Beowulf Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 One of the blogs I like to follow is "Not Very Bright", which refers to the legislative process in my home state of South Carolina. (Note: Actual -- meaning nonfabricated -- Christian chat room chat follows. There have been no substantive edits. Just some stuff cut out of the original chat, screen names changed, and some stylistic corrections. And yeah, I need a life. I know.) JC: Anybody in here for gay marriages??? twentythree: No, I’m not. Marie: Nope. Judy: Nope. Bad Erica: No. Jerri: No way. Marie: It is an abomination according to the Bible. Erica: It’s not Biblical. JC: Good!!!!!! I was just testing!!! NotVeryBright: I'm against shrimp too, for consistency. Erica: My Bible says it is an abomination in God's eyes. It’s an abomination in my eyes too. NotVeryBright: Yeah, mine too. And shellfish. That's why I won't eat shrimp. Any of you eat shrimp? JC: What's up with the shrimp? Did I miss something? JC: I love shrimp. Judy: Me too. Marie: I'm confused. NotVeryBright: God hates shrimp. Judy: Peel and eat cold. Ann: What’s up with shrimp? Judy: Yummy. JC: Scampi is the best. NotVeryBright: You shrimp-eating people are sinners. And scampi is the most sinful, actually. JC: Hold up, NotVeryBright. Marie: I’m confused about the whole shrimp thing. Erica: Come on, isn't there more important issues besides shrimp? Judy: Shrimp is fine to eat. Ann: It’s a sin to eat shrimp? Marie: I understand we are not supposed to eat them because they are bottom dwellers. NotVeryBright: Eating shrimp is an abomination. Leviticus says so, right next to the homo verse. JC: Give me that scripture. NotVeryBright: Leviticus 11:9-12. Erica: It's not a sin to eat shrimp. NotVeryBright: Yes. It is. It’s right next to the homo verse. JC: Let me look it up - hold on. Erica: We aren’t under the law anymore though. NotVeryBright: Well why are people quoting the homo abomination verse then? Erica: I think that one’s still good law. NotVeryBright: Either they're both valid or neither one. And I for one am taking no chances. No shrimp for me. Ann: I like shrimp. NotVeryBright: I will pray for you, Ann. You know, love the shrimp eater, hate the shrimp eating. Marie: He’s right. Anything that doesn't have fins and scales you are supposed to detest and not eat their meat. Ann: Jesus ate fish. NotVeryBright: Fish, not shellfish. Read your Bible. Marie: Yeah, fish have scales. NotVeryBright: There you go, Marie. I know one woman who’s studied her scriptures. And her field guides. Bet you can bait a hook too. JC: What about Lobster? NotVeryBright: If homos are an abomination, then so are shrimp. You can't have it both ways. Erica: JC, what do you have to say about what they brought up, though, about why we quote the gay marriage verse and not that one? It's because the gay marriages go for anytime and the whole food thing was just for then, right? NotVeryBright: Where do you get that distinction? There’s no such thing in the verses. They're both right there together in Leviticus. JC: Erica it is in the New Testament about Homosexuality. We are under the law of Jesus Christ now. NotVeryBright: So the Leviticus verses on homo abominations are no longer valid? I think you people pick and choose. Slippery slope, my friends. JC: I think you need to focus on the New Testament. NotVeryBright: OK. Let’s do that. By the way, I’m not listening to what the women in here have to say anyway. Erica: Why? NotVeryBright: You women are supposed to be silent: “As in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church. (NIV, 1 Corinthians 14:33-35).” That’s the New Testament, by the way. Marie: Woman was made from man but that doesn't mean I have to ask his permission to speak. NotVeryBright: Either the Bible means what it says or it doesn't. You can't cherry pick verses. Didymus: Women can sing in church. That verse is about women keeping silent with their husbands. NotVeryBright: That’s not what it says. Re-read it. And, just to warn you, I may have to use the ignore function in this chat if you women keep speaking out on spiritual matters. Marie: I’m as equal as you or anybody else in church. NotVeryBright: God seems to think differently. Next thing you know you'll be trying to explain away the anti-homo verses too. I say: No shrimp, no mouthy women, no homos. NotVeryBright: And, oh yeah, JC, no lobster either. I'm sure he got his inspiration from God Hates Shrimp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBeeland Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I was going to type something, but I'm speechless.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RHEMtron Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 hahahaha im speechless too. that was good.... and FUNNY! java script:emoticon(' ', 'smid_2') i like how they say we're not supposed to follow the old laws even though it says in the OT that God's Laws are eternal. they do not change. you cant add or subtract to them. it's also funny how christians still will quote so much in the OT to get their point across. oh well... im not gonna eat shrimp anymore.... or lobster hahahaha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snookums Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 From the SevenDayAdventist perspective can I say PORK! (No....no shrimp and NO PORK - its all evil) 7 million SDAist can't be wrong! heheehee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JGJ@ReligionisBullshit Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 You guys need to quit laughing about it because it is true, eating shrimp is a sin! In fact that is why Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans! He is punishing all those filthy crustacean eaters! And while I'm at it....nah, never mine, it's just to silly to continue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beowulf Posted March 10, 2006 Author Share Posted March 10, 2006 Rats, I screwed up the link to Godhatesshrimp.com. Is there no edit function for these posts? Anyway, here's the link again. http://www.godhatesshrimp.