Bitter

[Anushka]

I became bitter.

 

Because of my experiences and how people treated me, I became bitter. Religion and religious people did play a large part in making me bitter.

 

Very recently, I was thinking about sponsoring a child when I get a job and I looked into it and was really excited. But, suddenly I thought why should I look after someone's kid? 

 

I don't know what my question is. I guess I want to know how not to be more bitter.

[disillusioned]

I think this is normal. Most of us feel bitter from time to time, or have felt so in the past. Only thing I can really say is try to focus on other things. Always look on the bright side of life, and all that.

[mymistake]

Sponsoring a child isn't my thing so it would never appeal to me.  I would rather get a kitten but that is me so do something you like.  Learn how to not be bitter for your own sake.  Take everything you learned from religion regarding forgiveness and throw that crap away.  Real forgiveness is simply learning to let things go.  You never have to forget what happened in order to forgive.  In fact you shouldn't.  You never have to trust people who don't deserve it in order to forgive.  Also you shouldn't.  Forgiveness is just giving yourself permission to think about other things and move on with your life.

 

 

[Riven]

I think everyone has to find their own way out of bitterness. I can share what worked for me.

 

My done moment was about a year and a half ago. I went through a very dark time, where I was incredibly angry. That anger turned into bitterness, and it came out in so many areas of my life.

 

One day I was thinking about how bitter and angry I had become, and I was looking for a way to get out of it. I thought for a long time about it, and decided that if this life is the only one I get, then I was allowing what happened to me to have way too much ongoing power over my life. It was like I woke up every day angry and bitter at what had happened to my life, all the wasted years in the church, etc., and I realized that it was me that was keeping me stuck. And if I had the power to keep myself stuck, I had the power to allow myself to move on. I guess my way out was just figuring out that I wanted to do the most I could, with the time I had. I had wasted so much time in the church, but if I continued to stay stuck, then that was on me.

 

I don't know if that helps, but it's how I came out of it. I can still get very bitter and cynical about things I read in the news, or if I see certain bible verses, but I catch myself, and don't allow myself to stay there for long.

[Guest]

I gave myself permission to be bitter, when I left the church. And I think it's normal for people who are deconverting, because there is plenty of anger, when there have been lost years that can never be regained. I know I have also been angry as for those I have left behind still in the church (including some family), there is zero recognition/empathy for what I have lost, and it's all about them, and how my leaving is difficult for them. It is incredibly difficult to live with the fact that I am getting no empathy from people who really counted before, but it helps a lot that I'm getting it from this community. I still have anger, because it feels unfair, that while I have adjusted my worldview to one that I consider to be more inclusive and humane and decent, I am probably thought of as a worldly, sin-loving person. But, I have made great strides in developing an I-dont-give-a-fuck attitude, and I intend to keep it up. It's too much to waste your energy on people who give nothing to you.

 

My advice is, give yourself time. It gets better. When you realize you have time left, and you start making plans, and putting them in motion, the future looks more bright and the past is less relevant.

[◊ DestinyTurtle ◊]

Give yourself time, and remember it's ok to feel~

[Knott]

I think it is normal, most coming out of something do it because they are bitter, angry (feel like they were lied too) frustrated, simple at their wits end.

[Joshpantera]

There's a lot to be bitter about. I can't imagine somehow skipping that phase of deconverting without having to endure it all the way through until it starts letting up on it's own. I had waves of it. Something new down the line would trigger it again. I've gone through very anti-theistic phases, feeling like religion should be aggressively stomped out and eradicated. I still have that opinion, but I prefer to see it die off because of it's own accord and insignificance, than to forcefully eradicate it. It's bullshit. It causes things like what you're going through right now. It's not all that good, all things considered. 

 

Try explaining that to Jordan Peterson though.......

[RealityCheck]

Time is the only cure for bitterness in some circumstances.  As you mature as a person, as more time elapses since your loss of faith, the feeling will subside.  Eventually you will be free to feel joy, meaning, and purpose once again. 

[Anushka]

On 5/27/2018 at 1:47 AM, RealityCheck said:

Time is the only cure for bitterness in some circumstances.  As you mature as a person, as more time elapses since your loss of faith, the feeling will subside.  Eventually you will be free to feel joy, meaning, and purpose once again. 

 

Hope so.