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The whole ark thing is just silly.

 

How do Christians suppose that 8 people went about the task of gathering up these animals and birds?  From everywhere?  Did someone make the trip to the polar ice caps to collect polar bears?  And the polar bears just obediently followed this person all the way back to the middle east?  Did they walk, or did a magic carpet pick them up and deliver them?  WendyDoh.gif

 

 

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Cameras everywhere. Only the bathrooms and small bed/bunk have privacy in true reality show form.

I'd love to watch these 8 Christians quickly realize how stupid it is to think they could slop enough chow and water for all known major animal groups and shovel the shit that would pile up.

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Ask them why the tale of Enuma Elish or Deucalion is less plausible than their silly Genesis-account.

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     A show like this could never happen (in the U.S. at least) thanks to animal cruelty laws.  You couldn't shove animals into a dark, confined space and slowly abuse them for "entertainment."  On that premise alone people should realize the whole story is nonsense.

     The ark would have been, at its absolute best, a poorly lit floating torture dungeon.  Even putting most of this fantasy story aside we simply don't allow people to place animals at the bottom of a three story building, black-out all the light, air-flow, and hope for the best.  We arrest them and try to help those animals if they can still be helped.

 

          mwc

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     A show like this could never happen (in the U.S. at least) thanks to animal cruelty laws.  You couldn't shove animals into a dark, confined space and slowly abuse them for "entertainment."  On that premise alone people should realize the whole story is nonsense.

 

     The ark would have been, at its absolute best, a poorly lit floating torture dungeon.  Even putting most of this fantasy story aside we simply don't allow people to place animals at the bottom of a three story building, black-out all the light, air-flow, and hope for the best.  We arrest them and try to help those animals if they can still be helped.

 

          mwc

 

 

Oh my, I'm getting totally inspired over here.

 

This thread is hilarious! biggrin.png

 

Am I the only one who'd like to see a follow up to your risque writings? There's tonnes of inspiration to be found in this thread.

 

giphy.gif

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Seriously. I would love to see some kind of reality show about 8 people who take a number of animals into a structure of some sort matching the dimensions the ark had for living space.

 

I bet Christians would run from this like the plague knowing the obvious outcome. But can you imagine the deconversions that would happen when confronted with the sheer stupidity of trying to live enclosed with even a few pairs of medium to large animals including all the food needed for the time indicated in the bible.

 

Ark Bachelor in Paradise, I'm thinking

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Hey it can have ventilation and lights. What 10 pairs of amimals? 12? 6?

Still even with such ridiculous accommodations it would still be brutal.

 

30 pairs. Nowhere even near all animals.

1. small elephants

2. smaller giraffes

3. domesticated dogs

4. porcupines

5. small black bears

6. kangaroos

7. small camels

8. pigs

9. goats

10. sheep

11. chimpanzees

12. ostriches

(I'm not cruel enough to suggest hippos)

 

and so on...

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Whatabout polar bears or reindeers or other animals suited to a (sub-) arctic climate? How would they fare in a humid, lice infested floating barn? Noah must have been an awesome builder, that's for sure. Ken Ham needed several thousand contractor workers and modern tools, but Noah did well with a handful of family members and chalcolithic technology.

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Whatabout polar bears or reindeers or other animals suited to a (sub-) arctic climate? How would they fare in a humid, lice infested floating barn?

 

Clearly your faith is weak PageofCupsNono.gif

 

I chose to have unshakable faith that the magic carpet delivered the polar bears, penguins, arctic foxes, etc to the middle east, safely and without incident.  From there they would have boarded the ark to accommodations suitable to their tastes, which included separate staterooms appointed with subzero refrigeration, ice water spa, and kitchenettes fully stocked with a generous supply of fish, snowshoe hares, etc for their dining pleasure.   Noah would have made sure none of the animals would attack and eat each other, or attack and eat his own family during the ordeal, so extra precautions would have been taken and ample food stocked.

 

Oh ye of little faith....

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I don't understand the problem here. Current estimates are for 6.5 million land species (plus 2.2 million in the ocean, which wouldn't need the boat), so two of each would be 13,000,000 individual animals. No big deal. Just stack them in horizontally and you've got it done. After all, some of them are really small. And of course, 10,000 of them are birds which would just fly around in circles over the boat. (But with 20,000 birds flying overhead I think you'd want to stay inside.)

 

But I'd sure like to know why he took some of the critters he did. Mosquitos? Flies? Cockroaches? Snakes? Termites (they eat my house.... how'd he keep them from eating the boat?)?

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     Seems to me you just get the larger animals to swallow the smaller animals all the way down.  Now you only have to pack up them two.  Feed and care for those two while you float around since it will make it's way through to the others.  Then when when you're done you just reverse the process by having them poop each other out then so they can go on their merry way.  Simple.  Lots of room for people, supplies and easy to care for.

 

     It's sort of like the old lady who swallowed the fly (then the spider and so on...if you don't know the song look it up) only the animals all live in the end.

 

          mwc

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The people in the story were Jews. Jews, like Muslims, have a thing about pigs. Their religions both say swine are unclean animals, so how did they tolerate having pigs aboard?

 

Casey

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One theory I have seen in print from some Christian Scientist insists it was all done by putting the animals in a state of suspended animation. Well, we all know bears hibernate ...

 

Casey

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It doesn't have to be boat. Just same floor space equivalent.

I'm making it as easy as possible here for Hamm or some other to prove the concept or fail miserably.

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One theory I have seen in print from some Christian Scientist insists it was all done by putting the animals in a state of suspended animation. Well, we all know bears hibernate ...

 

Casey

 

Haha!

 

Hahahaha!

 

Hahahahahahahaha!

 

trt19ROFLPIMP.gif

 

The fact that they're actually discussing this like it was anything else than a mythical tale is beyond retarded. And they dare call their stupid "explanations" science? At the least the Catholics are sober enough to go with the whole symbolism cop-out.

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     Do you mean amusement parks or big boats?  You got both where you're at.  I've done both in Tampa (on the same day...got off the big boat in the morning and went to Busch Gardens while waiting for a late flight).  So I guess you could do the reverse and grab the animals from the park and head out on the big boat.

 

          mwc

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The people in the story were Jews. Jews, like Muslims, have a thing about pigs. Their religions both say swine are unclean animals, so how did they tolerate having pigs aboard?

 

Casey

 

The Law hadn't been given yet at the time of the flood. Speaking of which, how did they know which were the clean animals (to bring in by sevens instead of twos) when the Law hadn't been given yet?

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