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Whoa! That is fucking hilarious! Dude. I might have to borrow a similar attitude the next time I hear some fundie go off on gay marriage. That made my day... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evelyn Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 That was brilliant! The guy was obviously playing with them and they took the bait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Excellent. I'll have to use that next time my coworkers get on an anti gay rant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightflight Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I love shrimp. End of story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lothartx Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 That is hilarious, gonna have try that at the next cult meeting I attend (I may not walk out alive...). Thanks for posting! Oh... no lobster... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrmarlin Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Don't eat the shrimp. That's a typical xian bullshit! They really don't see how fucking stupid they look to the rest of the world. Do they? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I'm not surprised in the least. People find reasons to cherry pick everything in the Bible to hang onto their beliefs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Rats, I screwed up the link to Godhatesshrimp.com. Is there no edit function for these posts? Anyway, here's the link again. http://www.godhatesshrimp.com/ Beowulf, You have to have enough posts to get the edit feature. Hang in there, you will get it. Pinch the tail, suck the head, burn in hell - godhatesshrip.com Jesus wore a crown of thorns, not a lobster bib. I love that site. Taph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffXL Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 I have so very often wondered why Xtians won't read their own Wholly Bile. Is it because it's easier to be spoonfed what the money-grubbing, child-molesting clergy want them to hear? Jesus saith in Mark 7:19-- For it doesn't go into his heart but into his stomach, and then out of his body." (In saying this, Jesus declared all foods "clean."). (NIV) because it does not go into his heart, but into his stomach, and is eliminated?" (Thus He declared all foods (clean.) (NASB) Yuck! Because it entereth not into his heart, but into the belly, and goeth out into the draught, purging all meats? (KJV) Ewww, again! But Je$u$ sez that the law won't be changed at all in Matthew 5:19! MAKE UP YER MIND, JEBUS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 I have so very often wondered why Xtians won't read their own Wholly Bile. Is it because it's easier to be spoonfed what the money-grubbing, child-molesting clergy want them to hear? Yes. That, and they procrastinate by saying they don't have time to read it. Well, you make time to do what you want to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted March 11, 2006 Share Posted March 11, 2006 My mother recently told me that it's Satan who attacks Christians so they won't read the Bible. She said that everyone she knows has trouble reading it, and that it's because Satan doesn't want them to. I did read the Bible when I was a Christian, but I didn't understand it. When I read the OT, it was a big, "HUH?" and trying to reconcile what the OT said and what I believed about the loving creator of the universe, I had to do mental flip-flops to justify what it said. Now that I'm an Ex-C, I not only study the Bible, I understand it. Being on Ex-C, reading others insights and their studies, links, and the discussions here has opened my mind more than it ever had been when I was a Christian. It's not possible to participate on the forum and not learn a great deal. Taph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffXL Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 My mother recently told me that it's Satan who attacks Christians so they won't read the Bible. She said that everyone she knows has trouble reading it, and that it's because Satan doesn't want them to. Now that I'm an Ex-C, I not only study the Bible, I understand it. Being on Ex-C, reading others insights and their studies, links, and the discussions here has opened my mind more than it ever had been when I was a Christian. It's not possible to participate on the forum and not learn a great deal. Taph That is exactly my experience. This forum has taught me more than what I learned in my parents' church as well as what I learned getting my B.A. in religion. The OT was not only a big "Huh?" for me, but much of it was so very dull-- just like the pastors I endured growing up. Monotonous monotone! Hey Amethyst! I always do love to spring the utter evil, the contradictions, and lies on Xtians. They *always* exclaim: "That's in the Bible?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spamandham Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 Whoa nelly! Let's get this clear. If god doesn't want you to eat shrimp, it isn't because he hates shrimp, but because he loooves shrimp. Shrimp and pork are the real reason for creation. God loves him some shrimp and ribs! If you eat shrimp and ribs, you will be like god. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgnosticBob AtheistPants Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 It's TRUE!!! I ate shrimp fajitas for lunch yesterday and have been paying for it ever since!!! Agh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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