The church made me an athiest

[Robbie67]

Funny as it may seem, it was a couple of church leaders who convinced me it is all a big lie they tell themselves. I think they just like to manipulate people, and if they ever really listened to their own voices they would lose that position of authority. 

The church I left 21 years ago was Struthers Memorial, based in Greenock in Scotland with branches across the country. They got me when I was 17 and feeling lost in a new town where you had to be related to 5 other families in order to be accepted. I think they are called tight knit communities and why my mum moved us there is another story. When you are shy they do try to involve you without ever actually spending time talking to you and finding out why you find it hard to integrate. That was the part that finally got to me after 12 years of being on the fringes. I told the branch leader in Falkirk, the unfriendly town, that I was struggling with a lack of faith. She never asked why, just prayed over me. Not with me, just over me in that intimidating way Pentecostals have of shouting at their God to keep the flock in fear. Three months earlier another leader had prayed over me and then left me with the words' you failed in this before and you will fail again, it's up to you". I had spent 12 years being told God did not want me he wanted my funeral, so now he wants the will power his appointed people have spent all that time taking away from me. 

When one of the Sunday School teachers told the youth meeting I helped with that she needs to buy new clothes to make herself feel better before she goes to church (or something along those lines) I knew they really were deluded and hope the teenagers who heard that had enough intelligence to get out while they could. 

The worse part is that 20 years on I still get angry at these people and a narrow minded neighbour who talks endlessly about God every time we meet in the communal lounge. People on Television who refer to everything as absolute and absolutely just annoy me too. There are no absolutes unless you are selling false religion and the word provokes me to turn off. I know, it's crazy, but that's what wasting a quarter of your life being bullied and manipulated does to you. 

Thank you for reading, hopefully I'll have time to read more in the next few days.

[Geezer]

Welcome Robbie 66. When people actually start paying attention to what is taught in church they do tend to begin to question it & that often produces doubt. Glad to learn you found your way out. 

[♦ Fuego ♦]

I had a few congregations like that where the leadership were flatly in charge and everyone better damn well do what they expect or get told "You'd be happier somewhere else", meaning they'd be happier with you somewhere else and not infecting their sheep with questions.

 

I even promoted a Pentecostal preacher for 9 years before I caught on that his macho bluster and claims of miracles were just lies from his imagination, and the cult-like way he ran his crew of missionaries with a fist of iron made his group genuinely a cult. Insults, accusations, and anger were the daily routine. It was under the guise of being holy, but as we know, there is no such god and all of his abuse was simply a man being abusive and caught up in the hero worship of his cult.

[quinntar]

11 hours ago, Robbie67 said:

Funny as it may seem, it was a couple of church leaders who convinced me it is all a big lie they tell themselves. I think they just like to manipulate people, and if they ever really listened to their own voices they would lose that position of authority. 

The church I left 21 years ago was Struthers Memorial, based in Greenock in Scotland with branches across the country. They got me when I was 17 and feeling lost in a new town where you had to be related to 5 other families in order to be accepted. I think they are called tight knit communities and why my mum moved us there is another story. When you are shy they do try to involve you without ever actually spending time talking to you and finding out why you find it hard to integrate. That was the part that finally got to me after 12 years of being on the fringes. I told the branch leader in Falkirk, the unfriendly town, that I was struggling with a lack of faith. She never asked why, just prayed over me. Not with me, just over me in that intimidating way Pentecostals have of shouting at their God to keep the flock in fear. Three months earlier another leader had prayed over me and then left me with the words' you failed in this before and you will fail again, it's up to you". I had spent 12 years being told God did not want me he wanted my funeral, so now he wants the will power his appointed people have spent all that time taking away from me. 

When one of the Sunday School teachers told the youth meeting I helped with that she needs to buy new clothes to make herself feel better before she goes to church (or something along those lines) I knew they really were deluded and hope the teenagers who heard that had enough intelligence to get out while they could. 

The worse part is that 20 years on I still get angry at these people and a narrow minded neighbour who talks endlessly about God every time we meet in the communal lounge. People on Television who refer to everything as absolute and absolutely just annoy me too. There are no absolutes unless you are selling false religion and the word provokes me to turn off. I know, it's crazy, but that's what wasting a quarter of your life being bullied and manipulated does to you. 

Thank you for reading, hopefully I'll have time to read more in the next few days.

The dolphin is God.

[Robbie67]

Thank you for the welcome. 

[MHLillie]

Hello—good to meet you! I'm a newcomer to this site as well. I've had to take time to heal from manipulative religious groups as well, so don't beat yourself up if you feel you're in for a long process. It's a healing journey, like what you can expect from any form of trauma. There's a lot of Christian-ese language that still triggers my ire, but I feel more in control of my reactions than I once did. While I have recently come to reclaim the Christian label in my own life, it is a label of my own choosing and my own definition—not someone else's version of Christianity. Wherever your life takes you, I hope it is a liberating journey for you!

[◊ DestinyTurtle ◊]

On 3/23/2018 at 6:38 AM, Robbie67 said:

I know, it's crazy, but that's what wasting a quarter of your life being bullied and manipulated does to you. 

You're not crazy at all - quite the opposite. You're seeing things for what they really are, which is why it angers you. Now... figuring out how to channel that realization and anger in a constructive, non-destructive way is a whole different story and a powerful toolkit if you can attain it (keep at it, take deep breaths - it takes time to process).