Questioner Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Hi all! I finally decided I had better introduce myself. I am 63 years old and am disabled (I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia). I was born to Christian parents, and raised in a conservative evangelical church – at least it wasn’t a fundamental church. When I was 8 years old I said the sinner’s prayer and became saved. I loved god so much! I loved going to church – my deconversion did not have anything to do with my experiences at church. When I was a teenager the charismatic movement came to my church – which was absolutely wonderful. I started going to a charismatic church with all the woo woo – raising of hands, speaking in tongues, casting out demons, etc. I felt so close to god and loved him even more. I knew that I would never be one of those people who backslide and go away from god. Eventually I went to a Christian college – but I never learned about the background of Christianity – they never taught me anything that would shake my faith. However, after college I hit a real rough spot in my life. I prayed and prayed to god to help me. I was so desperate, but I got no answers. I thought that god didn’t love me, that I had done something wrong. Then I met some non-christians and got to know them very well. They were such good and kind people that I didn’t know how god could send them to hell. That was the beginning of my deconversion – I stopped believing in hell. This was all back before the internet and I didn’t know there were any books that would help me. So I lived in spiritual limbo for the next 25 or so years. I dabbled in the New Age movement – that gave me some relief from my cognitive dissonance. About 5 years ago I started searching for resources to help me and I discovered this site, among others. I’ve been lurking here off and on since then – but about a year ago I created a login and started spending regular time here. I went through all the stages of feeling anger, fear, feeling like I was going crazy, and sadness. I have finally gotten to a point where I am at peace with myself and my beliefs (which I don't know what they are anymore). The only time I feel cognitive dissonance anymore is when I get a little bit into the New Age type stuff (I guess I need to find a website to help me deconvert from that!). Now my beliefs waver between being an atheist, an agnostic, and a deist. I can never be a theist again unless I find a good explanation why a god would not prevent all the truly horrible things that happen. Anyway, I am now fully disabled – my health has crashed to the point that I am almost completely bedridden. You would think that would give me lots of time to study this stuff – but I sleep 14 hours a day. When I am awake I have only a small amount of time that I can study because mental concentration wears me out as quickly as physical activity. But despite that I am still at peace and content with my life. I am focusing on trying to learn more about ancient religions and the history of the bible; mythology; and critical thinking. I wish I had time for science also (including cosmology and evolution), but I have to prioritize myself. I also have a number of questions I would like to start threads about, but with my limited time I don’t know if I would have time to respond to others’ posts. But I’m going to at least start responding in others’ threads. Anyway, that’s about it until I have time to do a full extimony. 6 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsathoggua9 Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Hey, welcome aboard! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOHO Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Well it's about damn time you introduced yourself! Just fool'n. Welcome and I am sorry about your health. Perhaps now that the cognitive dissonance has been eliminated you will feel much better. - MOHO (Mind Of His Own) But I guess you've known this for some time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
disillusioned Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Welcome! Glad you found us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Joshpantera Posted June 19, 2018 Moderator Share Posted June 19, 2018 7 hours ago, Questioner said: I went through all the stages of feeling anger, fear, feeling like I was going crazy, and sadness. I have finally gotten to a point where I am at peace with myself and my beliefs (which I don't know what they are anymore). The only time I feel cognitive dissonance anymore is when I get a little bit into the New Age type stuff (I guess I need to find a website to help me deconvert from that!). Now my beliefs waver between being an atheist, an agnostic, and a deist. I can never be a theist again unless I find a good explanation why a god would not prevent all the truly horrible things that happen. Feel free to jump into conversation in our spirituality section: You don't have to deconvert from New Age ideas for the sake of either atheism nor ex christianity. I'm looking forward to new members joining in on these kind of discussions and I'd be glad to see you join in. 7 hours ago, Questioner said: Anyway, I am now fully disabled – my health has crashed to the point that I am almost completely bedridden. You would think that would give me lots of time to study this stuff – but I sleep 14 hours a day. When I am awake I have only a small amount of time that I can study because mental concentration wears me out as quickly as physical activity. But despite that I am still at peace and content with my life. I am focusing on trying to learn more about ancient religions and the history of the bible; mythology; and critical thinking. I wish I had time for science also (including cosmology and evolution), but I have to prioritize myself. I also have a number of questions I would like to start threads about, but with my limited time I don’t know if I would have time to respond to others’ posts. But I’m going to at least start responding in others’ threads. Anyway, that’s about it until I have time to do a full extimony. You're very welcome here at ex-C, and I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts as you branch out into discussion.I'm sorry to hear about your health issues. But a healthy mind can go a long way. No need to rush anything. Baby steps are good too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Welcome to the community, Q Thanks for sharing your extimony. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
