Seven Years Ago...

[concerned agnostic]

I created my profile for this site 7 years ago, but I haven't been very active since. I posted a few things and then fell away from it. Nothing has changed and everything has changed in those years. 

 

One thing that has not changed -- I still have not heard from "God".  I have not felt his "presence", I have not experienced a miracle, I have not had one prayer answered. 

 

Oh, yes -- I was a silly little idiot and tried to find my way to "God". I prayed. I watched countless hours of evangelist's videos and even bought some of their books! Why yes, I even went to church (briefly). I held that ridiculous notion that maybe God wasn't helping me because I wasn't trying hard enough. I even bought a new bible so I could study the "good word" and try to make myself worthy. Yes, I re-bought into the whole Christian schtick -- if I figured out how to pray the right way, had blind "faith" and engaged in all that other nonsense Christians spew when they can't explain away why "God" ignores good people facing dire problems. What a joke.

 

The answer to my faith and prayers? Even more pain and misery than I thought possible! Yep, that good ole "father" sure is great about helping out his suffering children!

 

I have bitterly fought with two schools of thought for the last few years -- either God does not exist or he only listens to and helps a few select people and I clearly ain't one of them, no matter how hard I try. 

 

Now, I realize that I sound as though I am coming from a place of bitterness, anger, and disappointment. Well, you'd be right. I feel a like a fool who has wasted a hell of a lot of time on someone who does not exist (or refuses to acknowledge me). If he exists, I am mad as hell at him for ignoring my desperate pleas. If he doesn't, I am furious with myself. 

 

I will be the first to admit that some of my problems in life have been of my own making. I own it and take responsibility for it. If a "God" doesn't want to help me with those issues, fair enough. But I have also had more than my fair share of problems that I have had no hand in whatsoever -- a dearly beloved immediate family member suffering and dying of cancer (and me getting laid off from work due to budget cuts at the same exact moment in time so I cannot afford treatment) is just one of many examples to share. 

 

I no longer buy the apologists BS that "God" is testing me / my "faith". I no longer buy into the idea that there is ANY reason whatsoever for the hardships I have endured -- there are no "beauty for ashes" or "double for my trouble". "God" does not have something wonderful planned for me if I can just keep having faith and endure the never-ending mound of utter shit he keeps heaping upon me. And I sure as hell don't buy into the notion that all of these hardships and tragedies in my life are occurring so  I can enter into some fantasy castle in the sky when I die...

 

One thing I am glad for -- that I created this account 7 years ago and that I actually remembered my name and password for it. It is a real eye-opener to see that it has been 7 long years since I first opened my eyes to all of this Christian / God bullshit and to see nothing has changed. I am proof that you can try and try and if nothing changes, well, there just might not be a "God" after all!

 

I've already had one "father" who didn't give a damn about me, I sure as hell don't need another one. Goodbye "Heavenly Father"!

 

 

 

 

[LogicalFallacy]

4 hours ago, concerned agnostic said:

I created my profile for this site 7 years ago, but I haven't been very active since. I posted a few things and then fell away from it. Nothing has changed and everything has changed in those years.

 

Hi Concerned Agnostic

 

Welcome... again - the second coming of Concerned Agnostic?

 

4 hours ago, concerned agnostic said:

One thing that has not changed -- I still have not heard from "God".  I have not felt his "presence", I have not experienced a miracle, I have not had one prayer answered. 

 

Yeah, no one has ever heard from God that they can demonstrate.

 

4 hours ago, concerned agnostic said:

Oh, yes -- I was a silly little idiot and tried to find my way to "God". I prayed. I watched countless hours of evangelist's videos and even bought some of their books! Why yes, I even went to church (briefly). I held that ridiculous notion that maybe God wasn't helping me because I wasn't trying hard enough. I even bought a new bible so I could study the "good word" and try to make myself worthy. Yes, I re-bought into the whole Christian schtick -- if I figured out how to pray the right way, had blind "faith" and engaged in all that other nonsense Christians spew when they can't explain away why "God" ignores good people facing dire problems. What a joke.

 

The answer to my faith and prayers? Even more pain and misery than I thought possible! Yep, that good ole "father" sure is great about helping out his suffering children!

 

Yep, sounds like all the usual stuff that many of us go through.... in fact I was in church for 32 years so I understand all of the struggle of trying to find god. (PS every time I hear someone say they found Jesus, I'm like great, I want to meet him, where is he?)

 

4 hours ago, concerned agnostic said:

I have bitterly fought with two schools of thought for the last few years -- either God does not exist or he only listens to and helps a few select people and I clearly ain't one of them, no matter how hard I try. 

 

 

4 hours ago, concerned agnostic said:

Now, I realize that I sound as though I am coming from a place of bitterness, anger, and disappointment. Well, you'd be right. I feel a like a fool who has wasted a hell of a lot of time on someone who does not exist (or refuses to acknowledge me). If he exists, I am mad as hell at him for ignoring my desperate pleas. If he doesn't, I am furious with myself. 

