PurpleLilac Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 As I generally do,with my family. I was in good spirits and the elder who saw me and looked down only dampened them temporarily. My husband and I hold our school age children during the worship time and I tried to think about other things while the music played as I usually do. I’m not sure what the pastor said after them but I remember thinking “I hope my kids aren’t paying attention to this.” Then there was this baptism testimony thing and the woman said she was broken and could put all her sins on jesus and be clean. The terrible memories rose up to find me and my husband leaned over to whisper that my nervous foot kicking was shaking the pew. I didn’t take communion (I haven’t in months) and for the first time,today the whole idea of blood and body just felt gross to me and extremely creepy and wrong. The children went to Sunday school. The sermon started. My heart was pounding and I told my husband I was going out to the lobby. I’ve spent a lot of hours there since April of last year. I wonder if my body knows it’s been nearly a year? Like a woman who grieves a miscarriage a year later. I sat in the lobby for a few minutes and then....couldn’t breathe. Stood up and stumbled out the door,gasping for air,air,air. The world spun,I sat under a tree. The outside worship music blared. “You have been so,so kind to me.” I called my best friend,walked back to a picnic table where teens had scrawled verses and declarations about being pro life. Its time to take another long break from that place. I just can’t manage it any longer. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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