◊ DestinyTurtle ◊ Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Welcome to X-Christian! I'm glad you're here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Questioner Posted June 20, 2018 Author Share Posted June 20, 2018 Thanks everyone for your kind welcomes. MOHO - there's a lot less stress in my life since I finally found peace. And yes it is much better for my health and energy. Josh - yesterday I saw your post about comparative religions and my eyes lit up. I am very interested in this topic and it has been on my list to study. So, yes I will be there. Thanks for the reminder. Questioner 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riven Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Welcome from another long-time lurker and recent poster! I understand energy and time being at a premium, especially when you are dealing with all-encompassing diagnosis, but I'm happy you're here, and thank you for posting your story. I truly appreciated it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdelsolray Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 6 hours ago, Questioner said: ... Josh - yesterday I saw your post about comparative religions and my eyes lit up. I am very interested in this topic and it has been on my list to study. So, yes I will be there. Thanks for the reminder. ... I recently saw this quote: “Being taught about only one religion equals indoctrination. Being taught about multiple religions equals inoculation.” -Jeremy Beahan 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Questioner Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 sdelsolray - I love that quote, it is so true. My husband grew up with a Catholic father and a Lutheran mother and was brought to both churches. He figured out as a child that it was all bullshit. Questioner 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lerk Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Welcome aboard! My wife (age 62) was diagnosed with fibro way back when nobody had ever heard of it. And she's been clinically depressed since before I new her (we started dating in 1979). I've often wondered whether the fibro was caused by or exacerbated by the depression, and whether the guilt associated with being a Christian had anything to do with it. A woman at a health-food store told her that she had once been a member of the Church of Christ, and that when she changed churches her fibro went away! I wasn't an atheist then, but I was really tempted to try a different church. (Somehow that never happened.) But in many cases there are no such circumstances, so it does seem there's a physical cause that just hasn't been found yet. Anyway, glad you're free from Christianity. I hope you see some improvement in your physical health so that you can enjoy your newfound freedom. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Questioner Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 Riven, thanks for the welcome. Lerk, I'm sorry to hear about your wife - it's a hard disease to live with - and I mean both for you and for her. As far as the depression - it could be both a trigger and exacerbate her condition. Same with the fibro - it has other main causes, but stress can trigger it in the beginning and will trigger fibro flares. So getting away from anything that causes stress (such as religion) can help with the symptoms. I wish I could give you good advice, but if I had any I wouldn't be sick myself. Good luck to both of you. I also hope I can get some energy back - but I have found a place of peace both about christianity and about my illness. I am enjoying spending time learning more about religion and where it came from. Just wish I had more time. Questioner 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TABA Posted June 22, 2018 Moderator Share Posted June 22, 2018 Hi Questioner, I’m so glad that you introduced yourself after years of ‘lurking’! I did the same for a year or two, as I think many others did too. It’s nice to be able to read others’ deconversion experiences while you’re gong through your own, without needing to declare yourself. But then it’s rewarding to start participating too, to feel like a member of the tribe. I’m so sorry about your health problems. I can’t say I know what you’re going through, but it does make me happy to know about the journey you’ve taken in your mind and the peace you’ve found. It’s wonderful that we life in a time when, through books and the Internet, so much knowledge and so many ideas are available to us without even having to leave the house! The mind can travel to places that no plane ticket can buy! Like you, my inability to take the concept of Hell seriously was a big factor in m deconversion. I never truly bought the idea - never. It was here in these forums that I learned just how flimsy and obviously man-made the very concept of Hell actually was: just like Satan you can trace how it clearly evolved through the Bible over the centuries. The fact that there are some people here who are still haunted by their fear of Hell is a testimony to the awful - and often destructive - power of religious beliefs. So I do congratulate you on your deconversion and I’m so happy you’re one of us. I understand that you won’t be able to post very much but I’m glad to know you’re among us just the same! 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Questioner Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 Thank you ThereandBackAgain. That is exactly what I do - I travel to places through the internet and go to school. I'm so glad it is available now. Why was it that after I rejected the idea of hell I was still tormented by the fear of going there if I rejected christianity? The brainwashing really is powerful. You are right - I won't be posting as much as I want - but I will continue to participate by following the conversations. Questioner 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanForsman Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 Welcome Questioner. I'm glad you have taken the courageous step of trusting your own ability to reason above the pull of tribe to conform. I think the rewards of following the path that your own genes and (god given?) ability to reason have put you on are beyond compare. Good for you! I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well. I hope the time that you spend sharing with us will prove rewarding for you and perhaps provide some bits of relief to your daily struggles. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Questioner Posted June 25, 2018 Author Share Posted June 25, 2018 Thanks Dan Forsman. Lurking on this site has been rewarding, so I expect as I take the next step to be more active will be much more rewarding. Questioner 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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