garrisonjj Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 Have any of you gradually deconverted only to find your spouse was really also a skeptic all along? While I've tried to be the best Catholic possible for years,,,,I've found it hypocritical and no real belief. Now I've discovered my wife skips Mass and happily skips when given the chance. We don't talk about it. We go at different times,,,because of 2 small children. My Sunday church for the last 2 months was Wal Mart and Sheetz for gas. I've never gotten more out of Sundays. Please send your observations or feel free to personal message me thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gliph Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 YES! I was very scared to talk to my wife about my deconversion. She grew up in an extremely religious household (father was a minister for many different churches) and although she didn't go to church frequently, she didn't say otherwise. So when i finally approached the subject with her, she was very understanding and it was a good point of common ground for both of us. I'd say she has an agnostic point of view, she is definitely understands the hipocracy that is xtianity. It isn't something we talk about all the time, but I share stories from this site and we always enjoy poking fun at fundies now and then. Have you talked with your spouse about it yet? I need to get my wife in here just to read the forums and see what she thinks... maybe that would work in your case as well.... -Gliph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snookums Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 I don't have an exact personal story per se.....but from what I have learned and experienced - there is a shitload of people in every congregation thinking of something else, daydreaming of being somewhere else, even lusting over someone else....... as they sit on the hard pew each Sunday, Wednesday or whatever.... The saying "you are not alone" is very apt in this topic..... but the funny thing about christianity is that it largely depends on people PRETENDING to be something other than they are...probably for the sake of social cohesion....or social networking...or social something or the other. Its also funny that most people keep quiet about it...its so fake ...the whole thing is so hilarous really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lothartx Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 No, my wife was very upset. Every time I try to bring it up she becomes hostile and basically tells me I have betrayed her and my childern ( not in so many words, but that is jist of it). I essentially live in a spiritial cage in my own house. You are very lucky. Be thankful you can talk to someone and be received with out hostility. I would be happy if I could discuss ideas and commentaries I've seen on this board and get her oppinion and position. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgnosticBob AtheistPants Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 No, my wife was very upset. Every time I try to bring it up she becomes hostile and basically tells me I have betrayed her and my childern ( not in so many words, but that is jist of it). I essentially live in a spiritial cage in my own house. You are very lucky. Be thankful you can talk to someone and be received with out hostility. I would be happy if I could discuss ideas and commentaries I've seen on this board and get her oppinion and position. Ugh...that was my situation as well. My ex would NOT hear a word I had to say. She became hostile, ridiculing, and downright MEAN when I questioned the holy babble or her GAWD. It ended the relationship, despite the fact that SHE would not be the one to end it. She'd have preferred to live the life of a martyr, suffering with her atheist/agnostic husband because divorce is frowned upon by GAWD. But hell no. I would not put myself or my kids through that. I had to leave. Garrison, yes, you are lucky if you have a wife who is even CLOSE to your own philosophy. Be sure to talk to her about it. It will help you grow together. Gliph...you are lucky too. A wife who's father was a preacher (my ex's grandfather was a preacher) and is understanding about your lack of faith? Wow. LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY. You need to keep the lines open about that too. And DON'T let her slip back into it. It happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted March 13, 2006 Share Posted March 13, 2006 I don't have an exact personal story per se.....but from what I have learned and experienced - there is a shitload of people in every congregation thinking of something else, daydreaming of being somewhere else, even lusting over someone else....... as they sit on the hard pew each Sunday, Wednesday or whatever.... The saying "you are not alone" is very apt in this topic..... but the funny thing about christianity is that it largely depends on people PRETENDING to be something other than they are...probably for the sake of social cohesion....or social networking...or social something or the other. Its also funny that most people keep quiet about it...its so fake ...the whole thing is so hilarous really. Yeah. I was worried about my parents' reaction when I deconverted, but they admitted they think it's mostly a fairy tale. They go to church for the social life. However, my stepmom still nags me from time to time to pray and whatnot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Ah daydreaming in church....... first line of defense for the creative mind. And highly encouraged too! In another thread, I mentioned how the Sunday routine prior to the sermon (stand, sit, sing, pray) along with the organ music is designed to lull the mind. The thinking person daydreams. I don't know what non-thinkers do in church. By non thinker, I am not in any way implying an instant mental deficit, I am simply pointing out that for a section of the population, thinking takes conscious effort.......while others among us have to work to shut it off somehow (I fall into this category........my nights were a constant battle with chronic can't-stop-thinking insomnia until I was old enough to figure out mastrubation ). So what does the non-thinker do when the lulling manipulation takes effect? Do they just zone out? Does anyone know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I don't know. I daydreamed and came up with story plots, most of them for fanfiction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Have any of you gradually deconverted only to find your spouse was really also a skeptic all along? Not exactly... first, I deconverted all of a sudden within some few days, and second, I knew in advance that my beloved was into Celtic druidism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gliph Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Gliph...you are lucky too. A wife who's father was a preacher (my ex's grandfather was a preacher) and is understanding about your lack of faith? Wow. LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY. You need to keep the lines open about that too. And DON'T let her slip back into it. It happens. You are absolutely right, I definitely need to keep her in the loop. It has very much become a "back burner" issue in my house, but we should talk about it more. She is a great source of strength for me, and to have the situation like some other people have described here would be devistating. On that note, for lothartx and cjones its very sad that xtianity had such a hold on your significant others. Another reason why religion is so bad for people... sheesh, like there weren't enough. I have one "BUT" with all of this, actually. Neither of us have told our families about it. We were talking about it over last weekend and decided we probably never would. Since we both come from homes that are so influenced on a daily basis by xtianity, we think they would either never speak to us again, or always be trying to "bring us back" whenever we were around. We really think the stress and pain would be so great for them, it really isn't worth it. So if I have to "pray" at meals, or go to the random church service, we'll just tuck our tails and go. It gives us a good laugh after, right? "Oh those silly xtians, and their silly rituals..." ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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