Born Again... Again

[Dra_Mucd_Uha]

Hello. I'm Randall, 16, and I now consider myself an athiest. A new one, as I still have much research to do, but an athiest nevertheless. Well, I guess it depends on your idea of an athiest.

 

I have grown up (still growing up?) in a Christian home. My parents seperated when I was about 3, and they have both remarried (I loathe my stepfather... he's no better than some of the other crazy people I see at school). Growing up in a Christian home brought on the expectations of becoming a "born-again" Christian, so I was baptized at 9 and accepted Jesus as my Savior.

 

My life as a Christian has been one large rollar coaster ride that has finally ended. I was never a true, devout Christian until I was 14. It was then that I realized the importance of my faith and how I'm not as "Christian" as I should be. I wanted a closer relationship with God, so I tried to get everything out of my life that was standing between God and I. The big one for me was RPG's, I was an addict. I did, under the influence of faith, manage to remove a lot of things that was seperating my life from God. I also became active in my church's youth group.

 

It was a little while after this point that I made the decision to live with my dad (with my parent's divorced, I stayed at once house a week, and the other another week). At the time I thought that living at my dad's would be best for my life as a Christian. Everyone at my dad's (my dad, stepmom, stepsister, and half brother) was Christian. The problem was I had to tell mom and my stepfather (again, whom I loathe) that I was going to live with dad. The first time I tried to tell them ended horribly, with my near suicide. I continued living as I did. I waited on God to step in and do something to help. But he didn't. I got tired of waiting. So, I did it myself. When I tried confronting my mom and stepfather (whom I despise) for the second time, I stood firm with a I-don't-give-a-crap-what-you-think attitude. This earned me a solid hour of being cussed out by my stepfather (whom I... you get the point...). My mom didn't take it well either, as she cried for a while. I felt really bad about it. They didn't talk to me for a good month or so afterwards.

 

Two weeks later I took action for myself, I met an awesome girl (I know, this sounds like it has nothing to do with my Christian life, but it does... unfortunately). Problem? She was Mormon. My family dind't like this. Especially, of course, my stepfather. I ignored them, and my church, who also advised me against going out with her. She was my first girlfriend, and I honestly enjoyed every minute of our relationship. Regardless, five months later she broke up with me because she was unable to convert me to Mormonism. That really hurt. Not only had I lost RPG's for the Great Cause of Christianity, but I had losy my first love. I could have easily converted to Mormonism to save our relationship, but... I didn't. I stayed Christian, and she left. She broke up with me during the summer (last summer, of 2005). I went into depression for a few months afterwards. It hurt. But being the ignorant person I was, I continued believing blindly.

 

Since then I have continued striving to get closer to God. I took up a position of leadership in my church's youth group and also run a Christian website. Only recently, however, have I been questioning my beliefs. the thing which started it all is my ex, actually. My main thought was: I have been saying all these things about why Mormonism is right, and I have researched the false prophecies, and contradictions, and inconsistancies and whatnot... why does she believe in Mormonism with all this evidence against it? And... is it possible that I am like her, believing in Christianity because I have been brought up in it and haven't been exposed to the falsehood of it? This thought bothered me greatly... I had never before thought that Christianity could be like Mormonism: Another religion that's false, meant to give people hope, keep them in line...

 

It's that thought, my comparison of myself to my ex, that has brought me here. I have had doubts in the past, but it's more than that... my whole veiwpoint of christianity has changed. It's mind boggling to the point of physical sickness. It's bad enough dealing with the tribualtions of a teen, but now I feel as though I have lost a second love. It hurts! I am still looking into Atheism and Christianity both... but at this point I would have to say that Christianity is, indeed, just another false religion.

