Resources for Coping with Grief and Mortality

[SkepticalHumanist1980]

Since I must grieve anyway, I have been trying to use it as a tool for growth. Over the past several days I have been combing the web for ideas. I have read several of the past threads on this site and found them to be very helpful. I was thinking it would be good to start a thread on resources that have been helpful to us in coping with the death of loved ones as well as our own eventual deaths. I have one video to post right now that I just finished watching a little while ago. Here it is: 

I will post some more resources later as I go through them. I would love to hear of any resources (such as articles, websites, books, videos, or anything else that comes to mind) that have helped you or someone you know to deal with their grief. Even if you think it might be helpful I'd still love to hear about it.

[Mike D]

I haven't found much.  I watched the above video, I guess it's some sort of hypnotherapy?

[FoundationOfUnity]

If grieving advice is hypnotherapy, then religion is hypno-terror-py. It will be like a deeply embedding cancer to get out, infecting a large part of life. Find a surgeon who can help you cut yourself out and off from the BS of lies of a planet heaven full o f angel warriors coming to kill the unbelievers and save ...the faith idiots. It is simply lies with negative consequences and impact. Once you are brave enough to let go of the faith BS, you will then be able to grab firmly unto this life and make the most of it for you, your love, and the rest of the world.

[Storm]

My father died suddenly when I was two weeks into having just turned 21. It immediately thrust me into a world of hurt and pain that I had never experienced. I was a devout believer at the time and I was given some good advice by my then youth pastor. He told me that there were two ways I could look at my father's death: I could blame God and be mad at him for "taking my dad" or I could seek and ask God what I could learn from it. And while I no longer believe in a God, I think the premise that I ended up using worked well for me. I chose the latter option: to look at my father's death as a way to grow and try to understand life better (even if it was originally done with the intent of "growing in God"). I spent many hours prayer walking and just allowing my emotions to freely express themselves as I talked to God. I often cried as I prayed, I just spoke the emotions and thoughts I had toward "God" and it was very therapeutic for me. I remember after a couple weeks of doing this, I went on a prayer walk and just laughed. A lot. Sometimes reaching a hearty belly aching laugh. It felt so genuine and right for me at that moment. I initially thought it was wrong for me to laugh. I thought it was disrespectful. But the more I thought about it, and the more I felt relief from the laughter, the more I realized that it was what I needed and it was an appropriate way to grieve. The whole process for me in those two months of my prayer walks was very therapeutic and really helped me in my grieving.

 

While you could say that it was misguided advice (in regards to Christian thinking), the reality of what I chose to do because of that advice was instrumental in my growth as a human. I became more sensitive to my emotions and allowing them to become a normal part of who I was. My father's death also brought empathy into my life. And I still feel its impact to this very day. I learned a lot as a result of my choice. I am glad I made that choice.

 

This advice, along with some good friends who simply came to my side and just listened to me, or just sat in silence with me, as I went through the whole ordeal, really shaped me as a human. Time, expression of feelings and emotions, and people are what helped me. I have experienced a few other deaths since, and the opportunity to grow as a human presented itself over and over in those times. And the same formula worked all the more.

[hockeyfan70]

I'll probably get shit for this, but I still think C.S. Lewis' A Grief Observed is the best book I've ever read on the subject. I honestly think that his wife's death from cancer threw him into a tailspin that he really never recovered from. It's raw and many of his questions about not the existence of god, but his/it's character are really good questions that I asked after my brother committed suicide.

[FoundationOfUnity]

Life and loss are full of wisdom lessons and shared existing in community.

 

A joy shared is twice the joy.

A grief shared is half the grief.

 

It is what a community of people do, with or without clod. Since clod is beyond both subjects, it is wise to just leave clod out of  real life. Then both joy and sorrow are better between us.

[Guest]

I have found that listening to the lectures on death by Alan Watts, a philosopher I recently discovered (popular in the 60s and 70s)  to be very interesting and comforting.  Many of his audio lectures are available on Youtube. 

[TABA]

16 hours ago, hockeyfan70 said:

I'll probably get shit for this, but I still think C.S. Lewis' A Grief Observed is the best book I've ever read on the subject. I honestly think that his wife's death from cancer threw him into a tailspin that he really never recovered from. It's raw and many of his questions about not the existence of god, but his/it's character are really good questions that I asked after my brother committed suicide.

 

I don't think you'll get much shit for this around here.  I'd like to think we don't just see everything in black-and-white.  There's a reason Lewis is one of the most successful Christian apologists: he speaks to the spirit, or to the heart if you prefer, while guys like McDowell and Strobel try to make an intellectual case for Christianity, which is more and more a losing proposition. 

 

So, I assume you were still a Christian when you read A Grief Obseved.  Did it contribute to your deconversion, or did it keep you in the fold a while longer?  Do you think a non-believer would find solace in this book?  

 

[Margee]

This book helped me a lot although...  I still wish that nobody ever had to die. 

 

These people are so prepared for death that they never leave each other without a hug or kiss. And they do it lovingly. (as much as we think Stoics are stoic, they are not but they are truly realists about life). This book also helps you prepare for your own death. I had to practice the exercise of facing my own death and grieve that I wouldn't be here forever. 

 

https://www.amazon.ca/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614

[hockeyfan70]

On 3/25/2017 at 2:15 PM, ThereAndBackAgain said:

 

I don't think you'll get much shit for this around here.  I'd like to think we don't just see everything in black-and-white.  There's a reason Lewis is one of the most successful Christian apologists: he speaks to the spirit, or to the heart if you prefer, while guys like McDowell and Strobel try to make an intellectual case for Christianity, which is more and more a losing proposition. 

 

So, I assume you were still a Christian when you read A Grief Obseved.  Did it contribute to your deconversion, or did it keep you in the fold a while longer?  Do you think a non-believer would find solace in this book?  

 

I read it right after my brother died, so I was still a Christian but I have had my doubts for years. What I liked best about it is C.S. Lewis was allowed to struggle with his faith through his wife's death, something that churches pretty much frown upon.