Guest Zoe Grace Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 There are times when I really deeply regret my family ever finding out about my unbelief. I wish that I could not let my anger and outspokenness get the better of me, that I hadn't looked at this from my perspective but from theirs. At the time I was all worried about my "rights" to be me. What good are rights when your family is all broken down and crying over their superstitious beliefs about your soul? Sometimes I want to lie. I've fantacized about creating an elaborate lie about coming back to jesus ( I would go to a different church of course, cause i wouldn't really go. Hell I dont' want to waste THAT much time on the lie.) you know, to comfort my family, so they can stop worrying about it and get as much happiness out of their lives as they can. My mother broke down and had a crying fit over it tonight and was babbling about the devil like some delusional psychopath. And less than a week ago, my grandmother was crying about the same thing. I know supposedly when dealing with a delusional person you shouldn't feed that person's delusion, but the bible belt feeds it for them. I cannot begin to understand the mind of someone who believes truly in a "loving" god who would do to me what they think he would do, and yet they still love said being. It's insane. The entire thing is just so fucked up. I don't know what to do about them. I know this is emotional manipulation. But I also know they aren't orchestrating this to get me to go along with them, they truly believe these things and fear for my soul. I know if i lied, I couldn't keep up such an elaborate scheme forever. I don't know what to do. I feel guilty that they are in pain because of my nonbelief...but then I feel angry that I am made to feel guilty because of their retarded superstition. help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Emerson Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Don't lie because you know the truth will eventually come out. Your parents will believe what they will believe, and you have to be at peace with who you are yourself. I think that you have to be the bigger person here about your family and understand where their coming from which it sounds like you do, if you and your family don't agree where religion is concerned its just better to leave it alone. They're probably not going to change and you're probably not going to change. Why bother lying? Most religions are the same, their god is right and everyone who isn't following their god will end up in hell. Religions like that are based on fear. Just explain to your family nicely that you don't believe and that your way of life is different, and if it is better then tell them that also. But don't debate or argue, just agree to disagree. What can you do with people who believe that christianity is the way and won't change their minds? They think that what their believing is right, its impossible to change their way of thinking. This is America, we should live and believe as we want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mostlyharmless Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Hi Zoe, Boy, this is a really hard problem. If I were in your position I would probably say to myself that I have to let their grief run it's course. In time, they may learn to console themselves. Has your family known for very long? Probably they will come to terms with it in the long term. If possible, I would put physically distance myself from them. (I'm talking about moving out of town.) Out of sight, out of mind as they say. This may bring some relief to you and them. Hope this helps. Scratch the word "put" from that second last paragraph. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 I'm sorry to hear that Zoe. I guess what you have to do is to find ways of riding out the storm. It's unavoidable a concflict when loosing ones religion. Just keep on trying to be you, so they see that you're not different from before and maybe they will calm down. That is one of the reasons why most of family don't know yet. And I lied and played an act last time (last year) when I went home. Even prayed. (and that was interesting...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellyb Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 I don't know what to say, Zoe. That just sucks. All of my fundy family is dead now, so I haven't had to deal with anything like that. Just remember that it's not your fault. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffXL Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Hi, Zoe! kellyb said the most important thing: It's not your fault. I don't know your family situation, but their reactions emanate from them, not you. Being honest is a good thing. Not letting someone get away with lying to you is a good thing. I hope everything turns out well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spamandham Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 thanks! The badness passed, now they are acting semi-normal again. I'm just sticking to my boundaries of no religious discussion with them. That's the smartest approach in this case. They already know where you stand, so further discussions are pointless. I refuse to discuss religion with any of my family members except my wife (when I'm pissed because she's being overly religious and wants me to be as well) for the exact same reason. They all know my position regardless (although some refuse to accept it). I don't even mind faking the Catholic tradition crap when my parents are around. I refuse to lead the prayers, but if someone else initiates, I'll bow my head and just stay quiet during the prayer. There have been awkward moments when it was clear people were waiting for me to start, so I just draft someone else to do it on the spot. The worst is the "going around the table" style of prayers. When it's my turn, I thank the people in attendance or who helped to prepare the meal rather than some imaginary friend. Asking someone to lead short circuits this though and has the added joy of putting someone else on the spot. When heads of state take this tact, we call it diplomacy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kryten Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Have you told them why you no longer believe in hell? I would show them the If Hell Is Real web site and see what happens. Their biggest problem is the fear of hell-- for them if they start to doubt or "fall away" and for you since you already have. Once they realize the truth about hell, the fear goes away. Here are some links: If Hell Is Real 150 Reasons Hell Scholars The Truth About Hell Doesn't Hell Keep People Moral? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedah Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 Ive actually managed to keep it away from my family, although they think that Im a liberal christian who follows the word only to a point and doesnt agree with church. The only thing they really need is belief that your going to the same place after death that they are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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