How did you live your sexuality in your youth?

[henryw]

Hello, I'm new in this forum, so sorry if this is not the right place to ask this or if it has been asked before (if it has please do tell me where to find those threads or direct me to them).

 

I'm writing a story where one of the characters is from a Christian family and is starting to discover his own sexual desires. As far as I know, sexuality is something that is not talked about or very accepted in the religion, so I imagine that the mere thought of something related to that must come with a huge guilt, like you know that it is "wrong" and you shouldn't be feeling that, but you still do even though you try to deny it. However, I come from a family that is not religious at all and quite liberal when it comes to sexuality, so I don't know what it's really like and could really use some real experiences from people who have been through this type of situations. I'd love to hear how you lived that sexual awakening and how it affected you if at all.

[ag_NO_stic]

20 hours ago, henryw said:

Hello, I'm new in this forum, so sorry if this is not the right place to ask this or if it has been asked before (if it has please do tell me where to find those threads or direct me to them).

 

I'm writing a story where one of the characters is from a Christian family and is starting to discover his own sexual desires. As far as I know, sexuality is something that is not talked about or very accepted in the religion, so I imagine that the mere thought of something related to that must come with a huge guilt, like you know that it is "wrong" and you shouldn't be feeling that, but you still do even though you try to deny it. However, I come from a family that is not religious at all and quite liberal when it comes to sexuality, so I don't know what it's really like and could really use some real experiences from people who have been through this type of situations. I'd love to hear how you lived that sexual awakening and how it affected you if at all.

 

The mods may move this to the "sex" thread, but I'll answer for now. Not sure if you are looking for a certain demographic, hopefully this helps.

 

As a girl, I grew up with "You grow up, you get married to a man. Your husband is the head of the household, you submit to him willingly. My family liked to use the umbrella example with us, where Jesus is the umbrella over the family, the husband is the umbrella over the wife and kids, the wife still has authority over the children, but lets the husband hold the umbrella." My mom used to joke about how Dad had the "heavy task" of making a family decision so she got to just "duck" from God's wrath if Dad made the "wrong decision." It was spun positively, and I grew up thinking that this submission was a good thing. I brought this up because...."exploring my sexuality" wasn't really a thing we discussed, it fell in line with marriage. It was just...."you grow up, you marry the opposite sex, wait until marriage to do the do, then have as much sex as hubby wants." My mom used to tell me to not say no to my future husband since "it only takes 15 minutes or so" and also to sex up your husband before a business trip. I know a lot of Christians who were raised to believe sex was dirty, which was not the case for me. My parents were like "No, sex a beautiful and truly amazing experience and intimate time, it deserves to be given to your husband. He's worth waiting for." I was 23 when I got married, waited until our wedding night.

 

As for coming to terms with my sexuality, I thought "denying the flesh" and my raging hormones was just part of it. I used to get so annoyed because I would tell my parents that women back in the day didn't have to wait like women are expected to now, with marriage being so much younger. Mary, Jesus' mom, was supposed to be 14 or something when she was betrothed. I was pissed I was going to have to be like at least 20. I remember when I was like 7, another 7 year old friend was like "SEX is when your mom and your dad get undressed and bump into each other" and I just couldn't fathom that. When I was 8 or 9, I heard another kid in my private school class ask if men could get married to men or women to women. I was like, "of course not, that isn't a thing." Fast forward to 13 or so, I discovered porn on the internet because I wanted to know what sex actually looked like and then, obviously, some of it was sexually arousing to me. I found myself VERY interested in what men seemed to be attracted to sexually, because I was raised with this "look good for men in a modest way, please your husband when it's time" mentality, so I was almost taking mental notes lol. I think it mildly fucked up how I view sex in an intimate way now, but I have plenty of time to work that out. My parents found out about my internet history and were SIGNIFICANTLY more pissed off at me than they were at my brother who was also discovered on those kind of sites. My dad couldn't grasp his daughter being intrigued by dirtier stuff, I guess. I'm not really sure what else there is to say except a lot of what I learned about myself was on my own. If I ever "went solo" (which was pretty often as a teenager lol), I felt dirty after and would repent to God and ask for forgiveness and the patience to wait for my husband, etc. Always felt shame with my sexual activities as an unmarried woman, but never when thinking about or planning marital intercourse. That always felt disconnected from my own gradual self-awareness of sexual interest. It was like "the me that wanted to be kind of a ho and explore" and "the me that wanted to ultimately please god." I dated my first boyfriend in college, heavy making out for like 7 months and then things progressed, but I never actually  had sex with him to "stay pure." I'd like to interject here that I find my obsession with God's obsession with my bedroom activities to be pure insanity. It really felt so real and important at the time. I guess not sure if this answers what you're looking for.

 

I personally find women beautiful and have even kissed a girl in college, but I find myself "mostly straight." I hear it's a spectrum now. So...not sure if I would have ended up differently in an environment that encouraged me to explore sexuality with women or if I would still be where I am now. I largely ignored that as a teen and was more curious about right after I got married.

[Geezer]

Christianity has a lot of issues with sexuality & their teaching on sex is perverse & idiotic. A virgin is just someone that hasn't experienced sexual intercourse. Christianity/religion in general is the only place I can think of that believes virginity is a virtue. 

 

Christianity wants people to make a life long commitment to someone they have never slept with hoping they will be sexually compatible. That is crazy. Sex is a very important part of marriage and if the sex turns out to be really bad that will almost certainly lead to an even worse sin- Divorce. 

 

People don't buy a car without taking it for a test drive first so why in the world would someone marry a person they have never slept with several times before they even think about getting married. Christian boys & girls are usually pretty ignorant about the opposite sex body too and how to please them sexually. 

 

There are some good YouTube videos made by credentialed sexologist about how to please your partner sexually. Watch those videos & watching some porn is probably a good idea too. 

 

Ask your our partner what they like, don't like,  and don't be afraid to ask them for guidance when exploding their body. They will let you know what they like & what feels good. Get some experience before you get married. 

 

And forget everything Christians have ever told you about sex & how sinful it is.