 

Yet my journey has just begun. I feel as though I have been born into yet another life. I haven't told anyone of my recent change in veiws. I'm very afraid too. No one knows I am an Athiest. According to the rest of the world outside this forum, I am still a promising Christian leader. I don't know how I could bring myself to tell my family, friends, and church of my decision. I guess it would be like it was when I told my mom and stepfather about my decision to live with dad, just on a much, much bigger scale. Also, I have a Christian girlfriend (my second, the first being the Mormon). We've been going out for almost 2 months now. But the bad part is, I was the one who brought her to Christianity. Before me, she went out with an Atheist. I was the one who convinced her to leave him and come to Christianity. She has been Christian ever since, and we even started going out (something I honestly didn't expect, I can't say I wasn't hoping for it though). so now, I'm sure that I tell the world I am Athiest, she will leave me (which is nothing, I'm sure, compared to those of you who have to tell Christian wives... reading through some of the things ex-Chrsitans have gone through is amazing). I'm sure my stepfather will practicly kill me (I personally think he's only Christian because it makes him look good). My mom... My dad... my stepmother... my sister and brother.... my best friend... all those people at church who respect me... all those at school who follow my example... I just don't know how to do it. Lol... there aren't many other Athiests my age I can turn to... many I should try to "deconvert" other Christians?

 

I feel as though I still have a lot to learn. And I do, I know I do. I hope to learn a lot from this forum. Thanks for your support

 

-Dra Much Uha

[Kryten]

Welcome to the site! I hope you enjoy your new-found freedom!

[thunderbolt]

Wow Randall, welcome, and

 

what a story, and many of us can totally relate. We too have had all our neat little arguments in a row of why Jesus is the way, blah blah blah. But it's only when one is honest with yourself, and willing to investigate it's claims regardless of where it leads you, that you can be at peace with yourself and the world.

 

I sincerely hope it all works out for you (I have no doubt) and that life will begin to take a shape and meaning that is relevant for you.

 

[greasemonkey]

damn Randall!

 

...for a 16 year-old kid, you are pretty cool! (coming from a 39 year-old, consider that a compliment!) When I was your age, I didn't have the internet to start exploring my doubts; it took a while (...when I was your age, "the internet" was banging two sticks together in morse code. ). I'm sure it will be a while with you as well, it takes a bit to get past a lot of the programming. Don't be afraid to take small steps. Just because you no longer believe doesn't mean you have to shout it from the rooftops! Take your time and find your own identity, whether it be atheist, deist or whatever!

 

 

You are a welcome addition to the group! I've really enjoyed your postings and look forward to more!

 

-Kev

[pandora]

Dra-- wow, that was quick!!!

It's a long road, but we welcome you to it. I can tell you are intelligent (most 16 year olds can't express themselves well on the internet) and that you honestly seek truth. Congrats on finding a solution that you are comfortable (relatively) with.

 

One question... I read the thread on TF that you started. I think you or another poster said you "got rid of" your Mormon gf. I am just curious, if I interpreted that right, did you lie out of fear from the fundies? I totally understand... I did it too when I was a Christian. If anything, it should make you feel good that you didn't break up for the wrong reasons. She dumped you.

 

Anyways, welcome, again... and I hope you find a lot of support on here. I came here after I needed that kind of support, but I see lots of people helped by the super friendly and caring people on this board. You can trust them. Well, most of them. Very knowledgable, and most will respect whatever interpretation of reality that you eventually decide on as long as you came to it honestly and stayed true to yourself.

 

 

 

More stuff:

Don't feel an obligation to tell everyone in your life just yet. Wait until you are more emotionally ready to handle it and more secure in your beliefs.

 

Your insight into Mormonism and your girlfriend's attitude is amazing... I would have not gotten that at your age. You are observing things about human nature that most people never admit to or even see. And yes, I think you are correct... if you had been raised Mormon, you would be mormon... for most people, their religion is merely a byproduct of where and when they were raised.

 

I don't know what to think of people who convert out of nowhere though... Christians to Muslims, Muslims to Christians, etc...

 

This is why the psychology of religion is one of my current curiousities. I am reading a book on a somewhat new theoretical area: the theory of attachment and the evolutionary psychology of religion. I picked it up in my college's bookstore.

 

 

Feel free to keep asking good questions and starting threads! We'll be here.

 

Take care of yourself... that paradoxical emotional pain and freedom that you are experiencing is normal. Don't read too much into the pain part, and take comfort in the freedom you are feeling.

[Evelyn]

Wow, Randall, you have a lot of insight for a 16-year-old! Keep thinking, asking, questioning, examining what you believe or don't believe and why. I didn't do that until I was 45, so it's great you are doing it now. Sure, there will be problems along the way, there always are. You'll get through them, though, I'm sure of it. You are young, your life is ahead of you (which can be both a scary and exhilirating thought), so keep on what you are doing. You are on the right track.