 

This is a natural emotional stage to be in before you've reached the accepting God doesn't exist stage. I often get angry when I think of all the wasted time and the best part of my youth gone.... I'm nearer to middle aged than young now.

 

4 hours ago, concerned agnostic said:

I will be the first to admit that some of my problems in life have been of my own making. I own it and take responsibility for it. If a "God" doesn't want to help me with those issues, fair enough. But I have also had more than my fair share of problems that I have had no hand in whatsoever -- a dearly beloved immediate family member suffering and dying of cancer (and me getting laid off from work due to budget cuts at the same exact moment in time so I cannot afford treatment) is just one of many examples to share.

 

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Your attitude here is commendable. Too many people want to blame all problems on everything but the decisions they make. Learning to recognize and be responsible for your life choices is a great quality to have.

 

4 hours ago, concerned agnostic said:

I no longer buy the apologists BS that "God" is testing me / my "faith". I no longer buy into the idea that there is ANY reason whatsoever for the hardships I have endured -- there are no "beauty for ashes" or "double for my trouble". "God" does not have something wonderful planned for me if I can just keep having faith and endure the never-ending mound of utter shit he keeps heaping upon me. And I sure as hell don't buy into the notion that all of these hardships and tragedies in my life are occurring so  I can enter into some fantasy castle in the sky when I die...

 

Perhaps you can go one step further and not buy any BS from any religion?

 

4 hours ago, concerned agnostic said:

One thing I am glad for -- that I created this account 7 years ago and that I actually remembered my name and password for it. It is a real eye-opener to see that it has been 7 long years since I first opened my eyes to all of this Christian / God bullshit and to see nothing has changed. I am proof that you can try and try and if nothing changes, well, there just might not be a "God" after all!

 

I've already had one "father" who didn't give a damn about me, I sure as hell don't need another one. Goodbye "Heavenly Father"!

 

Goodbye God, welcome reality! It's like a breath of fresh air. I hope you hang around and join in. Feel free to ask questions, people here like answering questions.

 

LF

[MOHO]

Hey, @concerned agnostic!

 

Welcome to the forum!

 

Leaving the fold is a personal journey and some take longer than others.

 

Everything you said rings familiar with most here. We've been there and have had enough.

"God" either (most likely) does not exist or does not give a rat's ass about human kind. Oh but he DOES take time away from not helping those starving children in Africa to find Mrs. MOHO a parking lot at the mall.

 

    - MOHO (Mind Of His Own)

[LostinParis]

Hi @concerned agnostic,

 

For 7 years you sincerely prayed and waited patiently for god to reveal himself to you. You turned over every stone searching for him, what more could a reasonable god ask for?

 

We have been brainwashed to believe that blind faith is a virtue. The stronger our belief in god, without evidence, the more virtuous we are.

 

Why does god reveal himself to some people and not us? It seems he has favourites. It seems god is unwilling or unable to answer our prayers. Why won't he intervene? Simple. Because he doesn't exist.

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

On 11/20/2017 at 3:10 PM, LostinParis said:

 

Why does god reveal himself to some people and not us? It seems he has favourites. It seems god is unwilling or unable to answer our prayers. Why won't he intervene? Simple. Because he doesn't exist.

 

Funny you should say this. That he has favorites. I had actually convinced myself a couple years before I deconverted that God just didn't like me. That he didn't want me in his church just because we didn't mesh. LOL. I literally told people. that "yeah I believe in God, I Just dont think he likes me". Bc I was getting more blessings after I left church than before. Hell I was afraid to go back because I thought he would start punishing me for coming back to his church. It all sounds so stupid now. Like I was shunned for not being in some kind of "click".

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

Welcome back concerned,

I had much of the same emotions you just displayed a year ago when i first came here. Believe me the more you learn about all the bullshit in the bible the better you will feel about leaving the "fold" and the surer you foundations will be as an ex-christian. The bible and it's account fails at every angle.

 

DB

[Geezer]

Education, education,  education, I firmly believe that is the key to getting God & religion out of your head. There are two ways of studing the Bible. The most common way is apologetics. But it's an apologist job to defend the faith. Apologetics is also known as the Sunday School version of the Bible & that is the only version most people are familiar with.

 

The other field of study is the historical critical approach. In other words the historical approach. It's a historians job to fact check the Bible. And what historians have found is shocking to say the least. Basically the Bible is literature not history. It's a collection of fictional stories with fictional characters. There is no historical evidence that a man named Jesus of Nazareth ever existed in the flesh, the same for the APOSTLE Paul.

 

Bart Ehrman, Robert M Price, & Richard Carrier are just a few of the historians that I would recommend. Their books are available on Amazon in Kindle Versions, & they also have YouTube videos that are free. Once you familiarize yourself with the origins & evolution of both the Bible & the Christian Faith religion won't be a problem anymore.

 

Oh, buy the way, the Christian God was originally one of many mythical Canaanite God's as was his mythical brother Baal. Israelites were originally Canaanite's and were never slaves in Egypt. Moses was a fictional character and there was no exodus from Egypt. Just a couple of examples of Biblical myths that people believe are real historical events.