[Gnosis of Disbelief]

Welcome aboard, Randall!

 

Take everything one step at a time, and one day at a time.

There's no need to alienate everyone you love right now.

Just keep asking questions, and stay true to yourself.

 

Stick around, pull up a chair, and enjoy the company;

you're among friends here!

 

[Pariah]

Hey, I too am a 16 year old atheist. Nice to see another atheist teenager on this board.

[♦ ficino ♦]

Welcome here, dra. I appreciated your ex-timony a lot.

[Dra_Mucd_Uha]

Glad you all liked it, although I can't say I do just yet. Still need time to organize everything.

[Jeydid]

I was about your age when I left Christianity behind me. I flat out told my family back then that I would no longer participate in their religion. I can't say it went all that well. frankly I am 30 now and they still don't handle it well. So you might want to consider waiting to tell them until you are after the house.

 

Though I myself immeadiately became an atheist after leaving the christian church, to be honest it lasted about two weeks. Someone pointed out to me that there were alot of religions besides christianity in the world and even if I knew christianity was wrong I shouldn't dismiss all of the other religions out of hand. That set off about five years of agnosticism and research. I am glad I did all the research too. I feel alot more confident in my beliefs and in expressing them because of it. So I am glad you said you had research yet to do. Granted five years of research put me right back at atheism, but at least I knew for certain that was right for me.

 

Just remember, logic and skepticism are good tools in life. Best of Luck!

[Dra_Mucd_Uha]

I was about your age when I left Christianity behind me. I flat out told my family back then that I would no longer participate in their religion. I can't say it went all that well. frankly I am 30 now and they still don't handle it well. So you might want to consider waiting to tell them until you are after the house.

 

Though I myself immeadiately became an atheist after leaving the christian church, to be honest it lasted about two weeks. Someone pointed out to me that there were alot of religions besides christianity in the world and even if I knew christianity was wrong I shouldn't dismiss all of the other religions out of hand. That set off about five years of agnosticism and research. I am glad I did all the research too. I feel alot more confident in my beliefs and in expressing them because of it. So I am glad you said you had research yet to do. Granted five years of research put me right back at atheism, but at least I knew for certain that was right for me.

 

Just remember, logic and skepticism are good tools in life. Best of Luck!

 

I really like that. Thanks for the advice. I've had trouble figuring out if I'm going to tell my family or not.

 

That's exactly what I want: Confidence in my beliefs. I never had that with Christianity. I plan on doing quite a bit of research myself (5 years is a lot... lol, that's awesome though) because I think it's worth having that confidence. Once I have that confidence in whatever I believe, I will be able to live my life in a more content and happy state.

 

I love logic and skepticism. Although it does get me in trouble sometimes. But how else will we get to truth without questioning every theory of it thrown at us?

 

Thanks

[Guest Challenger]

(Dra_Mucd_Uha)

I love logic and skepticism. Although it does get me in trouble sometimes. But how else will we get to truth without questioning every theory of it thrown at us?

 

Truer, more honest words have never spoken. And what's life without a little trouble? It does keep things lively, doesn't it? And to those who cannot, or will not, accept your questioning of what they hold most sacred, to them, I suppose, "c'est la vie".

 

Freethinking rocks. It's your life. Welcome to the party, pal!

[Dra_Mucd_Uha]

One question... I read the thread on TF that you started. I think you or another poster said you "got rid of" your Mormon gf. I am just curious, if I interpreted that right, did you lie out of fear from the fundies? I totally understand... I did it too when I was a Christian. If anything, it should make you feel good that you didn't break up for the wrong reasons. She dumped you.

Oops, sorry I didn't answer your question sooner. I guess I must have forgotten it while looking through the other posts. Answer: Yes, she dumped me. My thinking on the other forum was: I could have stayed with her by converting, but I chose not to. I might as well say I dumped her, since I chose Christianity over her. Lol... I really didn't want people to lecture me on how I shouldn't be unequally yoked either...

 

Truer, more honest words have never spoken. And what's life without a little trouble? It does keep things lively, doesn't it? And to those who cannot, or will not, accept your questioning of what they hold most sacred, to them, I suppose, "c'est la vie".

 

Freethinking rocks. It's your life. Welcome to the party, pal!